From part 28:
She looked at the clock. Did she have time to get to this shop and back in forty minutes?
Of course she did. The only limiting factor, really, would be how many other people were shopping at Ellen’s patient’s shop when Lois got there. At top speed, she changed into her black flying clothes, opened the window, and zipped out.
---
The Girl Next Door, part 29:
By the time Clark arrived, Lois had finished packing her small suitcase and a tote bag.
The young woman at the shop had packaged the candleholder carefully in blue tissue paper before tucking it into a bright red gift box, which she then tied with a wide white fabric ribbon. Lois had carefully carried the box back to her apartment, and had packed it into the tote bag, after wrapping the box in her favorite Met. U. sweatshirt for added protection.
She was ready, with five minutes to spare, when Clark knocked on her door. He stepped inside, setting a medium-sized carryall on the floor just inside the apartment. “All set?” he asked with a smile.
She handed him her suitcase, but kept the tote back. “I’d like to carry this one myself, Clark.”
“Okay,” he said cheerfully. “Is it waterproof, though? Dad said there’s rain forecast for most of Kansas tonight. We’ll be above any storms, of course, but we may have to go down through some fairly heavy rain.”
“Oh.” She didn’t know if the tote was waterproof or not. “I don’t know, but I don’t want the box inside to get wet,” she told him worriedly.
“We can wrap the whole tote in a plastic bag,” he suggested, “but that’ll make it harder to carry – you won’t be able to sling it over your shoulder.” He thought for a moment. “Here, let me have it for a minute. There’s some room left in my bag; I think it’ll fit.”
“The whole tote?” she asked incredulously.
He grinned at her. “Yep.”
He lifted his bag onto her kitchen island and unzipped it.
“It’s fragile, Clark,” she said somewhat anxiously, handing him the tote bag.
Sure enough, there was room for the entire tote in his bag. “I’ll make sure I tuck it down between a couple of my shirts, then,” he said, suiting action to words. “And I promise I’ll be careful with it.” He zipped the bag closed, then turned to her.
She shook her head. “I don’t know how you do it. I needed *two* bags, and I filled them both.”
He laughed, and reached down to pick up her bag. Slinging both bags over his shoulder, he turned to her.
“Don’t worry, Ma’am,” he said formally, straightening up into a Superman-like pose, and deepening his voice. “Superman Airways treats your luggage as if it were our own, and we haven’t lost a bag yet.” He relaxed back into himself and grinned at her.
“Goof,” she said affectionately, laughing. She leaned in to him, hugging him, and tugged his head down. When he obligingly leaned down, she kissed him.
After several delightful minutes, he lifted his head. “Will you wait here a moment while I deliver the bags?” he asked, punctuating the question with another kiss. “I’ll be quick, and then we can fly out to Mom and Dad’s together.”
She still thought it was an extra trip; the bags weren’t that big. But he seemed to feel strongly about it, so she nodded. “But hurry back –“ She was interrupted by her stomach growling loudly.
She clapped both hands over her middle, giggling helplessly, as he began to laugh. “Oh, dear,” she said in between giggles.
“I’ll hurry,” he said, still laughing, and in the next instant was gone.
Barely three minutes later he was back. “Ready?”
When she nodded, he extended his hand to her, and together they stepped through her window and shot up into the night sky. Neither stopped until they were above the clouds.
-----
Sitting at the kitchen table in the Kent farmhouse, Lois sipped her coffee. Clark and his dad had just excused themselves to go out to the barn, and after the small flurry of activity as they rose and put their plates on the counter, the house was quiet. Across from her, Clark’s mom had just returned to her seat.
The Circle of Friends candle holder sat in the middle of the table, the candle itself lit and flickering merrily.
Shortly after she and Clark had arrived at his parents’ house, Lois had somewhat nervously presented the gift to his mom. Anxiously, she’d watched as the older woman had admired the elegant little red box, then carefully untied the ribbon and lifted the cover.
She’d hoped that Clark’s mom would like the gift, but had been unprepared for the warm and enveloping hug Martha had given her. “Oh, Lois, it’s just lovely!” Martha had said. “And it’s just right, isn’t it? It’s what we are – all of us, honey, you included. Not just a family, but a circle of friends.”
Jonathan and Clark had both nodded in smiling agreement.
“It’s beautiful, Lois,” Clark’s dad had told her gruffly, “And Martha’s right – you’re part of our family. Part of our circle.”
Martha had enfolded Lois in her arms again, and for a brief moment Lois was back in Mama’s arms. And yet in the same moment, the small sharp ache of loss as Lois remembered Mama was mitigated by the genuine love and caring this woman was showing her.
Unable to speak for a moment, Lois had smiled tremulously at Martha, who seemed to understand. “Let’s put it here, in the center of the table,” she’d said, “So that we can enjoy it while we eat.”
She’d then turned to Jonathan, giving him some sort of instructions regarding the place settings, and allowing Clark to draw Lois into his own arms for a moment.
“It’s perfect, sweetheart,” he had whispered to her before kissing her gently. “Where did you find it?”
She’d found her voice with some difficulty. “I really have to thank Ellen, Clark. I called her to ask for suggestions – I wanted it to be special, and Ellen is good at that sort of thing. When she told me about the candleholder, it sounded just what I wanted.”
He’d kissed her again. “Well, it’s just right.” Letting her go, he’d held her chair for her. At Martha’s request, he’d lit the candle with a small burst of heat vision before taking his own chair. And in its cheerful light, they’d begun their meal.
Now Lois looked across the table at her hostess.
“Thank you again, Mrs. Ke-“ Lois began.
“Martha, honey,” Clark’s mom reminded her with a smile.
“Thank you again, Martha,” Lois repeated. “Dinner was very good.”
“You’re welcome, Lois. We’re happy to have you here,” Martha replied with Clark’s warm smile.
There was silence for a moment while Lois thought of something to say. The silence wasn’t uncomfortable, but maybe she wasn’t holding up her end of this social occasion.
“So…” she began, but trailed off. The conversation had flowed smoothly during the meal, with the four of them laughing and talking, the talk flowing effortlessly from one subject to the next. But now the only thing she could think of was, “Nice weather we’re having, isn’t it?” And the kicker was that they *weren’t* having nice weather at the moment, at least here in Kansas. She and Clark had encountered rain around St. Louis, part of a weather system that extended at least over Kansas. The steady downpour hadn’t let up yet.
Martha sipped her coffee, and pushed the plate of homemade cookies closer to Lois. “Would you like any more cookies, Lois?” she asked, then continued with a grin, “You might as well claim a couple of them now; they’ll be gone by tomorrow. Since Jonathan *isn’t* blessed with a super metabolism, I only make these when Clark comes to visit. And since both men are partial to them… Well, they go fast.”
Lois laughed, and suddenly everything seemed comfortable again.
“Other than this current situation,” Martha continued, “how are things going for you?”
Lois and Clark had told his parents some of what had been happening in Metropolis.
She smiled. “Good…” This was Clark’s mom; Lois couldn’t very well say anything else about her son. Not that there was anything bad to tell, of course. Other than those weird tests, things were going well with Clark, both at and outside of work. But still…
“We make a good team,” she added as the silence seemed to lengthen.
Martha reached out and put her hand on Lois’s. When Lois looked up at her, Martha smiled gently at her. Considering that Clark was adopted, it was uncanny how much Martha’s smile was like her son’s. Or was that the other way around?
“Lois.”
She refocused on Martha.
“It’s not that I think there’s anything wrong, honey,” the older woman said. “But I want you to know that if you need to talk, I’ll listen. You don’t have to tell me what you think I want to hear. Clark is my son and I love him, but like everyone else, he’s human.”
She paused. “Well, no, actually, he isn’t – but you know what I mean.” She flashed an infectious grin at Lois, who found herself smiling back.
“He’s flawed, like the rest of us,” Martha continued. “He’s always had a strong sense of responsibility, and I think that sometimes he takes it too far. He tends to be overprotective of the ones he loves, and he tends to keep things to himself rather than worry anyone else.”
She patted Lois’s hand. “So don’t let him stifle you in the name of love, Lois. He won’t do it on purpose; he probably won’t even know he’s doing it. I’m not saying you should take any sort of foolish chances, super powers notwithstanding. And I’m not saying you shouldn’t ever lean on him or seek comfort from him – from what you’ve said, you’ve had far too little of that in your life. But don’t lose yourself. Don’t make the mistake of changing who you are to become what you *think* Clark wants.”
“Am I… doing that?” Lois asked hesitantly.
“No, honey. Not at all,” Martha said reassuringly. “It’s just that – you already work together, and at some point you’ll undoubtedly be living together, and you share the same unique abilities… There is a very real, very strong, and very natural tendency to fall into the trap of doing absolutely everything together, and that’s unhealthy. For both of you, and for your relationship.”
She patted Lois’s hand again. “Take time for yourself, and encourage Clark to do the same. A healthy relationship requires compromise, of course, but it also needs both of you to keep your individuality. Remember that he fell in love with the you that you already are. And don’t be afraid to disagree with Clark if you feel that he’s wrong. The occasional healthy disagreement won’t hurt your relationship.” She winked at Lois. “And it’s a lot of fun to make up afterward.”
She laughed gently as Lois blushed a little, and continued, “And don’t give up your hobbies or friends or interests because they’re not his.” She grinned at Lois again. “My son is a sports fanatic. Don’t sit dutifully beside him cheering for some team in some sport just because Clark is their biggest fan – unless, of course, you’re a sports fanatic, too.”
Lois laughed. “I’m not.”
Martha squeezed Lois’s hand gently. “I’m not trying to preach to you, honey – I think you’re the best thing that has ever happened to Clark. And I’m not trying to force you to talk to me if something is bothering you, or worrying you… I just want you to know that I can be an unbiased listener if you need one.”
“Thank you,” Lois said sincerely. After Mama died, she’d never had a confidant until she’d met Clark, and now here was his mom, offering to be yet another if she needed one. “Actually, there is something I’ve been thinking about…” she added, but then stopped.
“What is it?” Martha asked.
“Well… You know,” Lois began slowly, “I wasn’t going to be a superhero – I’m still not sure I want to...”
She looked at Martha, who nodded and said encouragingly, “Go on…”
“Well… Clark and I talked about it. He left it entirely up to me,” she added hurriedly. “I mean, he was fine with whatever I decided…”
Martha nodded again. “I understand. And what did you decide?’
“I was going to stay behind the scenes. I’m still not sure about doing anything else, but… There’ve been a few times – well, a lot of times, actually… It’s just that… you know, when he’s off somewhere, it’s really hard sometimes to stay behind. Besides, we… you know, bounce ideas off each other, so…”
“Lois -”
“Oh…” She stopped, embarrassed. “I’m sorry. Clark says I babble.”
Martha laughed. “So does he, honey. Don’t tell him I told you, but you should have heard him telling us about meeting you for the first time.”
Lois laughed.
“But go on, Lois… You’re rethinking your original decision?”
“Well…” She hesitated. “I don’t have much experience saving people or… or stopping bombs… But I’ve had to fly during the day a few times, and it’s hard to… Well, I worry about someone seeing me. So I’ve been wondering if maybe I should…” She trailed off.
“Have some sort of a disguise?”
She smiled with relief. “Do you think that’s silly?”
“No, honey. I think if you want to, you can certainly be a superhero, too. Or you can have a disguise for when you need it, and continue to do what you do now, which might actually be more important.”
“Work behind the scenes?”
Martha laughed. “No, Lois. Work with Clark. Work *with* him. The two of you together are stronger than either one of you alone, you know. He’s been so much happier, so much more… confident, Lois. And you - you were already an appealing young woman, infinitely likeable –“
She nodded adamantly as Lois shook her head. “Oh yes, you were,” she insisted. “But you have really bloomed, Lois.”
“Thank you,” Lois said simply.
“…And yes, I think a disguise might be a good idea,” Martha continued.
“Would you be willing to…?” Lois began, but Martha was already nodding.
“Yes. I’d be happy to help.”
“Help what?” asked Clark, smiling at Lois as he and Jonathan came back into the kitchen, jackets dripping.
“Hi, Clark,” Lois said with a smile.
“Leave those wet jackets – and your boots – in the mudroom,” commanded Martha.
“Help what, Mom?” Clark repeated as he dutifully shed his jacket, leaned in through the open mudroom door and hung it on one of the hooks that had obviously been put there for exactly that purpose. He moved aside to allow Jonathan to hang up his own jacket.
“We’re going to make Lois a disguise,” Martha announced as Clark toed off his boots and set them inside the mudroom door.
Lois watched Clark anxiously as he padded to the table in his socks. She’d told him pretty adamantly that she didn’t want to be a superhero… Would he be upset that she’d apparently suddenly changed her mind? She’d pitched a pretty strong argument for an increased risk to their secrets if there were two superheroes…
But no, he didn’t look upset. “That’s great!” he said, beaming. He pulled out the chair beside her and sat down, reaching out to draw the plate of cookies closer. Martha poured him a cup of coffee, then a second one for Jonathan as he, too, sat down at the table.
“You… don’t mind?” she asked.
“Mind? Why would I mind? I think it’s a great idea,” he said cheerfully. He looked at her curiously. “Why would you think I would mind?” he asked.
“Not *mind* mind…” she tried to explain. “You said that it was entirely up to me. But remember how I said that if we were both superheroes, people might figure us out? Figure out our secret?”
He nodded.
“I don’t want to jeopardize your disguise. And…” She paused, trying to explain it. “I’m still not sure I really want to actually be…”
“A superhero?”
“Yeah.” She knew a disguise would certainly make some things easier, but to be a full-fledged superhero…
Clark leaned over and kissed her. “You already are, sweetheart. You just don’t know it.” There was a hint of coffee and chocolate in his kiss – her three favorite things, all together. “I couldn’t do what I do half so easily without your help,” he added.
“But…” It was nice that he saw it that way, but… “I’m still not sure I want to actually…” She waved an arm vaguely, unable to explain what, exactly, she didn’t want. Maybe it was the responsibility – the commitment that coming out as a real life, actual, named superhero implied. She couldn’t… choose not to answer a call for help if she was an actual superhero.
She stilled. Not that she did that now, did she?
Clark’s voice interrupted her thoughts. “And you don’t have to, Lois. Whatever you’re comfortable with is fine. But I do think a disguise is a good idea. Something to have, just in case…”
She smiled halfheartedly. “Yeah.”
“Lois?” He turned more fully toward her. “What’s wrong, sweetheart?”
She didn’t like what she’d just learned about herself. Was she… By choosing not to be a superhero, was she *choosing* not to answer a call for help? Did she do that? That was like… deciding who would live and who would die. Who would be injured and who would be saved.
Did she do that? Was she so scared of the responsibility, the commitment, involved that she would consider just… ignoring someone in need? How could she tell Clark that? What would he think? And his parents were sitting right there, listening. With a groan, she folded her arms on the table in front of her and buried her face in the dark circle they made. Closed her eyes tightly.
“Lois!” She could hear the alarm in his voice, and -
“Lois?” That was his parents, speaking simultaneously.
She heard Clark push his chair back. His hand brushed gently over her hair and then rested on her back as he dropped to his knees beside her.
“Lois?” His other hand tugged gently on her folded arms, turning her toward him and the waiting circle of his arms. She resisted for a moment, and then allowed him to gather her against him. “What, honey?” he whispered. “Just tell me.”
And it all tumbled out in a jumbled mess of half sentences, and she began to cry. Lois Lane never – hardly ever – cried. But that didn’t matter any more. She didn’t even care that Clark’s parents were right there witnessing her tears.
“Lois.” Clark was rocking her gently in his arms as he knelt beside her chair. “Oh, sweetheart…” He drew a deep breath.
“Lois, that’s normal.” He pulled back slightly, lifting her chin so that he could look into her eyes. “It’s an awesome and terrible responsibility to have powers like ours.”
He gently brushed at the tears still slowly spilling down her cheeks. “To publicly acknowledge it – to put yourself in a position to be judged for what you can or can’t do… It’s perfectly normal that you’d want to avoid that. Because even if you were on call - just… sitting on a cloud waiting to be needed, twenty-four hours a day - there would still be people you just… can’t help.”
He drew another deep breath, and she felt, somehow, his lingering sadness as he spoke. “People you can’t save because you can’t get to them in time, or that you don’t hear because you’re somewhere else. People that you simply *can’t* save, because sometimes even being right there right away and doing your best won’t stop someone from being hurt - or dying. And if you let it, the guilt over the ones you *can’t* save will eat you alive.”
He stroked her hair back from her face. “It’s perfectly okay to not *want* the responsibility that goes with our powers, Lois,” he continued. “And it’s okay to be afraid. The true test is what you actually *do*. Don’t think that I wasn’t afraid – am not still afraid – of what wearing the suit means. Of the responsibility. It was a hard decision to make. And some days, especially those times when I fail to save someone, it seems like it’s a decision I have to make all over again. I start to think – what good is Superman if he can’t save everyone?’
“You were afraid, Clark?” Her voice hitched around a small, residual sob as she spoke.
He smiled slightly at her surprise.
“Oh, yes. I was – and sometimes, I still am. Sometimes it’s almost crippling. What if I can’t help? What if I can’t get there in time? What if it all goes wrong? Wouldn’t it be easier to just – hide from the responsibility? Of course it would. But you and I both have a strong sense of responsibility – witness our jobs,” he added dryly.
“Everyone has fears, Lois,” Martha added. She had come around the table and was sitting in the chair that Clark had vacated. “It’s okay to be afraid – it’s what you do about it that matters.”
Lois glanced over at the older woman, who smiled encouragingly at her. Jonathan, standing behind Martha, was nodding seriously in agreement.
“That’s true, Lois,” he said. “Everyone has fears. Courage doesn’t mean not being afraid…”
“Courage means acting *despite* your fear – choosing to do what’s right, even if it’s a scary prospect,” Martha continued. “And that’s what you already do, honey. Even if you don’t think so - I think if you look deeper, you’ll see.”
“That’s right,” Clark agreed. “You already help when you can – we both do, whenever we can. But there will always be times, for whatever reason, when we just can’t help. And then… you have to find a way to live with the guilt over the ones you can’t save. Before I was Superman, I *did* sometimes have to ignore a cry for help, and each time, it got harder. Yes, it’s incredibly scary to have taken on this job, but wearing the suit gives me opportunities to avoid the heartache, because it allows me the freedom to help openly.”
“Honey, sometimes life dictates that what you think you are choosing isn't what ultimately happens,” Martha said. “In your case, if your choice is weighed against your being altruistic enough, empathetic enough - and particularly suited for - helping someone in need... well, sometimes what you thought you chose isn't what you end up doing. Sometimes circumstances choose for you.”
“That’s right,” Clark said. He framed her face in his hands. “I said it before – you already are a superhero. You just don’t realize it. And you’ve already made the choice to accept the responsibility, Lois.”
“And not just now, when you asked for a disguise,” Martha added. “You chose long before that, honey. The first time you risked exposure to help someone in need. The first time you used your powers during an investigation and brought someone to justice. The first time you fought for justice at all, in fact, regardless of whether you used any special powers or not.”
“Exactly,” Clark agreed, taking her hands in his. “You decided to fight the dragons a long time ago, Lois. You took on that responsibility. It’s what you’ve always done, and what you will always do.”
He smiled at her. “Yes, you can tell yourself that having a disguise will make it easier to keep your identity secret, will allow you greater freedom in using your powers. But deep inside, you also know that along with all that, it will allow you to help if someone needs you. And that’s what you’ll do. I can guarantee it, because I’ve learned that that’s who you are. Someone who has chosen to use the awesome powers she has – and not just your superpowers, Lois, but your intelligence and strong sense of justice - for good, not evil.”
“But isn’t it evil to… ignore cries for help?” she whispered.
“When have you done that?” he asked gently.
“When I suppress…” She freed one hand and touched her ear. “You know… Turn it off. Deliberately don’t listen.”
“I don’t think that you’re deliberately not listening, Lois. You told me about that, remember? That you just don’t hear everything I hear. And you can’t walk around with your super hearing always turned on - so to speak - so that you don’t miss a cry for help, you know. The sheer volume of noise would make it impossible for you to function at all.”
He smiled at her. “…Besides, I do think there’s some difference in how you and I hear things, because sometimes I hear things you don’t, even when you’re actively listening. Like that bomb in Washington.”
He brushed a strand of hair back behind her ear. “But when you *do* hear things… Well, what about the times when you’ve made it very easy for me to leave the Planet to go help? Once we’re out of there, and I’ve left to go save someone… Do you really think that if you heard someone yell for help, and you had a disguise, you wouldn’t don it and go help? If I were unavailable?”
She opened her mouth, ready to reply.
But Clark put one finger on her lips. “Wait. Really think about this, Lois. If you were standing on the Planet’s roof with me… I’m getting ready to take off to help someone somewhere. You’re going to change into your disguise and follow me, right? That way, if you’re seen, you won’t be recognized. And of course, by arriving separately, it will look more as if we – two flying people in costumes - act independently, rather than… I don’t know, a ‘Superman and his crew’ kind of thing.”
He smiled when she laughed slightly at that.
“But anyway, what if, just as you’re getting ready to follow me, someone else needs help?” he continued, “If you hear them, and you’re in your suit… You’ll ignore them?”
“Well, no. Of course not. I mean, if I was wearing…” She trailed off. If she was protected by a disguise, of course she’d go help.
He smiled at her. “See?”
Behind him, both Martha and Jonathan were also smiling.
---
To be continued
