Well, Janet, the main thing about this part, I think, is that you are setting the stage for the upcoming A-plot. The A-plot where Lois will make her debut as a spandex-clad superheroine with a secret identity. That will be a momentous moment, I'm sure. I don't doubt that you will show us with excruciating clarity how difficult it is going to be to be a superhero with a secret identity. I've grown up with a Superman who always knew exactly what to do, who always managed to change from Clark to Superman without anybody ever noticing, and who always knew exactly what to do when disaster struck all around him. For Lois, I'll bet, the choices will be far more frightening and confusing.
The B-plot, too, took some baby step forward, as we can see in passages like this one:
Martha had enfolded Lois in her arms again, and for a brief moment Lois was back in Mama’s arms. And yet in the same moment, the small sharp ache of loss as Lois remembered Mama was mitigated by the genuine love and caring this woman was showing her.
For five years (I think) Lois had her Mama, and then for about twenty years (I think) she had survive emotionally by remembering her Mama. Now Lois has found someone who is not and cannot be her Mama, but who can, nevertheless, give her loving, motherly support.
Okay, Janet, but now, if you don't mind, I'm going to try to reflect more broadly on the B-plot in this story, specifically when it comes to the relationship between Lois and Clark. It can be no secret to those who read my feedback with any regularity that to me, Lois and Clark are the most amazingly erotic couple I can imagine. Because of that, I love when Lois and Clark make love. I'm not at all certain that you plan to make that happen in this story, Janet. Since this story is being posted in the PG folder, we know right away that there can be no nfic scenes, but it is also very possible that your story will not bring Lois and Clark to the stage in their relationship where they will make love at all, even "off camera" as it were. If you won't bring them there, why not?
First of all, Janet, please understand that I don't mean this as a criticism,
even if it's true that I would like to see them become lovers. But the fact that I might like to see something in a story does not constitute a legitimate criticism of the fact that that particular story element isn't there. So, if you don't mind, I'm going to assume that Lois and Clark might remain in exactly the kind of emotional and physical relationship that they are in now, when I'd describe them as more than friends but less than lovers. What could Lois and Clark gain from remaining in this stage of their relationship for the rest of your story?
My maternal grandparents, who were born in the 1890s, got engaged to each other when they were about twenty, but they didn't get married until they were about thirty. They were both fervently religious, and they were young at a time when families were large and housing was rather scarce, and where it must have been quite difficult for a young couple to find a private place to sneak off to and make love. Obviously I have no way of knowing anything at all about what kind of relationship my grandparents had when they were engaged, but it would not surprise me in the slightest if they were both virgins when they married one another at thirty.
What sort of relationship did they have during their early years of marriage? All I know is that they never had more than two children, my mother and my aunt, and it was not easy to come by contraceptives in those days. Perhaps they were not all that compatible when it came to producing children, because it's true that some couples simply can't easily conceive. On the other hand, I can also imagine that they might not necessarily have had a very active love life.
But I remember my grandparents as fond of each other and happy together. They never demonstrated this happiness by touching each other in front of me. I don't remember ever seeing them caressing each other or being physically demonstrative in any way, but there was always a quiet, happy air of satisfaction around them.
I know
nothing about my grandparents' love life. But I can imagine, nevertheless, that there might not have been that much of it. But if -
if - my grandparents didn't give each other a lot of physical ecstasy, what
did they give to each other, then?
The way I think of them, the way I remember them, I think they gave each other a sense of belonging, a sense of home, of safety, of security and of emotional comfort. The way I remember them, I can never doubt that they really and truly loved each other.
I can imagine that Lois and Clark are going to give each other the kind of love that I believe that my grandparents gave to each other. The sort of love that is generous, comfortable and supportive but physically undemanding.
In this context, it is important to remember how much Lois, in particular, may need this emotional security and warmth. The Lois in your story has been so unbelievably alone. Getting to know and trust other people as well as herself and learning to how to allow herself to acknowledge her own emotions must be a slow process. In this chapter, you show us how Lois allows herself to cry for almost the first time she can remember:
“Lois!” She could hear the alarm in his voice, and -
“Lois?” That was his parents, speaking simultaneously.
She heard Clark push his chair back. His hand brushed gently over her hair and then rested on her back as he dropped to his knees beside her.
“Lois?” His other hand tugged gently on her folded arms, turning her toward him and the waiting circle of his arms. She resisted for a moment, and then allowed him to gather her against him. “What, honey?” he whispered. “Just tell me.”
And it all tumbled out in a jumbled mess of half sentences, and she began to cry. Lois Lane never – hardly ever – cried. But that didn’t matter any more. She didn’t even care that Clark’s parents were right there witnessing her tears.
It's so clear from this that your Lois needs other things so much more than she needs making love. Perhaps lovemaking would just make her less comfortable with Clark, so that she wouldn't be able to trust him as implicitly as she does now, when she knows that he isn't going to make any physical demands on her. Well, Janet. I would still like to see your Lois and your Clark make love (even if I'm
not asking you for any nfic scenes - this
is the PG folder, after all). But I believe, as I said, that your Lois and Clark may not reach the lovemaking stage at all in this story. And if they don't, I
can see that there are reasons for it, because your Lois and your Clark may need to give each other primarily the sort of love that my grandparents gave one another.
Ann
I never like Lois as super heroe.
She can be a targer.
