His expression was as stoic as she'd ever seen it, but his eyes betrayed his feelings. They were filled with pain. Everything she'd ever felt for Kal-El came rushing back around her. He'd only been trying to offer the help she so desperately needed. Yet, the frustration, the fear, and the pain she'd felt had culminated into an uncontrollable rage, and she'd lashed out... at him. The one man that could help her.
She had to force herself to keep her own emotions in check because she wanted to reach out to him, comfort him.
Fight it, Lois, she told herself. You remember the excruciating misery you felt because of your feelings for this man. You can not go there again!
"I won't let you do this to me," she bit out at him.
"Do what? Ask for the truth?" He, too, seemed to be getting defensive in an effort to stave more sorrow.
"The truth is that it's pointless. You know it; I know it. It doesn't matter what I was that night..."
"It does matter," he insisted.
"Why? Why does it matter? Lord Kal..." She was careful to use a formal address, reminding him of their station. "... you can only ever be Lord, and I can only ever be your subject. We both know that."
"You'll never be just my subject," he whispered before he turned from her again.
And you'll never be my lord, Lois cried internally. It was too late, way too late to stop them from experiencing more pain. She felt things for Kal-El she shouldn't. There was no use denying it. Time had only dulled it to an ache. But it was still there, as incredibly strong as it had been all those years ago. Marriage to another, the knowledge that Kal was still married, and all the ridiculous laws in the universe couldn't change that. How much worse would things become in the days to come?
After a few moments, Kal slowly faced her once more. "Let's focus on finding Jordan. With his presence, this conversation would have been pointless."
Large tears welled in her eyes and she fought desperately to keep them from spilling over.
The First Lord glanced away quickly, but not before Lois saw that flash in his eyes that indicated he felt just as much stabbing pain as she did. He took another deep breath, then spoke softly.
"Will you allow me to represent you?"
"What choice do I have?" she whispered before she hurried away.
++
Kal sat in the garden long after she was gone. So many times he envisioned seeing Lois Lane again. He'd pictured just about every scenario possible but this one. Never had he imagined their night together had produced a child. And in his wildest dreams he could have never imagined anything like the situation they now faced.
How had he ever allowed a woman to affect him the way this one did?
She could rip his heart apart with her tears. Oh, how he desperately wanted to wipe those tears away.
He'd never be able to do that. Never be able to hold her the way he longed to. Doing so, even by using the excuse that she was his concubine, was out of the question. Just as he'd told her, she'd never be his subject, in any form. If he couldn't have her completely, he'd never have her at all. No matter how much it hurt.
With a heavy sigh, he rose to his feet and made his way toward the Palace. He just wanted to shut the world out, even if it was only inside his chamber.
++
"How is the little urchin?" Nor asked Ti in hushed tones. They stood close together just outside Council chambers before the morning assembly.
"Absolutely nauseating. The bastard cries, yells, throws things, and demands to see his mother almost constantly." Ti looked up when three servants passed. He shot them a stern glare that forced them to hurry on by. "I finally ordered a strong sedative. Now he's... the picture of serenity."
Nor grinned evilly. "I might have to partake in a bit of that medication. His mother is a wild one."
"I will never understand what you or Kal-El sees in that creature." Ti acknowledged a bow from one of the Council members that approached to enter chambers.
"Really, Ti-El, you need to get out more often," Nor drawled.
"Just make sure you keep that wench occupied. I'm told she and Kal are looking everywhere for that moving mass of aggravation."
"Believe me, Milord, she will be far too occupied to even remember his name." Nor bowed ever so slightly, then turned and entered chambers.
Ti-El blanched at the thoughts Nor left him with. How sickening! The man should just cut off his arm, he thought dryly. He entered the room to await the call to order. The sooner that Earth woman was away from the Palace, the better.
++++
Krypton: in the first cycle of the year 2133 (or January 1992)
++++
So many things had gone wrong in the last few months that Lois felt her life would never be worth living again. The death of her husband, her and her son's kidnapping, those infuriating Kryptonian laws that insisted she do this or do that, and worst of all... the long, frustratingly painful days she spent in search of her son.
She and Kal had done everything humanly possible to find Jordan, only to end up at dead end after dead end. She'd even talked Kal into letting her accompany a few expeditions following up leads.
Much like Earth, Krypton revolved around a sun, and in that process, the seasons changed. Although slightly different, one season had given way to another... six weeks had gone by since she'd come to the House of El.
Lord Nor had protested to no avail the day she was able to speak in chambers on her own behalf. She'd been the one to point out Kryptonian law to Council, an act in itself that had been difficult to comprehend. When she was done, Lord Trey and the majority of Council had no choice but to grant her the six full months she was allowed to mourn her husband's passing. Though some had protested, Kal had insisted that she remain a guest of the Royal family until the end of the time period she'd been granted.
Since then, her days had become increasingly more difficult to bear. Where had Nor taken Jordan? Was he being cared for? Was he scared? Did he think she'd deserted him? She refused to think that Nor had killed him. What purpose would that serve? For that matter, what purpose was the other Lord serving now by keeping the child hidden away? Was the man simply enjoying the fact that Kal was suffering?
And he was. She'd noticed as each day passed, Kal grew more despondent. He was often quiet and would stare off into space, having to be spoken to several times before he even acknowledged that anyone had said a word. Of course, his behavior could have something to do with the many other pressures he was under.
The entire population of Krypton had seemed to suddenly become unhappy. Kal spent a great deal of time traveling from province to province settling land disputes, work related issues, and lately, an occasional argument between a Lord and his wife or his concubine. It seemed that women had begun to speak out a bit for themselves. Lois had heard a few comments that communications from Earth was to blame for the unrest. Whatever it was, it seemed that Kal was graciously accepting the new and varying opinions and slowly making change. More than once, he'd sided with a woman, further infuriating the male population and especially that of the Council.
There was also a few issues inside his own house that worked to make life more stressful for the First Lord. For weeks, Lady Zara had been ill. She'd settled into a heavy depression that only seemed to grow worse with each passing day. Kal had spent a great deal of time trying to convince her to take the medication the physician ordered for her in hopes of her getting well so she could attend their daughter's needs. Nothing seemed to work, and lately, she'd stopped allowing him admittance into her chamber. Lois could tell that Kal was worried about Zara and even more worried about his daughter. The large man would sit for hours in the study just cradling Patia in his arms, reading to her or talking quietly to her.
Despite everything, Kal still had energy to be concerned about Lois. He often asked after her, even when he was unable to see her personally during the day. He made sure she was comfortable and well provided for and had not for a second let up on the search for their son.
A missing child was something new on Krypton. Lois had done her best to educate them on how such situations were handled on Earth and still nothing. Not one single lead to her son's whereabouts.
It was late afternoon before a knock at the door pulled Lois from her sleep. She'd awakened that morning to a steady rain that seemed to deepen the increasing depression she'd begun to feel. Six weeks was a long time.
"Yes?" she called as she rubbed the sleep from her eyes.
"Miss Lane, the Lord requests you join him in the west parlor."
"Okay." She was just too tired to argue. She followed obediently, allowing her mind to go blank.
Kal was in the parlor, holding Patia when Lois entered. He stood with the child and smiled.
"Thank you for coming, Miss Lane. I'm sure you know this little person." Kal gazed fondly at the girl who smiled brightly at Lois.
"Hi, Patia," Lois said with a smile of her own. "She and I shared tea the other morning. She's a fantastic hostess." She stepped around the pair and dropped heavily to the lounge. God bless Kal and his daughter, but right now she wanted her son.
Kal's smile faded a bit as he moved to seat himself next to Lois. "You know that Patia doesn't speak and that the physicians are puzzled." Lois nodded. "Well, I've requested permission from Council to bring in other specialists to look at Patia. Namely one."
Lois' brows furrowed. "From where?"
"Earth. I've requested Dr. Sam Lane travel to Krypton to treat her... and to take care of his little girl."
Immediately tears sprang to Lois' eyes. The idea of having her father with her on Krypton sounded absolutely wonderful. Maybe he'd help with the growing ache she'd begun to feel over the loss of her own child.
"Thank you," she whispered through tears.
Kal smiled at her sadly and released Patia as the girl climbed out of his lap to settle beside Lois. Small fingers wrapped around those trembling slightly beside her, causing the woman to whom they belonged to cry even harder.
Lois looked down into the sad face of the child offering her silent comfort. "And thank you, Milady," she said softly.
That earned her a small smile from her new companion.
After a few moments of silence, Lois wiped her face and looked back at Kal. "Bringing my father to look at Patia is a great idea. He's done some pretty amazing things."
"Exactly," Kal agreed. "I should have thought of it long before now. If he can perfect a birthing matrix and find a cure for a mysterious virus, maybe he can help this pretty one out." His hand reached out to smooth the curls atop Patia's head.
"I'm sure he can," Lois agreed, her mood starting to lighten just a bit. "When does he arrive?"
"In two weeks time. I ordered one of the smaller vessels to bring him as quickly as possible. He's also bringing positive proof of Jordan's existence."
Lois' head snapped up at the mention of her son's name.
"I felt that Council should have the proof they desire."
His voice was bitter, full of anger, Lois noted as he shifted to settle back against the cushions. She waited patiently because she knew he had more to say.
"Jen-Mai is leading Nor's campaign of late, insisting that delaying the inevitable is useless. And as your representative, I intend to prove that you're not deranged."
She laughed despite how she felt. Deranged was exactly how she'd begun to feel lately. It wouldn't be difficult at all to slip into self pity and just hide inside her own mind. She'd done that for weeks after Kal had left her on Earth. Even after she and Dan had married, the only time she truly found comfort had been within the depths of her thoughts. She could certainly sympathize with poor Zara. Lois didn't know what had caused the First Lady's depression, but she knew all too well how easily it was to slip down that decline.
Pushing to her feet, she walked around the room, studying the various objects as if she'd never seen them before. Finally she faced Kal, a question burning her lips to be voiced. "Is Council the only one that thinks I'm deranged?"
"What?" Kal stood and stepped in her direction. "Do you believe that?"
"I don't know." She threw her hands up in frustration. "I'm starting to think it myself!"
He approached her then. "We will find him," he told her fiercely.
"When?" she shouted at him. "When he's grown with kids of his own? Six weeks. It's been six whole weeks. What could that man possibly be doing to him? Or done already?"
"No! If we even think that, we might as well just give up now," he told her in a firm tone.
Lois stared out at the rain, falling more steadily than it had been. The tap against the windows seemed to match the increasing thud in her heart. "Maybe I should just go with Nor. Men have been known to confess things during moments of passion," she choked out in a defeated tone, lifting her arms to wrap around her body and to force herself not to turn to the man beside her. He'd gasped slightly when she'd made that comment, and she knew he hadn't liked it. His stance changed and his voice took on a more authorative range.
"Should I inform Council that you wish to wave the remainder of your mourning period?"
Gathering her courage, she slowly lifted her eyes to his. Pain raged behind Kal's brown orbs as he stared at her, but he blinked quickly several times in an attempt to hide it.
"The idea might actually work," Kal continued when she didn't answer immediately. He bent to lift Patia when she pulled on his tunic before speaking again. "I'm sure Nor would confess his deepest, darkest secrets to his lover. Especially if you can move him as much you moved me."
Silence filled the space between them as Lois stared him down. "You bastard," she finally whispered.
Kal summoned a servant to take Patia before going to Lois. She'd turned back toward the window and snatched away from him when he reached out to touch her arm.
"Don't touch me like you actually care."
"I'm so sorry. I was out of line."
"And I'm going crazy!" she shouted at him. "I don't know what to do anymore. I don't want to get up in the mornings because I know how bad I'll hurt all day. Where is he? What's he doing? Is he okay? And if we do find him, will he ever be the same again? No, I don't want to be anybody's damn concubine, but if I thought sleeping with Nor would get me my son back, I'd do it, and you better believe I'd move him in the process." She finished on a sob, quickly turning so Kal couldn't see the tears that refused to remain unshed.
Kal reached out again, and this time she allowed him to touch her arm. "I'm sorry."
++
Twice. He'd said that word twice.
Sorry... such a simple word. A word Kryptonian nobility hardly ever used because in their minds, nobles had nothing to be sorry for. But spoken in earnest and from the heart, it packed quite a punch.
Like right now, standing beside this woman. This woman that had the ability to bring him to his knees. She was so lost and vulnerable. Torn away from her world and forced to live against her will on another world that neither wanted, nor especially liked her.
Well, I like her, Kal thought to himself as he smoothed his hand up and down Lois' arm.
And I definitely want her, in every sense of the word.
He couldn't deny it or argue with his heart for it to be untrue. He wasn't sure if he even wanted it to be untrue anymore. What was wrong with allowing her to force him to be more than he was? What was wrong with allowing his emotions to guide him? He'd done that in Council chambers when he'd insisted she remain a guest of his home. And the flippant comment he'd made to Lois was as emotionally charged as it could get. Saying she might sleep with Nor had torn through him like a knife. The declaration she'd made just now hurt, but he knew she meant it; she'd do anything to save her son.
He realized that he would as well. He'd also do anything for this woman.
So, what was wrong with being emotionally attached to her?
Everything... when you want her to be so much more.
Lois' body began to shake as she finally gave in to the emotions raging within her. Unable to stop himself, Kal gently drew her toward him. When she turned and practically fell into his arms, he simply held her to his chest. For the first time in his life, the First Lord offered another comfort.
And he took comfort from her. He realized that he was in as much pain as she was over the loss of his son. Even if he'd never met the boy, Jordan's absence was creating a void inside Kal's heart. Sharing his pain with the child's mother suddenly seemed as necessary as finding him.
"I feel like I'm dying," Lois mumbled against Kal's chest. Her arms went around his body and she clutched the material covering his back.
"I know." A large hand lifted to hold the back of the dark head against his body. "I think I feel the same way."
She turned her head, asking him silently to hold her a little closer. "I wish I'd just told you I was pregnant."
"You'd have been forced to stay here..."
"At least we'd have Jordan," she whispered. "He'd be here, with us. He'd be safe."
Her tears continued to flow, warm against his neck, where she'd buried her face. How could he argue with her? He'd much rather have their son with them than in the hands of a madman. Some way, some how, he resolved, he would find Jordan.
The couple stood together until Lois' legs gave out. The First Lord bent and lifted her in his arms, then carried her to her chamber. She curled herself into a ball as soon as he placed her on the bed.
Never before had he felt as helpless as he did now. Kal sat on the edge of the mattress, reaching out to rub Lois' back. "Tomorrow Lord Nor will tell me where our son is," he said softly. "Or he will draw his last breath," he vowed with determination. And before Lois could roll over to question his remark, he was gone.
++
Kal's parting comment ripped Lois from her self pity and she sat up quickly. He'd do it, she thought. Tomorrow Kal would kill Lord Nor if he didn't get the information he sought. All of her determination not to allow her feelings for the First Lord to culminate into anything meaningful had withered as soon as he'd taken her into his arms. Every nerve ending in her body had come alive for the first time in over four years. And with his touch came that knowledge that she'd never be able have him. There was no way to stop the pain that would consume her entire being now.
Their mutual comfort had done more than awaken her own emotions; it had allowed her to glimpse the depths of his affection for her. She could literally feel how much he cared for her, and it scared the hell out of her. The knowledge of the impending pain she'd feel from within was nothing compared to the suffering she knew Kal would face, that he now faced. To know he would hurt caused her to ache as much as being unable to find Jordan.
And knowing what Kal felt made her believe what he'd said about Nor.
She threw her feet to the floor and rushed from the room. If there was any way she could stop him, she would. There was no way she'd let him do something he'd regret. Besides, she needed him... and for more than to just find their son.
Not knowing where else to start, Lois headed for the library. Maybe the hundredth time searching archives would produce something the other ninety nine hadn't.
++++
Earth: same time
++++
A thick blanket of fresh snow covered the fields of the small Kansas farm. Strong, sure hands carefully stacked the last cord of wood that had been split in a matter of minutes. When he was done, he stepped back to admire his work. The small shed was filled to overflowing with firewood, enough to keep the small farmhouse toasty for the remainder of the winter and well into the following autumn.
"I swear, boy, you must have cut down all the trees on the back forty, judging by that pile of wood."
Ching turned and smiled at the older man behind him. "I just want you and Martha to have enough."
"Oh, believe me, we will." Jonathan Kent shook his head, then turned to leave.
I'll miss them when I'm gone, Ching thought to himself. That caused an ache in his heart as he left in pursuit of the next task on his list.
Waking nearly five weeks ago and discovering he'd been asleep for some time was almost as shocking as the incredible abilities he'd developed since. He'd received the necessary shot before traveling to Earth to stop him from gaining the superhuman abilities that had once led to the destruction of Earth, so he'd theorized that being ill and close to death must have altered the formula. He'd also discovered that the rays of the yellow sun enhanced his powers and was probably another contributing factor to his gifts. Most Kryptonians did not spend so much time under the yellow sun. Those stationed on Earth received regular inoculations to keep them from developing what Martha had dubbed 'superpowers'.
Being so strong and fast had caused the younger lord of El to do a great deal of thinking. When he discovered he could fly, he took his thoughts to the skies. In doing so, he started to see things he'd never before stopped to really look at.
As Advisor to the First Lord, Ching had come to Earth to assess the state of the other world. He'd done his job to the letter, noting where he should things that had or hadn't been done. However, he hadn't truly *seen* a thing. Or at least he hadn't until he looked through clearer eyes.
Ching had nearly died. But why? Had it been deliberate? Or just an accident? When he was well enough, he'd gone to the place Jonathan said they'd found him. There was evidence that something horrendous had occurred, but nothing remained save charred grass. He'd learned through a few stealth missions that Lord Sar, on order from the Throne, had led an investigation into the crash of his transport. Unable to find anything to convince them otherwise, there had been no choice but to declare Ching and his guards dead.
As much as it pained him to know that others thought him dead, the need to have answers kept him silent, tucked away on the Kent farm and secretly looking into the cause of his accident. He remembered that he'd learned of the passing of false information and the existence of a vid-tape that he was told would identify an important member of state participating in treasonous activities. He'd also remembered exactly where that vid-tape was. Or at least a copy of it.
Just before he'd left for Earth, Ching had been traveling in one of the southern provinces where a stand-off against the Throne had taken place. He'd been approached by a woman claiming to be the wife of one of the rebels. She'd told him that her husband had made a deal with a member of state to cause trouble. The group claimed that they feared being forced into slavery, just the reason they used to justify their actions, which had been to attack a military station and eventually caused the altercation with Royal guards. The woman told him that she had proof in the form of a vid-tape of the meetings taking place. Her husband had made the tape in case it was ever needed for any reason. But the woman had secretly copied the tape, telling Lord Ching that she feared for the future of her children if her world was being led by men that would betray the Throne. She'd also told him that she'd hidden the tape amongst others in the library of her home, a room her husband rarely visited. And being that he'd been incarcerated for attacking a military base, it would be a while before he ever did see that room.
Ching had had all intentions of securing the tape before he left Krypton, but a situation that required his attention had prevented him from that before the vessel to Earth had departed.
In the time that he'd spent acquiring information secretly, he'd learned many disturbing things. Some of those things included a raid on a meeting during Labor Day in the city of Metropolis, secret deals made with various people-- both Kryptonian and Earthling, and he'd even heard about the taking of an Earth woman he'd once known briefly.
Of course, he'd credited acquisition of much of that information to enhanced hearing and vision. Those abilities had enabled him to overhear a conversation between a couple of fellows at the Kryptonian Embassy. They were boasting about how much money they'd made to cover up the fact that the attack on Labor Day was led by a Lord working on the order of a statesman. Immediately he'd wondered if the member of state they spoke of was the same one on the vid-tape. Ching went out more and more, under cover of a full beard and longer hair, to search for secret information that might need to become known. Working as various general laborers inside the Embassy and in a few of the other Kryptonian stations on and above Earth, he learned that many of the uprisings, both of Kryptonian and Earthling nature, were 'jobs', bought and paid for by an unknown benefactor. Lord Ran had been hired by this mysterious person and when Ching finally stopped to remember who backed Ran's appointment, his mind went awhirl.
Could his uncle actually be the cause of such havoc and chaos?
The young lord sought more information, tapping into the archives aboard the space station hovering just outside the Earth's atmosphere, searching databases inside the US Embassy, and even approaching the President in Washington secretly. He was deeply disturbed by some of the things he learned, things that didn't seem to add up unless you believed that there really was a conspiracy going on. A conspiracy that might be led by his very own uncle.
In the few short weeks Ching had been on Earth, he'd also begun to appreciate life there. Though he spent most of his time on a quiet farm in Kansas, he also walked the loud, lively streets of the big cities. And he watched the people, learned how they lived, even began to appreciate the way they valued their lives. The Lord was taking stock of human life for the first time and in doing so, he was coming alive himself. Things came into focus and he decided that he would return to Krypton soon. His brother should be aware of the things happening and together they might exact change.
He would also return to help his brother. Ching knew Kal was probably totally unaware that Lois Lane had been returned to Krypton against her will, taken to become Lord Nor's concubine. Nor had also taken her son when she'd refused to leave without him.
Ching's heart went out to his brother. Kal would be devastated when he learned that Lois had suffered such fate. He knew the pain of affection for one you couldn't have. He also knew the fury that was often so overpowering when things happened to that person. His brother would no doubt need Ching to stop him from making a horrible mistake.
So, he'd decided to return to Krypton on the transport that would leave during the second cycle, just a couple days from now. He'd learned of its departure during one of his scouting missions. A janitorial position had been obtained and no one would know that Lord Ching was alive until he knew exactly who that traitorous statesman was.
In the time he'd spent on Earth, he'd also come to like the two people who had found him and cared for him. Martha had passed along the feeling she'd had about his discovery being fatally dangerous should it become known. After a few weeks of gathering information, he'd agreed she'd done the right thing by not contacting the Embassy. Though he had not found any concrete evidence that his accident had been an attempt on his life, there had been conversations he'd heard that alluded to just that fact. That's why he'd decided that remaining dead for the time being was best for everyone involved. He certainly didn't want to risk putting the Kents in any kind of danger.
Oh, how he'd miss them. The short time he'd spent with them had shown him what having parents could be like. They had taught him a vital element in basic human development, at least one present within the Earthling population. They'd taught him how to feel and how to express those feelings. He and the Kents spent many nights simply talking. Through those conversations, they'd introduced their worlds to the other. A young Lord had also discovered that logical choices were not always the best ones. And what was expedient might also be devastating in terms of well-being.
Yes, he'd miss the Kents most of all.
