From Last Time:
"You do what you can with what you’ve got, the rest is out of your hands," Gus replied simply. It was a sage thought – she’d heard a hundred variations of it before. Hell, she’d said it before.
She watched as Jon pulled his sandwich into gooey pieces. "Up here, I know that," she said, tapping one finger against her temple.
"But here, it’s a different story," Gus finished, putting his hand over his heart.
"You got that right," Lois replied.
"Well, this whole town is proud of you," Roger said. "For what that’s worth."
"It means an awful lot," Lois said.
********
New Stuff:
She looked at the man who was technically her husband. Strong, dashing, and handsome, he cut an impressive figure, draped in dark, severe robes. "The soldiers at the hospital seemed very grateful that you went to visit them," she said quietly.
"Least I could do," he murmured casually, but she knew that these visits tore at him. Kal El spent so much of his time visiting the wounded and speaking to the bereaved, it had almost become like an obsession. She knew that it meant a great deal to their people that he shared their grief, but how much of that grief could he really be asked to carry?
With a somber look on his face, he fastened the high-necked, stiff collar of his tunic with the cobalt pin shaped like the crest of the House of El. He pulled on his greatcoat and held out his arm to her. "Ready?" he asked simply.
Zara merely nodded as she slipped her arm through his. They had made this long walk to the High Council's chambers together countless times. On many occasions, she'd leaned on him, relying on his support and his strength. She only wished he would allow her to do the same for him. With one hand resting on the bend at his elbow, she placed the other hand on top of his, squeezing gently.
He turned toward her, a faint smile turning up the corners of his lips, but his eyes were still haunted by sadness. "You've been a great friend to me," he said quietly. "And I haven't done the same. I'm sorry."
She wanted to protest, but Clark opened the door from their chambers into the hallway, where their guards were waiting for them.
The rest of the walk was completed in total silence. She had figured that after almost three years of living with the man, she would have known what he was thinking, but her friend was becoming more and more of a mystery to her. She snuck a glance at him out of the corner of her eye. His jaw was firmly set, his mouth turned downward in a thin frown. The guards held open the doors as they approached the Council chambers.
The Councilors rose to their feet as the First Ministers walked toward their place at the head of the assembly. Zara let her hand fall from Clark's arm as he walked up to the podium alone. All eyes were focused on Kal El. An entire world was looking to him to piece back together a shattered society. The end of war had not meant the end of their troubles. A planet still divided by distrust and a deep sense of betrayal, in desperate need of leadership, had just laid all of its burdens upon his already weary shoulders.
"Esteemed councilors, friends, people of New Krypton," he began, his voice strong and clear. "On this commemoration of the Exodus, we remember the people we left behind on Krypton and the people who sacrificed their lives to save ours. We mourn an entire world lost, but we also recognize the indomitable spirit of humankind, which cannot be defeated. This day has particular meaning for me, as I remember what exactly my parents had to sacrifice in order to save my life. And I ask myself if I have used that gift wisely.
"We have overcome tremendous difficulties, especially in these last few years. Through the blood and the tears of this planet's children, we have won our survival, but every day, we must earn that survival. We must be worthy of the life we've been given. We must learn to rise above our fear and hatred, to embrace forgiveness and compassion. We cannot build a future for this world on mistrust. So I am asking you, on this most somber of days, to remember not just what we have sacrificed, but what we believe. Look inside yourselves and ask, why do we deserve to survive? Why are we a people worth saving?" Zara could see in his eyes the look of a wounded man, one who'd been brought to his knees, laid low by the cruelty of others. One who was determined, not only to stand again, but to raise up the people around him as well.
"I know the grief and the anger threaten to consume us, but we cannot allow that pain to destroy the best of who we are. I wish I could promise you that our path from here on will be easy. I can't. But I can promise you that this administration will seek justice, not revenge. That we will work in the spirit of compassion, not malice. That we will honor the fallen, care for the wounded, and comfort the grieving. And that we will do everything in our power to bring this world back together because we are one people. Every person you share this planet with is your brother or sister. If we are to survive, we must depend on one another. If we are going to be worthy of surviving, we must take care of one another."
His words sent a shiver through her, completely moved by the depth and sincerity of his sentiment. She marveled at how he could look at a world that had taken so much from him with nothing but love and compassion. She was startled slightly by the sound of thunderous applause as the gathered Councilors rose to their feet. She stood with them, clapping enthusiastically, as a sense of pride surged through her. He walked back toward her and took her outstretched hands in his. He kissed her cheek before taking his seat beside her.
Throughout her childhood, her mother and father had taught her to never forget what others had sacrificed so that she might live, and to use that knowledge to guide her in every decision she had to make. It was incumbent upon her, and everyone else, to leave this world better than they'd found it. And they struggled daily to do just that. But there was no question that Clark had done more than they could ever have asked of him. He had saved their world and he had challenged them to make this a world worth saving. He'd shown them the power that one man had to change things for the better. And there was no question in Zara's mind, that of all the people his parents had saved, Clark Kent was the only one truly deserving of that blessing.
********
"A victim of an ordinary crime has very little say over the prosecution of a criminal case, sir," Mar Dov, the senior prosecutor, explained in an almost patronizing tone. Enza had had the opportunity to discuss all of this with the First Minister and he understood it perfectly well.
"But this is a crime against my office as well as a crime against me and every crime against a branch of the government requires a prosecuting witness," Kal El finished for the attorney, proving Enza’s point. She looked at the man seated next to her, his expression somber, but his demeanor betrayed nothing of the anger or frustration any ordinary person would have felt. But if there was one thing she was certain of, it was that Kal El had a remarkable ability to transcend the ordinary. He placed the demands of his people above his own sentiments and desires. It wasn’t that he didn’t seem to feel the anguish of the circumstances; she knew that he did. But he clearly recognized that leading meant that he needed to rise above that pain, and take care of his people.
"Precisely, sir," Mar Dov replied. "We would like you to be as involved in the crafting of the trial strategy as you feel comfortable being."
"I want to make sure Nor faces justice, that he can’t hide from the things he’s done to this world."
"As do we all, sir," the prosecutor assured Kal El. The First Minister merely nodded.
"Do you require anything further from us?" Enza asked the prosecutor.
Mar Dov turned back toward the First Minister. "Sir, I know you are quite busy, so I don’t intend to delay you any longer, but if I might have a word with the Captain?"
Kal El turned toward her. "It’s all right with me, Captain." He stood up and the gathered lawyers rushed to do the same. The uniformed officers among them saluted smartly. "Thank you, counselor," Kal El said to the prosecutor before turning to exit the conference room.
"Captain, I have heard nothing but good things about your work for the First Ministers," Mar Dov began. "I would like you to serve as assistant chief counsel on this trial."
Enza didn’t know how to respond. She’d already had a charmed career so far, but to second chair the most important trial in memory was not a responsibility she’d been expecting. "Of course, sir," she replied at last. "I will not let you down."
"I know you won’t," Mar Dov responded.
Still somewhat in a state of shock, Enza drifted out of the conference room. The pressure, the responsibility, the sheer workload, were all likely to be greater than anything she’d ever imagined. She was being asked to play a central role in ensuring the worst war criminal in hundreds of years was brought to justice. She was being asked to see that the monster who’d inflicted such unspeakable pain upon a man she admired greatly, who’d tried to tear their world in two, who had killed so many innocents, would never harm another soul again.
What was she getting herself into?
********
"I was wondering when I would see you again, young man," Tao Scion said as he opened the door.
"I’m sorry," Clark began, even before he stepped over the threshold. "For the way I acted last time we spoke. You were doing everything you could to help me, and I treated you terribly."
"It is forgotten," Tao Scion replied softly as he led the younger man into his apartment.
"I know I have no right to ask for your help…"
"You are the son of my dearest friends. Whatever I can do for you, I will. You have only but to ask," the old physician cut him off.
Clark smiled faintly for the briefest of moments before his features settled into a somber expression. "The tremor, it hasn’t stopped," he explained. "I’d hoped that when the war was over, I’d be able to sleep and it would go away." He flexed his hand.
"But you’re not sleeping." It was a statement, not a question.
"No. I still have the nightmares. Not every night, but most. And I can’t stay asleep for more than a few hours."
Tao Scion frowned. "Given the stress and your experiences, I can’t say that I’m surprised. If you’re willing to try it, I can prescribe you a very mild sedative."
Clark nodded. "All right," he acquiesced; tentatively taking the first steps back toward life.
"I’ll monitor your progress very closely. If you’re unhappy with the results, we’ll change the treatment."
"Thank you," Clark replied softly.
"Of course," the old physician said. A smile lit up his bright blue eyes, undimmed by age. "It was a wonderful speech, by the way."
Clark smiled. "Thanks."
"And you should never doubt that you have become a man worthy of your parents’ legacy. You bring honor to the Houses of Lo and El and I am proud to call you my friend and my First Minister."
"Tao Scion, I’m sure I will never by able to repay your kindness, but please know that you have my deepest thanks."
The old man smiled. "Come now, I have a present for you."
Clark gave the other man a puzzled look but dutifully followed Tao Scion into his study. From within his desk, Tao Scion removed a large metal box. He placed it on the surface of the desk and opened it to reveal a cluster of small globes. "About fifteen years ago, the originals were badly damaged in an explosion in my laboratory. I've been trying to restore them for years, and just finished the project last week. I hope you don't mind that I made copies for myself."
"What are they?"
"Memories from your family," the old man replied cryptically. He delicately picked up one of the globes and activated it. The image of his birth parents suddenly appeared before them.
"They’re so young," Clark whispered. In Jor El’s arms lay a tiny baby. "That’s my sister, isn’t it?"
Tao Scion nodded. "That is Keir El. She was a few weeks old when this was recorded."
A powerful sense of sadness washed over him as he watched his mother and father, happily doting on their first child. At that moment, so many years ago, they had no idea the terrible fate that lay in store for them. They were blissfully unaware of the fact that in a few short years, they would lose their beloved daughter and then face the end of their world.
He glanced at Tao Scion, whose eyes were suspiciously bright. "How did they survive it?" he asked quietly. "How do you live through losing a child?"
"They almost didn’t," the older man replied. "Losing her nearly destroyed both of them. Your father especially. It’s not that your mother didn’t grieve as much as he did, but she allowed herself to grieve. Your father kept everything inside. He wouldn’t talk to me or even your mother about it. He was determined to suffer alone, even though he didn’t have to. It took a long time for him to learn to let anyone back in."
"I guess sometimes I forget that they were only human. They just seem so much larger than life," Clark said quietly.
"Which is why I want you to have these," Tao Scion explained. "I want you to know what they loved. What they lost. What they hoped for and feared. I want you to see them as I saw them. They weren’t heroic because they never doubted or feared or suffered moments of weakness. They were heroic because they overcame these things. They had everything to lose and yet they still gave the best of who they were."
"I can’t tell you how much this means to me," Clark replied, feeling tears prick at his eyes.
********
Enza waited anxiously outside the door to his office. She’d been up all night, mostly working on the case, but also rehearsing what she would say. If she could only remember what she’d decided on, she’d be fine. She could do this. She was certain of it.
He opened the door and smiled. And all she wanted to do was kiss him. Damn him.
"Come in," Lok Sim said, still smiling. "I’ve been thinking about you. Pretty much all week," he admitted. He closed the door and stepped toward her.
"I’ve been busy," she demurred.
"I know," he replied. "And I’m glad you’re here now."
"We can't let this happen," she said softly, as though they were inevitably barreling toward a relationship unless one or both of them stopped it. And in a sense, that was true; it would have required no conscious thought, no deliberate decision on her part to pursue a relationship with him. Unless she actively fought it, her body would find its way into his arms, as though it belonged there.
"We can't?" Lok Sim asked. She couldn't manage to turn away from his penetrating gaze, and she couldn't answer his simple question. Surely, if she believed it, she had to have a reason, right? He reached out to touch her cheek, keeping her from looking away from him. "Tell me you don't feel this," he said.
Enza placed a hand on top of his. "You know I do," she whispered, the lump in her throat making it impossible for her to find her voice. "But this isn't about what I feel. Between my niece and my work, there's nothing left of me. There's nothing I can offer you."
"You know that isn't true," he countered earnestly. "I know Thia comes first in your life and I know how important your work is, but I'm not asking you to make any promises, I'm just asking you to try."
"And what if we can't make it work? You mean so much to Thia, do you think she could understand it if you weren't there anymore?"
His brow furrowed and then he gave her a half smile. "Are you saying you'd try if I liked your niece less?"
Of course it sounded absurd when he said it aloud. She sighed in frustration. "You know that's not what I'm saying."
He held her gaze with his soulful green eyes. "I think you know how important Thia is to me. And if this doesn't work, I'd hope that you'd still let me be a part of her life."
She realized that what he was saying was true. But she wasn't sure that changed anything. Besides, she wasn't just worried about how Thia would react to losing Lok Sim. He'd become such an important presence in her life – a powerful and reassuring constant in the midst of upheaval. Now he was asking her to risk that for a chance at something more. "I'm not sure I can do this," she murmured as she stepped away from him.
She turned to walk away, but he caught her hand. Enza froze and turned back toward the extraordinarily powerful man holding onto her. His large hand merely resting gently on hers, he used none of that strength to keep her from retreating. If she stepped away, he would let her go. But she couldn't have moved if she wanted to. The incredible vulnerability in his eyes kept her anchored to the floor. "I know how much this world has taken away from you," he whispered. His words brought stinging tears to her eyes. "But you can't live your life afraid to have anything because there's a chance you might lose it."
Enza wanted to tell him that he was wrong. He had no idea what she'd lost and he obviously didn't understand her. Afraid of having what she wanted? The thought was ridiculous. Fear had nothing to do with it. She had a niece to raise and a job that often occupied every waking moment of her life. There was no time left for what she wanted.
But she was afraid. He was right; she was afraid of losing him. Everything else was an excuse. He would no more expect her to neglect her work than he would break Thia’s heart. He was offering her so much and all he was asking of her was that she give them a chance. She found herself turning her hand over in his, intertwining their fingers. She let him pull her into his arms and she held onto him tightly. Enza closed her eyes, her head against his chest. "I’m so afraid of losing you," she murmured.
"You won’t," he assured her. "You can’t."
********
Talan stepped off the transport and into the nearly deserted docking bay. A skeleton crew worked through the night, performing maintenance and servicing the recently arrived crafts. The soldiers saluted as she walked past, but no one in particular was awaiting her arrival. The fanfare over the war’s end had died down in the intervening weeks and months. Now, with the rebellion soundly routed and life returning to something like normal, the homecoming of the field commander was not a noteworthy event.
"Welcome home, Commander." She was startled by a familiar voice. She turned to see him waiting by the causeway, watching the crew work, as he often did.
"Good evening, sir," she replied as she saluted. "I did not expect to see you here."
He gave her a slight frown. "Someone’s meeting you here, right?" Kal El asked.
"No, sir," she said. "I’m to report to General Command next week to receive my next assignment, but I didn’t think anyone else even knew I’d be returning now."
"Well, it’s good to have you back."
"Thank you, sir. It’s good to be home," she responded. In truth, she wasn’t sure she thought of this place as home. She had a week to spend here before her new posting and she had no idea what she was supposed to do with that time. She had no family in the main colony, no close friends, nothing she’d missed – except him. She knew it was wrong, but it felt good to be near him again – to be able to talk to him, to see the world as he saw it. She wanted to know how he had been, what had been happening in her absence. They’d spoken occasionally in the intervening months; the insomnia seemed less frequent now, but he still sometimes called in the middle of the night, knowing that she, too, was awake. And she called him, to see how the preparations for Nor’s trial were progressing, to tell him how she was moved by his Exodus Commemoration speech, to ask him how he was. Now that she was here, there were suddenly so many things she wanted to talk about and no one else she wanted to talk about them with.
"It’s late, and I should let you go," he said. "But if you have time for a run tomorrow?"
"Certainly, sir," she replied.
"Goodnight, Commander," he said with a soft smile. It felt so good to see him smile, knowing it came with no small amount of difficulty these days. The war may have been over, but the burdens on him had not disappeared. Every day still seemed like a battle, but now, he was determined to fight it.
"Goodnight, sir," she said, before turning to walk away. She realized now that he might never again be the same man he was before he came to New Krypton and before he’d endured the very worst that this world or any other could muster. He’d been broken, separated from everyone he loved, stripped of his hope, isolated by the demands of commanding, undermined by the politicking of the venal and arrogant, and forsaken by the people he depended on.
She had forsaken him.
In his darkest hour, he’d reached out for a friend and she’d pushed him away. Because the feelings he’d awakened in her were too dangerous to entertain and she had been too weak to set those feelings aside and be his friend.
But he was still, at his core, a good man. Despite the betrayal, the anguish, and the loneliness he’d suffered, he had not succumbed to the darkness. He still fought it, every single day.
********
Jen Mai paced anxiously in the abandoned barracks. Their forces obliterated, they’d been reduced to hiding underground. The goal now seemed to be avoiding detection for as long as possible. There was no talk of a new offensive. Anyone low enough in the insurgency to merit no special scrutiny from the government had long since disarmed and surrendered – returning to unremarkable lives of anonymity. The only ones remaining were wanted men – men like him would be dragged before a tribunal the moment they were captured.
The outlook had deteriorated dramatically. Now, all Jen Mai could hope for was decades of exile – living as a constant fugitive. More likely, he’d either be caught or die from the elements, trying to live on this barren rock completely cut off from civilization.
He nearly leapt out of his skin as the door opened, but the shock of being so startled paled in comparison to his utter disbelief at who was standing on the other side. He felt all the color drain from his face. "You’re alive," he gasped.
"Of course I am," she replied tartly.
"But how? Your ship was shot down. There were no survivors."
"And if the remains hadn’t been so badly burned that they could not be identified, they would have realized I was not on that ship," Rae Et explained impatiently.
"You used a decoy ship," Jen Mai muttered, unsure why this surprised him.
"I always use decoys," she snapped. "Now I know there is no point in leaving my son’s fate in your hands, so I expect you to do exactly as I say, no more and no less. Ask no questions. Is that understood?"
Jen Mai knew at least enough not to cross Rae Et. "Of course," he replied, swallowing roughly.
Rae Et pulled her communicator from her greatcoat pocket. "We have some rather drowsy agents out there, don't we?" she said cryptically into the little device. "I believe it's time to rouse them."
********
Winter did eventually give way to spring, and spring in turn to summer. The days grew warm and long and the Earth green and heavy with new life. Lois stared out at the fields – lovingly tended to by her father-in-law. She found no comfort in the things that surrounded her – the breeze that rustled through the branches of the buckeye trees or the symphony of cicadas, or the smell of honeysuckle in the night air. Perhaps it was because she truly was a city kid at heart, but before, this place had always brought her a sense of peace. Now, there was nowhere on Earth she could go to escape the ghosts of Kinwara. The nightmares were growing worse and more frequent, even as she spent less and less time there.
She dodged the paper’s publishers and their dogged attempts to get her to write another book. Her columns lost their spark and their edge. She wanted to claim that she was fighting to get back to the top of her game, but she wasn’t. Her heart wasn’t in it. Who was she? If she didn’t have a battle to fight, what was left of her?
Jon came running up the path toward her, a bunch of daisies in his little hand. Martha followed closely behind him, carrying a basket of tomatoes from her garden. Jon presented his mother with the simple, white flowers, a big smile on his little face. She accepted his gift joyously – finding in her relationship with him the happiness and simple contentment that eluded her in every other facet of her life. "Thank you, Jon," she said, smiling.
"I love you, Mommy," he said.
"Oh, I love you so much, sweetheart," she replied as she hugged him. She smoothed away the light brown hair that fell over his forehead. "Did you have fun helping Grandma in the garden?"
He nodded, still grinning. "He helped me pick the tomatoes," Martha supplied with a wink. "Are you coming inside?"
Lois shook her head. "I need to fly a patrol," she said quietly. There was no conviction behind the words and little desire on her part to do her duty.
********
"As you know, sir, these circumstances are unprecedented," Councilor Shai explained as they walked through the corridors in the First Ministers’ compound. "We have no past examples of a First Minister in good standing abdicating his or her position. When a First Minister passes away, his or her partner completes their term alone…"
"But that normally doesn’t happen until after they’ve had decades of experience governing together," Clark finished. "Zara and I are in agreement. Someone should be selected to replace me."
"I think that is wise, sir," Shai replied. "I do not think the High Council is prepared to discard centuries of sacred tradition."
"And I assume the Council would not think to appoint someone over Zara’s objections."
"I cannot imagine the Council even attempting to do so," Shai agreed.
"Then you should know there is exactly one person that Zara and I trust to take my place. General Commander Ching."
"I believe he would make a fine First Minister, but perhaps it would be wise to prepare a short list of alternative candidates," Shai suggested.
Clark stopped dead. "There are no alternatives. I will not abdicate to anyone besides Ching," he replied firmly. "There isn’t a man alive who has done more to secure peace for this world than the General Commander. And there is no one that Zara and I trust more. I owe it to her and to the people of this world to make sure the best possible person takes my place."
