Welcome to the boards, Nighthawk! Good to see you post your first story.
I'm Ann, and I'm the old horndog of these boards. I'm also a totally diehard Lois and Clark romantic as well as the world's staunchest Lois fan. In view of all that, what do I think about your story?
First of all, I'm happy that you've chosen this particular episode to rewrite. Second, I'm really, really happy that you chose to allow Lois and Clark to end up in bed together! And I adore the sweetness of the morning bedroom scene:
He gingerly waved his head around to look at his surroundings, and froze when he caught sight of the brunette head resting trustingly on his bare, muscled chest. His body began to wake up when he realized that her body was intertwined with his, floating inches from his bedroom ceiling, (and he was) supporting her weight.
I love how Lois is totally trusting Clark, as long as she is asleep. While she is asleep, her body and her sleeping mind knows that she is with a man who cherishes her, and she knows that he has made wonderful and sweet love with her. I love how he is supporting her, and she is, subconsciously, totally secure in the knowledge that he is holding her.
I totally love this gesture of Clark's, too:
Once he let her go, she scrambled off the bed and ran into the living room, unaware of the fact that she wasn’t wearing (even) a stitch of clothing.
Clark got up, put a pair of boxers on, and grabbed a blanket before following Lois out into the living room. He stepped right into her path, interrupting her pacing and forcing her to notice him. He gently wrapped the blanket around her, offering her a small bit of pride, all without saying a word to her.
This is wonderfully sweet and considerate of him. How can you not love a guy like Clark in your story?
I do think Lois is buying Clark's explanation a little too easily, and I think Clark is a little too untroubled when he's telling her what he knows about how they ended up in bed. I don't think Lois should apologize for her initial anger, and I don't think she should necessarily tell Clark about her instinctive distrust of men.
Personally, I do like the idea that Lois should be able to get over her anger very quickly. Because I am this diehard fan of Lois and Clark romance, I love the idea that they should get together - and get naked
- quite quickly, and that they should be happy about their togetherness. So I'm not bothered about Lois's dissipating anger. But I really
do think that Lois should be much, much more worried and curious about the fact that neither she nor Clark can
remember how they ended up in bed together. Really, what happened to them? Lois, the investigative reporter, should be furious not necessarily at Clark, but at the fact that someone has messed with her mind and made her do things without being aware of them. And Clark should be very worried about his loss of memory, too.
Clark and Lois are both investigative reporters! For all the sweetness of their lovemaking, they shouldn't take this lying down (sorry about the ultra-lame joke).
If you decide to write a sequel to this, it would have so much potential! It would be fun seeing Lois and Clark track down the people behind the pheromone. It would be even more fun seeing Lois and Clark tentaively and shyly approach each other once more, and work up the courage to be lovers once again, but this time as a conscious decision.
Oh, and by the way, if you want to edit your post, you can do so. Just look at your own post, and look at your own avatar. To the right of your signature, Nighthawk2778, there is a blue arrow, followed by today's date. After that there is a line of icons. Look at the one showing a pen and a sheet of paper. Click on that icon, and then you will be able to edit your post. Before posting it again, you might want to check out what your post is going to look like by clicking "Preview Post" below the little box where you edit your post.
Ann
