A continuation of the story started in parts 1-4.
Table of Contents Author’s notes: I only had a vague idea of what to write for this part when I began Part 1, so it’s probably even worse than the previous 4 chapters. In my original vision, I thought up some high school and college experiences for Jonathan to have.
But when I finished “Part 4: A Day At School”, I realized that it would be weird if I had a worldwide revelation and didn’t say anything about what happened to Lois and Clark. This is the best I could think of.
My father works as a patent and immigration attorney, so we love lawyer jokes. My family shared some good laughs at the portrayal of lawyers in the episode where Superman got sued.
Sometimes people from foreign countries will try to convince my dad to help with their green card marriages (or sometimes fraudulent asylum claims), but they’re always pretty easy to see through. Just in case anyone is wondering where some of the random stuff in this part came from. J
I also realized while writing this part that Perry White would be somewhere around 70 years old in 2014…it was an oversight on my part when I introduced him as the editor in part 1. Oh well…uh…he just didn’t want to retire…yea, that’s it.
To quickly recap, Part IV was mostly about Jonathan Kent’s first day of school after he was forced to reveal the family secret to the world to thwart a school shooting. When his parents got home, he asked them how their day had gone…
****
Clark Kent held his wife snugly against his chest with both of his arms wrapped around her waist as he flew them over the skies of Metropolis. He wasn’t wearing the suit. In fact, he didn’t even have the suit on underneath his work clothes. Yep, he was just Clark Kent, an ordinary guy, flying to work with his wife.
As they neared the Daily Planet building, the throng of reporters camped outside of the front doors clearly became visible. Clark took a deep breath before entering through the large window on the newsroom floor, just as he had for the first time over twenty years ago. <Well, Superman, it has to be you or me…>
****
Lois and Clark landed in the newsroom just as the early birds were starting to come in. Incredibly, Ralph had been one of the first people to come into work today, and was greeting each person as they stepped out of the elevator.
“Morning, Eduardo! Morning, Cindy – hey, looking good today!” As he heard the sound of feet touching the ground, he turned around to face the newcomers.
“Oh hey, I was wondering if you guys would show up! *Good* morning, Lois! *Good* morning, Superman!” he said he grinned at the couple.
Clark sighed. “Ralph, please – just call me Clark.”
“Yeah, no problem! Whatever you say, Superman!”
Ralph was about to add something before he was interrupted. “Ralph, leave those two alone! C’mon, you two can come hide here in my office!” bellowed the gruff voice of the editor. Despite being nearly 70 years of age, Perry White had still not found it in his heart to retire.
Once they were safely ensconced inside his office, Perry closed the door and drew the blinds shut. As soon as was standing behind his desk, Lois and Clark spoke up at the same time. “Chief-“
“Now hold on a second - let me get a word in before you two say anything.” Perry interrupted, holding one of his hands up for silence, “first I have to say, that in all of my years in the reporting business, that I have never seen *anything* quite like this. I mean, boy, I have to hand it to you guys - this was quite some stunt that you two managed to pull off!” he chuckled as he broke into a wide grin.
Lois and Clark exchanged abashed looks before staring at the ground, as if they were kids who had been caught with their hands in the cookie jar. Perry started staring off into space as he continued, “No wonder none of my best reporters could ever get Superman pinned down – if we couldn’t even recognize him when he was on our *payroll*…”
Coming back to reality, he placed his hands on his desk and faced his two star reporters. “So…how do you two want to handle this? I mean, what do you want us to do?” he asked.
Clark regained his composure and spoke in well-rehearsed tones. “Well, Chief, everything that I say or do from now on will determine what kind of person the rest of the world sees in me. So the first thing that I want to do is to hold a press conference to put to rest any preconceived notions of who I *really* am.”
As Perry listened attentively, Clark asked, “So, could you get the word out that I’ll be holding a press conference at the courthouse at 8:30?”
When the editor nodded, Clark continued, “I’d also like to write an article for the front page to explain myself – if that’s OK with you, of course.”
“Well yes, of course! That’ll give the public a chance to see things from *your* perspective. Uh, I’m assuming that you’ll want to take Lois with you to the courthouse?”
Lois and Clark met each other’s eyes at they clasped their hands together. “Yes, Chief – I don’t know if I can face this alone.” Clark said as he exchanged encouraging smiles with his wife.
****
Lois was already positioned a bit behind and to the right of the podium, so she was perfectly placed to stand supportively behind her husband when Clark swooped down from the sky, still dressed in his work clothes. He was even wearing his glasses, which was actually kind of ridiculous now that everyone knew fully well that he didn’t need corrective lenses.
Normally, Clark would avoid grandstanding at press conferences, but the circumstances had irrevocably changed now. As soon as he landed at the podium, in between four large stacks of books, he started spinning. <Have to stay on the offense – if I start defending and justifying myself, they’ll never give me a chance to stop>
When he emerged from the spin, he was dressed in…exactly the same clothes as he was before, except that now he had removed his glasses and slicked his hair back. <Make it clear that I’m showing my true colors now – but leave no doubt as to whom they are dealing with>
Immediately, the gathered reporters all started yelling out questions at the same time.
“Superman! Do you have any comments to make about your double life?”
“Superman! Are you going to explain why you’ve been hiding so many secrets from the public?”
“Superman! What are all those books doing up there?”
“Superman! Where’s the suit?”
“Hey, what’s she got on you, Superman? Are you going to file for divorce now that your secret is out anyways?”
The last questions came from one of the reporters from the National Whisper. Clark raised his hand for silence. When he spoke, he used the “Superman” voice. “Before I answer any questions, I would like to say a few words.” <Stay on offense> he reminded himself, as he continued, “In the past, I have shown restraint whenever certain unscrupulous individuals *or publications* have called my personal character into question.” He looked pointedly in the direction of the National Whisper and Dirt Digger reporting teams when he said the word “publications”.
“Throughout the past two decades, I have been accused of fathering illegitimate children, plotting extraterrestrial invasions, and having numerous extramarital affairs, among other things.” He stole a glance backwards at Lois as he finished this last sentence, causing Lois to smile slightly both at her own vindication and to encourage her husband. The crowd of reporters chuckled nervously, wondering where he was going with all of this.
“Because of my public visibility, I have frequently been the focus of intense media scrutiny. It is for this reason that up until now, I have never publicly acknowledged my wife, my son, or even myself. Not out of shame – for I am proud to be the husband and father to such a loving wife and wonderful son.” Clark took a deep breath, steeling himself as he suppressed the tears that were threatening to form as he proudly displayed his family to the world. He would need every ounce of his steely resolve for what he was about to do next.
“I must accept the freedom of the press to operate – as investigative journalists ourselves, my wife and I fully understand the importance of allowing the unfettered discussion of a representative range of views.“
“*However*, I will no longer tolerate defamatory statements that are published about myself, or of any member of my family. This particularly applies to statements about my wife’s monogamous character, demeaning descriptions of my son such as ‘love child’, as well as allegations of myself harboring infidelities towards my wife.”
“Such claims would be harmful to both myself and my family. So, henceforth, any individual or organization that publishes material which is slanderous about either me or my family can expect to be contacted by my attorney, Mrs. Hunter, and prosecuted to the full extent of the law.”
The assembled reporters murmured in astonishment and exchanged worried whispers with each other. *Superman*, threatening legal action? But that wasn’t like him at all – in fact, this was more like something that…Clark Kent would do. Superman was all-forgiving, while an ordinary man like Clark Kent might force even the woman of his dreams to spend hours crawling through sewage if she tried to walk all over him, to say nothing of what he might do to the tabloid press.
Before anyone could recover enough to ask him a question, Clark continued his speech. “As there might arise doubts as to whether or not I intend to follow up on my words, I think that now is the ideal time for me to put those doubts to rest.”
“The county law library here at this courthouse has graciously agreed to allow me the temporary use of the stacks of books you see up here. The contents of these books contain years worth of legal education in every field of practice.”
The crowd looked on in stunned silence as Clark read all of the books at super-speed right there on the spot. Now, there could be no doubt that he meant business. This new Superman possessed the combined powers of, well, Superman…and a lawyer.
After a long silence, Clark spoke again. “I’ll now take your questions.”
For the next several minutes, he fielded questions from the reporters still brave enough to ask them. Whenever he declined to answer, citing privacy reasons, nobody dared to question him. Oh, the plan had worked perfectly. Investigative journalist and amateur super-lawyer Clark Kent had the press treading carefully.
After he decided that he had answered enough questions, he scooped Lois into his arms and flew them back to work.
****
“I have to say, that worked even better than I could have expected. If I had known that people were so afraid of lawyers, I would have just threatened legal action every time I needed to stick up for myself as Clark.” Clark said with a grin as he took a break from writing his big article to visit Lois at her desk.
“Hmm…even that time when another reporter stole that Superman story from you?” Lois asked in a sweet, innocent voice.
“Well, no…I found a much more pleasant way of handling *her*…” Clark grinned impishly as he reached out from where he was behind Lois to rest his hands on her.
Lois let out an indignant yelp and playfully swatted his hand away from where it had been trying to rest. Clark laughed, and added, “Another advantage that I didn’t even realize before is that now people will *have* to stop idolizing Superman. I mean, who wants to place a lawyer on a pedestal?”
Before Lois could respond, the phone on her desk rang. She picked up the phone and listened to what the caller had to say for a few moments before she opened her mouth in shock.
“My husband’s sexual proclivities are none of your business!” she shouted into the phone, before slamming it back down on the receiver. The sudden outburst drew more than a few people’s attention, but they quickly went about their business when Lois fixed them with her dreaded icy glare.
Clark raised his eyebrows. “Now what was that about?”
“Oh, it’s just that I’ve been getting these phone calls all day - some of them harassing, too. The women are worse than the men - I think they blame *me* for ruining a ‘perfectly good fantasy’.” she replied sadly, turning to her husband for comfort.
Clark winced as he gave Lois a reassuring hug. *He* hadn’t gotten any rude phone calls – apparently Superman intimidated people, but the same was not true of Superman’s wife.
“Oh…I’m sorry, honey…” Clark apologized, unable to think of anything else to say.
“What? You are!?” Lois asked in a shocked, despairing tone of voice as she quickly broke herself out of Clark’s embrace and looked up at her husband.
“No wait, I’m not sorry at all! No, I have no regrets whatsoever!” Clark hastily recovered.
Before Lois could respond, Clark was saved by a timely cry for help. As she saw the familiar faraway look coming into Clark’s eyes, Lois asked, “Someone needs Superman?”
“Well, Clark Kent will have to be good enough from now on. If Perry asks where I am, tell him that there’s a fire near Hobb’s Bay. I love you, honey – I’ll be back as soon as I can!” Clark quickly kissed Lois goodbye before running to the window and flying off, without changing into the suit, which he wasn’t wearing underneath his work clothes anyways.
Clark’s dash to the window had drawn everyone’s attention, and a depressed silence now hung over the newsroom as people contemplated what terrible tragedy Clark might be flying off to now.
Lois’s phone started ringing again, and she picked it up and yelled, “For the last time, my *private* relationship with my husband is none of your business!”
“Uh…Lois?” said the confused reply of a familiar-sounding voice.
“Cat?? Is that you? I thought it was someone from the National Whisper again!” Lois said incredulously. Lois hadn’t spoken to Catherine Grant since the months following the destruction of the Daily Planet all those years ago. They were on good terms, though – they just hadn’t bothered to keep in touch as they moved on with their lives. She still considered Cat to be a friend.
“Yes, it’s me, *Cat*! Lois, you devil, I didn’t know you had it in you!” Cat gushed.
“Huh? Didn’t have what in me?” Lois furrowed her brow in confusion.
“*You* know, being married to *two* gorgeous guys! So tell me – do you get to have both of them? Do you alternate nights or something? Which one is the better lover?” Cat asked her questions excitedly in a conspiratorial tone of voice. “I promise not to tell anybody!”
Lois gasped, scandalized. “Cat! This is *Clark* we’re talking about! And *Clark* does *not* have some kind of split personality disorder!” she said, a faint blush creeping into her cheeks.
“Oh, that’s no fun.” Cat replied in a disappointed tone. “But…he’s at least treating you right, isn’t he? Fulfilling all of your needs?”
Lois sighed, knowing what Cat needed to hear to be reassured for her sake. “Cat, they don’t call him *Superman* for nothing.” she said, rolling her eyes.
Cat squealed with delight before wishing Lois well in her new circumstances. Really, some people never changed.
***
“Clark, what you working on there? You…seem to be having a little trouble…you OK, son?” Perry asked, concerned. He hoped that everyone knowing his secret hadn’t gotten to Clark.
“I’m fine, Chief. But it’s just that when I got back from that fire, I started writing up the story like I always have, except that now I have to replace the word ‘Superman’ with other pronouns. And it’s just…stupid!” Clark sighed, frustrated.
Perry took a look at a partial draft that Clark had printed out for editing. He began to read, “…earlier today, ‘I’ showed up at the scene of a fire at a warehouse near Hobb’s Bay. Thanks to ‘my’ efforts, a man was saved and the fire was put out. Once again, the city owes an enormous debt of gratitude to ‘me’!”
The editor burst out laughing. “You’re right, son! We sure can’t print a puff piece like this, not when it’s written about yourself! Well Clark, I guess we’ll have to stick someone else on the Superman rescues from now on! Now you just focus on *making* those stories.” he guffawed.
“Say – you have that front page article ready yet? I’d like to have it in time to make the afternoon edition.” Perry said when he had stopped laughing.
“Just sent it to you, Chief!” Clark brightened up at the mention of his big article. He might not be able to write Superman stories anymore, but he could definitely still pull his weight as a journalist. He had poured everything of himself into that article, and was proud of the results.
“Good! ‘Superman’s side of the story, as written by none other than himself!’ And you can read about it in the Daily Planet!” Perry grinned as he started walking away. Before he had even made it halfway back to his office, though, he started laughing again and couldn’t stop.
****
“ ’…and if what I did was wrong, then I’m sorry. But I can’t change what I’ve done. I can only hope that everyone will understand and accept the reasons for why I kept my life a secret, and that I never meant any harm by it.’ Smooth, real smooth, CK!“ Jimmy Olsen said as he finished reading Clark’s article from the copy of the Daily Planet that he was holding.
“I mean, when I first found out about it, I thought it would be tough coming to terms with the fact that you’re Superman! But now, after reading this article, I feel like I understand everything!” he continued, the awe that was evident in his voice stemming from his amazement at the clarity of the article, rather than the fact that Clark was Superman.
“That’s great, Jimmy. I’m glad that we could sort things out between us.” Clark beamed. With any luck, the rest of the world would gain the same understanding out of his article as Jimmy had.
Looking up, Clark saw Stan from accounting heading over to where he and Jimmy were discussing his article. Stan had a panicked expression on his face.
“Clark, there’s a confession that I really have to make.” he started abruptly when he had reached them, “I’m the one who took the last glazed donut last Thursday.”
Ignoring his colleagues’ raised eyebrows, Stan started babbling, “I know how much you like them, Clark. I really should have thought about that when I was deciding whether or not to take that donut. But you have to believe me when I say that, I would *never* have done it if I had known that-“
Clark sighed inwardly. Well, nobody ever said that he wouldn’t have his work cut out for him if he wanted to save Clark Kent instead of Superman.
****
“…and so that’s pretty much how the day went.” Clark said as he finished explaining to his son. “So how was school? Were you able to handle it all right?”
<My history teacher showed us a video of you and mom making out on national television right before you went to go smash an asteroid. I nearly died of humiliation.>
Out loud, Jonathan said, “Well, I heard about that fire that you mentioned. The principal came running in with the news, and everyone seemed to expect me to be able to just fly off and put it out. Intellectually, I know that I shouldn’t feel bad about it, but I still feel as if I let everybody down somehow.”
Lois and Clark’s faces became masks of sympathy. “Don’t go beating yourself up about it, son. There was nothing that you could have done.”
“You can’t be a slave to expectations – especially unrealistically lofty ones.” Lois added.
“But, I’m sure people will adjust to your limits soon enough. What I’m actually more worried about now isn’t how this whole thing will affect us – it’s about how it will affect other people.” Clark began, pausing to make sure that he had his family’s attention.
“I ran into Stan from accounting earlier today, and it caused me to think. Everyone seems to want to try to please me now, and be more like me. I’m worried that people will stop expressing *themselves*.”
“Don’t you think that you’re getting a little ahead of yourself there? I mean, sure, people think you’re *super*, but that doesn’t mean everyone’s going to be *that* obsessed. I think you might just be worrying a little too much.” Lois tried to reassure her husband.
Clark silently picked up the remote control to turn on the TV.
“Have you *always* wanted that *super* intelligent look, but never needed corrective lenses? Well, now 20/20 vision isn’t a problem anymore! Lenscrafters is offering frames fitted with plain glass, so you can have that look you’ve always wanted!”
The commercial zoomed in to show a display rack full of glasses that looked exactly like Clark’s. Clark raised his eyebrows at his wife as he turned off the TV.
“All right, fine. But don’t you dare say ‘I told you so’.” Lois huffed.
“We’re going to have to make some adjustments. Why don’t I fix dinner and we can talk about them as we eat.” Clark said a he began to busy himself with his domestic duties at super speed.
****
The Kents’ television screen was tuned to a cable news network as they discussed their next course of action while they ate. Eventualities both large and small were discussed, and no detail was left uncovered.
They had already agreed that there was very little possibility that NFL football players would stop trying their hardest to win just because they were facing the Metropolis Tigers, the team that Superman was now known to root for.
They interrupted their conversation to look at the television when the coverage turned to the subject of the fire that had been burning near Hobb’s Bay earlier.
“Witnesses were generally dismayed at seeing that Superman was not wearing the ‘super-suit’. We’ve heard comments ranging from ‘not as hope inspiring’ to ‘less sexy’. But this is what the man who was rescued had to say:” The news rerun showed the female reporter who was talking holding a microphone in front of a disheveled looking man with soot all over his face.
“Sir, what do *you* think of the new Superman?”
The man spoke with a cheerfulness that belied his appearance. “I think he’s great! He saved my life today – I think we should really give him a break! Granted, I would have liked to see the suit too, but the guy’s over 40 years old – I mean, how do you go about requesting a man his age to wear that thing?” Catching his breath, he continued, “After saving my life, he even gave me free advice on how to file a trademark application for my new company!”
Lois shot Clark an amused smile. “Superman giving free legal advice now? Now you’ll be even more of a hero – solving our lawyer problem while saving people’s lives!”
Clark smiled at her joke before becoming serious. “But that gets us back to what we were just talking about. I don’t want to put anyone out of a job. *We’ve* already sold out of back issues, and a third of the Metropolis Star’s subscribers have already canceled. If we let that continue, hundreds of people will be out of work.”
“So, what are you going to do?” Lois asked.
Seeing his family’s expectant looks, Clark explained, “I’ll talk to the owners tomorrow morning. I’m pretty sure that I can convince them to purchase the Star. I really don’t want to use the influence that Superman has on people like that, but it’s the only way that I can think of the keep the Star up and running.”
“Is there anything else that we need to do, dad?” Jonathan asked, impressed by his father’s foresight.
“Actually, there is. We need to be careful about what we buy from now on - if ‘Superman’s family’ is seen as being partial towards a particular brand of anything, there’s potential for economic damage from driving all of that company’s competitors out of business, creating a monopoly! We’ll have to switch between buying different brands of things from now on.” Clark responded.
The television started trumpeting another commercial. “Watch ‘Superman: 20 Years of Subterfuge’ this weekend! Watch as we investigate the life of the Man of Steel and separate *fact* from *fiction*!”
The commercial played a couple of Superman’s past public statements.
“Clark Kent is a very good friend of mine. The reason my suits were at his apartment was because he was kind enough to agree to wash them for me. I don’t own a washing machine, and I don’t have a place to hang up my spare capes.”
“*Clark Kent* loves Lois Lane – and I would never do anything to betray that love.”
“I am not having, nor have I ever had, an illicit affair with Lois Lane.”
Lois and Clark both shot embarrassed glances at Jonathan, whose face registered no surprise. After what he had seen earlier in school, he wasn’t surprised at all at learning that his parents had trouble hiding their feelings for each other in public.
“We’ll cover old misconceptions, like where Superman lives!” The screen displayed a picture of the Arctic, with the caption “Superman’s secret subterranean lair?” before changing to an outside view of the brownstone at 348 Hyperion Avenue.
“We’ll meet Superman’s son, Jonathan!” A picture of Jonathan’s face filled the screen.
“Superman’s best friend, Jimmy Olsen!” The picture changed to a shot of Jimmy.
“What kind of powerful authority figure could be *Superman’s* boss?” Jimmy’s face was replaced by a silent video clip of Perry White barking orders to the newsroom staff.
“And of course, the woman who has the most remarkable and powerful being in the world cooking for her, cleaning for her, and doing the laundry!” The video of clip of Perry faded away, and Jonathan once again saw his parents kissing during the Nightfall crisis.
Lois and Clark’s eyes widened at each other as their faces started turning red, and Clark turned off the television. “Uh, son, about that…” he stammered, while Lois, recalling her behavior during her whole Superman obsession, was too embarrassed to say anything at all.
“Yeah, dad, I was kind of wondering about that. I mean, do you have any idea how embarrassing it was for me when they showed that in class today?” Jonathan blurted out.
His parents could only exchange horrified looks. After a long, awkward silence, Clark decided to change the subject.
“That commercial brings up a good point, though. I’ve been hiding who I am for the last 20 years. I mean, technically I’m an illegal alien right now! We should probably deal with that – I got some ideas while I was reading all of those law books at the press conference.”
Jonathan looked at his father in surprise. “Well, that shouldn’t be a problem, should it? I mean, nobody ever minded Superman being around – you’ve saved so many people, and that’s not going to change.”
“It’s not about that, Jonathan. I know that nobody’s going to try to deport me, or take my job away because I don’t have a green card. But that’s because people think that Superman is above all of that – and the fact is, I’m *not* Superman. I need to show that *Clark Kent* doesn’t consider himself above the law, and that I take *all* of the laws of this country seriously. If I show up at the immigration office, they’ll realize that. But if there’s anything that I’ve learned from being Superman, it’s that people will see what they expect to see, unless you go out and *make* them change their impressions of you. And right now, they expect to see *Superman*.”
Jonathan nodded his understanding. It made sense – unless he actively sought out *equal* treatment, people would probably just start worshipping Clark Kent instead of Superman.
“So, from what I read, it seems that U.S. citizens are given great wherewithal when it comes to bringing their spouses into the country” Clark began, looking at Lois. “but honey, that’s *not* why I married you.”
Clark exchanged a loving smile with his wife before continuing, “but as a result, a large percentage of green card applications are fraudulent – for example, a couple might pay a crooked attorney to arrange American spouses for them, while they continue living together. A lot of times, they never even meet their ‘spouses’, and can’t even remember their names!”
“So, more scrupulous lawyers will tell their clients to make sure to bring proof that their marriage is genuine to the immigration office. And we’ve got plenty of that – for starters, our mortgage papers will provide evidence of cohabitation.”
“But there’s one thing that immigration officials will pretty much always accept as solid proof even by itself, – a lot of couples will bring their newborn infants with them when they go to the immigration office. And we’ve got Jonathan to prove that we-“ Clark started, before he turned away from Lois to look at Jonathan, realizing that he was sitting at the table with them.
“…uh, that we have a real marriage, I mean.”
It was eventually decided that Clark would apply for a green card so that he could continue working at the Daily Planet, but not for U.S. Citizenship. Since he was such an international figurehead, it was better for him to remain as detached from the U.S. as he could possibly remain. It was also decided that he would continue to use all of his important information such as his social security number, driver’s license, and birth certificate, except that he would arrange to have his location of birth changed from “Smallville, Kansas” to “Krypton”.
As he discussed the changes that would have to be made in their lives with his family, Jonathan began to get past what had happened at school that day. The future seemed like it would be OK for the Kent family, as long as they had each other.
<to be continued>
