Author’s notes: Whew! Man, these things take a long time to write. I’m kind of thinking about writing these “Identity Crisis” chapters less often, like one or maybe two every week or so.
The problem is that to do these episode rewrites, I have to be watching my DVDs from the TV show at the same time, since I don’t have every detail of the episodes memorized. I can’t even get all of the dialogue right without rewinding repeatedly. Plus I have to be watching to create both Clark’s and Superman’s thoughts for each relevant scene to begin with. (When I first thought of this story idea, I had only a few critical scenes from certain episodes in mind. Those scenes will probably have the biggest plot alterations)
I also thought of some really silly plots for some less serious fics while I was at school today. (almost have my B.S. ….so….close….) I can’t wait to write them up!
But for now…
Identity Crisis III: Neverending Battle
****
“A possible visitor from another planet arrives on Earth, and all you can think of is hauling him off to your lair to try him out?” Lois asked Cat disapprovingly.
“Test-drive, Lois. Couple of hours behind the wheel, and I know for sure if we’re talking import or domestic.” Cat grinned as she walked away.
Clark grimaced. <I’m sorry that you have to hear this, Superman.>
<It’s not your fault. It doesn’t bother me, anyways.> Superman responded.
“No, the features are too coarse. Think noble, think…Greek god.” Lois complained to the sketch artist.
“A Greek god?” the man replied skeptically.
Clark noticed the coffee pot on top of the coffee machine start to teeter ever more precariously towards the edge. At the same time, the man on the ladder started to lean a little too off towards one side. Faster than a speeding bullet, he quickly moved the coffee pot to a safer position, righted the ladder, and grabbed a donut before rejoining Lois and the sketch artist.
<Good work, Clark.> Superman said.
<Thanks.>
“You know, he didn’t seem all that special to me. Except for the flying and the uniform, he could be any ordinary guy.” Clark said, after Lois accidentally slapped him in the chest.
<No offense, Superman.> Clark said apologetically to Superman.
<None taken.> Superman responded, sounding somewhat amused.
“Ordinary? Give me a break! What we’ve got here is an example of human evolution…”
****
“Now, I took this as a personal criticism…and I assured him that each and every one of my staff would chip in…would not rest until Superman was ours. Is that clear?” Perry asked.
“No! Perry, you can’t be serious. *I* was the one Superman flew with. *I* wrote the original piece. *I* found him.” Lois protested.
“Actually, he found you.” Clark corrected her.
“Thank you, Kent.” Lois said sarcastically. “Perry, this isn’t fair. I should have the exclusive on the follow-up. Those *are* the rules.”
“The rules are off. This is too big.” Perry shot back authoritatively.
“But he’s *mine*! He’s…” Lois began, before realizing how she looked to everyone in the newsroom. “mine, as in ‘my story’. ‘Story mine’.”
<That’s a very selfish attitude to have. Doesn’t she know that there’s no ‘I’ in ‘team’?> Superman said to Clark with disapproval.
<She’s just aggressive. But anyways, what do you want to do about all of this?> Clark responded.
<Well, we can’t tell the public that you and I share a body. Nonetheless, you have a responsibility towards your employer to perform your job to the best of your abilities. I think that the best compromise between the two would be for *you* to write up all of the stories about me.>
<But what about Lois? Shouldn’t we give *her* some of the stories?> Clark asked.
<No, I don’t think so. I already feel uncomfortable enough with the amount that you’ll be lowering your job performance as it is. Let’s be as ethical as we possibly can about this.> Superman pressed.
<Well, if that’s what you want, Superman.> Clark agreed.
Their conversation was interrupted by Lois speaking to Clark. “I’ll find him.” she said with determination.
Clark, knowing fully well that Superman had no intention of talking to Lois, tried to discourage her from getting her hopes up. “How? He could be anywhere. Mars, the North Pole…”
****
“Lois, it was incredible. Superman caught that woman in *mid-air*. She’s okay, she left in the ambulance a minute ago. You should have been here.” Clark grinned as he contemplated his first big byline.
“Clark, that’s great. That’s really great, just great.” Lois replied, struggling to maintain a smile.
“I’d better go phone it in.” Clark began, turning towards the phone booth.
“Oh, Don’t! They’ll just rewrite you up. My advice is to get back to the office and start typing. Look, take my cab! Go on.” Lois said, still smiling.
“Lois, I appreciate it. I owe you one.” Clark dipped his head in acknowledgement as he got into the cab.
<Well, I’m pleasantly surprised. I guess she’s not as selfish as I thought.> Superman remarked as the cab began to drive away.
<You see? She’s not so bad – there’s a bit of generosity in everyone.> Clark agreed happily.
****
“’Superman averts double suicide,’ by *Lois* *Lane*,” Clark began angrily as he dropped the offending article on Lois’s desk. “First of all-“
In the back of his head, Superman was even more furious. <This is wrong! Clark, you can’t let this injustice go unpunished! She’s taking credit that she doesn’t deserve! You have to tell Perry that she’s->
<What? I don’t want to be a tattletale!> Clark interrupted.
<That doesn’t matter! What’s *important* is that you have to do what is *right*!> Superman lectured.
“Clark, don’t even start. You got what you deserved.” Lois said as she stood up to face Clark.
“What??” Clark exclaimed incredulously.
Superman protested angrily from the back of Clark’s mind.
“I know it’s tough, but some day you’ll thank me.” Lois responded innocently.
“Thank you?”
“You’re welcome. Never, *never* let go of a story. Trust no one, period.”
“I see.” Clark said with false gratitude.
“Consider this a life lesson. No charge.” Lois laughed as she patted Clark’s cheek condescendingly.
Clark began to reply, but could not find the words. After a moment of silence, he stalked away with an angry sigh.
<…see if she ever gets another interview from *me* again> Superman was grumbling with dissatisfaction.
****
The hotel explosion blew smoke and shattered windows. People outside started screaming.
<What the-?> Clark said from the back of Superman’s mind.
<I don’t know.> Superman responded as he walked outside of the building, confused.
****
“Well, where would they have to be?” Clark asked the police inspector.
“Somewhere within a 2-mile radius, but that’s about all we’ve got so far.” the policeman responded.
“What have we got so far?” Lois asked as she ran up to the evidence table.
“Lois, you’re hurt!” Clark exclaimed, noticing the gash on her forehead.
<No evil act goes unpunished after all, it seems.> Superman said smugly.
Clark mentally gasped at Superman. <Superman! How can you say something like that? She’s hurt! She’s bleeding!>
<Well, it’s true. Hey, it’s not like she’s dead or anything.> Superman said with an air of pouting.
“You guys wanna hear this or not?” Clark was brought back to reality by the inspector’s voice.
“Yes.” Lois said impatiently.
“The explosion was radio-controlled…activated from an unknown point of origin within a 2-mile radius of this site. Also, there were *video cameras* installed in the lobby which were not a part of the building security system or any other security system that the management company knew about. We think the two are connected.” the policeman explained.
“So you’re saying that someone waited for Superman to appear, watched him enter the building, *and then* detonated the explosives?” Lois asked.
“That’s our theory. Excuse me.” the detective said as he walked away.
“I can’t believe that. A bomb.” Lois said to Clark, stunned.
“That’s horrible.” Clark agreed.
“That poor man.” Lois said sadly.
“What man?” Clark asked.
“Superman. He comes here to help us. Can you imagine how he must feel?” Lois wondered aloud, shaking her head.
<As if someone like *you* would care.> Superman muttered sullenly.
<Quiet, you.> Clark shot at him. “I think so.” he said out loud to Lois.
“Doesn’t make any sense. Who would want to kill Superman?” Lois continued, obviously unaware of Superman’s low opinion of her.
****
“Bull. Somebody’s gunning for our boy.” Jonathan said vehemently over the phone.
<Actually, they’re gunning for Superman.> Clark thought, but of course he couldn’t tell his parents that. They’d think he was crazy.
“Our boy can take care of himself.” Martha declared.
“It’s not *me* I’m worried about, mom. It’s everyone else in Metropolis.”
<Not that I don’t care about your well-being, Superman. It’s just that I think that the two of us can take care of ourselves.> Clark reassured Superman.
<Of course.> Superman said matter-of-factly.
****
“You want to know how strong I am, Luthor?” Superman said menacingly as he faced the criminal mastermind.
He grabbed the nearby sword, and easily bent it out of shape.
“You wanna know how fast I am?”
Picking up the revolver from the box on the desk, Superman made a show of spinning the chamber. Luthor’s eyes showed alarm when he aimed the gun and fired it at him, but Superman easily caught he bullet before it impacted in his chest.
<Do you think maybe you should demonstrate your heat vision, too?> Clark asked.
<No, I think he’ll get the point.> Superman answered.
Quickly regaining his equilibrium, Luthor asked, “Does that conclude your demonstration?”
“The tests stop now.” Superman half-declared and half-demanded.
“Well, that would be nice, but what if they don’t?”
****
Back at Clark’s apartment, Superman and Clark were deep in consultation.
<So what do you think we should do?> Clark asked.
<My opinion is that we shouldn’t give in to the demands of the criminal element. If we give them even an inch, they’ll just keep taking more and more. However, we’re both in this together - either we both accept the responsibility of what might happen if Luthor makes good on his threats, or I stop appearing. I can’t force that kind of responsibility on to your shoulders.> Superman responded.
A while later, Clark finally made up his mind. He put Superman’s suit into a suitcase and put it into his closet. And then he couldn’t hear Superman talking anymore.
****
“I refuse to believe that. Superman is not a coward. He would not turn tail at the first sign of trouble.” Lois declared.
<No, it wasn’t Superman that was the coward. It was me.> Clark thought glumly to himself.
****
“Then what good is he?” Clark asked Lois as they debated Superman’s usefulness to the people of Metropolis.
“Well, what he can’t do, it doesn’t matter. It’s the *idea* of Superman. Someone to *believe* in, someone to build a few hopes around. Whatever he *can* do, that’s enough. I just wish that I could tell him that. I hope it’s not too late.” Lois said, depressed.
<I wish you could tell him that, too, Lois. But I think it *is* too late.> Clark thought to himself guiltily. Superman had been right - he had made a mistake. What had he done?
“Lois …” he called out after her.
“Not now, Clark.” she said.
“If you get a package…”
Just then, a familiar voice reappeared in Clark’s head. <Hey, Clark…I’m back.> Superman stated simply.
<Superman! Oh, thank goodness! I thought you were gone forever!> Clark thought, relieved. <So anyways, here’s what happened while you were gone…> he said to Superman as he began filling him in on what he had missed.
****
“You set me up?” Lois asked as she stood at Clark’s desk, covered in filth and mosquito bites.
“Yes, I did.” Clark responded.
<Good for you, Clark! I knew that you wouldn’t be the type of person to let injustice go unpunished.> Superman said proudly.
<Oh, she’s not that bad. Don’t you remember what I told you about what she said?> Clark reminded him gently.
<Oh, I know, I know. But still, justice has triumphed!>
“Congratulations Clark, you win.” Lois conceded, extending her hand.
“I- I didn’t win.” Clark said guiltily as he tentatively accepted her hand.
“Yes, you did. You got the story, and you took me down a peg in the process. I guess I deserve that.” Lois said self-deprecatingly. “You worked hard, and you earned your success.”
“Thank you, Lois. That means a lot to me.” Clark replied sincerely.
<You did her a great favor today, Clark. Thanks to you, she’s learned the lesson that ‘cheaters never prosper.’ She’s admitted her wrongs, and now she’ll be a better person for it. You were a true friend to her.> Superman praised Clark.
Clark sighed to himself. <Well, if that’s the way that you say it is, Superman…>
****
