The Kiss Off
By CC Aiken and Erin Klingler
Fundraiser Fic, 2005
Authors' Notes:
From CC: The premise is all Erin's. As is the outline and, basically, every last idea. She was just kind enough to invite me along for what was intended to be our joint 'Fluffy, Short, Easy' fic. (One out of three isn't bad, right?) So a very heartfelt Thank You to Erin Klingler--for her patience (which she needed), good humor (which she really needed), and discerning use of muscle in pushing this writer along (she probably sprained something). Dear friends are rare. And dear friends who will tolerate one's almost pathological need to inject angst and complicate an easy plot are rarer still. I consider myself very lucky!
Our combined thanks to Kathy B, our very generous, extremely helpful beta reader and voice of reason. She took us on despite a chaotic schedule. (Though she doesn't know any other kind.) And thanks to Labrat for looking the other way while we stole Barney's. The establishment is hers...can you name the fic?...but she is in no way responsible for what goes on there.
I hope you'll enjoy the read. Thank you for being here!
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From Erin: No, CC, *I'm* the one who considers herself lucky. I got to write with you!
And we had so much fun, didn't we? This joint-fic idea came to pass in a succession of events, BTW. We had so much fun (well, okay, I can't speak for CC, but *I* had fun <g>) beta reading each other's long fics (my 'Long Road Home' and her 'In a Better Place') over the course of the year that when the fundraiser proposal came up, I knew it would be SO much fun to write something *with* CC for a change. And it was!! As we started, I was amazed to see this evolve from the short, 15-or-so page waffy fic that I had initially proposed, to a bit-more-lengthy, much more in-depth, very-waffy and just-a-touch-of-angst type of story. And that all gets credited to CC. She had so many great ideas on how to flesh this thing out some more, and, as usual, I was totally impressed by her scope and talent as a writer. She's simply brilliant, as I'm sure all you fans of her writing would agree.
Also, the thing I probably loved the most about having her write this with me is that she added such a fun, amazing sense of humor to the story. I love her quick, witty writing! I've told her that twenty million times, and I don't think I could ever say it enough.
She really made this story something special, and CC, don't you *dare* give me so much credit for this! If anyone enjoys this, that will be due ninety-nine percent to your wonderful, witty writing style. We weren't certain, at the beginning, how we'd mesh our styles effectively, since I tend to be the longer, wordier, paint-a-picture-with-words type of writer, and CC has that incredibly enviable, quick, witty, fly-by-the-seat-of-her-pants style that I'd trade for any day of the week! But somehow we managed, and I love the way it turned out. I hope you do, too!
And CC already thanked Kathy, but I will, too! She worried that she wasn't "earning her keep" <g> because she mostly gushed and laughed and commented, but honestly, that's what kept us moving forward with this, so Kathy...thank you!!!
As usual, I'm the long-winded one. :p I'll shut up now and let you read. We hope you enjoy this! And if you do, by all means, email one of us (CCAikenfanfic@aol.com or erin@erinklingler.com) to let us know! We'd love to hear if you thought this "worked."
~*~*~*~*~
"What is *with* these people!" Lois yelled after she managed to slam on her brakes, barely missing the bumper of the pickup truck in front of her. With her cell phone pressed to her ear, she leaned to her left, straining to see what was causing the hold-up. A flash of orange caught her attention, and she realized a construction crew was working on the intersection up ahead.
"Oh, I can't believe this," she growled in aggravation, slumping back in her seat. A quick glance at the clock on her dashboard made her groan. She was going to be late. Really late. Leaning to her left once more, she stuck her head out the open driver's side window. "Come on, guys, let's go!" she hollered, punctuating her command by a long, hard blast of the horn.
"Lo-is! Hellooooo..."
Her partner's voice calling out to her from her cell phone drew her back to her conversation. "Yes! Yes, Clark, I'm still here. I’m just...stuck in traffic!" The words came out through gritted teeth. "Can you believe this? Some construction crew is tearing up Ninth and Anderson. *During morning rush hour*!"
"Ninth and Anderson?" Clark asked with surprise. "They weren’t supposed to start that project until next week."
Lois rolled her eyes and made a noise of disgust. "Yeah, well, when was the last time the city did anything on schedule?" Just then the truck in front of her began to move, and she stomped eagerly on the accelerator.
"Lois, I'm sure they're doing the best they--"
"Nooo!" Lois yelled, ignoring Clark's attempts at diplomacy as the truck in front of her came to a stop once more and she had to stomp on her brakes to avoid rear-ending him. She looked over at the clock just in time to see it click over to 7:50.
Pounding a palm against the steering wheel, she whipped her head around to see if she could get in the next lane and take a shortcut up one of the alleys. No such luck. Traffic was packed bumper-to-bumper around her and nobody was moving.
"I can't believe this!" she exclaimed in loud indignation into the phone. "We're packed in here like sardines, and we only have ten minutes before we're supposed to meet our source. I'm never going to make it there to pick you up, Clark, and then get us over there to meet him. If we're not there at precisely 8:00, the guy's gonna leave!"
"Now, Lois, calm down," Clark soothed. "It's not like our story’s riding on this guy. A little extra info would be nice, but our research is solid. Perry will be happy with the story regardless."
"I know, but what if he knows something more that we don't?" Traffic inched forward ever-so-slowly, and she began tapping out an impatient rhythm on the steering wheel with the fingers on her left hand.
Clark sighed, and Lois could almost picture him rolling his eyes, as he often did when he thought she was being obsessive. "It'll be fine, I promise," he said. There was a brief pause, and then Clark went on. "You know, I could head over there to meet the guy by myself..."
"No!" Her response was immediate and she bolted up straighter in her seat. "I want to be there to see his body language and hear his tones. Sorry to say, Clark, but you tend to give people the benefit of the doubt about their truthfulness..."
She glanced around at the unmoving vehicles in disgust, and then mentally rewound what she had just said. She squeezed her eyes closed for just a second. Which one of them was guilty of giving too much benefit of the doubt? Certainly not just Clark. She'd done her fair share of that in recent months.
Almost as if he had read her mind, his quiet answer, "I know, Lois," reached through the phone. "I understand."
She shook it off. Now was not the time. "It’s just that if this guy tries to feeds us some outrageous story, I want to be the one who calls his bluff. If I could just get *out* of this *traffic*!"
As if her wish had been granted, traffic suddenly started to move. She let out a little yelp of excitement and stepped on the gas pedal. She followed closely behind the accelerating pickup ahead of her, making sure nobody in the lanes on either side of her could weave over in front of her and cut her off. Now that she was moving, she intended to stay that way.
A little more daylight opened up between her Toyota Land Cruiser and the pickup, and she pressed a little harder on the gas pedal. The intersection loomed ahead, and she could see a man wearing a hard hat motioning with his orange flag for her lane to continue on through.
"Yesss!" she exclaimed, glancing down at the clock. They were supposed to meet the source at the little cafe down the street from the Planet. If she made it to the Planet's parking garage in the next couple of minutes--which was feasible if she didn't face any further delays--she could grab Clark and make a run for it. 'Yes,' she thought, 'this could still work.'
"Clark, we're moving," she told him with delight.
Just then she caught movement out of the corner of her eye. She jerked her head back up only to see a sleek, black Porsche pull out in front of her from the stalled lane to her left, clearly trying to cut in ahead of her and beat her to the intersection.
She gasped and slammed on her brakes, but it wasn't it time. With a sickening crunch, she plowed into the front right quarter of the small sports car. Her airbag inflated just in time to cushion her upper body as it was jerked forward by the crash.
It was over in a matter of seconds, and Lois sat, stunned, as the spent airbag deflated enough for her to stare out the windshield at the crumpled car adorning her front bumper. It took several moments for her sense of awareness to settle back in, and when it did, she realized somebody was calling her name.
She shook herself out of her daze and tuned in to the voice. It was familiar, though it took her a moment to place it. Finally she realized it was Clark. Shocked, she looked down and saw she still had the small cell phone clutched in her hand. She pressed the phone to her ear with a shaking hand.
"Lois?" Clark's concerned voice came across the line. "Lois, are you there? What was that noise? What happened?"
Releasing her other hand from the steering wheel, her knuckles white, she managed to croak, "Some idiot just pulled out in front of me and I hit him."
"Are you okay?" he asked, his tone urgent.
"I--I think so." She rubbed her collarbone where she had been thrown forward against the seatbelt. She unclipped the buckle. "Clark, I’ve got to go deal with this. I'll talk to you later." Without waiting for a response, she clicked the phone shut and stretched to put it down on the passenger seat.
The slight movement sent a twinge through her lower back, and she massaged it lightly. Was she hurt? Should she move? Before she could decide, a young man sporting designer sunglasses and a trendy haircut appeared in her open driver's side window, his face twisted in anger.
"Lady, what do you think you're doing, plowing into me like that! Do you realize how much my Porsche is worth? I'm supposed to go up the coast this weekend, and now look!" He turned and flung his arms open wide at his mangled sports car. "You'd better have good insurance, because you're going to need it after what you've done!"
The man's tone sent a course of adrenaline rushing through Lois. Bristling, she forgot all about the pain in her lower back and collarbone and flung open her door. "After what *I* did!" She put her hands on her hips and glared at the man in front of her. "You pulled out in front of me! You idiot! What did you think *you* were doing?"
"Hey, lady, *you're* the idiot, plowing into me with that...thing." He spit out the last word and eyed her mangled Toyota Land Cruiser with disdain. "I'd accuse you of having bad brakes, but I'm sure it has more to do with operator error."
The only thing that stopped Lois from killing him at that very moment was the sound of a familiar 'whoosh.' In the next instant, a flash of red and blue appeared beside her.
"Lois? Are you okay?"
There was a time when she might have stopped to savor the look on his face. It was something she hadn't seen in a while--a mask of concern and polite attentiveness, not unlike the way Superman looked at everyone who needed him. But in the past, she had convinced herself that look had meant other things, too--that he was on her side, above all else. That she could count on him. That she was somehow...special to him.
That look, or rather, her interpretation of it, had caused her a lot of heartache. She would never be that stupid again. And though it had been a long while since they’d been face to face like this, she still wasn’t ready to see him or that look. Not now. Not yet.
Thankfully, the idiot in the Porsche was there. Lois only had time to throw a grim, "I’m fine," over her shoulder before turning back to stare down the opposition. "But it's a good thing you arrived when you did because this guy was about to need saving."
The driver's eyebrows went up in indignation. "Superman, you’re a witness to this woman threatening me. I’d like that to go on record, along with the fact that her reckless driving totaled my car and nearly killed me in the process. As soon as the police arrive, I want you to see that she's arrested."
"Superman does not take traffic reports, you arrogant son of a--"
Lois's words were cut off when the wail of a siren announced a police car's arrival.
She turned along with Superman and the other driver to see the police car stop in the intersection a few yards in front of them.
The driver approached the officer immediately, gesturing to Lois as he went. "She caused this whole thing! I want her ticketed so her insurance company pays for my new car." He turned back and sneered at her. "Should have stayed home today, honey. Made yourself useful in the kitchen."
Lois gasped, and her mouth fell open in shock and disbelief. No words came. Anger, hot and searing, surged through her body, and before she knew what she was doing, she lunged. If nothing else, she was going to show him which one of them should have stayed home today.
She'd barely managed to grab a handful of his Tommy Hilfiger sweater when strong arms came around her waist and pulled her back.
"Lois, stop."
Superman's firm, yet gentle, voice sounded in her ear, and she darted a quick look down at the blue spandex arms holding her tightly. It was only then that she realized exactly what she was doing, and who was preventing her from doing it.
"Let go!" she protested automatically, whipping around to confront him.
Their gazes met and held. For just a moment it was as if the awkward avoidance and cool aloofness of that last few months had never happened. Superman was stopping her from retaliating, yes. But he was here with her when he didn’t have to be. He was back on her side.
Maybe they hadn’t burned the bridge of their friendship. Left it in ashes, along with the rest of her life. Maybe some friendships, and some things, weren’t beyond repairing after all.
Unlike the Porsche and her Land Cruiser.
Superman shook his head ever so slightly, drawing her from her thoughts. "You're better than this, Lois," he told her, his voice full of conviction. "Don't do something you'll regret later."
Her tense muscles relaxed, as did his grip on her. Turning back to the driver, she said loudly enough for him to hear, "The only thing I regret is that you were here to keep me from mopping up the street with this guy."
Superman's deep chuckle rumbled somewhere near her ear. "Yeah, well. I'm sure you could have, but right now let's just deal with the formalities, okay?"
Lois looked over to see two policemen approaching, and she sighed. "I guess you're right. Let's get this over with."
With the situation defused, the two police officers took over. They shuffled Lois and the other driver away from each other and proceeded to take their statements, as well as those from nearby drivers who had witnessed the accident. After pictures were taken, one of the police officers asked for Superman's help to clear the cars out of the road. He agreed, and in a matter of minutes traffic was moving again.
As Lois stood on the sidewalk moping, she heard a commotion off to her left and turned. One of the officers was handing the Porsche driver a small clipboard of paperwork to have him sign, and, judging by the young man's beet red face and repeated insisting of "It's not my fault!" Lois assumed he was being ticketed. She smiled half-heartedly. Knowing that he would be paying for her car repairs gave her at least a little satisfaction.
When tow trucks finally arrived to tow the mangled vehicles, Lois felt her brave facade start to crumble. She watched helplessly as her SUV was winched up and secured behind the first truck.
It had been a ridiculous purchase. She’d known it at the time, but hadn’t regretted it even as she had struggled to justify its expense and impracticality. Her shiny red Toyota Land Cruiser was an impulse buy. Big, bold, loud, and statement-making. All the things she used to be and wanted to be again. But now, the Land Cruiser, smashed up and being driven away, ironically matched her life.
"Perfect." She just managed to keep the tears from falling as the truck finally started down the road.
"Lois?"
The soft voice made her jump, and she turned to see Superman approaching. The morning sun bounced off the red of his cape just as it had from her Toyota Land Cruiser minutes before.
"Oh...no." She closed her eyes and did a mental double-take. Red Land Cruiser. Red cape. She hadn’t matched them, had she? They weren’t really the same exact shade?
She turned once again to watch it being pulled out of sight, and to confirm what she already knew. "That’s...not good."
"I was just wondering..." Superman followed her gaze in the direction the tow truck had gone. "Do you need, uh, a ride anywhere? Were you on your way to work? If you were, I'd be happy to...fly you."
She dried her eyes in quick, surreptitious movements and tried to cover her surprise. She had been grateful for his appearance today, but this...
When the situation had called for it, when they were both at a crime scene or a rescue, or if she needed a quote from him, they were fine, if not careful to steer clear of anything personal.
And flying was definitely personal.
And while she had appreciated his coming to a minor fender-bender and staying until the bitter end for her sake, she was pretty sure she didn’t want to be alone with him. Most especially not alone with him *and* in his arms.
"Thanks, Superman, but I’ll be fine. I was on my way to work to meet Clark. We were going to see a source." She laughed a hollow laugh. "Who I’m sure is long gone by now. Anyway, I think I’ll just...walk."
A flicker of concern flashed behind Superman’s eyes. "Are you sure? I know you seem fine, but these things can really rattle you. It wouldn’t be an imposition."
Lois shook her head a bit more forcefully. "Really, I’m okay." She took a few steps in the right direction just to show him. "See? No problem. But...thank you."
After a long, awkward moment, Superman nodded, then lifted off into the sky, gradually disappearing into the blue.
Despite the loss of her car and the need to hike ten blocks in shoes that were more for admiring than exercising in, Lois felt a warm cocoon of relief wrap around her heart.
That hadn’t been so bad.
Well, the wreck had been bad. Finding out she had bought a car to match the town superhero had been bad...
But Superman had shown up at the scene of an accident in which she hadn’t been the one in dire peril and she had faced him. He had faced her. The world was still spinning on it axis.
And actually, now that she thought about it, she couldn’t remember the last time she *had* been in dire peril. It was almost as if, in the wake of Lex Luthor’s death, all the criminals in town were on vacation. Or they just found a depressed and morose Lois Lane not nearly enough of a challenge to bother with.
Anyway, the only person in any danger today had been the driver of the Porsche.
Superman had come through, though. The driver had gotten to keep all his teeth, while she and Superman had managed a cordial exchange.
So, all in all, it could have been worse. She smiled a little and shook her head. Maybe things were moving back towards normal at last.
The further she walked, though, the more her smile faded and a frown took its place. Getting back to normal would be great. Only now she would have to get there without her car. And never mind its color--it was something she definitely needed these days.
She stopped to push the crosswalk button at the corner, eager to keep moving, to go forward. She didn’t like the directions her thoughts took when she stayed in one place for too long. She was tired of reliving her decisions, tired of reflecting on what had gone wrong. Tired of thinking, period.
Perpetual motion was the only way she had survived the summer.
She stepped into the stream of pedestrians crossing the street as soon as the crosswalk signal changed.
Her interaction with Superman had held a hint of the familiar, some of the ease that used to be between them, she reminded herself as she tried to shake off the impending gloom. And her other relationships were starting to mend, as well. Maybe even her relationship with Clark.
Her thoughts jumped back to their phone conversation which had been interrupted by the crash. She'd been shouting...he'd been soothing... It had almost seemed like old times. Again, the hint of familiarity, the almost normal. Maybe she wasn’t the only one eager to put the events of the spring behind them.
She clenched her jaw shut and stopped her thoughts right there, hurrying her pace. She wouldn't dwell on it.
Not the abused trust.
Not the betrayal.
The sharp sting of loss that had dulled to an almost all-encompassing depression.
The things she should have seen, but hadn’t.
Again she forced her thoughts back to the present. She needed to hang on to the thread of hope she’d found this morning. She had talked to Superman. His rejection of her hadn’t been foremost on her mind, the huge, unspoken elephant in the room. Not this time. And she had talked to Clark rather easily on the phone. Almost the way she used to. So, okay...
"Things are going to be fine," she muttered to herself. "You can do this."
She lifted her chin a bit and straightened as she walked. She was Lois Lane. She was tough, hard-bitten. Everyone knew that. And when Lois Lane set her mind on something, she got it.
And this time she hadn’t set her mind on the impossible. She had done that once--that one night at her window with Superman--and he had certainly set her straight. No. She wasn’t dreaming big, not again, not anymore. Her sights were fixed much lower, much more realistically.
All she wanted was what she’d had. The life that had been hers--the work, the friendships, her partner--before she’d thrown it all away. She just wanted everything back the way it was before.
That wasn’t too much to ask for, was it?
Turning the corner, the familiar globe erected above the Daily Planet's front entrance beckoned her home. The Planet's reconstruction had finished a little over a month ago and the paper was now back in full swing. She hadn't realized just how much of a stabilizing factor the Planet was for her in her life. It wasn't until she didn't have it that she'd come to learn just how lost she was without it. Work was something she always loved. Or at least, used to immerse herself in when the rest of her life was sour. And
right now, she needed to immerse herself.
Her steps picked up as she spotted Clark standing outside the doors of the Planet, his gaze searching the crowds on the sidewalk around him. As she approached, his eyes fell on her and an expression of relief washed over him.
"Lois!" When he reached her, his concern was evident. "Superman just stopped by to fill me in. Is everything okay?"
For a fleeting moment, the look in his eyes held her still, tugging hard at her memory. Again, the hint of the familiar...
"Lois?" Clark prompted.
"Huh? Oh." She made an attempt at a reassuring smile. "Yeah. I think everything is okay. Or...it will be."
And it would be. She just had to find a way to make it so.
~*~*~*~*~
The afternoon passed. Clark spent his writing up their story, sans their missed source, and just as Clark had said he would, Perry had thought it was fine as it was.
Lois spent hers on the phone with so many insurance agents, adjusters, and mechanics she lost count. The only thing they could all agree on was that the Land Cruiser would be in the shop for weeks, not days. Despite being the overall ‘winner’ in the collision, the body work required to repair it would be extensive.
She continued to insist that she had to have her Land Cruiser back sooner than their estimated timeframe, but after hours of arguing her case--interrupted by Clark’s occasional visits to her desk bearing coffee and sympathetic looks--she'd gotten no further. When quitting time rolled around, she was resigned, though not to the point she wasn’t considering a full-scale investigation into insurance companies and auto repair shops, and the weasels who ran them all.
"Walk you home?" Clark appeared beside her, snapping her out of the fantasy of a banner headline ‘Insurance Company CEO Weeps and Confesses All’.
She looked around, realizing the bullpen was empty, but for the two of them. "You disappeared for a while this afternoon. Did Perry give us an assignment?"
He looked uncomfortable for just a minute, fiddling with his tie--weird tic of his--and not quite meeting her eyes. "He didn’t. But there was some trouble with the new construction, and I went to check it out and--"
"--Superman was there and gave you the story," she finished for him. Not for the first time, or even the thousandth, she wondered how much Clark knew about her and Superman. Since he was Superman’s main contact at the Planet now, he saw him more than anyone. It made sense that any conversations between them might move beyond business to something more personal. Confiding.
That Superman might tell Clark about the night she had basically offered herself to him.
That Clark might tell Superman about the day in the park he had basically offered himself to her.
That no one had gotten what they wanted.
"I’m sorry," she said to Clark, having some trouble of her own meeting his eyes.
He quirked a good-natured smile. "About?"
"You did all the work today." And he had. She’d been useless.
"Special circumstances," he said. "No problem."
In better times, he would have teased her. Reminded her how lucky she was to have him as a junior partner. That the hack from Nowheresville could come in handy on occasion. But not now. Not anymore.
"So, do you want me to stick around? Walk you home?"
"No." She didn’t. She wasn’t any more ready to be alone with Clark than she was to be with Superman. "I’ll be fine. See you in the morning."
She moved to stand, looking down at her sore feet and new shoes with some chagrin. The high-heeled shoes made perfect sense for a car owner. But for someone who'd done more than their fair share of walking that day, they left something to be desired.
She limped out to catch a cab on sore feet and tried not to think of it as a metaphor for her life.
~*~*~*~*~
to be continued in part 2...
