Foundations
By Caroline K.
Rating: PG-13
Acknowledgments: A few lines in this first part are borrowed from “Whine, Whine, Whine” written by Kathy McCormick and John McNamara.
Author’s Note: I don’t know exactly how many parts this will be, but for now I’m going to say less than 10. I also don’t know how frequently I’ll update, but I promise to do my best not to keep you waiting too long. I hope you enjoy the story!
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It had been a crazy, emotional day, but in his wildest dreams, Clark couldn’t have imagined its ending.
He’d thought he’d lost Lois to Dan Scardino, and as a result, he was prepared to walk away from everything. He was packing up his entire life – putting Clark Kent into neatly labeled boxes so that he could lock him away forever. He could picture it in his mind’s eye; he knew just what those boxes would look like, stacked one on top of another in a dusty corner of his father’s barn, while he lived alone and isolated in some secret lair. He hated that word, lair. It conjured visions of wild animals. Of things less than human. He’d never consciously thought of himself that way, yet the word had tripped right off his tongue in his conversation with his parents, and it still seemed to fit the only sort of life he could imagine for himself anymore. Once he put Clark Kent into those boxes, he would be less than human, wouldn’t he? He was packing the trappings of his humanity away. Maybe sometime, when he stopped in Kansas for a visit, he’d look through the boxes and let himself touch his past and remember the man he’d been, but mostly he would have to turn his back on those memories – would have to try to forget the life he’d lived before.
But then Lois had come barreling in, her rush of words washing over him – confusing him at first – until finally she’d tossed him a lifeline. Clark Kent’s lifeline.
She wasn’t in love with Dan Scardino.
She wasn’t in love with Superman.
And when she launched herself at him and pressed her lips to his in a fierce kiss, it finally dawned on him that he was her choice, and all thoughts of secret lairs and neatly stacked boxes vanished as if they had never been.
She pulled away from him, looking at him with a heartwrenching vulnerability. “Clark, if you’re going to run away from this, tell me now.”
“I’m not going to run, Lois.” And he wasn’t. No more running. Not when he’d been granted this…this absolute miracle. “I swear to you, I will never run away from you again.”
It was a foolish, reckless promise, but he meant every foolish, reckless word. Then he sealed it with a kiss that drove every other thought straight out of his head. Lois had chosen him! She had chosen Clark Kent, and he wasn’t going to give her any reason to regret her choice. Not then and not ever.
So he kissed her and damned the consequences as they stood in the chaos of his boxed-up apartment. He kissed her and then some, letting his hands roam over her perfect curves and fitting her body to his in a way that sparked a deep, pleasurable ache of desire. That desire had been banked for too long, he thought dimly; it had been firmly tamped down while he tried to build a relationship with Lois bit by bit, moment by moment. How many times had he wanted to kiss her like this? How many times had he dreamed of pulling her this close, of feeling her body pressed so intimately against his?
His fingers crept beneath the hem of… what was she wearing, anyway? A vest-thingy that was far too form-fitting. It was nice to look at, of course… incredibly nice, even… but he thought maybe he’d just been granted permission to do a little more than look. And the vest-thingy was making it pretty hard for him to move things in the direction he was really hoping they were going to go. Not all the way, of course; not yet, but he wanted to touch her, to feel the soft warmth of her skin, and he didn’t want to be obvious about it, which ripping her clothing to shreds clearly would be.
He hated the vest-thingy, he decided, right about the time his fingers got hopelessly stuck. He hoped she wouldn’t notice, or that if she did, she would just ignore it.
Right.
Lois giggled, her lips still pressed to his. It should have been embarrassing, but instead it was just sexy as hell. Of course, Lois doing her income taxes would have been sexy to him just then, but the giggle was enough of a distraction that he broke the kiss long enough to mutter, “What?”
“Having a little trouble there?”
He felt his cheeks get hot as he tugged his fingers out of her infuriating top. “I hate this… whatever this thing is. I doubt it’s even healthy. You probably can’t breathe in there, Lois. So I’d be doing you a favor if I just.…” His hand moved to the bottom button.
“Whoa, there.” She lowered her hands to his, and looked up at him through her lashes. “I know we said we were ready for the next step, but I’m thinking this is heading a few steps past that.”
“I’m sorry. Too much?”
“No, just… well, maybe a little.” She gave him an embarrassed smile.
“It’s fine,” he promised. “C’mere. Let’s sit.” He led her to the couch and then settled with her against his chest, his arms around her. He would have been lying if he’d said that all he wanted just then was a cuddle, but the cuddling was pretty wonderful, too, and pretty amazing when he considered that just a few minutes before, he’d believed he’d never hold her again. And besides…. “It’s just as well you stopped us. I completely forgot that my parents will be back here any minute.”
“Where are they?”
“They went out for Chinese food. They were, uh, helping me pack.”
“Were you really going to leave?” She twisted in his arms so that she could face him. Her dark eyes were wounded, and he felt the guilt stab at him again: He’d put that look there.
Never again, he vowed.
He cupped her cheek in his hand, wanting somehow to soothe that look away. “I just couldn’t seem to get it right,” he told her, the words feeling as if they were torn from the darkest corners of his heart. “I kept hurting you, and I couldn’t stand that. I’m so sorry, Lois. But I swear to you, that’s over. I’m yours now, if you’ll have me.”
She gave him a shy smile and leaned a little into his hand. “Mine, huh?”
“Yours,” he said again, and with that one word, he gave himself to her completely. In some ways he’d always been hers, since the moment they’d met, but he’d never put her first. He could see that now. There had always been barriers, conditions, outright lies – things that kept them apart, no matter how much he might love her. But he was determined that it wouldn’t be like that anymore.
He had told his parents that he couldn’t keep lying to Lois, couldn’t keep hurting her, and now that was truer than ever. It was hard enough being a reporter and a superhero; trying to be a boyfriend – and eventually, he hoped, a husband – on top of that would simply be impossible. It wouldn’t be fair to Lois even to try.
No, he’d already made up his mind that either Clark or Superman would have to go. He’d chosen to sacrifice Clark when it didn’t seem like he had much to hang around for anyway, but this… this changed everything. Now it was Superman who was in the way.
Suddenly, he couldn’t seem to remember any of the good things about being Superman. Intellectually, he knew there were some, but he couldn’t find solace in them as he usually did. He’d saved a room full of people that day, and in the end, his actions had distanced him that much further from humanity, from Lois. “You live above us…” she’d said to him afterwards, but he didn’t want to live above anyone. He didn’t want a secret lair and a half-life as a superhero; he wanted to be Clark Kent. He’d always wanted that, but now he wanted it more than ever before. Clark Kent had a job he loved. Clark Kent had a home and parents. Clark Kent had Lois Lane.
And what did Superman have? He had the Calvin Dreggs of the world lining up to sue him. He had talk show hosts clamoring to cast him in the worst light possible. He had crazies like Trask who viewed him as an invader and wanted him dead. He had every crook in America trying to get their hands on a sliver of Kryptonite so that they could commit their crimes without his interference. He had magazine articles speculating on his habits, his diet, his alien mating rituals.
It made him sick. And tired.
That was it, really. He was sick and tired of being Superman, sick and tired of the suspicion, the insults, the lack of privacy. He was sick of trying to be two people, sick of hurting Lois time after time. He’d meant it when he’d told his parents that he couldn’t stand by and see someone be hurt, but he’d helped anonymously for years before he’d become Superman. He could do that again. He would just have to be careful - would have to help less ostentatiously. He didn’t need to parade around with an S on his chest in order to help people. Clark Kent had some good things to offer, too.
A sense of peace came over him that had been missing before, when he’d been packing all those boxes. He didn’t need thirty boxes, he realized, and for a few seconds, the realization left him almost dizzy with relief. He only needed one. One box for a few spandex suits and a couple of pairs of boots. He’d made the wrong choice before, and it had felt wrong. But this felt like walking out of prison and into the sunshine.
It was a moment of astonishing clarity, and he wished he could somehow take a snapshot of it – wished he could always remember the exact way the afternoon light slanted through his windows, the golden patterns it left on his gleaming hardwood floors. He wanted to remember the sweet scent of Lois’s hair and the way each silky strand felt against his cheek. He wanted to remember the surge of exhilaration he felt, the way the smile just seemed to bloom across his face. He had pulled her close again and tucked her head beneath his chin, so she couldn’t see his smile, and thank goodness, for how could he possibly explain that he was smiling because he felt like he had just witnessed his own resurrection?
He already had an appointment set up with Constance Hunter for the following day so that they could discuss a strategy for dealing with any copycat lawsuits. Well, he had a new strategy: Superman was going to announce his retirement, and Clark Kent and Lois Lane were going to live happily ever after.
He wrapped himself tighter around Lois and sighed with relief and happiness, whispering the one word again: “Yours.”
