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Features Writer
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OP
Features Writer
Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 814 |
Well, What did you think?
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Joined: Jul 2006
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Features Writer
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Features Writer
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 910 |
It had been awkward, clumsy, wonderful. There had been something about it that made it different than later, more skilled encounters. She’d had a vulnerability about her, a feeling that all it would take would be a single tap, and her whole world would shatter into a thousand tiny pieces.
He’d flown for the first time that night, buoyed by the unfeeling sensations of new love. His joy had only grown. This was the woman he was going to spend the rest of his life with. She was going to be the one.
Of course, away from the red poison, he’d gotten sick, and his memory had gotten fuzzy. He couldn’t remember exactly where he’d taken her that night.
Worse, the next morning the other guys on the team had talked about it, turned what had been a beautiful encounter into something ugly and tawdry. Oooh. I like the contrast here. It goes from ideal to not so much so fast. I really feel for Lois. I want her to get her money  I want her to get all the money she wants and more. And Clark, oh he's so world weary, but I just can't buy that he's that tortured. I mean it really doesn't sound that bad to me that he cheats people out of money when he's on Red K. I resent it a little that he's all guilty about that when Lois has been going through a truly tough stretch. I kind of want her to crush him. Thanks for another lovely part 
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Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 4,058
Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 4,058 |
Oh I liked it. I want more and I want nfic. You can do it for me privately if you like<g> Laura
Clark: “If we can be born in an instant, and die in an instant, why can’t we fall in love in an instant?”
Caroline's "Stardust"
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2003
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I absolutely did not like this part. It was way too freaking short!!!!  Part 5 tomorrow would be good... Not happy with what CK did under the influence of Red K, but would like to know more details. Did he just become a greedy SOB? Hope he can figure out how to make amends. So he's the president of the Superman Foundation but also an unscrupulous businessman? How would the families that got screwed over feel about that? Would they have raised public questions about Superman's association with someone who was involved in what had to have been, at minimum, shady deals? More soon . Carol
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Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 3,147 Likes: 3
Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 3,147 Likes: 3 |
It sounds as if the Clark persona has gone on to be a kinder, gentler version of Lex Luthor. He's taken advantage of people and cheated them in order to build a business empire, and he's covering those activities with a highly visible charitable foundation, not to mention masquerading as a superhero in his free time. He doesn't appear to be a criminal, but he's definitely not the highly ethical Clark Kent we're used to, the man who was tempted to cheat at penny-ante poker but didn't. And while Clark is living an easy life as far as creature comforts are concerned, but his conscience has got to be robbing him of sleep and poking him in the heart every time he comes down from the red K high.
I wonder how he's going to deal with Lisa? Will he be happy to learn of her? I kinda doubt it, but we won't know until the appointment, will we? So post already!
Life isn't a support system for writing. It's the other way around.
- Stephen King, from On Writing
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Columnist
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Columnist
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I'm really enjoying this story so far! I don't usually like 'youthful indescretion' stories, but this one has grabbed my interest. Maybe it's because Lisa already has some powers, which makes the stakes a little higher.
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Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 5,797 |
Wow!!! I like everything about this story. I love the concept (and, uh, the conception  ), and I love how you are doing the actual storytelling. It was a breathtaking sight, more than she would have imagined. The cape billowed out around him, and it gave him the look of something otherworldly. Your writing is so economical. You use few words, and each of them weighs a ton. Breathtaking is the word! (I can almost see Shayne with a cape billowing around him: Super-Shayne, the super LnC fanfic writer!) He couldn't believe how clear her face was. She'd been the face in his dreams for years, the one person who had haunted him after all this time.
She'd been his first introduction to the poison that had come to define his life, and yet he didn't blame her. As far as he could see, she was the one person he'd known who hadn't had an agenda. She hadn't asked anything of him, and he'd known instinctively that what they were doing wasn't something she'd done before.
It had been awkward, clumsy, wonderful. There had been something about it that made it different than later, more skilled encounters. She'd had a vulnerability about her, a feeling that all it would take would be a single tap, and her whole world would shatter into a thousand tiny pieces.
He'd flown for the first time that night, buoyed by the unfeeling sensations of new love. His joy had only grown. This was the woman he was going to spend the rest of his life with. She was going to be the one. The beauty of this is just plain amazing! Of course, away from the red poison, he'd gotten sick, and his memory had gotten fuzzy. He couldn't remember exactly where he'd taken her that night.
Worse, the next morning the other guys on the team had talked about it, turned what had been a beautiful encounter into something ugly and tawdry. Wearily, Lois staggered into the tiny motel. Switching the lights on, she was relieved to see that it was at least clean, although there was a faint scent of mildew. The tiles in the bathroom were cracked, and the bed had a slight sag to the middle, but on her limited funds, it was all they could afford.
It had been a foolish idea, coming all the way out here to find Lisa's father. What had she expected was going to happen? Did she think he was going to be rich and famous and that he would instantly fall head over heels for her and take her away from her mundane life?
Back child support would have been nice. It would be nice to be able to buy Lisa the things she wanted without having to worry about the bank balance.
By saving diligently, Lois had created a tidy little nest egg…one that had been wiped out by the bricklayer's bill. Oh, Shayne. You know I love to love Lois. I love her sacrifices and selflessness and love so much here! Clark read the license plate number into the telephone. In a few hours, he'd have the name of the mystery woman and along with it her life story. It paid to keep an agency on retainer for that sort of thing.
He wasn't sure why she'd brought the girl. Whatever business she had with him wouldn't include anyone else. Gaaahh. That sounds ominous. It sounds as if Clark has more or less planned to have sex with Lois again, whether Lois wants it or not. And honestly, doesn't he realize that Lisa is Lois's daughter? What kind of crappy agency or retainer has failed to inform him of that? (And once he has figured out that Lisa is Lois's daughter, shouldn't he begin to wonder who her father might be?) He'd been that naïve once, and part of him still missed that innocence. Believing in the innate goodness of human beings; that had been his parents' lesson to him. Part of him still believed it. If it didn't, he wouldn't be taking the risk of going through the whole Superman rigmarole.
Inspiring people to find the goodness they'd lost. That had been the sales pitch, and there had been something to it that had appealed to Clark. Perhaps it was his own twisted need for redemption, or perhaps it was just that it seemed like something his parents would have wanted. I do feel sorry for Clark here, because the very idea of actually being Superman would be a truly awesome and very lonely responsibility. But for all of that, he shouldn't wallow in self-pity, because Lois has sacrificed more than he has done. Deep in his soul he wanted to believe that people were good, that who he became when exposed to the red poison wasn't his true nature, but that it was some sort of aberration. This is very moving. The sinner's dreams of redemption. And it's the red K that turns him into that sinner again and again? The last thing she needed was the media firestorm that would erupt if the world learned that Superman had a love child. Even here and now, Lois protects Superman. (Okay... she protects her own child, too!) If he wasn't looking forward to this interview more than he'd looked forward to anything in years, he'd be on the next plane out of state within the hour. He had people who were experts at canceling appointments.
But after what seemed a lifetime of being alone, he finally was being given a chance to relive the one night that had been a splash of unforgettable color.
He couldn't miss that, not for anything. I love how you write this, and at the same time, I so wonder what Clark expects from his upcoming encounter with Lois. Okay, bring everything on, and please let Clark understand who Lisa is! Ann
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Kerth
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Kerth
Joined: Dec 2005
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Originally posted by Terry Leatherwood:
He's taken advantage of people and cheated them in order to build a business empire,... he's definitely not the highly ethical Clark Kent we're used to, I think that this man is bothered by what he did because he is STILL the highly ethical Clark Kent. Notice one of the things he is concerned about Finding gold, oil, even diamonds was child’s play to someone with his abilities, and buying the land up cheap before testing the area had been even easier.
It pained him, the thought of all the people he’d cheated along with way. People had been sitting with fortunes and they’d let them go for pennies on the dollar. Business does this day in day out and nothing anywhere says that you have to tell a land owner that you want to buy his property because you think there might be oil, silver, gold or even diamonds on it. It had been getting the money for the first mine that had been the hardest. Clark wondered if he was still banned from Las Vegas casinos, even ten years later. No one had ever been able to prove that he was cheating, yet the results had been impossible to ignore. He’d taken the money and run, staring a business empire. It doesn't say he was cheating as anyone else would believe it. Sound like with his super powers he was able to beat the house. He may feel guilty about cheating whereas you or I might not even think it was cheating. Of course if he was in a Vegas even a little like ours he'd have been attacked as soon as he tried to leave with his winnings. I'd love to see a flashback to a scene in Vegas when goons try to shake him down. It is clear from the story that the Kents are dead. Which makes sense as if they were alive they'd have kicked some sense into their son. I'm looking forward to the next part. I can picture Lois trying to explain about needing to see Superman without telling Kent about Lisa's powers. Lois is trying to explain about the sexual encounter some 18 years ago and Clark interrupts and tells her it was him. She looks at him and says "If that is the case Mr. Kent it means you're Superman".
Framework4
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Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 5,797 |
I love the premise that Clark wasn't able to become "the right kind of Superman" without Lois. (Of course, the absence of Martha and Jonathan obviously meant something, too!)
Ann
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
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With respect, Patrick, I must disagree with you. A person whose ethics are intact doesn't just feel bad when he or she violates them, he or she does his dead level best to not violate them in the first place. This Clark has repeatedly cheated people out of riches which would have been rightfully theirs. It's not the same as a business digging for gold or drilling for oil which might be there; Clark knew exactly what he was buying for pennies on the dollar. While it's true that he was under no legal obligation to tell those people why he wanted their land, he still deceived them. And that's just not right, not from a Superman/Clark Kent ethical standpoint. On top of that, when businesses in the US do what Clark did, they're liable for both civil and criminal actions and payment of damages, assuming there is enough proof to convict.
If you "beat the house" in Vegas using abilities no one suspects you have, like peeking at the next few cards in the blackjack shoe and hitting on eighteen because you know the next card is a deuce, it's just as much cheating as loading the shoe yourself would be. Or using your super-breath to turn the dice at the craps table, or blowing on the roulette ball. Clark is a cheat whose conscience bothers him a great deal, but he's still a cheat.
And it also looks like he's trailing a string of either broken hearts or cheap one-nighters behind him. If he knows what happens when he puts on that red bracelet, he's responsible for what happens while he's wearing it. This Clark has a great deal to answer for.
And I can't leave without stating boldly that I like this story. I wonder where Shayne is going with it. I wonder how Clark will react when he finds out that Lisa is his, and that she's inherited his powers. Will he offer them money? (He's even more of a bum if he doesn't, but he's a monster bum if that's all he offers.) Will Lois accept? (I'd say 'yes' because you can't put pride on the dinner table or pay rent with it.)
The big question in my mind is whether or not Clark can make it back to the young, innocent, naive teenager he was when he encountered Lois. As I stated before, neither one is innocent in this situation, but I'd give Lois more of a pass because her situation is the result of one mistake and not a lifestyle. Clark's situation is the result of his chosen lifestyle. I think he's using his Superman persona to relieve his guilt, but that won't last because it doesn't address the real problem: his cheating heart.
And how can they build a loving, trusting relationship with a Titanic-sized cargo hold full of emotional baggage weighing down on their shoulders? It's possible, of course, but after all this lost time, do they all have the desire and the energy to get there?
Keep it coming, Shayne! I really want to know what happens next. If I were a betting man, I bet it'll both surprise and please us.
Ooh, an evil thought just surfaced. What if Lisa isn't the only love child from Clark's meanderings? Scary thought, no?
Life isn't a support system for writing. It's the other way around.
- Stephen King, from On Writing
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Columnist
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Hi Shayne, Just caught up with this story and once again you have written something different and highly intriguing. This Clark/Superman is not Clark as we know him. He's a much darker character, and one who I would have to say has an addiction. He may hate the 'red poison' and what it made him do, but he seemed unable to resist its temptation. Of course, he also seems to have lost his parents and thus perhaps his moral compass, though I do like to think the Clark was not just a product of his upbringing, and that he was a good person. I get the impression there is a lot of good in this Clark just waiting to be brought to the surface and he seems to be trying to atone for his mistakes by being Superman. Looking forward to seeing what you have instore for Lois and Clark and us. Yours Jenni
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
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Fascinating. I'm wondering how often & voluntary his exposure to the "red poison" is -- it almost sounded as if he used it on purpose to deaden his conscience when there was something illegal to be done. Definitely Lex Luthor-esque, although of course Lex wouldn't need mind-altering substances to ignore *his* conscience.
Anyway, I do hope you continue this. There's so much going on that begs for explanation.
PJ
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Kerth
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Kerth
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Wonderful story. Or is it a series? Anyway, I can't wait for part 5.
The only known quantity that moves faster than
light is the office grapevine. (from Nan's fabulous Home series)
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Top Banana
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Top Banana
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Wow, Shayne. I just got caught up and what an interesting take. I do hope that Lois can finally tell Clark/Superman that he has a daughter and maybe that will make him open up a little...to her. He loves her and I'm sure would want to make a more comfortable life for them. But then this is a Clark affected by red Kryptonite.
Hurry back with pat 5, please! I'm curious to know what will happen next and how the meeting with Clark Kent will turn out.
~Sheila
I'm a firm believer in the fact that God doesn't put any more on us than we can bear. He does however make us come to Jesus every so often.
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Top Banana
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Top Banana
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She’d been his first introduction to the poison that had come to define his life Uhoh.. she was the one person he’d known who hadn’t had an agenda  Hmmm, Lois - a lowly researcher and Clark Kent... dynamic money-maker... wow!! And both our heroes have a resounding melancholy.. love it!!!! But I adore Lisa
If she had to move heaven and Earth, perhaps come back to haunt Perry and explain the story after they'd killed her, she would do it.
Waking a Miracle by Aria
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