Okay - here it is. Having taken careful stock of my buffer and realizing it's a couple of weeks out, even if I post 3xs a week, I'm bumping the schedule up again [hey - it's my prerogative!]. I do hope to post part 9 on Thursday - probably early morning or early afternoon Midwest time [have a dentist appointment midmorning - so either before I leave or after I get back]and post Martha's letters tomorrow [at least a couple of them - or maybe as soon as the boards are back up on Sunday]. And with the ficless weekend, hopefully I can get a chunk done. A part should be posted on Monday regardless.
Thanks, as always, to Alisha - particularly for inspiring the [much needed] first part of this.
Bonus points to anyone who:
Recognizes the key line that I thought was in the last segment but is in this one instead [at least I think it's key - will be interesting to see if anyone else does]
and
Recognizes the line that sparked two fun plot bunnies - one of which has a few pages written [no Alisha - you can't guess], but I hesitate to be more specific than that because it would be too obvious I think, but it would be an Elseworlds if that helps any... and would have Lana in it...
Both are before graduation...
So - now that the challenges have been extended... here we go...
Chapter 8
*****
Clark rolled over on the big bed and, while still ensconced in dreamland, reached for Lois, to pull her close to him as he had so many other nights. His hand landed flat on the mattress and, seemingly of its own volition, reached further, hoping to come in contact with her. When he didn't find her, he was puzzled. Still not quite awake, he lifted his head, opening one eye the slightest bit to search for her.
That was when he heard it.
Pushing himself up and turning at the same time, he swung his legs over the side of the bed and stood. He walked towards the sound, though he already knew what it was. What he didn't know was why.
He reached the window and the chair that had been pulled up in front of it. The drapes had been pulled wide open and the city was spread below them like a tapestry. The lights twinkled, and even at this hour – very early in the morning – the city was lit up like the proverbial Christmas tree.
Lois was curled up in the chair, sobs wracking her small frame.
He bent down and picked her up. He turned at sat down in the oversized, overstuffed chaise, drawing her into his lap, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her close to him as she continued to sob.
He didn't say anything, but just held her there as, gradually, the sobs slowed down until, eventually, they were limited to the occasional hiccup or caught breath.
Clark continued to hold her, waiting for her to be ready to talk.
"Sometimes I really hate them."
Her voice caught him slightly off guard. It was so quiet he almost didn't hear it.
"Who?"
"My parents."
He didn't know what to say so he just kissed the side of her head and waited for her to go on.
"They shouldn't have gone that weekend. They should have stayed home and had birthday cake with me like they promised they would."
"They'd promised you that?"
She nodded against his chest. "Yeah. Right before Christmas, Mom promised that we'd have cake and ice cream, together, for my birthday. Then the day before they left, Daddy said they were going skiing without kids and Mom didn't stop him. Right before they left, Daddy said 'Happy Birthday, Princess' and kissed my head, just like you do, and then left. Mom never said anything about it."
"I'm so sorry."
"It's not your fault. Not in the slightest." She took a deep, quivering breath. "It's what they always did. Made promises and broke them. To each other. To us. I should have known better – that they really wouldn't be there for my birthday, that something would happen. Either Daddy would forget the promises he made to us and Mom and be out with another girlfriend or Mom would forget that she'd promised not to drink anymore and be passed out on the couch, or better yet, her bed. Or both. But I never guessed that they would both leave." Fresh tears threatened, but somehow, she managed to send them back into the deep wells found behind a woman's eyes. "And that they'd never come back. My parents were very far from ideal, but they were mine, you know?"
He nodded, continuing to hold her, one hand gently rubbing her upper arm.
"And I'm so sorry for what it's done to you." Her voice had become even quieter.
"What are you talking about?"
"Everything. You wouldn't be here, struggling to make ends meet, no friends, working or at school or doing homework 18 hours a day in a city where you don't know anyone... It's not fair to you. And it's their fault."
"Oh, Lois. Don't think that way. I want to be here, with you. There's nowhere else I'd rather be."
"Seriously?" Her tone of voice indicated that she didn't believe him in the slightest.
"Honest. If I was still in Smallville, I'd be living in that farmhouse all by myself, commuting to a University where I still didn't know anyone even after a semester there, maybe seeing high school friends from time to time, but also being constantly hounded by Lana to go out with her – heck, she'd probably be trying to get me to propose by now – and I really don't want any of that. I want to be with you. I knew what I was getting into when I bought that plane ticket. I don’t regret it in the slightest and I don't want to go back. I want to be right here."
"Trapped in a loveless marriage?"
"Our marriage isn't loveless, Lois. I love you and I know you love me. It may not be the fairy tale story book love, but that's okay. It's better than many marriages have for their base."
"What if I want a divorce someday?" Lois buried her head in his chest as she said it.
"Look at me." He hooked one finger under her chin and gently forced her face towards his. Tears shown in her eyes as she finally looked into his. "Why would you want a divorce?"
"You deserve better than this, Clark."
"Better than what? A life with my best friend?"
"You deserve someone who loves you with that fairly tale story book love, who can think of nothing else, who wants to be with you in every way."
"Well, first of all, I’m not entirely certain that kind of love exists. Second, life would be pretty boring if all me and this mystery woman of yours ever did was stare into each other's eyes or something, thinking about this fairy tale love. No thank you. And third, I don’t want to be with anyone else. We've talked about that before, Lois. Someday, we'll get to that point. We're still getting to know each other. If we were normal 17 and 19 year olds, we'd have been going out for like 4 months. It's very likely that we still wouldn't have slept together, even if we were a 'normal' dating couple." He raised a hand to stop her protest. "I decided a long time ago, Lois, that sleeping with someone wasn't something I was ever going to do just because I could – because she – whoever 'she' was – wanted to or because my hormones got the better of me. I'm different. I'm an alien, Lois, and who knows if I can actually have kids, but I couldn't run the risk – because birth control is never 100% effective and there could accidentally be a baby out there that was mine, that could be as different as I was. I couldn't risk that without being able to tell someone all about me and my abilities and without being *willing* to make a lifetime commitment to her and a baby – whether one actually came along or not."
"Really?"
"Really. It's not like I planned specifically on waiting until my wedding night or that I'd planned on not waiting or whatever, but I knew it wasn't something that I could take lightly at all. My Mom and Dad would have been disappointed in me if I had. Dad never had the chance to have the birds and the bees talk with me, but I grew up on a farm and knew enough. Mom talked about it extensively in her letters. And they always taught me to take responsibility for my actions and were disappointed when I did things without thinking them through. So, yeah, even if we were dating and not married, it's not like we would have fallen into the sack on the second date or something."
"Lana tried, didn't she?" It was almost more of a statement than a question.
Clark sighed. "Um... yeah, she did. She even tried after we got married and I went back to pack up my stuff. I ran into her at the farmhouse – she'd come to look for me since I hadn't returned her calls. Said she wanted to make sure I was okay. She told me that she could make me forget you and make me want to stay with her. And that wasn't the first time she'd tried. Even after I told her I didn't want to date her, she tried. We lived in the same house and she was always trying to set up some scenario or other where we were alone or I'd 'accidentally' walk in on her."
Lois raised her brow at him.
"It never happened," he was quick to reassure her. "Super hearing comes in really handy for stuff like that. She almost walked in on me once while I was getting dressed and only a bit of speed kept her from seeing more than I'd bargained for. After that... watching out for her became almost second nature." He cradled her face with his hand, gently rubbing her cheek with his thumb. "I never wanted to sleep with her, Lois. I never wanted to *not* sleep with her either. There's really only been one woman that I ever wanted to share my bed with and I met her when I was fourteen."
"Even if she never wants to do more than just sleep with you in it?" Her voice was still small, full of the fear she felt. Fear, he was sure, of either answer.
"Lois, you know how I feel. You know that, someday, when you're ready, I want to make love with you. But I'm willing to wait for that day as long as it takes. That's what I promised you the night I asked you to marry me, and I meant it. Do I hope that day comes sooner rather than later? Sure, but *you* are more important to me than hormones and some momentary sexual release. If I forced myself on you before you're ready – even if you said you were ready when you weren't – that would ruin the best thing that's ever happened to me and I'm not willing to take that risk. Not now, not ever."
"And if I found someone else?" Her conversation with Dan and her inner dialog made her ask the question, though she seriously doubted it would ever happen.
Clark took a deep breath. "I hope you never do. But if you came to me one day and said that you had met another guy and that you felt about him the way I feel about you and that he felt the same way, then I guess... I'd have no choice but to let you go."
*****
What had she done to deserve this man? This wonderful man who always knew just the right thing to say. She rested her head against his chest and reveled in the feeling of his arms around her. Here, in the circle that his arms created, she felt safe. Safe and loved.
She only hoped that someday she would believe herself to be worthy of that love and that she'd return it.
She sighed and closed her eyes as she felt his chin rest on the top of her head.
She really didn’t want to let him go. She really didn't believe, even though she didn't love him like that now, that she'd ever love anyone else. At the same time, she didn't believe that he really loved her the way he said he did. How could he? They'd been married for almost 6 months and still hadn't consummated their marriage. How could she ask him to settle for a marriage that, even if it wasn't loveless, was sexless? Hadn't he told her more than once that half the kids from Smallville High School got married right after graduation so that they *could* have sex without worrying about their parents? He'd never told her how many of those marriages actually lasted to their fifth anniversary and she'd never asked.
She hadn't wanted him to hear her crying. She didn't think he knew how many nights she woke up and sat on the window seat or, more rarely, on the balcony. She always waited until he'd released her and rolled onto his stomach so that, hopefully, he wouldn't notice she was missing. A couple of times she'd covered by saying she'd needed a drink or to go to the bathroom. Those nights she'd managed to keep the tears silent as she pondered the life of abandonment and broken promises, but tonight – when she'd been reminded of how different her life would be right now if her parents hadn't gone on that fateful trip...
She and Clark would still be writing letters. She knew that. She probably wouldn't have ever talked to him on the phone. She had contemplated asking if he could come for prom, but hadn't decided if she would actually go through with it or not, but probably not. Dan would have probably asked her. He'd asked her out several times over the fall, but he was kind of annoying and she'd always had legitimate reasons not to go out with him. The first week back at school after Christmas break, he'd asked her out again. She'd told him she was married – something she hadn't really planned on advertising – and it was around campus before lunch. Would she have said yes to Dan if he'd asked her to prom? Maybe – if for no other reason than it would annoy her Dad.
She'd be planning for college, probably living at home, at least for a while. She wouldn't be pushing to get through in 3 years instead of 4. She wouldn't be taking 3 classes over the summer to get a jump start on it either. Well, probably not. She wanted to get out of the house as soon as possible so she might have been.
Would she have ever met Clark again? Maybe. Knowing what she knew now, he probably would have come to visit at some point. Maybe college graduation or when she got a place of her own so her parents wouldn't be going on and on about some kid she met at camp years earlier. They'd been livid when they found out she'd applied to Midwest. Just what did she think she was doing?! Part of her, deep down, had hoped she could get a full scholarship – enough to cover room and board – and leave Metropolis behind for a while. And if it hadn't been enough for board... well, the thought of asking Clark if he wanted a purely platonic roommate had crossed her mind.
She'd still be a kid.
The thought of what else she'd be missing began to niggle at the back of her mind. She wouldn't know what it was like to have someone love her unconditionally. She wouldn't know what it meant to feel truly safe like she did in Clark's arms. She wouldn't know what it was like to have a best friend she could – and did – literally trust her life with. She wouldn't have flown with him to Colorado. She wouldn't have plans to fly with him to see the seven wonders of the world.
And so tonight, she'd cried for what she'd lost, but she also started to realize what she had. She thought she was ready to move on. To grow up. To try to learn to love Clark like he claimed to love her. And maybe, just maybe, if she was really lucky, the rest of her inner demons would disappear into the dark night. Somehow, though, she doubted that was going to happen. She would, however, keep them locked up tight in that box in her mind and in her heart and refuse to let them affect her life.
His soft voice interrupted her thoughts.
"And someday, I'm going to ask you out on a proper date. It may not be until after we finish college, but I am. I'm going to ask you out and you can get dressed up and we can hit that little Italian place Aunt Louise sent us to the one night while we were here or even the Blue Note. We'll have chocolate for dessert and we'll dance and then I'll walk you home and, if I think you want me to, I might even kiss you just a bit. And if you don't want me to, that's okay too. Maybe on the second date, when I take you anywhere in the world you want to go, you'll want to kiss me. And we can date for a while and get to really know each other without work and school and being parents to an unruly teenager to get in our way."
"I'd like that," she said quietly and she felt his arms tighten around her slightly.
"Me too. And while I hate that your parents left you on your birthday, I'm glad that we're together."
She nodded and relaxed against his chest. Her eyes closed, just for a minute and then she wanted to talk to him some more.
*****
Clark knew the instant she fell asleep and he smiled to himself. She'd never mentioned her parents like that before. He knew she cried about it from time to time when she thought he wasn't around, but she'd never talked about it at all until now. Maybe now that some of it was out in the open she could start to heal and move on with her life.
He was glad that he could be here for her and he'd meant every word that he said about wanting to date her. He could manage it, too. Leave while she was getting ready and then knock on the door to pick her up and be back inside, pretending to be asleep or something by the time she finished unlocking the locks to let herself inside.
It could easily have to be put off until they finished college, at least to do it right. He hoped to go back to Colorado soon to see what else the globe had to tell them, but they so rarely had a night off together. At least next year she'd be in college with him and they could try to arrange their schedules so they had a class or two together or at least had lunch at the same time. She'd been accepted into the journalism program and would be working on the school paper with him and had been offered an internship at the Star as well, though that didn't start until Spring. Hopefully, Professor Smith would work with them and the editor at the Star so that they'd be able to work together more often than not. It wouldn't be a romantic, date-type setting, but at least they'd get to spend more time together.
He floated out of the chair and moved, midair, towards the bed. He laid her down gently and pulled the covers up around her. He moved back to the window to stare into the night, contemplating life and the little tornado of a girl who had completely turned his world around.
Some time later, he floated silently across the room and slipped into the bed next to Lois, pulling her close to him as he had tried to do earlier. This time she instinctively snuggled back into his chest and, even in her sleep, let out what could only be described as a contented sigh.
He pressed a soft kiss into her hair and closed his eyes, grateful for the blissful sleep that quickly overtook him.
Tomorrow and its troubles would come soon enough. For now, there was no place he'd rather be.
*****
"Have I told you how proud I am of you?"
Lois straightened her graduation cap. "Only about a dozen times."
Clark cupped the side of her face with one hand. "I'm sorry."
"For what?" Lois held his hand with her own.
"That you weren't able to graduate first in your class."
"Oh, Clark, I'm number 3. That's plenty good enough."
"You should have been first. If you hadn't had to work so much... If I'd been able to provide better..."
"It's fine. Really. I enjoy my job." At Clark's look of disbelief she amended the statement. "Okay, fine. I don't hate my job. I may not enjoy it, but I don't *hate* it."
Clark laughed. "That's more honest. I know the last six months have been hard on you – that most of your friends weren't able to spend much time with you after we got married and that you didn't have enough time to spend just being in high school." He grinned at her. "And you had to take an old married guy to the prom." They laughed together. "But I am so very, very proud of you."
She looked at her watch. "We gotta go! I can't be late for my own graduation!"
*****
Later that night they were back in their apartment. Graduation had gone well and Lois was officially done with high school.
"This is your graduation dinner. You're sure that's where you want to go?" Clark asked. "We can go anywhere in the world you want, my treat. I've saved up for this."
Lois laughed. "You'll find something else you want. A couple dozen boxes of ding dongs or something. I want to have a picnic in Colorado. We haven't been in weeks."
"I know. I hoped we could go sooner but..." he held a hand to his chest and swooned. "The fates conspired against us."
"Well, maybe the globe will take pity on you and show two messages tonight."
Clark laughed. "I doubt it, but it would be nice."
"It was nice of Aunt Louise to take Lucy with her to her hotel, too, so we could go out for dinner." Lois' eyes twinkled. "She has no idea we're going to Colorado though."
Clark picked up the basket. "I'll take this over there and I'll be right back."
Lois nodded and looked for her light jacket. It was sure to be slightly chilly in the mountains and even if it wasn't, it would protect her a bit from the wind while they were flying. Finding it, she slipped it on just as Clark landed on their balcony.
"Ready?"
She nodded and wrapped her arms around him.
Several minutes later, they landed in an open field on the side of a Colorado mountain. Because of the time difference, they still had an hour or so before it got truly dark. They'd agreed they wouldn't get the globe out until then.
Clark pulled out the blanket and spread it on the grass. Together they took the finger foods out and Clark chilled the sparkling grape juice. They ate and talked like they hadn't really had a chance to in ages – since their honeymoon, really. Clark had even brought the UnGame deck and they took turns asking each other questions.
Finally, they decided it was dark enough for Clark to dig up the ship. While they waited for the globe to do its thing, Lois studied the ship more intently – grateful for the nearly full moon that made it easy to see.
"What're these, Clark?" She pulled out a stack of envelopes.
"Those are the letters from my Mom." He held out a hand and she passed them over. "I don't think I've missed any. I think the next one is either my 21st birthday or college graduation. Or maybe one of her 'random day' ones is coming up."
Lois pulled out the baby blanket while he shuffled through the envelopes. She ran a hand over the symbol that matched the front of the ship. She heard Clark make an indecipherable noise and she turned to him. He was holding two envelopes in his hands.
"I don't remember these," he said. "They were tied with a separate piece of ribbon. I wonder if they've been in the ship all along and I just never noticed them."
She went to sit by him. "Did you miss the events?"
He shook his head. "They're not for events or days like the others." He held one in her direction. "This one is for you."
She raised an eyebrow as she took it from him. Sure enough, there it was. "To Mrs. Clark Kent. Wonder what she'd think if she knew I hadn't changed my name," she smirked.
"Oh, I'm sure she'd be fine with it. My mom was pretty progressive. She probably would have been pushing us together subtly for a long time." He held the other envelope in one hand and tapped it against the other.
"What's that one?"
"What we know about you."
"What does that mean?"
Clark shrugged. "They said there was a message that played a while after they found me and that they would tell me about it when I was old enough. When I was 8 or so, they told me that I'd been sent from another planet named Krypton but that was all they'd say then. The rest would have to wait until later. I hope they would have told me that weekend or soon after – when I told them about the hearing and eye stuff." He chuckled suddenly. "Remember when I told you I'd seen them... you know?"
"Yeah."
"I don't think I ever told you that was the first time my x-ray vision kicked in and I was actually looking through their wall."
"Ouch." She winced. "That has to be even worse than walking in on something."
"I think probably so. I was already working on learning to control it when they died, but in times of stress, I still had a hard time. I could see them through the top of the car while they were in that ravine, but I couldn't get to them. I had to look away – I ended up staring at the skeletons of a couple of bears hibernating in a cave on the next mountain over. I couldn't turn it off, but I couldn’t watch them die either. I kept hoping someone would come, but the reality is, they died pretty quickly. I could hear their heartbeats start to slow and it wasn't long before they stopped all together. The water was cold that night and they were already injured... I heard their heartbeats fade out. Dad first, then Mom. Looking back, I think they were probably unconscious before they died, but Dad managed to sort of breathe out the first part of their phrase and Mom the second. The last thing Mom said was my name." He stopped. "I can't always control my hearing, even now. When I hear someone yelling for help or sometimes sirens, it just turns on and I can't help it."
Tears streamed down Lois' face and Clark struggled to keep from crying himself. It seemed like every time they came here, Clark shared a little bit more about the nightmare that had plagued his dreams for so long.
"Is that what that look is?"
"What look?"
"The faraway look you get sometimes. Is that when you hear something?"
"Probably."
"Have you ever thought about trying to find a way you can respond to some of those?"
He nodded. "Yeah, but it's going to have to wait. I still do what I can when I can, but I don't go out of my way. Maybe someday I'll be able to do more, but right now, protecting you and Lucy and even Aunt Louise from anyone who might want to hurt me is more important. If anyone found out what I am and what I can do but that nothing we've found can hurt me... they could easily come after the three of you and I can't risk that."
She rested her head on his shoulder, contemplating what he said. "Maybe when college is over we'll find a way for you to be able to do more."
He nodded.
They sat for several minutes before she spoke again. "Can you hear my heartbeat?"
"Yeah. I can hear anyone's when I listen for it specifically, but yours is different."
She smacked his arm lightly. "I'm not sure I like the sound of that."
He laughed, wondering how mere words from her could make him feel better. "It's not like that. I can hear it whenever I want if I try, but it's kind of like a buzzing in your ears when you're around, but much more comforting."
"So my heartbeat is like the annoying buzz I can't get out of my head when I have bronchitis?"
He laughed again. "Sort of, but not really. If you're not around but then you come home or whatever, I notice it instantly. The rest of the time it's like... pleasant background music."
"So instead of an annoying buzz, I'm Muzak?" She bumped him with her shoulder, half heartedly trying to knock him over.
"No. Not Muzak. Nice background music." He managed to maintain his balance despite her efforts. "But I can tell different things about what you're feeling and stuff, depending on how it's beating."
She eyed him. "Now that I'm really not sure I like."
"It's not something I do intentionally or anything, but if you're scared – like that night on the way home and on the way here the first time – it's like a trip hammer. I automatically notice the change. When you fall asleep, it slows down considerably. When you're relaxed, it slows, but not that far. I can tell when you're dreams are agitated and not comforting because of the way it picks up."
"Great. My own Kryptonian feelings barometer. Is it like that for anyone else?"
He shook his head. "Just you. I mean noticing the changes. I can tell with just about anyone if I listen for it, but yours is the only one that happens automatically."
"So, I'll never be able to sneak up on you?"
"Well," he admitted, "you have a time or two when it was really loud or I was totally engrossed in something – like studying or whatever – but not usually."
"And how far away am I when you notice this?"
"I don't know. Usually about the time you get halfway up the stairs to the apartment building, I guess."
He turned the envelope over and over in his hand.
"So, Clark, are you going to read that?"
*****
TBC
