Lois & Clark Forums Forums Fan Fiction Lois & Clark Fanfic Learning to Love, 12/?

Thanks again for all the comments. You guys have made me think and make sure that I understand the motivations of my characters, etc.

Extra special thanks as always to Alisha . Any mistakes are mine alone.

I'm posting 3 more letters in a separate thread momentarily. Should anyone want to comment on them, using the FDK thread for this section is fine with me .

Two characters showed up last time - Mayson and Paul. Significant? We shall see .

*****
Chapter 12
*****

"So, Clark, where's Lois? I thought she was eating with us today."

Clark shrugged. "She had a study group again today." He shoveled a big forkful of spaghetti in his mouth.

"For two people who always eat together, she doesn't eat with you very often." She poked her fork into her salad.

He took a sip of his soda before answering. "We did last semester and the first couple weeks of this semester, but the last couple of days..." He shrugged again. "She went to see Professor Paul Monday and had study groups the last couple days. Maybe she'll join us tomorrow. I know you'd like her."

"I bet I will." Mayson personally had doubts about it, but she liked Clark, so she went along with it. She took a deep breath. "So, Clark, are you working Saturday night?"

He thought for a minute while chewing on his garlic bread then shook his head as he swallowed. "Nope. Not this week."

"It's movie night in the English Department. They're showing Dead Poets' Society. Would you like to come?"

"I don't know. I'll have to ask Lois. See what she's doing."

"Well, Clark," Mayson rested her hand on his forearm. "I was kind of hoping we could go without your sister."

Soda practically came out of Clark's nose and napkins across the cafeteria suddenly fluttered to the floor. "My who?"

"Your sister. We really don't need Lois for a date do we?" She gazed at him from underneath her eyelashes. "I was kind of hoping that it could be just us."

Clark gently removed her hand from his arm. "Mayson, I'm terribly sorry if I've misled you in any way, but Lois isn't my sister."

Mayson's eyes narrowed. "She's not? Is she your girlfriend?"

Clark shook his head. "No."

"Then what is she?"

"She's my wife, Mayson."

"Your what?!" Several people at nearby tables turned to look at them. "Your what?" she asked again, more quietly this time.

"My wife. I'm sorry if I didn't spell that out clearly enough. Most everyone I know knows we're married, so I must have just assumed you did too. I’m sorry if you feel I've led you on." Clark looked at her intently. "Truly I am. You're a nice person and I'd hate to be the one to hurt you."

Mayson shrugged. "No, Clark. You never led me on. When you said you had to help support your family and mentioned Lois and Lucy, you never actually said what your relationship with them was. As for us... We've talked and laughed and studied, but we've only known each other three days and you've never given me an indication one way or the other. I just hoped..." She closed her eyes and took a breath. "It doesn't matter now, obviously."

"I'd like to be your friend, Mayson, but that's all it can ever be."

She nodded. "I'd like that, too, Clark." They ate in silence for a minute before she posed her next question. "So, if you're married, why don't you wear a ring?"

Clark looked at his hand. "We married very quickly, a couple days after Lois' seventeenth birthday, the day after she buried her parents. My parents both died when I was ten and the director at the funeral home in Smallville, where I'm from, made sure I had both of my mom's rings and my dad's wedding band. My dad's got misplaced somewhere along the way but I still had both of my mom's. I gave them to Lois when I asked her to marry me. She bought me a ring, but we were flat broke and it was pretty cheap. It broke six months after we got married. I, uh, borrowed some soldering stuff but I couldn't get it back together." He absentmindedly rubbed his ring finger as he spoke. "We're still flat broke, so we decided to wait until after graduation when we got real jobs and have some money to replace it."

"You were young."

Clark nodded. "I was almost nineteen. We actually met when I was fourteen and I knew then that someday I'd marry her."

Mayson raised a brow. "Really?"

He nodded. "Yep. We were pen pals for years. Her parents died in a car accident and when I came to see her, we got married."

Mayson's eyes narrowed. Maybe there was hope after all. Sure, she had a little trouble understanding the Electoral College – so did most people – but not nearly as much as she'd led Clark to believe. She was going to be a lawyer, after all. She'd heard around that he got good grades and was a nice guy. And so cute to boot so she'd convinced him to help her study. She'd bet that Clark, out of some misguided sense of loyalty to his long time pen pal, had married her to keep her out of the system. But why? At seventeen, she'd most likely be put in a very temporary foster home or into an assisted transitional program.

Mayson mentally thanked her family law specialist father. There was no other way she'd know about those things. If Clark knew he'd married Lois when he didn't have to... Had Lois told him she'd end up in the system if he didn't? Had she tricked Clark into marrying her? Had he had all the facts?

"Anyway," he continued. "After we got married, we also got custody of Lois' little sister, Lucy. She's a couple years younger than Lois and Lois didn't want her to end up in foster care. I'd told her some about my time in the system and she didn't want her sister to be bounced around like I had been."

So that was it. He'd married her to keep her sister out of the system. Mayson decided, for now, to keep her own counsel. Marriages under circumstances like those rarely lasted. When it fell apart, Mayson would be happy to help Clark pick up the pieces. Until then she could just be his friend.

*****
March 1986
*****

Lois sat at the conference room table and glanced out at the Metropolitan's bullpen. A slight frown creased her face as she saw Clark stride quickly through to their shared desk. Space was at a premium and it only made sense for the paper's only married couple to share one. Since they were rarely there at the same time, they rotated use of the desk.

When was the last time they'd had a real conversation? One that didn't revolve around that month's budget or Lucy's curfew on school nights or, even more rarely, a story at one of the papers they both worked for. She couldn’t remember. The ice storm? And even then, once his secret was out, he hadn't stayed at the house during the day. Her birthday and their first anniversary had passed before that with little fanfare. She'd found a card from him on her nightstand after he left to deliver papers. It didn't say much, though it was on the funny side – something about aliens was really all she remembered. Part of her had hoped that, since it was semester break, they'd spend the day together until time to deliver pizzas and maybe even do his afternoon paper route together, but instead he'd spent the day working on the Datsun so that it would pass inspection in January.

Their first anniversary was little different. They'd both had to work even though they'd asked for the day off – bosses didn't always care about those kinds of things – but Clark had insisted on making her breakfast in bed after his morning paper route. Conversation had been stilted and awkward at best, though breakfast had been delicious. Fortunately – or was it unfortunately? – she had to work early and Clark was doing some painting for a neighbor.

She'd tried to get them both the evening off on his birthday because it was the right thing to do, but that hadn't worked either. A scandal involving football players and their exams had come to light – thanks in large part to Clark's work on it – and it his hard work had come to fruition on his birthday. He'd even written a sidebar for the Star about it. She was very proud of him, but it didn't make for a good time for them to spend time together.

She watched as Clark dug through one of the drawers, a slight frown on his face. What was he looking for? Finally, he pulled out an envelope of pictures. He flipped through them quickly and pulled one out. He stuck the rest of them back in the envelope and tossed it back in the drawer. He turned and went back to the elevator, seemingly unaware of Lois' eyes tracking him.

She sighed and waited until he left then went and took the pictures out of the drawer. She didn't open them until she sat back down in the conference room. They were campus life pictures. She set the proof sheet to one side and began flipping through them. There were pictures of a few people she recognized – the starting quarterback and his cheerleader girlfriend kissing on the quad, the star center for the women's basketball team and her sister eating lunch, some people she didn't know, Clark and Mayson eating lunch, the popular American History professor and his class outside on a nice day.

She stopped and went back. Clark and Mayson eating lunch. How had she flipped right past that? If the pictures had been in their desk, then Clark must have seen this – so why didn't he take it? And what picture did he take? She looked at the proof sheet and scanned it until she found the picture in question. The picture before it on the sheet was one of Mayson, laughing. Lois grudgingly admitted that she looked pretty in the photo.

The question was why had Clark taken the picture of Mayson, but not the picture of the two of them together? Was he going to stick it in his backpack or his desk at the Star so he'd have a picture of her? Would he cut it to size to put in his wallet next to his picture of her? Or use it to replace the picture of her? Would he risk her or Lucy seeing it? Could there be some completely innocent reason why he needed it? Nothing came immediately to mind.

She sighed and picked the picture of Clark and Mayson back up to study it. Clark was actually taking a bite of his sub sandwich, but Mayson was smiling at him. The look in her eyes... well, it could only be described as adoration. Clark was still a fairly naïve farm boy in some ways, but surely he wasn't that oblivious. He had to know that Mayson was interested in him. She looked at the proof sheet again. Further down was another picture of the two of them. She dug through the stack until she found it.

This one showed the two of them – the same day – lounging on the grassy area near the library. Clark was leaning up against a tree, taking a drink out of a water bottle, but looking at Mayson at the same time. He had a book on his lap and his open backpack was lying nearby. Mayson was stretched out on the grass. She was lying on her stomach facing him and wearing a tank top that Lois could just imagine didn't hide a whole lot and would probably give anyone a good look at her cleavage. Could that be what Clark was looking at? She studied the angle of his eyes versus the way Mayson was lying and finally admitted there was no way to know but it was possible. She looked more closely at Clark. That shirt looked really good on him. Black was his color and, even though she knew he didn't work out at all, he was bulking up in all the right places. She remembered seeing him that night and thinking that it made his shoulders and arms look extra good.

She thought for another minute and realized the picture had to have been taken a few days earlier – the only really nice day they'd had so far this spring. She tried to figure out when they could have been studying outside that day. She couldn’t think of a time on Mondays that he'd be able to sit around. He was either in class or at one of the papers all day. Could it have been lunch? No, it was Chinese day at the student union. They offered a variety of ethnic foods once a week and Clark never missed Chinese day. She even remembered him asking if she was going to join him for lunch because he knew how much she loved Chinese too. She'd told him she would, but at the last minute her English professor wanted to talk to her and by the time she was done, it was too late. So it probably wasn't lunch time. If he was having an affair with Mayson, he wouldn't risk her getting suspicious by missing an arranged lunch and he'd said later that he'd waited for her as long as he could. So it couldn't have been lunchtime.

Was he skipping class for her? That was unlike Clark. He was a good student and a conscientious one. He wouldn't skip class unless it was for a good reason – like the day he had to go pick up Lucy from school when she was sick and Lois had a big test in biology.

Or would he?

Was spending time with his... girlfriend – Lois' heart broke as she thought the word to herself for the first time – worth skipping class over? But then why did they stay on campus and in full view of everyone? Why didn't they sneak off to her dorm room or – even worse – their apartment? Her dad had brought his girlfriends home from time to time when he didn't think anyone would be there. She had repressed those memories so deep but they threatened to spill out and only by sheer force of will was she not overwhelmed by them. No – she refused to believe that Clark would take Mayson to their apartment and... spend quality time with her in their bed. Could they fly off somewhere – an island in the middle of the Pacific or something – to be alone if they wanted to? Could he have told her about himself? He told Perry and Alice after something like 36 hours after all. Would he – she made herself face up to it – make love to her without telling her about his origins?

Before she knew it the bile that had been rising in her stomach could no longer be stopped and she found herself kneeling over the trash can emptying her lunch into it.

A gentle hand on her back surprised her. She hadn't heard anyone come in.

"Are you okay, Lois?"

She sat back on her heels as the waves of nausea began to subside. "Yeah, I’m just not feeling very well, Paul."

"Anything you want to talk about?" He crossed to the water dispenser on the other side of the room and brought her back a small cup.

She swished and spit it out, then took a sip. "I think I just have a bit of a stomach bug. One of my lab partners in my biology lab was throwing up yesterday. I bet I caught it from her." That was a lie, of course, but there was no way she was going to tell anyone what was really going on.

"I'm sure that's it. Why don't you go home and get some rest?"

Lois nodded. "I think I will. Thanks, Paul." She went back to the table and gathered up the pictures and the notes for the article she'd been working on. She didn't notice when the proof sheet fell to the floor, but instead fled as quickly as she could, heading for the relative safety of her home.

Watching her leave, Paul noticed the proof sheet and picked it up, wondering if there were any pictures worth using. His eyes narrowed when he realized who was in two of them. He watched Lois go into the elevator and saw her slump against the wall as the doors closed.

"Linda," he called. The blond reporter/photographer looked up and then headed his way. "Could you get me copies of these pictures?" He handed over the sheet.

"Sure, no problem, Paul."

"Do you know who took them?"

"Yeah, I did."

"Hmm... I may want to ask you about some of them later."

"Sure, I'd be happy to tell you what I remember. I'll have them to you in a couple hours." She turned and started to walk away.

"Thanks, Linda."

She turned and smiled at him. "My pleasure, Paul."

*****

Lois sat out on the balcony of their apartment and stared, unseeing, at the half wall in front of her.

She'd changed clothes and started to pull on her favorite sweatshirt, until she realized it was one of Clark's old Midwest ones. She'd tossed it to the side and found an old Lincoln High shirt instead.

Now, she was in one of the chaise lounges they'd brought from her parents' home, with a blanket wrapped around her to protect against the early spring chill.

How could she have been so stupid to believe all of the sweet things he'd said over the last 15 months? Men like that didn't exist, except in fairly tales or romantic comedies. He was just like her dad. Her mom had revealed more than Lois ever wanted to know one day while she was in a drunken stupor. Her dad's first affair, her mother had found out later, was during their engagement and another one started within a few months of their wedding. Maybe she was lucky that Clark appeared to have been faithful over the first year of their unconventional marriage.

Why on earth had she believed he could be different? Especially when she wasn't willing to have sex with him. She'd often felt guilty that they hadn't taken part in the physical side of marriage, but now she was glad she hadn't shared her body with him. He didn't deserve it.

But if – somewhere along the line – she had convinced him she was ready for that step, would he be seeking satisfaction elsewhere? Would she have been enough to keep him satisfied so his eyes – and the rest of him – wouldn't be wandering elsewhere? Would he have made love to her on their wedding night – or any other night – without telling her about himself? Would he have waited months to tell her?

Though she hadn't been ready to trust him with her virginity, she had begun to trust him with her heart, but she realized that even that had become much more guarded. Last spring had been so wonderful. They were getting to know each other. They'd flown together, gone to Colorado and begun to find out about his heritage. When had it all changed?

She could pinpoint the night that it began to fall apart. The night she'd told him that she'd changed her name and added his to it. She still didn't really understand what had happened that night, but it was the night that everything changed. Over the time since then, they'd grown farther apart until she wasn't sure they were even as close as they had been when Clark showed up on her doorstep and offered her and Lucy a way out of the system.

Well, if he ever came to her and said he wanted out, she wouldn't stop him. If he never said anything, she'd let him go after graduation if not sooner. If she could find a way for her and Lucy to survive before she had her degree, and she thought they'd let her retain custody of her sister, she'd let him go before then, but right now she didn't see a way that could happen.

Had he really only met Mayson a month ago? Was it possible that this had been going on a lot longer than that? Had he met her last semester or even last spring and maybe he had noticed her watching them that first day and that's why he'd mentioned her that night, trying to pass her off as a new friend?

Was that where he'd taken off to during the power outage in January? Once Perry and everyone else knew about Clark and his history, he'd spent a good portion of the next few days out of the house. He said he'd gone where he could to help remove trees and so on, but was that where he really was? Could he have gone to check on Mayson? Could he have spent time with her and then sauntered back into the White's home and hugged her and held her and kept her warm at night as though nothing had happened?

She was grateful she hadn't eaten anything else after she'd come home or she was sure that it would be coming back up.

Paul had called a little while earlier to check on her. He'd said he'd take care of calling the Star so she wouldn't have to worry about it and that she should try to get some rest.

Rest. That was laughable. There was no way she was going to be able to get any rest. She glanced at her watch. She'd been home for nearly three hours and Lucy should be coming home any minute. She closed her eyes and tried to remember Clark's schedule for the day. He was delivering pizzas tonight. Good. She wouldn't have to face an evening of him at home, acting all concerned like he had when she had the stomach flu last fall.

Would she be able to go to sleep before he got home? Did he even tune into her heartbeat anymore or had Mayson taken that too? Would the bad dreams turn into nightmares? Would he notice? Would he care?

*****

Clark trudged up the steps to their apartment after another long day. He wondered why Lois hadn't mentioned that she wasn't feeling well. He'd run into Linda King before leaving the Star and she'd told him that Lois had gone home early after throwing up at the Metropolitan. They'd chatted for a few minutes and, if Clark didn't know better, he would have thought Linda was flirting with him, but she knew he was married and committed to his relationship with Lois. He'd tried to call and check on her several times in between deliveries, but the phone had been busy all night. Lucy was probably on another marathon call with Jimmy. He'd have to talk to her about that. As much time as they spent together, did she really need to tie up the phone all night? What if there was an emergency?

About halfway up the steps, he heard Lois' heartbeat. Normally, reassuring and comforting, today something was off. Did she have another migraine? They didn't come often, but when they did they were debilitating and it affected her heartbeat. No, it didn't sound like a migraine. Maybe she was just sick. She was rarely sick so he wasn't familiar with how it affected her heartbeat.

He listened more closely and, sure enough, he could hear Lucy giggling in the loft and Jimmy's voice coming through the phone line.

He entered the apartment quietly, not wanting to disturb either of the women in his life. A glance through the wall showed Lois was already in bed and, by all appearances, sound asleep. Her heart rate was slightly elevated for sleep, but maybe that was a result of being sick.

He went to the bathroom and took a quick, but relatively normal, shower since Lucy was awake – even though he knew it really didn't matter anymore, he still wanted to maintain some semblance of normalcy. He pulled on a pair of shorts and exited the bathroom, toweling his hair as he went. He went out to the balcony and rested his forearms on the wall.

This was harder than he'd ever thought it would be. Not physically really. He was tired – he hadn't been truly tired in years, but his schedule was so hectic and lately, even sleep hadn't been very restful. He was feeling the tug of Colorado for some reason and felt he should go and see what else the globe had to tell him and maybe see if his mother had any words of wisdom for him. Since Lucy knew about him now, maybe he could keep the globe here, in the secret compartment. He didn't think she knew about it, but even if she did, it wouldn’t matter.

He didn't need superhearing to hear her giggles coming from the loft. He needed to holler at her that it was bedtime. She had an early morning, even though the next day was Saturday. Schools had to make up for the nearly two weeks missed due to the ice storm and it was either half days on Saturdays or school through mid-June. He turned to go talk to her, thinking that maybe he'd just float part way up the stairs so he wouldn't bother Lois, when he heard her hang up the phone and settle into her bed.

Being a parent to Lucy was harder than he'd thought it would be. She was a good kid overall, but she and Lois were often like oil and water – they just didn't mix and so Clark was often the one mediating, though rarely with them in the room together. The three of them were just never home together, except maybe for part of Sundays. She spent more time with Jimmy than he thought she probably should. Jimmy was a good kid too, but they were awfully serious for sixteen and seventeen years old. He snorted. Lana would have been that serious with him at sixteen. If he'd stayed in Smallville, he'd bet money that she would have managed to finagle a proposal by now. Still maybe he needed to have a talk with either Jimmy or Lucy or both, just to see where they were and if there was anything that he – as Lucy's male guardian – should be concerned about. He remembered his mother's words from the letter she'd left for his first date. 'Remember, she's someone's daughter. Treat her like you'd want a young man to treat your daughter, someday. That may be hard to imagine now, but try.' It wasn't all that hard to imagine anymore. Was Jimmy treating her like he would want someone to treat his daughter someday? Clark truly hoped so. His instincts about people's character were usually pretty right on and he believed Jimmy was one of the good guys, but he still had Lucy to protect.

And her sister, too. He sighed. He hadn't done a very good job of that lately. He wasn't so old-fashioned that he thought Lois should stay home and be barefoot and pregnant or anything – and the kitchen was certainly not where she should be; she'd proved that over the last year. But at the same time, he was her husband. Surely he should be able to protect her from some of life's pain, shouldn't he? She'd been drifting further and further away from him since last summer, since the night he hadn't reassured her that he'd never leave. She'd never mentioned the possibility of their marriage not working again. At first he thought it was because she'd finally accepted that he was in this for the long haul, but over time... Over time he'd come to believe it was because she'd accepted the fact that he would leave her someday and she was trying to protect her heart. He didn't know how to convince her that he wouldn't leave, except by staying.

How he wished graduation was closer. How much would their lives slow down when they were out of college? Perry had pretty well offered them jobs as soon as the ink on their diplomas was dry. It wouldn't be anything glamorous at first, but he'd promised Clark one day that he'd try to get them similar schedules so this 'two ships passing in the night' existence would be a thing of the past.


He'd started squirreling away a few dollars of his spending money every pay period. He figured $3 here and $7 there over the course of the next two years would add up and he'd be able to take Lois somewhere nice for their first real date – maybe even enough to buy her a nice new dress. He wondered if the tux Aunt Louise had given him would still fit by then. He'd noticed that he was starting to fill out more. Mayson had even commented that he was in good shape and wondered when he time to work out. The T-shirt he'd been wearing that day was snug. He'd realized when he put it on that it was more snug than it had been last fall.

Mayson.

He almost felt guilty about thinking about her in almost the same thought as Lois and their first real date, but there was nothing between them. She was a friend. Since Lois had abandoned most of their lunch dates, it was nice to have company.

Of course, in practically the same breath, she'd also muttered something about working out because of not getting any other physical release because his wife was so cold. His eyes had narrowed at that. He'd never discussed his sex life – or lack of it – with her and she had no reason to believe he and Lois didn't engage in those activities regularly. However, she clearly disliked Lois. They'd managed to avoid meeting each other so far so he wasn't sure what the dislike was based on, except her possible attraction to him. He thought he'd nipped that in the bud right after they met, but maybe he hadn't. She hadn't said or done anything to indicate that she wanted more from him except for the occasional snide remark – always under her breath where he shouldn't have heard it – about Lois. Inappropriate of her to do that? Sure. Meant she was waiting for him and Lois to split up so she could swoop in? He didn't think so.

The more he thought about it, the more he realized that he'd spent more time with Mayson recently than Lois. Significantly more, especially when their canceled Political Science class this week into account. It had been the first really nice day of the spring, and he'd been unable to avoid noticing that she was wearing a top designed to attract attention. He'd accidentally heard some of the other guys notice it too. And the girls. Surely it wasn't to attract his attention. Was it? No, of course not. She'd mentioned a date with a guy in her physics class the other day. What was his name? Dan something? Whatever it was, it was probably for that guy's benefit.

He sometimes felt guilty for spending any time with a woman who wasn't his wife – that was one thing his mom had warned him about in the letter she'd given him for his engagement – even the appearance of something improper could ruin a marriage. He was careful to make sure they were always in public, never alone. She'd invited him to her dorm for one study session but he'd declined and they met in a study room in the library with big windows and lots of people walking by in the middle of the day. He didn't want to give Lois any reason to think he was cheating on her by spending time alone with another woman in a private setting of any kind, even if it was completely innocent.

He sighed again. He tuned in to Lucy's heartbeat – she was sound asleep and Lois' was more normal now too – maybe she was feeling better. He hoped so. He turned and headed back inside. He lay down next to Lois and pulled her to him. Certain she was asleep he whispered, "I've loved you since the beginning, Lois. I'll love you till the end."

*****
TBC