Lois & Clark Forums Forums Fan Fiction Lois & Clark Fanfic FDK: Learning to Love, 13/?

Oh, this was so sad!!!



I don't mean I was unbearably sad that Aunt Louise died - yes, I was sad, but I wasn't devastated. Aunt Louise was clearly an old woman, and sooner or later she was going to die anyway. Of course, her death didn't make the whole situation for Lois and Clark more cheerful.

But my heart breaks for Lois! Poor, poor girl. Just imagine the childhood she and Lucy had:

Ellen gets mad when four-year-old Lucy sleeps in six-year-old Lois's bed when the two girls are alone at night anyway? And she threatens to rent the room out to one of Sam's girlfriends?

Six-year-old Lois has been left alone to fix food for herself and her little sister, and then she doesn't dare give them any milk because her mother keeps the milk in a full jug which is too big for Lois to pour from! And then she is furious when Lois spills the milk, or when she uses the nearest towels to clean up!!!!

Oh, so heartbreaking!

And then Ellen is ready to have a fit if anything is a little out of place in the house after her two little girls have been alone there all day!!!!

She is safe, she isn't alone... but she is, because Clark is not at her side, but on his side, way over there on the other side.

<sniffle>

<sniffle>

Oh, Lois, you have to believe in him and talk to him!

And she does want to make love to him. And she misses him so much that way, too.

I just loved that Lois gave Lucy the stories she had made up for her sister when they were both children! Fairy tales about Princess Lucy and Princess Lois!

But Lois has never told Clark about her very unhappy childhood. That's so sad.

And Lois dreams about her unhappy childhood as much as ever, but Lucy dreams of her childhood much less frequently than she used to, because she feels safe and loved with Jimmy, Lois and Clark. This was heartbreaking:

Oh, you're making me cry! Lucy believes completely in Clark's love for Lois, but Lois doesn't believe in it at all!

And Clark has talked to Lucy and Jimmy about not having sex too early. But he hasn't mentioned to Lois that he has talked with her sister about this.

And then Aunt Louise died, and Lois remembered her aunt's good advice - not that she had always taken it:

Then Aunt Louise died, and Clark was the one who had to tell Lois:

No one but me complained about Paul in the last chapter! Well, I'm still complaining about him!

And like everyone else, I'm sure complaining about Mayson, too! Even though I'm not asking for her death. I don't ask for the death of females on principle. They are saddled with the designation of witches and killed too easily anyway.

I'm glad that Clark asked Mayson what he could do for her, rather than sounding happy that she called. But I'm worried about the implication that Clark may have been having lunch alone with Mayson for months in a row.

At least Lois knows that Clark noticed that she couldn't sleep.

Oh, how sad! Lois feels as if Clark has already left her because of what she thinks of as his affair with Mayson, and she doesn't even care how he holds her when they fly!

Heartbreaking, Carol! When will things get better for Lois and Clark?

Ann

EDIT: I think Clark should be careful around Mayson and not keep lunching with her so often. When she said that she hoped that the two of them could see a movie together without his "sister", she basically told him she was looking for romance. It's not a good idea to say to her, "I'm sorry, I'm married, but we can spend as much time together as before".

Dying to read this, but too much work to do before 6am rolls around. Saving this space for tomorrow. Or possibly when the sun comes up.

JD

Just thought of something... maybe Clark isn't holding Lois so much when she sleeps anymore, because she isn't showing him that she appreciates it when she is awake.

Yep, total failure at communication!

Ann

My computer rebooted itself and lost all of your lovely feedback. I will attempt to recreate as much of it as possible, but my time is short now.

Any time a child raises themself and/or another child it is tragic. It shapes the person they become in ways that reach far beyond nightmares and trust issues. I have a loved one who took care of their siblings afterschool and until bedtime while their single parent worked. For the most part she is healthy and strong, but she still saves every penny (the coin) she has come across in her adult life. I suggested once that she deposit them all in the bank, and she sheepishly replied that she keeps them just in case she ever comes to a night when there isn't any food left in the house. Never mind that there is enough money to buy food for several people for several days, that old fear has hung around. For her it is a real fear based on life's experiences and therefore it's not a silly worry.

Lois has some of those old fears, as well. For her she has dreams that won't allow her to rest. For all we know she still doesn't pour her own milk or she hates peanut butter and jelly.

I have another friend who was concerned when my oldest child wanted to cook meals at my house. When she was six her mother had a temper tantrum and said that if she wasn't appreciated she was never going to cook another meal again. So for the next ten years the child did the work that an adult should do. Once again, she is a strong, healthy, functional adult who has fears that others may not have. She wondered what it "meant" when my child expressed a desire to cook, not realizing that she was a creative child who wanted to experiment with a different medium.

I'm surprised that Lois never learned to cook, since she was forced to care for herself and Lucy. Was she never allowed to use the stove? Was there some other reason we have yet to discover? Or does she resent what cooking means to her.

I did not dislike Paul when I first met him. I wasn't sure what his motivation was. However, he seems awfully coldhearted. I still don't completely get him. What does he hope to gain? Is he interested in Lois romantically? Does he resent Clark for some insane reason? I just don't get him.

I appreciated Clark's tenderness in this segment. He was levelheaded even in the midst of grief. Better yet, he fully grieved Aunt Louise as if she were his own. In many ways, she had become his own even though two years is not a long time.

I'm hoping that this time alone will give Lois and Clark a time to talk. If Aunt Louise planned her funeral in advance there should be little for Lois and Clark to do except select pictures for a display. Even if she didn't plan it in advance funeral homes have streamlined the process to the point where there should only be one morning or one afternoon of difficult decision making, selecting caskets, burial plots, scriptures or poetry, music and flowers, filling in information for obituaries and programs, deciding where and when the visitation, funeral, and wake will be held. That still leaves a lot of empty time.

One thing I've been looking for but haven't seen for a long time is a Clark's eye perspective on things. I don't understand why Clark allowed his relationship with Mayson to continue unchanged when he realized she was interested in him romantically. I don't understand why he quit pursuing Lois. I wonder if he really has given up hope for them.


Elisabeth

Now I have to agree about the whole Mayson thing. It was one thing for them to be friends and hang out, it’s another to do so when Mayson made it clear that she was interested in being more than just friends with Clark. She obviously still has her eyes on him, which makes it a problem. I know Clark is a little naïve, but the two of them have been friends for how long now? I really think Clark should have become more suspicious of Lois’ reasons for suddenly starting to skip out on their lunch dates once Mayson entered the picture. It’s good that Clark is honest with Lois about things like it being Mayson on the phone, but I’m really surprised that he hasn’t noticed how Mayson bothers Lois at all.

On to other things…I’m not surprised about the death of Aunt Louise. Like Ann said, I knew she was old so it would probably happen eventually. It makes me so sad for poor Lois though. As if her life wasn’t tough enough already, and now this

I do hope that Lois and Clark start communicating soon. Communication can be really difficult, especially when two people the schedules these two do, and never see each other. That whole thing about they just need to sit down and talk? Not easy. I find that believable. I’d venture to say more relationships have bad communication than good.

But, Lois and Clark used to be best friends. They need to get that back. Maybe they could start writing letters to each other to express unsaid thoughts? It would probably be easier to write their thoughts than say them (especially on Lois’ behalf), and it would be more practical considering their schedules.

I hope they start to get things straightened out soon.

Although I was sad to see Aunt Louise die, perhaps now Lois and Clark can take a breather and reconnect. Of course now that the one adult who really looked after their relationship is gone, it is possible that things will get even worse for them.

And it's too bad that Lois hasn't really opened up to Clark about some of her family dynamics yet. Perhaps if she did, Clark would understand some of her needs and be able to provide better emotional support.

I will respond to comments later, but I did want to post this sooner than that. In reading the comments, I went back and reread part 12 that was posted on the boards and some of the changes I had made to it weren't in the posted version - ARGH! I don't know what happened to them because they weren't in the saved version either [I'm guessing my 3yo had something to do with it but I'm not sure what yet ].

Anyway - I've changed the Ch. 12 segment in question and am going to post it here too. I don't *know* that it makes much of a difference at this point, but may later. The differences are fairly subtle, but potentially important later I think. Not all of the following has changes, but since it was close to the end I'm just pasting the end.

Revised part 12:

He'd started squirreling away a few dollars of his spending money every pay period. He figured $3 here and $7 there over the course of the next two years would add up and he'd be able to take Lois somewhere nice for their first real date – maybe even enough to buy her a nice new dress. He wondered if the tux Aunt Louise had given him would still fit by then. He'd noticed that he was starting to fill out more. Mayson had even commented that he was in good shape and wondered when he time to work out. The T-shirt he'd been wearing that day was snug. He'd realized when he put it on that it was more snug than it had been last fall.

Mayson.

He almost felt guilty about thinking about her in almost the same thought as Lois and their first real date, but there was nothing between them. She was a friend. Since Lois had abandoned most of their lunch dates, it was nice to have company.

Of course, in practically the same breath, she'd also muttered something about working out because of not getting any other physical release because his wife was so cold. His eyes had narrowed at that. He'd never discussed his sex life – or lack of it – with her and she had no reason to believe he and Lois didn't engage in those activities regularly. However, she clearly disliked Lois. They'd managed to avoid meeting each other so far so he wasn't sure what the dislike was based on, except her possible attraction to him. He thought he'd nipped that in the bud right after they met, but maybe he hadn't. She hadn't said or done anything to indicate that she wanted more from him except for the occasional snide remark – always under her breath where he shouldn't have heard it – about Lois. Inappropriate of her to do that? Sure. Meant she was waiting for him and Lois to split up so she could swoop in? He didn't think so.

The more he thought about it, the more he realized that he'd spent more time with Mayson recently than Lois. Significantly more, especially when their canceled Political Science class this week into account. It had been the first really nice day of the spring, and he'd been unable to avoid noticing that she was wearing a top designed to attract attention. He'd accidentally heard some of the other guys notice it too. And the girls. Surely it wasn't to attract his attention. Was it? No, of course not. She'd mentioned a date with a guy in her physics class the other day. What was his name? Dan something? Whatever it was, it was probably for that guy's benefit.

He sometimes felt guilty for spending any time with a woman who wasn't his wife – that was one thing his mom had warned him about in the letter she'd given him for his engagement – even the appearance of something improper could ruin a marriage. He was careful to make sure they were always in public, never alone. She'd invited him to her dorm for one study session but he'd declined and they met in a study room in the library with big windows and lots of people walking by in the middle of the day. He didn't want to give Lois any reason to think he was cheating on her by spending time alone with another woman in a private setting of any kind, even if it was completely innocent.

He sighed again. He tuned in to Lucy's heartbeat – she was sound asleep and Lois' was more normal now too – maybe she was feeling better. He hoped so. He turned and headed back inside. He lay down next to Lois and pulled her to him. Certain she was asleep he whispered, "I've loved you since the beginning, Lois. I'll love you till the end."

*****

Carol, I know i should leave more FDK, but given how time is short and um, stuff.

Loved all the introspection and stuff. Looking forward to tomorrow morning. Hope I'll find a nice new Lesson to read when I wake up

Michael

I know that Clark has a dense molecular structure, but he can't be that dense!

First of all, I wouldn't sit with another woman at lunch without another person there, preferably male. Second, I would continue to do so for SIX FREAKING MONTHS, especially if Elisabeth all of a sudden dropped out on lunch consistantly like that! I would pursue her, find a way to each lunch with her, make a nuisence <sp> of myself.

I realize that there will 'hopefully' be the 'talk' that they both have needed will happen at this funeral, but realistically, the six month time span needs to be drastically shortened. I can't buy Clark being that innocent about Mayson's intentions. Heck, Lana should have been eye opening enough for him.

And Paul...don't know what to think about him. It seems like we are missing a scene with him and his photographer about the Mayson/Clark picture. I just don't get him.

Reading the above, I realize that I am coming down really heavy handed, but I can't think of an easier way of saying what I said.

Looking forward to the next installment.

Good luck on potty training.
James

I have to admit the... 'condemnation' of Clark surprises me. Or rather the vehemence of it does I suppose. Maybe it's because it's my story and I 'know' more than you guys do - both what you'll find out through the course of the story and what you won't but I know anyway - does that make sense? If you look at what *we* actually *know* about is the following:
* Clark and Mayson is that they've had lunch a lot.
* We know it was just the two of them the first three days.
* We know it was just the two of them studying the day their class was canceled.
* We know *Lois* only *saw* two of them in the picture of them eating lunch together.
* We know Mayson made a comment to Clark about working out.
* We know Clark has spent more time with her at the one point than he had with Lois recently.

We don't *know*:
* That it's always just the two of them.
* That they saw each other over summer break or winter break.
* That they saw each other or ate together or whatever during the Fall semester because we skipped from August to February.

At least not at the end of Ch. 13. I guess that's one of the... pitfalls? of WiPs. I *know* more than you guys do... You'll find out much more in Ch. 14 and beyond.

Anyway...

Ann - yes, Ellen is horrid isn't she? But she's also a drunk and doesn't have to be rational and sadly wasn't. I'm relieved that you were 'okay' with Louise dying because you were one that worried me most - I know how you feel about killing off female characters, but part of the reason I switched her engagement from WWII to WWI was because she was supposed to be in her 80s and so her death, while unpleasant, isn't necessarily unexpected. If you want to 'hear' one of the princess stories - wait for the release of LtL: Lucy's Story - she tells Lucy one in there. Lois and Clark will talk later about *why* Lucy can believe those things even though Lois doesn't. I'd be interested to hear theories to see what others think. I did notice that you said this [emphasis added]:

That goes back to what I was saying above. It's implied, not stated. However, when she asked him out - they'd only known each other for three days - I'm not sure how they could spend less time together... But I do understand what you're saying.

JD - Hope you made it back .

Interesting theory, Ann!

Elisabeth - I hate it when computers do that - though mine usually involves a 3yo.

This reminds me of two things: One a dear friend who still won't eat peanut butter [but it was his choice to eat nothing else for all of jr. high] and DH. We go through... 3-4 gallons of milk a week most weeks and even when it was just me and DH we'd go through 2 or so. However, when he was growing up, they RARELY finished a gallon before it went bad so the last inch or so was always yucky. It was YEARS before DH would drink the last of the milk - he'd either drink something else or open a new gallon even though the date on it was days away. And he still won't eat tuna. Interesting how those things stay with us.

I tend to go with Lois just can't cook. She probably could do a bit more than PBJ eventually, but I'm thinking more along the lines of cold cuts and Ramen noodles and prepackaged oatmeal. As mentioned above, we'll see more of Clark in 14. And we'll find out about Paul, but later.

Rona - letters - that's very interesting and a good idea. Of course, these two don't always listen to good advice . I think Lois has tried hard to not let Clark know it's Mayson that bothers her - rather she has [seemingly] legitimate reasons for not doing lunch with him - especially for someone taking as many credits as she is [I think the math I did had her at 19 credits most semesters - that's A LOT].

Beth - When I first started this, I honestly thought Louise was who Lois thought she was. On their wedding night - Louise surprised me to no end. I was sad to see her go as well.

Michael - Glad to know you're at least still here .

James - great to have you caught up!!! See above for my thoughts about thoughts on Clark. You're right to wonder about Paul and Linda, but this is all from either Clark or Lois' POV so having scene with just them is hard. We'll find out more about it later. And yeah - the potty training... *sigh* I don't know what to do with that girl, but she's not getting it just yet. *sigh some more*

Thanks once again for the FDK everyone. Part 14 should be up tonight after I read through it again to make sure that I didn't miss anything like I did in 12...

Carol

Ack Carol! Well, not really ack toward you, but ACK Lois! Ack Clark!

As much as I hope that the funeral will be a time when Lois and Clark finally 'talk' - I don't think that will happen. 1- because it makes too much sense, and 2- because he's gonna leave to go get Jimmy, etc. In other words, stuff will continue to get in the way. To quote Bugs (Bunny, that is) "Oh the a-go-neee!"

I still don't trust Paul. I think he has some underlying... underlies for Lois. His grumpiness over Clark comforting her probably has to do with his own preferences for who gets to comfort her. I'd like to order one of those bats for him if I may.

It was enlightening and sad to get the memories of Lois's childhood. I think it's to her credit that Lucy doesn't have near the same depth of scarring that she has with trust and abandonment issues. Of course Lucy still has them, but I think that Lois was able to provide a sense of security for her younger sister that Lois herself didn't experience. Unfortunately, Lois's knee-jerk reaction is going to be to doubt Clark and do little things to sabotage his declarations - which is probably why he's decided to not push her, when to some extent that's exactly what she needs. It's almost as if for Lois to see that he's serious about loving her, he has to be able to withstand a full-out barrage of her insecure attacks. Is that fair to Clark? No- but I fear that is what it will take. If she can do her worst and he's still there, it might finally start to sink in that he loves her, that she deserves it, and more importantly, that she doesn't have to *do* anything special to deserve it. It's unconditional.

As for the Clark backlash... lol, I understand the author-dilemma here. You know everything there is to know about Clark- you've been able to sit in on his introspections, you know his motivations, and you can comprehend the actions he takes. The reader, on the other hand, has to take what's given at face value. I have empathy for him and what he's going through, but he's got to take the blinders off in Mayson's case and get some insight into the timing of Lois's distancing campaign. Can I send him a letter on behalf of Martha about being married?

Speaking of letters, I think that Rona's idea has merit. LnC have gotten so out of sync with one another that I feel they need to go back to square one- and for them, that was as penpals and best friends. *sniff* I miss that.

Okay, I'm going to go brave the next part now...

~s

Me too. But I may cut him more slack because I've been there. I got married at 18, (and I'm still married to the same woman over 30 years later).

In the early days of my marriage my wife expressed distrust and jealousy towards a female friend of mine. This friend advised me that if my wife was feeling that way I should just not associate with her (the friend). She told me I should make it clear by my actions that my wife was the more important person. I took her advice and have applied it many times over the years. It is likely one of the reasons I am still married.

As for the friend, she and her husband have been married almost as long as my wife and I and we've all been friends for decades.

However of the many couples who got married in our "group" during that same half decade period, I can only recall two other couples, out of dozens, who are still married.

So I found Clark's actions understandable and normal and I also found Lois's reaction reasonable.

Sonia - I think you've hit one nail on the proverbial head. Lucy doesn't have the same level of scarring - in large part because she has Lois. As for Martha's letter... well, I posted the engagement/wedding ones so maybe what you're looking for is in there .

Framework - I bow to your longevity. We know several couples who've been married into the mid 20s and a couple into the early 30s at this point [but they moved ]. My parents neared 20 before my mom died - I think they were at 18, but I'm not sure. No, maybe 16... I don't remember - I was 10. That was very wise of your friend and shows just how good a friend she was. DH and I were talking a few weeks ago wondering how many of DD6's kindergarten classmates [20 total] would have parents still married to each other when they graduated high school [we were driving by the new one at the time - and not including those who might be widowed]. We guessed the number would be less than 5, which is very sad. We're fortunate in that most of our friends are in stable marriages - though that can change of course. Most of our married friends are in our married couples Sunday School class which probably helps some. There's one notable exception to that with some friends who split [rightfully so - if I never see him again it'll be too soon] after nearly 20 years. I agree with you that both actions/reactions are understandable. They're coming from very different places and not communicating. It's something that could probably be easily resolved if she'd tell him it bothered her. Clark's trying to be careful but Lois doesn't see that - just that he's having lunch with someone else but no knowledge beyond that - just her own life experiences coloring her perceptions.

Thanks you two!
Carol