My palms were sweating when we walked up the steps towards my parents place. Or I guess maybe it was Clark's palm. But Clark's palms don't sweat, so I guess it was mine after all.
Still, I could tell by looking at his face that he was nervous as well. I had told him what Lucy said about Dad knowing about him, but this was still going to be awkward. For the first twenty five years or so, I tried to keep as many details of my life as possible from my parents and now I was about to share with them (or in my father's case, confirm) the biggest secret I have ever had.
Mom answered the doorbell almost immediately and I could tell that our asking to come over tonight had worried them. Underneath the wrinkles from worrying, though, Mom looked tan from her trip. And strangely, it felt good to see her. Something about the look on her face brought to mind vague memories from when I was a young child. Before Dad started spending too many nights elsewhere and Mom turned to the bottle. When she gave me a hug hello I recalled her coming to kiss me goodnight when I was sick, assuring me that I would feel much better in the morning.
Dad came over soon after and he, too, looked concerned.
“Hi, Princess,” he said as I noticed Mom hugging Clark much tighter than normal.
“Hi, Daddy,” I said. My parents exchanged a look. I had not called my father "Daddy' in years and while it was just a slip, my parents clearly caught it.
Mom took a deep breath, “Can I get either of you anything?” she asked us.
“I'm fine, Ellen,” Clark said, glancing at me.
“Me, too,” I said weakly.
“I'm sorry,” Clark came over to take my hand while he spoke. “We didn't mean to worry you.”
“Oh, you didn't,” Dad said, but then after a moment, he seemed to reconsider. “Well, you did, a little. But it's not that big a deal.”
“What's going on?” Mom asked as she moved over to the sofa in the living room and we all sat down. “Is everything okay with the two of you? I thought there was something wrong when we talked earlier.”
I took a deep breath and squeezed Clark's hand. He took my unspoken invitation and began explaining, “Lois didn't mean to mislead you, Ellen. We were just waiting for some news and she thought it would be better to tell you once we had all the information.”
“What is it?” Dad asked.
“Well, we still don't know,” I offered.
We all sat in silence for a moment. My parents clearly expected us to pick up the narrative again, but for the moment neither Clark nor I did.
Clark let go of my hand to wrap his arms around my shoulders, bringing me closer to him. I felt tears prick at my eyes again, and through them I could see Mom smiling at Clark's show of affection.
“Lois is pregnant,” Clark announced.
“That's great!” Mom exclaimed and she immediately came over to give us a hug. Dad, however, hung back.
I saw his Adam's apple move as he swallowed hard. “Is everything okay with the baby?” he asked.
“We're not sure,” I said.
“The baby looks a little small,” Clark explained. “Lois took some blood tests to see if everything was going alright and we expected to get news today, but unfortunately one of the blood tests was lost and we'll need to wait until tomorrow.”
“So,” Mom said, understanding now why we were not quite so excited. “What does it mean? I mean what will the blood test tell you?”
“Not much,” Clark sighed. “Mostly just if Lois' body is responding appropriately to being pregnant. If it's not, it may be something fixable like taking a supplement, or it could be that Lois' body is responding normally for a baby that is not going to make it.”
“But it won't tell you whether there is anything… unusual with the baby?” Dad asked.
Clark glanced at me and I smiled slightly. If there had been any doubt about what Lucy said, Dad's deliberation and decision to use the word “unusual” certainly clarified. He knew.
“No, Sam, if there is something wrong with the baby, this won't necessarily tell us unless Lois' body has picked up on it yet. We know, though, that there is something unusual about the baby and that does complicate things slightly.”
“The baby is unusual?” Mom asked.
I took a deep breath.
“Ellen,” Clark said, his voice solemn, “I'm Superman.”
Mom's response was one I had not expected. She sighed. We all stared at her a minute in surprise until she mumbled, “Oh, thank goodness!”
We all continued to look at her strangely and finally she noticed and explained. “Sorry, I'm sure that's not the reaction you were expecting. It's just that, well, when you were sick,” she said to Clark, “the way Lois was so concerned about you, so upset. Well, I thought she was having an affair. With Superman,” she clarified. “When Sam told me he thought everything was going well for the two of you, I was surprised. But a little while later, the thought occurred to me that the only way you could be doing well was if Lois was not having an affair and you were so sure of her that you did not mind her behavior with Superman. I just couldn't believe anyone could be that sure of anyone else's feelings. So eventually, I started to wonder. I mean, you have the same build and you look a bit alike. But I wasn't sure and some part of me was still worried that Sam was wrong and Lois was having an affair. I'm just glad to be wrong.”
Clark smiled, “For the record, Ellen, I am that sure of Lois' feelings,” he said, squeezing me slightly.
Mom laughed, “Well, of course you are. Who would cheat on Superman?”
I smiled, looking at Clark. “Oh, I'm sure lots of women would get bored of the superpowers after awhile. But I can't imagine anyone would cheat on Clark.”
Clark leaned over to place a chaste kiss on my lips. “I love you so much,” he whispered into my hair as he pulled me into a hug.
“You knew, didn't you?” Mom was asking Dad as we pulled apart.
Dad smiled slightly. “I suspected. More than you, probably. I wasn't 100% sure, though. But the way both Lois and the Kents fussed over Superman, and Clark's not being there. It all just made sense at the time. But you weren't always in the room,” he said to Mom. “You couldn't see the way Lois looked at him.”
Mom smiled broadly, “I imagine much the way she is right now,” she teased me.
Dad reached over to take Mom's hand. “I wanted to tell you, Ellen. Really, I did. But it was Lois and Clark's secret.”
Mom leaned over to place a kiss on Dad's cheek. “I know. And I'm not upset at all.”
“So,” Dad said, “what does this mean for the baby?”
I could feel myself deflate at the comment. I had managed to forget, just for a moment, the stress of the past few days.
When Clark responded, I could tell he felt the same way. “We just don't know. There isn't anyone here who is familiar with a Kryptonian pregnancy let alone one that is only half Kryptonian.”
“So maybe the baby is the right size for your baby?” Mom clarified.
“Maybe,” Clark said. “We just don't know.”
**************
I sat on the examination table in Evelyn's lab a week and a half later feeling more anxious than I could remember ever feeling before. I had had two more blood tests and the original lost tests had been found. The tests showed my hormone levels increasing correctly. But based on what Evelyn had told us before this could mean that everything was alright or it could mean that my body had yet to determine that everything was not okay.
Eventually, Clark, Evelyn, and I had agreed that the blood tests were not giving us any information and while it was hard, Clark and I decided to wait until another ultrasound would show something useful.
Evelyn took longer coming in this time than normal and while I was trying to hold it together, something about sitting in that room half dressed, knowing we were about to know almost for sure what was going on made me burst into tears.
Clark came over to hold me awkwardly. He rubbed my back in soothing circles, kissing me lightly on my temple. “Whatever it is, Lois, it's okay. It's just another step in the process,” he said.
His words were so calm, but his voice sounded odd and when I looked up, I could see that he was crying, too.
We must have made quite a sight when Evelyn walked in, but she did not look shocked at our tear stained faces. Instead, she looked at us sadly. “I'm sorry,” she said softly. “I know this is stressful. I wish I could have made it easier on you…”
“No,” Clark cut her off. “We're glad you told us the truth early on. It's better to know now than to find out after we got really attached to the baby.”
Evelyn moved to the other side of the room. Grabbing a tissue box, she handed it to us. “Do you want a minute more before we start?” she asked us.
I shook my head adamantly. “No,” I said. “I want to know now.”
“Okay,” Evelyn said. “Whenever you're ready, move down and put your feet in the stirrups.”
Clark let go of me as I adjusted myself on the table and then he moved to hold my hand. Evelyn adjusted things on her end and finally moved the screen so it was facing us as well.
Then she sat down and started the ultrasound. I spent the entire three or four minutes staring at the screen, hoping to see some sign. I knew it was silly since the baby would still be too small for me to know the difference, but I think I was hoping to see a little baby waving at me from the screen.
Evelyn said nothing while she made measurements on the screen and moved the probe around. Finally, she finished.
“Okay, you can get dressed now,” she told me.
“What did it say?” I asked as I hopped down from the table, wrapping the sheet around me.
“Honestly, I'm not completely certain,” she said. “Come into the other room when you're finished and we'll talk.”
I got dressed quickly and we moved out to the other room where Evelyn was waiting for us on a couch. Holding hands, Clark and I moved to join her.
“So?” Clark prodded her as we sat down.
“So, I still can't see a baby,” Evelyn said cautiously.
“And you normally would at eight weeks?” I asked.
“Well, yes, at eight weeks. But not at six and a half weeks and given the size of the baby two weeks ago, that's the new age.” Evelyn explained.
“Did it grow at all?” Clark asked.
“Yes,” Evelyn said. “The gestational sac is now the right size for a six and a half week old baby. But the thing is, sometimes, often, even, the sac gets bigger even if the baby stopped growing if the body has not figured it out.”
I think she took in our faces and realized how disappointed we were as she was fast to reassure us, “But normally that growth would be less than expected, so the baby may only be five and a half weeks in size by now. Honestly, I think the fact that the baby looks two weeks older than it did two week ago is only good news. It means that maybe implantation took a bit longer, but now you're back on track.”
“But?” Clark prodded her.
“But without seeing a baby, I can't make any promises,” Evelyn said. “I think everything is going to be fine. I really do. But I won't know for sure for another week and a half or so.”
