Thanks as always to Alisha, Beth, Nancy, and CarolynK.
And I promise this is the only appearance by someone. You'll know who.
Notes at the end about Lucy's Story.
*****
Chapter 42
*****
Clark could hardly believe his eyes and ears. Lois, the one woman he had wanted to make love with for as long as he could remember, was standing in front of him in a red dress cut so low... He could feel her hands resting on his chest until they began playing with the buttons on his shirt. She obviously had a plan and she knew that the only way he'd follow through with this later in the evening was if she was wearing one of his shirts, because he was sure she hadn't brought the nightgown back.
She started at the top and unbuttoned two buttons before deciding it was time to kiss him. She rested one hand on the side of his face. He gulped as she stood on tiptoe, one hand on the side of his face and pressed her lips lightly against his. He felt her arms snake around his neck and she pulled him closer. He wrapped his arms around her, losing himself in her kiss, tasting the chocolate she'd eaten earlier and the wine she must have already had.
Then something assaulted his enhanced senses. She was scared. He wasn't sure how he could tell but he could. Something about her scent tipped him off. As good a front as she was putting on, this scared her.
With a groan, he pushed her away. "Lois..."
"What, Clark?"
He rested his forehead against hers. "You're slightly drunk already and this isn't what you really want."
"What do you mean, Clark? Of course, it's what I want." She tried to kiss him again, but he pulled back.
He pushed her away from him and took her hand and led her to the couch. He sat down and pulled her down next to him, knees touching. "Lois, I can smell it. You're scared. If this was what you really wanted, you wouldn't be scared, not like this any way."
Tears glistened in her eyes. "What makes you so sure?"
"I know you, Lois. I know your scent and your scent normally isn't scared. If this was what you really wanted, it wouldn't be like that."
He saw the tears spill on to her cheeks. "Don't you want me, Clark? Don't you find me attractive? Don't you find me desirable?"
He wiped her cheeks with the pad of his thumb. "You know I do. I love you so much. You are incredibly beautiful, and alluring and desirable and gorgeous and attractive and sensuous and enchanting and enthralling and you are so sexy." He took a deep breath. "I have dreamed about the day when you told me that you loved me and wanted me like I love and want you. And you know that. But not like this – not when it's not what you really want."
The tears continued to flow and he pulled her closer to him, wrapping his arms around her. "Sh, honey. Don't cry. I love you, I want you, I want to be with you, but not until the time is right and the place is right."
"But Lucy said..." The words were barely more than a whisper.
"Who cares what Lucy says? She and Jimmy have been married for all of a week. We've been married a lot longer than that. They were able to choose when they got married without the specter of foster care hanging over them in the wake of your parent's death with another six months of high school left. Sure – they've explored the 'physical side of marriage'," he used finger quotes to emphasize his point, "but they haven't been through what we have - the struggles to make ends meet, to raise your little sister while going to college and working and never seeing each other, the assault. What we have works for us for now. Hopefully not forever, but I told you two days after we got married that I would never leave you because you weren't ready to make love with me and I still mean it today."
Lois took comfort in Clark's warm embrace. For the millionth time, she wondered what she'd done to deserve such a wonderful man.
Someday, she swore to herself, someday she would love him the way she longed to. Someday she would get out the nightgown Aunt Louise had given her and then Clark would know that this was what she really wanted.
"I want to, you know." She whispered in between hiccups.
"Want to what?"
"I want to want you. I want to love you like that. My heart breaks that I don't, that I’m not ready for this."
"I know, honey, I know."
They sat there for a long time, before Clark finally broke the silence. "Lois – why did you do this? Be honest."
"I told you. What Lucy said..."
"No, there's more to it than that and you and I both know it."
She sighed. "I liked that kiss last night – a lot – and I just thought..."
"I liked it a lot too but that doesn't mean we have to go any further than that tonight. Tonight's not even a date night," he pointed out.
"So, I wanted to kiss my husband and have him make love to me. What's wrong with that?" she asked, defensive.
Clark released her and stood up to pace the room. "What's wrong with that?" he said to himself. "Nothing. Not if it's what you want. But if *I* won't pressure you into something, why on earth would you let your sister? Just because she's been married a week and is now an expert on physical relationships? How many times have you told me that you protected her from so much growing up? We've been over this I don't know how many times. You're *not* Lucy and I'm not Jimmy and just because they got married and *are* exploring that part of their relationship after they've been together for three years, doesn't mean that we have to. If they jumped off a bridge, would you?"
"What? Of course not. I'm not following you, Clark."
"You're not your sister," he told her.
"I know I'm not."
"But you're acting like you have to keep up with her. She and Jimmy aren't where we are."
"You mean well on their way to their fifth anniversary and still virgins?" she asked sarcastically.
"So what? Do you not believe me when I say I'll wait as long as it takes? That if it never happens, I'd still love you and want to spend my life with you? Don't you believe me?"
"Yes, I do."
"Then why push it?"
"What she said made sense."
"Who were your three people that you wanted to have on your panel – do you remember?"
"What?" Lois shook her head at the sudden subject change.
"When we played the UnGame on our honeymoon. Who did you want?"
"You, Perry and Albert Chow."
"Why Albert Chow?"
"Why is this relevant?"
"Just answer the question," he practically demanded.
"Because he'd made money – he'd been there, done that so his opinion would mean something. And Lex Luthor gave me the creeps so I didn't pick him even though he was local."
"And why Perry?"
"He was my idol. I wanted to work at the Daily Planet more than anything and he'd really impressed me when I met him."
"And me?" he asked more quietly.
"You were my best friend."
"Were?"
"Were. When I made the list, you *were* my best friend. You still are."
"When we were struggling to make ends meet, who did we listen to? Some broke guy?"
"No. That guy on radio."
"Why?"
"Because he'd made money and lost it doing stupid things, learned from his mistakes and made money back again."
"He knew what he was talking about."
"Right."
"So for money advice you'd go to him or Albert Chow because they know what they're talking about. When it comes to life in general, you'd go to Perry – or Alice – because he's been around the block a few times and knows what he's talking about. In the nine or ten months since I told Perry everything, has Alice *ever* suggested to you that this was the way to make our marriage better?"
"No," she whispered.
"But Lucy, who's been married a *week*, suggests it so that makes it a good idea?" Clark's voice was gaining volume.
"No," she shouted back. "It wasn't anything I haven't said to myself a million times in the last year."
"Like what?"
"That tons of people do this all the time without any sort of long term relationship – just something between two people who are attracted to each other and nothing more. Why couldn't it be like that for us?"
"Because that's not what either of us wants. At least that's not what *I* want." His voice softened and he stopped his pacing to look at her. "I want to make love to my wife because we're both ready for it not because she's decided that mutual physical attraction is enough and even though she's scared witless, that's how she wants our first experience to be – physical attraction that doesn't necessarily require commitment to go with it."
"I *am* committed to you, Clark. You know that."
"And I'm committed to you. Regardless of anything else. When the time's right, the time's right and it has nothing to do with Lucy and Jimmy getting married." He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Listen, I'll be back in a bit, okay?"
She nodded, tears finally slipping down her face.
He knelt down in front of her. "Hey, look at me." She shook her head. "I'm *not* leaving. I just need to get out of here for a little bit. I'll be back before you know it. Okay?"
She nodded, not trusting herself to speak.
He kissed her forehead. "I'll be back soon. I promise." He headed to the door. "I love you, Lois, and I will wait as long as it takes. I promise."
A few minutes later, he landed in the White's backyard. He knocked on the back door and waited for Perry to answer the door. "Clark! What are you doing back here?"
"Can I talk to you?" Clark stuck his hands in his pockets.
"Sure. Let me tell Alice I'll be out here." A few minutes later they were sitting on the stairs of the deck. "What's up?"
Clark shrugged. "I know Lois gave me permission to talk to you about a lot of things, but I'm not sure if it extends to this or not. I didn't really think of that until after I got here. I just thought 'who could I talk to'? And you were the only person who came to mind."
"So a marriage thing then?" Well, he wasn't yodeling, but he sure was perceptive.
"Yeah."
"Well, if you don't think she'd appreciate you talking to me about it, maybe you better not."
"That's kind of what I'm thinking. I don't think she'd mind if I talked to you, but I do think she'd be upset if Alice read her the riot act next time we see you guys."
"And you think Alice might?"
"Yeah." Clark sighed and leaned back, resting his elbows on the top step and stretching his legs out in front of him. "You know I love Lucy, but she's not the one Lois should be taking marriage advice from," he finally said.
"Ah." It was like a light bulb went on in Perry's head. "I think I get it. Lucy gets back from her honeymoon and gives Lois some marriage advice and now you're sitting here."
"You didn't become editor of a major metropolitan newspaper because you can yodel."
"Nope. Little more to it than that." He sighed and moved so he was sitting as Clark was. "You two had a fight over it?"
"A bit. Not horrible but yeah." He sighed. "I kissed her – I mean really kissed her – for the first time last night. We went on our second date and she wanted me to and I wanted to and it was everything I hoped it would be."
"That's good."
"It is. And she liked it too."
"That's good, too."
"Yeah, but she's pushing herself when she's not ready because Lucy told her she should."
"I love Lucy, too, but Lois should know better than that."
"She does, but I think between Lucy waxing poetic about their honeymoon and a great kiss last night... She's pushing herself before she's ready. She actually compared it to two people who find each other attractive but have no relationship at all – like we'd met in a bar or something. That's not what I want and she should know that by now."
"Yes, she should."
Clark sighed. "What does she think? I'm going to leave her if she doesn't have sex with me? Then where would I be? She's my best friend and my soul mate. Could I find someone to have a physical relationship with if that's all I wanted?" He stood and started to pace in front of the steps. "Yeah, I could. Hell, I could probably look up Mayson or Lana right now and tell them I'd changed my mind. But that's not what I want. I want *Lois*, but not like that; not when she's pushing herself because someone else thinks she should."
"But you've said it before – part of her is still afraid you're going to leave. That part is getting smaller and smaller all the time, but it's still there isn't it?"
He nodded.
"Then why are you here?" Perry asked quietly.
"I told her I needed to get out for a few minutes and would be back. I promised her that three or four times before I left."
"But you still left."
Clark ran a hand through his hair and sat back down. "I know, but I needed to get out of there before I said something stupid."
"Like what?"
"I don't know, but I was getting mad and I needed to cool down a bit. I was already getting better by the time I got here."
"Think you probably better get back then?"
"Yeah, I probably should." They sat for another minute. "Thanks, Perry."
"Shoot. I didn't do anything."
"Just being here is enough."
"Then I'm glad I'm here. Now get back home and give that wife of yours a big hug for me."
"Will do." Clark stood and moved away from Perry, smiling before he literally disappeared before Perry's eyes in a blur of color.
*****
Lois swiped at her eyes and reached for the phone. "Hello?"
"Hi, Lois."
"Alice. Hi." Well, she knew where Clark went.
"Listen, Clark just showed up to talk to Perry. Is everything okay?"
"No." She hiccupped. "I did something stupid and I think it hurt Clark and made him mad and I feel like an idiot for taking marriage advice from my sister and Clark made it abundantly clear that he felt that way, too."
"Well, Lucy's been married for what? Seven days? Sure she and Jimmy have been together a lot longer than that but I would probably recommend finding someone with slightly more life under their belts before going to them for advice."
"I know, but she didn't say anything I hadn't thought myself a million times so..."
"Just because she said something you'd been thinking doesn't mean that it's the right thing to do," Alice said gently.
"I know. And, deep down, I knew that, but... Lucy's so happy – and Jimmy, too – that I just thought..."
"Clark loves you, Lois and he wants more than some variation on a one-night stand with his wife," Alice reminded her.
"I know."
"And you can't honestly tell me that you expected that to happen and it wouldn't change the rest of your relationship."
Lois didn't say anything for a long moment. "I guess not. But part of me was hoping it *would* change our relationship. Lucy told me that she's loved Jimmy for a long time, but once they were finally together this week, it changed things. And I wondered if it might be that way for us, for me. Like just ripping off the band-aid or something."
"Well," Alice said slowly. "That's one way to look at it, but I don't know that it's the right way."
"Oh, I'm sure it's not," Lois said sarcastically. "I just can't seem to get any of this right."
"He loves you, so much. And when the time and place is right, it'll happen. And even if it's a bit awkward at first, it'll be great because it'll be *right*."
Lois opened her mouth to say something, but a knock at the door stopped her. "Listen, Alice, someone is here. Can I talk to you later?"
"Of course. Anytime. And I mean that."
"I know. Thanks."
She hung up the phone and went to the door. Unlike their Athens apartment, this one was in an actual apartment building. She looked out the peep hole and recognized the man as one of their neighbors. She opened the door, but kept the chain in place.
"Excuse me," he said before she had a chance to say anything. "You are American, are you not?"
She nodded. "Yes, my husband and I are both Americans."
He smiled what she was sure was supposed to be a charming smile. "Good. I wanted to make sure I was speaking the right language to such a beautiful lady."
"What can I do for you?"
"My name is Claude and I live across the way there. I'm making dinner for a lovely lady but I'm out of butter. Could you perhaps help me?"
"How much do you need?"
"Not much."
Lois nodded. "I'll be right back." She shut the door and went to get some butter. When she opened it again, she'd removed the chain. "Here. How's that?"
He nodded. "That is perfect."
Neither one noticed the other person in the hall.
Clark moved behind Claude. "Excuse me," he said politely, though Lois was sure it was just an act. "Can I squeeze by you?"
Claude stepped to the side. "My apologies, sir." He held out a hand. "So you are the man lucky enough to share your life with such a beautiful woman. I am Claude."
"Clark," he said, shaking the hand quickly, moving to stand behind Lois, resting one hand possessively on her shoulder. "Is there something else we can get you?"
"No. Now I am going back to dinner with my lady friend." He bowed slightly. "Merci. And have a good evening."
Clark closed the door and turned to look at Lois.
She moved away from him to sit in the living room chair. "So, how's Perry?"
"He's good." Clark stared at the floor. "I know I shouldn't have left, but I needed to get out of here before I said something I shouldn't have, and I was getting mad."
"Mad because I wanted you to make love to me?"
"No, mad because you're pushing yourself before you're ready."
"You don't really understand what happened, Clark," she pointed out.
"What are you talking about?"
"You don't really understand what happened. You didn't let me finish trying to explain it to you."
Clark sat on the couch. "Okay. Explain."
"And you can't interrupt me."
"Fine."
Lois took a deep breath and started. "Lucy didn't say anything I hadn't thought a million times before. Just let it be what it is. Two good friends who love each other and are attracted to each other. Just something we do – like play racquetball or something." She didn't look at him as she spoke. "Friends with benefits. And I know that's not what you really want, and it's not what I really want either, but Lucy said something else that I'd wondered about but she knows from personal experience now..."
She didn't speak for a long moment.
"What's that?" he finally asked her.
"She said that she loves Jimmy on a whole different level now than she did a week ago and he loves her more now than he did before. And I just thought..." Her voice trailed off.
"That it might make a difference?"
She shrugged. "Something like that. You know I want to love you like that and I thought that might change how I feel."
"And what if it didn't? What if it was everything you were afraid of? You made yourself go through with it and didn't enjoy it because you were so scared the whole time and then you'd have set yourself back even further?"
"I guess that's possible." Lois thought about it and sighed. "You're probably right. It probably would have backfired and then we'd be even worse off than we are now."
Clark nodded. He started to say something but was interrupted by the ringing phone.
Lois picked it up. "Hello?"
"Who is it?" Clark asked quietly.
"Hi, Julie."
Clark sighed. They were leaving Paris in a week for Canada by way of Metropolis.
They'd drop off most of their stuff in Metropolis, staying only a night or maybe two, and then spend a week in Nova Scotia followed by a week and a half in Quebec before going to Toronto to board the Trans-Canada Rail Adventure. It was a twelve day trip across Canada that was supposed to be spectacular, ending in Vancouver where they were spending another week. After that they were going to Edmonton to see Don and Julie for a week. They were going to the West Edmonton Mall and the large indoor water and amusement parks. Then they were going to Alaska for two weeks before two weeks in Hawaii.
Then they were going to settle down in Tokyo for a while around the beginning of September. From there they would explore Japan and parts of the Far East before moving to Sydney, then on to Africa next year. If they were gone that long. They didn't know when they were going to be ready to go back to Metropolis permanently. The lease was up on the brownstone Aunt Louise had left them at the end of the year and they hadn't decided for sure what they were going to do with it – maybe Jimmy and Lucy could live there while they continued to travel, but they just didn't know.
Clark sighed as Lois continued to chat with Julie. It was almost time to pack up their little apartment. Part of him was glad. He'd seen that neighbor around a time or two and he'd always given Clark the creeps. To come home to find him talking to his wife – still in her very alluring red dress – disturbed him and he'd be glad to get away from him.
*****
June 1989
*****
"Niagara Falls," Lois said. "First stop on our Trans-Canada Rail Adventure."
"Yep. I've seen them before, but only from the air. This should be pretty cool."
Things were still a bit awkward between them. It had been nearly a month since their second date, first kiss, and Lois' subsequent attempt to convince Clark she was ready to be with him.
At first, Clark hadn't asked her for another date because he was still annoyed with the way things had played out. He was over his anger and understood at least part of her rationale for doing what she did. He didn't agree with it, thought the logic was flawed, but he understood. And once they left France, there really hadn't been a chance to go on another date – not within the limitations they'd set. Their own time, their own dime. Not something they were doing for the paper.
He thought he was going to throw that rule out the window. He *wanted * to take her out again. To maybe kiss her again. To be moving forward again.
This adventure was twelve days long and they had more than one night where they could choose where they went for dinner. He was hoping that one of those nights could be a night for them and not the paper.
Or maybe, just maybe, he'd have to break the rule.
They boarded the Maid of the Mist and headed towards the bottom of the Falls.
*****
The company had gladly offered them Silver and Blue accommodations while on board the train. That meant they had their own little room with an attached bathroom, but showers and such were down the way.
Clark had tried to upgrade to the one "Romance by Rail" room that had a double bed in it, but it was booked for the foreseeable future. Instead, they would be sleeping in the train version of bunk beds.
That made Lois a little nervous, but she'd survived more than one night without Clark and this time he'd be nearby rather than off helping after a natural disaster somewhere.
During the week between their first and second dates, she'd slept better than she could remember sleeping in a very long time. And the night after they'd kissed, she didn't remember any dreams at all – not even that impression that she'd had a bad dream.
But that had been a month ago and he hadn't asked her out since.
Had he not asked because they'd been busy? Or because he was still mad or annoyed or whatever at what happened the next night?
She didn't know, but suddenly she thought maybe she should ask him out. She shook herself mentally. No, when he was ready for another date, he'd ask.
The three days on the train were nice. It got to be a little stifling without anywhere really to go, but the scenery was beautiful and they met a number of interesting people that they interviewed for their articles.
They arrived in Jasper, Alberta in the afternoon and stayed there overnight. The next day they traveled via the Icefields Parkway – one of the most beautiful highways in the world – stopping at Athabasca Falls and Glacier on their way to The Fairmont Chateau Lake Louise.
Lois stood looking out the window at the lake, as bittersweet emotions rolled over her. The Chateau was gorgeous and Clark had upgraded their room – or asked if the Chateau would upgrade it as they would be writing it up and they had agreed, one of the two. But the name of the lake – Lake Louise – brought back memories of the great aunt she almost hadn't gotten to know. Her thoughts were interrupted by the ringing phone.
Picking the receiver up off of the table next to her, she answered. "Hello?"
"Is this Lois Lane?"
"Yes," she answered, puzzled.
"Um, this is Clark. Listen, I know it's been a while but... would you like to go out for dinner tonight?"
"I'd like that very much," she said quietly.
"Good. Can I meet you downstairs in about an hour?"
"That sounds great."
"Don't forget your prediction," he said softly.
"I won't. Can you tell me where we're going?"
"Just dinner at the restaurant if that's okay."
"That's fine.
"Good. I'll see you in a little while then."
"Okay."
*****
October 1989
*****
"I'm not sure, Clark."
"Why not? Lana's not going to be there," he reminded her.
"I know, but I still don't know that I want to go to Smallville."
"We've been married almost five years and you've never seen where I grew up," he pointed out.
She sighed. "I know. And I know that the tenants moved out off the farm so it's vacant again and you want to see what they've done to the place but..." She finally turned to look at him. "Crop worship? Really?"
He laughed as he saw the twinkle in her eyes. "Yep." He moved to stand behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her close. "And you have no idea how many times I thought about making out with you on the couch after I moved back into the farmhouse."
"Really?" She smiled at him in the mirror.
"Yeah. I tried to imagine what you looked like – even thought about a late night trip over Metropolis to take a peek – and what it would be like if you were there with me." He kissed her shoulder. "Come on. Whaddya say?"
Lois turned in his arms, resting her hands on his shoulders. "Okay, but we're going to have to take one of those pesky airplanes."
Clark sighed and leaned his head against hers. "I know. And we're going to have to make at least one of the nights we're there not a 'Lane and Kent' night so we can have a date and make out."
"We'll figure something out," she promised, smiling at him.
"Good."
*****
Lois held Clark's hand as they flew over the Pacific. It would be hours before they made it to Kansas City. She rested her head on his shoulder and thought about the progress they'd made since that night at Lake Louise.
He'd kissed her again, several times, that night. She'd enjoyed it immensely. Since then they'd progressed to full make out sessions, like the one she was sure he was envisioning on the couch in his childhood home.
There were still rules, boundaries they didn't cross. As she became comfortable with one, she told him she wanted to move it and they decided together how far. And so – for now – clothes stayed on. All of them. And hands never strayed to areas covered by swimsuits. And only on dates, though light kisses were now a part of their daily routine as was hand holding and walking with Clark's arm around her shoulders. Even if it was a date night, the date ended when Clark walked out the door and the make out sessions never happened anywhere but the couch or maybe the floor if that was where they happened to be sitting; the bedroom was strictly off-limits.
Panic attacks still came, but not as frequently as they had. The first time they'd taken things beyond what they had on their second date, she'd panicked and ended up in tears in the bathroom. Three nights later, on their next date, she'd thoroughly enjoyed sitting on the couch kissing him for what seemed like forever.
"Hey," Clark said quietly, interrupting her train of thought. "You look like you're thinking about something nice."
"I am."
"What?"
Lois blushed a bit. "Making out with you on the couch in Smallville."
"I like the way you think, but this isn't a date weekend. It's all for the paper's special on small town America."
"I know, but I was thinking that maybe this weekend could be an exception."
"What? A date night while we're here?"
"Sort of." She chewed her lip thoughtfully.
"What did you have in mind?"
"What if the whole weekend was one big date – even though it's a weekend we're writing about? Same rules still apply, but pretty much anytime we're not in our room is a date." The words tumbled out, one after the other.
"Hmmm... You mean I could kiss you pretty much anytime I wanted for the next three days?"
"Yeah."
"We could make out in the truck behind the Dairy Freeze?"
Lois laughed softly. "Is that what the kids in Smallville do?"
"That's what I've been told."
"That's right. You told me once that's what Lana wanted to do."
"Probably."
"Then making out behind the Dairy Freeze is definitely an option."
He kissed her head. "Sounds like a great plan to me."
She settled in more fully next to him. "Me too," she agreed with a yawn.
Before they realized it, they'd both dozed off.
*****
TBC
Trans Canada Rail Adventure Athabasca Falls Lucy's Story is going to have lots of Lucy and Jimmy in it. It's not going to be simply a rewrite of LtL. Some of the same events will be included, obviously, but not all and lots of stuff that we didn't see in LtL - or even know about - will be shown as well. For instance, we know Lucy and Jimmy went on a first date and that he sort of rescued her from a guy but that's it. We know Lucy met Perry before L/C met Jimmy. We know they had a first kiss, they had a discussion about sex with Clark not long after they started dating but we don't know how they met, etc. We know that the wedding was planned long before Jimmy proposed - date set and everything. We know that Clark walked Lucy down the aisle, but we didn't see her ask him or what he said to her in the ante[?] room before the wedding. That said, there's probably not going to be any great revelations or anything or major plot twists but... it's not just the same things that happened in LtL from a different 'camera'. I have a list of stuff I want to include [including most/all of those above] and a list from my betas but I wanted to make sure I wasn't leaving something out that everyone else was like 'oooo, i want to see...'
