Thanks to the usual suspects...
Here go
.
*****
Chapter 46
*****
Clark pulled the new silver Jeep Cherokee into the space in front of the brownstone. He looked over at his wife and sighed. Her head rested against the door and she was sound asleep. After exiting the vehicle, he went to her side and carried her into the house. He laid her gently on the couch and started to go to the kitchen to make dinner. Instead he sat in the chair and just looked at her.
Pregnant.
They'd known for a month that they were going to have a baby.
It wasn't the joyous occasion he'd always imagined it would be when he found out Lois was having his baby. He hadn't even been able to bring himself to read the letter his mom had left him for this occasion.
They still hadn't told anyone else she was pregnant. He wasn't sure if they were in denial or what. He didn't think that was it. She was nearly nine weeks along and there was no question that her body was reacting to the pregnancy. So far, she hadn't been sick at all, which was good, but she was exhausted almost constantly. They had their first appointment with Dr. McCorkle in a week and he was sure that would make it more real.
He'd made an offhand comment wondering if he might be able to hear the baby's heartbeat before long. She'd told him that, under no circumstances, was he to listen to the heartbeat before she could hear it herself. Maybe that was part of being in denial.
They weren't going to be able to keep it to themselves for much longer. Even if she wasn't so tired, she'd be showing before too much longer and then everyone would know regardless.
He was going to be a dad.
He continued to watch her sleep as he ran a hand down his face. He was going to be a father. The question still remained about whether this was his biological child or not. He didn’t care. He didn’t think the courts would care – he remembered reading somewhere that the husband was considered the legal, biological father regardless, but if it was someone who was willing to drug a woman to get her into bed, there was always the chance that he wouldn’t care about legalities of custody.
Of course, there was the very real possibility that they’d never know who it was and even if they did find out, he wouldn’t care if he was the father of this baby.
A father.
He was going to be a Daddy.
He slumped back in the chair.
Lois stirred, her eyes opening. "Hey," she said as she saw him watching her. "What time is it?"
"Almost time for dinner. We haven't been home long."
She sat up, yawning and stretching as she did. "I guess I fell asleep on the way home."
He nodded. He took a deep breath. "I think we need to tell Perry."
"I know," she replied quietly. "But telling Perry means telling everyone else too."
"We don't have to tell anyone else. It's no one else's business."
"I mean, Alice and Jimmy and Lucy. And I still don't want to tell them about what happened so they'll just think everything is just fine with us and we're going at it like rabbits."
"So?" He shrugged. "What if they do? Maybe Jimmy will stop calling at inconvenient times."
She laughed lightly at that. "Somehow I doubt that."
Clark smiled back. "Me, too. But I do think we're going to need to tell Perry," he said gently. "You fell asleep in the conference room today. He didn't notice but..."
Lois sighed. "I know. But are we telling Perry-our-friend-who's-about-to-practically-be-a-Grandpa or Perry-the-boss?"
"What's the difference?"
"Perry-the-boss won't ask any embarrassing questions about our sex life."
"I think no matter which Perry we tell, he'll ask the same questions."
"Probably. And he's probably going to confine me to a desk." She propped her feet up on the coffee table and leaned back. "And he's probably right to. I'm not going to be able to chase down stories and stuff if I'm falling asleep all the time." She wiped a tear from her face.
"I know it's going to be hard on you not to be in the thick of things..."
"Don't even say it."
"What?"
"That I have to put the baby first and all that." More tears fell down her cheeks. "I know that, but I don't have to like it."
Clark sat silently as a thought occurred to him. Did she blame him? He was the one who hadn't noticed she was impaired and he was the one who didn't make sure they were using some form of birth control. He'd guessed she'd been taking birth control pills without telling him in preparation for their first night together, but he hadn't asked.
"I'm sorry," he finally whispered.
"For what?"
"Getting you pregnant. I know it wasn't what we planned and..."
"You think I blame you, don't you?" she glared at him.
"I should have..."
She stood up and started up the stairs. "I'm not having this conversation with you again. What happened wasn't your fault."
"That's not what I'm saying." She stopped to look at him. "I'm accepting that the fact that we were together that night isn't my fault." She glared. "Okay, I'm getting there. There was no reason for me to think it was anything other than what I'd hoped for, what you'd planned on. What I mean is that I should have asked you about birth control."
Lois sighed. "Will you stop? What happened, happened. Lucy's pregnant and she was taking birth control pills. Nothing's 100% effective. Even if we had used protection that night, there's no guarantee that I wouldn't have gotten pregnant anyway."
"Do you want this baby, Lois?" he finally asked quietly.
"What?" She went back down the steps and sat on the couch.
"Do you want this baby?" He still didn't look at her.
"Of course I do."
"We didn't plan this."
"So?"
"It's messing up your life."
"I repeat, so?"
"So, do you want this baby?"
*****
Lois didn't say anything for a long time. Did he really think that she didn't want the baby?
*Did* she want the baby?
Of course, she did. Babies were good things. Right? Lucy and Jimmy wanted their baby badly, even though the pregnancy was unplanned. Her pregnancy was unplanned, too. But did that mean that this baby was unwanted? She didn't know what to think about that. Was she in denial? Was she ignoring the fact that she was pregnant? Was she hoping that it would all just go away?
Did *Clark* hope this was all going to go away? Did *Clark* want this baby?
"Do you?" she finally asked.
"Do I what?"
"Do you want this baby?"
He looked at her, shocked. "I've always wanted to be a dad, you know that."
"That doesn't answer my question. Do you want this baby?"
"Of course I do."
"So what makes you think that I don't?"
He didn't respond, but simply let out a deep breath.
"That's what you want, isn't it?" Her voice rose. "You want me to tell you I don't want this baby, don't you?"
"No, I don't *want* you to tell me that."
"But that's what you think, isn't it?"
"I don't know."
She stood up to pace. "I can't believe this. You think I don't want this baby. Or you think I might not want this baby." She stopped to stare at him.
"We weren't planning on having kids anytime soon and you don't even remember being with me. That can't be how you planned on getting pregnant with our first child." He stood up to stare back.
"So? Just because I didn't plan on getting pregnant yet doesn't mean I don't want the baby." Her voice rose in volume.
"Then you do want the baby?" His voice rose to match hers, but slightly incredulous.
"Why would you think I don't? Because I don't want to tell anyone yet?"
"I don't know, Lois. I don't know why I think you don't want the baby."
"But you don't think I do."
"No, I don't think you want it."
"A baby is *not* an 'it', Clark." By now they were shouting.
"Fine. Him. You don't want him, do you? You can't stand the thought of carrying my baby right now, can you?" he practically yelled at her.
"That's not it," she shouted back.
"Then what is it?"
"I want to *know* this is your baby, okay? I can't stand the thought of having another man's baby." Tears coursed down her cheeks as the fury left her body.
"Oh, Lois." He moved in front of her and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her to him as she cried.
"It's not that I don't want this baby," she whispered between hiccups after the sobs had passed. "I just want to know that it's your baby."
"I know. But even if this baby doesn't have my DNA, he or she is my child." He moved to the couch and she curled in next to him.
"I know you say that but..."
"Hey, my mom and dad weren't my biological parents either and they loved me regardless."
"I know, but still... I have this permanent reminder of our night together, whether this baby is yours or not, but I can't remember a minute of it. I wish I did, but I don't," she whispered.
"I wish you did, too."
They stood there for a long time before she spoke again. "Tell me about it."
"About what?"
"About what it was like to be together like that."
"Do you want to hear it?"
She nodded against him. "I don't want a play by play account or anything, but yeah, I want you to tell me about it. What it was like."
"Well, it was amazing," he whispered.
"I'm glad," she whispered back.
"Me, too." He told her, in general terms what that night had been like for him; what he thought it had been like for her.
"So I enjoyed it, too?" she finally asked when he was finished.
"I think so. It sure seemed like it to me, anyway."
"I'm glad," she said again.
"Me, too."
*****
"Perry, can we talk to you for a minute?" Clark asked quietly after the morning meeting.
The editor looked up from his desk. "Sure, come on in, kids."
Clark followed Lois into the office, closing the door behind them. They took seats in the chairs across the desk from him.
Perry took in their faces. "Is there something you two need to tell me? Do you have another job offer on the table or something?"
Lois shook her head. "No, nothing like that."
"Then what is it?"
Clark squeezed her hand, as she blurted it out. "I'm pregnant."
Perry stared at them contemplatively for a long moment, trying to gauge what he saw there. "That's good news right?"
Lois paused for a split second then nodded. "Unexpected. And I don't want to steal any of the attention from Lucy or anything like that."
He nodded back. "I think she'll be ecstatic for you, not jealous or think you're trying to steal her limelight."
"I hope so."
"I guess this means you two resolved your problems," he said quietly.
The young couple glanced at each other. "We didn't want to tell anyone," Clark said. "We're grateful for all of the support from you guys but we didn't really want to announce to everyone that we'd... been together like that."
Perry nodded slowly. "I guess I can understand that. Wanting to keep it private."
"We're not ready to tell everyone else, Perry," Lois told him. "Not yet. I’m not that far along and..." She squeezed Clark's hand. "...with Clark's differences, we want to wait a bit. After the first trimester or at least until I've had my first doctor's appointment." They'd discussed what reason they wanted to give for not wanting everyone else to know yet and that was what they'd decided on. She took a deep breath. "We're telling you as our boss because it affects my job, not as our friend, not yet."
"So you don't want me to tell Alice about this," he said, a troubled frown on his face. "And you want me to keep it quiet around the news room."
Lois swiped at the tear that insisted on streaking down her face. "For now. Please."
He sighed. "Well, I guess it falls under confidential employee stuff so if you don't want me to tell anyone, I can't."
"Thank you," she whispered.
"You said it affects your job though."
Lois nodded. "I'm exhausted. Constantly. I'm falling asleep pretty much any time I have a down minute or two. And I can't do as much as I want to – already. And I'm sure it's going to get worse."
"Well, I guess it's going to be desk work for you then. Press conferences, things like that. I won't put you on dog shows or obits or anything like that, but for the most part you're going to work in the newsroom. Help Clark in whatever way you can – research, phone calls, follow-ups, but unless I send you somewhere, you'll work mainly in the newsroom."
"That's about what I expected."
A few minutes later, they left to go back to their desks. Perry continued to watch them for some time, unable to put his finger on exactly what was bothering them – and him.
*****
"Well, it's a bit early to hear a heartbeat, but we can certainly try." Dr. McCorkle was fairly young – late twenties, maybe early thirties – with dark brown hair and a reassuring smile. She looked at the chart again. "You don't know the date of your last cycle?"
Lois was immediately comfortable with her. "No, I don't," she said shaking her head. "I know it was after we moved to Tokyo in September. I think sometime in early November, but I'm really not sure."
The doctor frowned slightly. "How certain are you of the date of conception?"
"Very," Lois said quietly.
She looked as though she wanted to say something more, but simply nodded. "Normally, I'd go ahead and check for a heartbeat. As I said, it's a bit early for that, but not abnormally so. Since you don't know the date of your last cycle – even though you are sure of the date of conception – we're going to do an ultrasound to check fetal development and pin down your due date a bit more precisely."
Lois nodded, nervously glancing at Clark.
Dr. McCorkle smiled at her. "There's nothing to be nervous about. The ultrasound won't hurt the baby at all and you'll get your first picture of your son or daughter."
"Will we be able to tell if it's a boy or a girl?"
She shook her head. "If your dates are correct, then it's too early by a couple of months, but you'll have another ultrasound at about 20 weeks." She made a notation on the chart. "I'll go see how long it's going to take for them to work you in. Why don't you go ahead and put your shirt on and I'll be right back." She left the room.
Lois pulled the paper vest tighter around her, one arm holding the sheet around her waist. "Could you had me my bra and shirt, Clark?"
He nodded and handed them to her, intently studying the wall poster on fetal development as she put them on.
"Does the ultrasound worry you?" she asked.
He shrugged. "I don't think so. If the baby's too big or too small, then they'll think we're off about the date of conception and we won't bother to correct them. If it's a problem, we'll decide what to do from there."
She nodded as there was a knock on the door. The nurse opened it all the way. "Okay, Mrs. Kent, they're ready for you. Wrap the sheet around your waist and I'll show you where to go."
"Why couldn't I put my pants on?" Lois asked as they walked.
"Well, with the dates you gave us, it's probable that they'll be able to do an external ultrasound on your stomach, but it's *possible* that they'll need to do an internal ultrasound so... Just in case."
Lois didn't look at Clark as they entered the ultrasound room. The thought of an internal ultrasound made her want to shudder. She lay down on the table as the technician directed her to.
The young lady smiled at her. "Let's start with the external ultrasound and see if we can get what we need, okay?"
Lois nodded and noticed that Clark took her hand.
"I'm going to pull the sheet down a little bit and this goop is going to be a bit cold, okay?"
"Okay." Lois gasped as the substance hit her skin. "That is cold."
The tech smiled. "Okay, let's take a look." She moved the wand around for a minute before stopping and pressing down slightly harder. A few taps on the keyboard and the picture on the monitor zoomed in. "There you are," she said smiling. "That's your baby."
Lois glanced at Clark, her own puzzled expression mirrored on his face.
"Where?" he asked.
"Right here." The tech pointed to a small, peanut shaped area of the screen. A circle appeared on the screen and she widened it slightly. There was a pulsing circle in the middle of it. "That's the heartbeat right there."
A tear streaked down Lois' face as she watched the flutter of the baby's heart.
"Wow," Clark whispered. "That's our baby."
The tech pointed out the arms and legs – even the partially developed hands and feet. A few minutes later she handed Lois a washcloth to clean off her stomach. "I'll get this to Dr. McCorkle. Once you're cleaned up, you can head back to the exam room."
Lois wiped her stomach off and then held the sheet tightly around her as they returned to the room to wait.
It was only a couple minutes before there was another knock on the door and the doctor entered. She smiled brightly at them. "Well, you were right. The date of conception is very early January. The baby looks great. Right where we'd expect him or her to be and it puts your due date at September 25." She looked uncomfortable for a minute before continuing. "Your blood pressure is a touch on the high side for what we'd want, but that's nothing to be too concerned about at the moment. We'll keep an eye on it for now."
"What does that mean? What could cause it?" Lois looked worriedly at Clark.
"One slightly elevated reading doesn't necessarily mean anything. It's something to keep an eye on, but that's it right now. It *could* be a sign of gestational hypertension or, more likely, you're having an off day."
"What would it mean if it is a problem?"
She smiled at the young couple. "At this point, nothing. If it does become a problem, then there's the possibility of medication or bed rest or modified bed rest, but I think it's too early to worry about that. Now, is there anything else you wanted to ask me about?"
Lois bit her bottom lip before speaking. "Um, I've had a little bit of spotting."
"It's important for you to tell me about those kinds of things." She asked several more questions about it before giving some advice. "Well, I think you should try to take it easy for the next couple of weeks and keep us posted if there's any changes at all."
"My boss has already put me on desk duty," Lois sighed.
"Good for Perry," Dr. McCorkle said. "I hope it's temporary, but it's probably wise at the moment." She paused for a second. "You also need to abstain from sex while you're spotting."
Lois and Clark nodded, avoiding looking at each other.
The workday was over by the time they finished, so they headed for home. Clark drove while Lois tried not to sleep. She stared at the small, grainy picture from the ultrasound.
"Why didn't you tell me you were spotting?" Clark asked quietly.
Lois shrugged. "It's not much and I didn't think it was a big deal."
Clark took her hand. "Please don't shut me out."
"I'm not. I just didn't think it was worth mentioning. Honest."
"Okay. So what about that ultrasound?" He grinned at her.
"Pretty amazing."
"Arms and legs and hands and feet and a heartbeat."
She smiled back at him. "Yeah." They drove in silence for a minute. "It seems more real somehow, doesn't it?" she finally asked.
"A lot more real. And comforting to know that he or she seems to be developing normally."
"True."
"Do you think we need to tell everyone soon?" Clark asked quietly. "Jimmy said something to me yesterday about you working at your desk more this week."
Lois sighed. "We'll tell them at dinner Saturday night."
*****
Lois had been quiet all through dinner.
They took their ice cream into the living room before she really spoke.
"Clark and I have something to tell you guys," she said as Perry moved to put the movie in.
Saturday nights had become dinner and movie nights for all of them. Unless one was working, this was where they were.
"You guys are moving to Sydney after all and we get the brownstone?" Jimmy asked eagerly.
Lois gave a small smile. "No, nothing like that.
"Then give."
Clark had put his arm around her and gave a gentle squeeze.
She moved towards him slightly. "Um, Clark and I... We're..." She took a deep breath. "We're pregnant. Well, I'm pregnant. Clark and I are having a baby, but he's not actually pregnant. I'm the only one who's pregnant, but he's going to be a dad and I'm going to be..." She stopped mid-babble to turn her head towards Clark as the tears fell.
"Are you okay, Lois?" Alice asked, concerned.
She nodded against Clark's chest. "Just emotional and overwhelmed and still in shock."
"You're really pregnant?" Lucy asked quietly.
Lois nodded.
Lucy's face split into a big grin. She squealed and launched herself at Lois, pulling her away from Clark into a hug. "I'm so happy for you," she whispered into Lois' ear.
Lois smiled at her as she pulled back, knowing that Lucy thought this meant everything was going well between them, and still really didn't want to get into the discussion with her. "Thanks, Luce. I didn't want you to think I was trying to steal your thunder or anything."
"Not at all. That just means that our babies will each have a practically built in playmate. A cousin almost the same age." Lucy's smile got even bigger. "How far along are you?"
"About ten weeks. We had our first appointment with Dr. McCorkle the other day and we didn't want to tell anyone until after that."
"That's why you've been in the newsroom so much," Jimmy said, snapping his fingers as the light bulb went off.
She nodded. "Please don't be mad, Alice, but we told Perry last week because it's affecting my work already. We told him that this was an employee-employer thing until we were ready to tell you guys so he couldn’t tell you because it was confidential and all that."
"How's it affecting you?" Alice asked quietly.
"I'm exhausted all the time. I fall asleep at the oddest times when I have a few minutes with nothing to do. They did an ultrasound the other day and everything looks normal but..."
"You're still a little worried that something about Clark's biology will make things weird," Lucy said.
Lois nodded. "Yeah," she confirmed softly, "but so far it seems okay. Just tired."
They talked about the pregnancies a little longer and then Perry put the movie in. Lois was asleep before the opening title sequence ended.
*****
March 1990
*****
"I don't know what to think, Dr. Friskin." Lois sat on the couch in her therapist's office.
"As you see it, what options are there?"
"Adoption."
"What about adoption? Did you consider that?"
Lois shook her head again. "If I knew there was no chance this was Clark's baby... then maybe, but..." She sighed. "Clark's adopted. If there's a chance this is his baby, then there's no way that either one of us would want to put him up for adoption. He's always wanted a family of his own. Even if there was no chance this was his baby, he wouldn't want to go the adoption route."
"Why do you think that is?"
Lois thought about that for a minute. "Because he loves me and the baby is a part of me regardless of who the father is. Because he loves kids and would love this baby even if he wasn't the father. Because there's always the chance that he can't have children – not that we've had him tested or anything like that, but his parents couldn't have kids so unless we knew for sure that it wouldn't be a problem, it could be our only chance to have a baby."
"That might be why Clark wouldn't want to put the baby up for adoption, but what about you?"
Lois sighed. "I guess that I have mixed feelings about it. If I knew this was Clark's baby, it wouldn't be an issue even if I couldn’t remember our night together for some reason. If I knew it wasn't Clark's baby..." She stopped. "I don’t know how I'd feel. I mean, something feels wrong about giving up a baby for adoption when there's two parents who would love and take care of him, but at the same time, could I look at this child and not remember what happened to me? Even if I don't remember what happened to me."
"And since you don't know for certain whose baby this is?"
She shrugged. "I don't know. I want to want this baby. I want to want him or her like my sister and her husband want their baby. They're so excited. It's so cute, but... Clark and I aren't like that and I wonder if everything that happened that night is why. And if I really do want this baby or if I'm just not admitting to myself that I don't."
"Okay, what else?"
"Well, abortion."
"Did the idea of having an abortion ever cross your mind?"
"Not seriously. It crossed in passing a couple of times, but it sort of flitted in and out. No more seriously than I ever thought about tattooing Clark's name on my butt or something."
"So abortion wasn't an option?"
Lois shook her head vehemently. "No. Even if there wasn't a chance this could be Clark's baby, I don't think I could do that."
"What option does that leave you with?"
"Raising the baby ourselves."
Dr. Friskin didn't say anything.
"So, maybe I really do want this baby?"
"What do you think?"
Lois thought about it for a minute. "Maybe I don't feel like I should be getting excited about it for some reason."
"Like what?"
"Maybe because I don't remember the night we were together. Maybe because I got pregnant the first – and last, for now – time we had sex. Maybe because my doc said we can't have sex right now anyway so even if I was ready to again, we can't. Maybe because, even if we could, I'm not ready for that. Maybe because I *wanted* to be with Clark that night, but I wanted to remember it. Maybe because..." She sighed. "I don't know."
"Well, it could be anyone of those things or some combination or something else entirely."
"Do you always just repeat what your clients say?"
"Sometimes we can't really hear what we're saying unless someone reflects it back."
"Well, it's annoying."
"How does that make you feel?" Dr. Friskin said with a slight smile.
Lois rolled her eyes. "Annoyed."
Dr. Friskin glanced at her watch. "I'm afraid that's all the time we have for today. I want you to think long and hard about what you really feel about the baby."
"None of this is the baby's fault," Lois said quietly.
"You're right about that. I'll see you next week."
Lois nodded then left.
*****
TBC
