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Features Writer
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Features Writer
Joined: Jun 2003
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Joined: Sep 2006
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Beat Reporter
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Beat Reporter
Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 391 |
I think people need to stop moving around, so they can't go through rifts as easily!!  That was incredibly well done, Shayne. I was literally on the edge of my seat. The tension from the passengers not knowing just how horrible their situation was, how grave danger they were in, and then slowly realizing what had happened to them, was amazing. I was really frightened for them... but of course, Clark was there. If you have a fantastic threat to deal with, it's nice to have a fantastic hero to help.  I have a feeling, though, that we're going to see much worse yet to come...
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Joined: Dec 2005
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Kerth
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Kerth
Joined: Dec 2005
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Delightful part. If he kept taking risks like that she was going to kill him. Wonderful line. Classic Lois Lane! Japanese giant hornets…three inches long and capable of injecting poisons so powerful they could melt human tissue. They were vicious and deadly and known to kill between twenty and forty people a year in Japan. Nice touch. Very well done.
Framework4
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Joined: Aug 2005
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Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 5,797 |
I loved how you built up the slow realization that the train passengers were somewhere else. There were no sounds of animals or insects in the landscape around them. And no one's, but no one's, cell phone worked. This was so great: It wasn't until the first telephone began to ring that people realized that it was over. First one ring, and then another and then another again. It seemed as though the entire car was filled with the sound of ringing telephones and for the first time it wasn't the sound of annoyance or just the noise pollution of daily life.
It was the ringing bells of victory. Wow!!!  And this was so scary and perfect: “There he is! It looks like that's going to be the last batch. Oh….that was close.”
“What?” Lois asked.
“He just lost half his cape.”  (I think, however, that people are a bit slow on the uptake. Given that Clark has performed all kind of super rescues by this time, and that you have a whole trainload of trapped passengers here, there ought to be quite a few of them who had heard about Superman and who'd start talking about Superman rescuing them.) You gave us a great portrait of Professor Hanover, by the way. That's another very memorable original character that you have created for this story. All in all, this was an incredibly intense chapter, describing what the chaotic situation looks like to ordinary people who don't understand what has hit them. I have been thinking of one thing that I find a bit sad to comtemplate. I have been hoping that Clark and Lois will find a way to be together, but what if this thing is an all-or-nothing situation? What if you have to close all the rifts and make sure that everything gets back to the universe where it belongs? Then there will be no future for Lois and Clark. Maybe, like tragic heroes, they will have to find satisfaction in the knowledge that they at least got to meet, however briefly, and that they helped save the world together. ![[Linked Image]](http://www.linternaute.com/sortir/cinema/diaporama/07/couples-cinema/bogart-bergman.jpg) Ann
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Joined: Apr 2003
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2003
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Realistically, I don't think it's possible for everything to go back to it's own universe. The toothpast is out of the tube and you can't get it all back in.
Very nicely done. Loved the half cape thing and Lois' comment on it.
James
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Joined: Apr 2003
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Kerth
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Kerth
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 2,380 Likes: 1 |
Wow -- talk about close.
At least, if this ever gets fixed, it's going to be pretty difficult for the government to start demonizing Superman. On the other hand, I'd rather he and Lois, with as many of the original plane passengers as possible, got back to Clark's own universe. If I were in Lois's place, I couldn't shake the dust of her universe off my shoes fast enough.
Nan
Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
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Joined: Feb 2006
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Hack from Nowheresville
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Hack from Nowheresville
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 144 |
Each new chapter gets even better than the last one! “We’re getting the first reports in from Navy ships in the Atlantic and from the coast guard,” one of the Analysts announced. “And we have a problem. They’re reporting rifts at sea level. There has been at least one sighting of a plesiosaur.” How long will the poor thing survive in our oceans? Wrong temperatures, wrong bacteria, other animals it isn´t used to... But the scientists will go nuts! Politics and grim reality had worn that idealism off most of them, but it was still there at their core. There was an energy to them now, a clarity of purpose that wasn’t there before.
This wasn’t some politically confused war in a distant country. This wasn’t a situation where there were a thousand confusing shades of gray. This at last was clear cut. Wonderfully written! “I can’t get any reception,” he heard the teenager complain behind him. Of course it had to be a teenager complaining about missing reception for his cell phone! It seems cell phones are an integral part of each teenager! :rolleyes: The swarm descended on the boys like a biblical plague, but a moment before it hit them a sudden breeze arose. It struck with the power of a fist and the boys were visibly staggered, but the swarm was dispersed behind them.
The red and blue figure floating above them was a sudden shock, and he felt his world suddenly shifting on its axis. A lifetime of devotion to science and biology hadn’t prepared him for the existence of Superman. It seems Professor Hanover didn´t watch the news... a typical devoted scientist who lives in his very own world. And his first reaction is to think of Clark as Superman. I love it! Pulling them was the only thing that made sense, though the sheer power that it would have taken to pull thousands of tons of weight over gravel and sand was mind boggling.
It wasn’t until the first telephone began to ring that people realized that it was over. First one ring, and then another and then another again. It seemed as though the entire car was filled with the sound of ringing telephones and for the first time it wasn’t the sound of annoyance or just the noise pollution of daily life.
It was the ringing bells of victory. Again a cold shiver was running down my spine while reading this scene! I can imagine it very well in a movie... Simply marvellous! You had me grinning the whole day because of this chapter! Keep on writing, pleeeease! 
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Joined: Apr 2003
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2003
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This continues to be a most excellent story, Shayne. I like the human characters you bring in to be witness to Superman's rescues. Yet when Clark is with Lois he shows himself to be so human. Great pictures Marcus! Thanks for the link. I'm a physicist and I'm not sure what to think about the consequences either. The half cape comment was cute.  Artemis
History is easy once you've lived it. - Duncan MacLeod
Writing history is easy once you've lived it. - Artemis
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Joined: May 2007
Posts: 68
Freelance Reporter
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Freelance Reporter
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 68 |
This was a very exiting part. I kept expecting the passengers to run into a T-Rex. I can't help but wonder how many other supermen they may run into because of the rifts.
"We've been sitting here all night and the longest conversation you've had with a woman was when your mom called."
Leonard to Howard: The Big Bang Theory
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Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 2,578 Likes: 10
Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 2,578 Likes: 10 |
This part was thrilling! I was on the edge of my seat all the time.  Andreia
"My wife's love is what unites Krypton and Earth in my heart. Without it, without her, I truly would be in hell."
~ Superman: Man of Tomorrow #15
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Joined: Aug 2005
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Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 5,797 |
I just saw this on the homepage of Astronomy Magazine: Large Hadron Collider to be started on September 10 And the next day will be September 11 for the world? Sorry. It's just that since the LHC has almost caused the end of the world in Shayne's fic, I couldn't resist posting this. Incidentally, judging from what I think I know about the forces that that were let loose at the Big Bang, I just don't think it is possible to recreate those forces here on Earth. In other words, I don't think the LHC will cause the end of the world. But that doesn't mean I think that the LHC is a very good way to invest money in science - build much bigger telescopes instead, please!!!! Ann
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