Lois & Clark Forums Forums Fan Fiction Lois & Clark Fanfic FDK: A Box of Swiss Chocolate (11?)

Well, what do you guys think of chapter eleven? I have to say it was one of my favorite chapters to write. I'm interested in what you have to say.
(Of course, if you don't like the chapter, or there are aspects that you don't like, feel free to say so. HONEST feedback, remember? )

Hi Sara!

Interesting take on Larry thinking the superheroes are egoistical and disliking them because of his uncle's similar behavior. It is quite logical the way you presented it. So, how will you be able make Larry into a rat-bastard with those hints towards him being a good guy? After all, his last name IS Luthor

To me the casino-stuff felt a bit forced and anonymous without even a name for the owner. Also, how did they release the owner on bail after he pulled a gun during a police raid? But since they hadn't caught him, I'm assuming he will make a comeback?

Michael

Sara,

As with all your chapters, this one kept me enthralled. I feel so badly for Kiley as she struggles with what to do about Larry. But I loved the fact that he set about trying to find her. His obvious concern makes me hopeful he really is a great guy even though his name is Luthor. And once he learns Kiley's secret, he'll be more accepting of superheroes.

The one thing I found difficult to believe in this chapter was the casino owner. I don't know a lot about law enforcement, but I would think it would be rare for someone who ran an illegal casino, shot at innocent bystanders, and even more, shot at police officers would be free the following day. I imagine he must have had some pretty powerful connections, like the mob or the Church's group (whose name escapes me now).

Hello Nancy and Michael. Thanks for the feedback.

I'm glad Larry's explanation for his feelings about the superhero's makes sense to you.

Nancy - I'm glad you thought all the work he did to get a hold of her was sweet.

Michael - He's not necessarily a rat. The jury's still out on that, remember? (Actually, I know what the answer to that "jury" question, but I'm not telling! )

Okay, the casino man. I have to admit I fudged this plot a little, because the real purpose of it was for Clark to get exposed to Kryptonite.
As far as the name, I always thought bad guys sounded more evil and scary when they don't have a name. So that's why he doesn't. Still, he would have to have a name for the Daily Planet article, so obviously they find out eventually.

Bail -

I had thought about having him still be in jail and have his "parnter" spring the Kryptonite on Clark. But it seems to me like the reader wouldn't know where that was coming from. With the casino man, you've seen enough evidence that you know he's a bad guy and he wants revenge on Clark. Would that make sense for a partner? Could the parnter just be in it for the money?

Or he could have bribed the judge. I didn't really want to involve intergang in this story, because I think it would be too much of a distraction from the real plot (Kiley and Larry). Besides, I would wonder why the police raided the casino den so quickly if he was involved with intergang.

But he could have still bribed the judge without intergang's pull. I figure the guy's got some connections if he's got Kryptonite!

So, which angle sounds the most plassible to you guys? Let me know!

Hm, just thought of something. The judge could have been a regular, thus providing a good reason for a bribe

Not sure the ominous bad guy thing works for reporters. The name would be one of the first things they would know and Clark they would use his name instead of "casino guy" when thinking of him. But maybe that's just me

Michael

I've changed the end of chapter eleven so it reads like this:

Is that better? And there will be more on this subject in a future chapter.

It is

Michael