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#57186 11/19/08 02:12 PM
Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 2,823
Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 2,823
I'm confused about who is in danger here and in fact who all the cast of characters are.

#57187 11/21/08 06:53 AM
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 1,069
BJ Offline
Top Banana
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Top Banana
Joined: Jan 2007
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I was confused as well and couldn't quite figure out how many people were in the room. Maybe by adding something about the main character looking around at the room at the occupants, noting their looks of boredom/interest/scorn/fear would help to clarify. Only after they're shot do we know that there are several men (hired muscle?) there, in addition to Tempus.

I am very intrigued by the start, though. I'd be interested to read another part.


Moderated by  Kaylle, SuperBek 

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