I have not the time, energy or emotional fortitude at the moment to address some of the FDK in the last FDK thread, so I'll just stick this here and post the next two chapters.
If you believe these two are irredeemable, please feel free to let me know and perhaps I'll just save it for a much different time after I've reworked the rest of it to make them redeemable. If the comments hadn't come from people who's opinions I do respect, it wouldn't matter much now would it? And I value *all* the FDK. And if you've not got a clue what I'm talking about - see the last FDK thread...
*I* don't see them the way some you do but perhaps that's because I'm in their heads and it's simply not translating to the screen. *I* took Clark's moment with Christopher as a turning point where he's starting to realize some things about himself and how he's been even if he is still holding out hope that his life can turn out to resemble the life he's always wanted - it's not like Lois has indicated she wants something more either. As it happens to be the 'last time' in this section, I'm going to bold a couple of things that stood out to me but perhaps that's not what stood out to the rest of you. And in losing Lana, he also lost *his* best friend, and while perhaps not as isolated as Lois is/was, he has that hole as well.
[Edit: see comments on Sheila's last FDK post which cross posted with this]
That said, I'm hesitant to post, but I will because I promised I would, but it's unlikely I'll be on the boards much today and probably not much tomorrow [company for a good chunk of the day which I have to get ready for today] or Saturday [going to the in-laws for Christmas] though I had figured I would find enough time to post but not much more than that. Or Sunday for that matter as it's a busy day generally. My guess is that you're going to be more irritated with me/characters at the end - if that's possible at this point - but here goes nothing.
And I never said I planned on 'rushing' this to the archive by year's end, simply that I wanted to get it DONE [and posted] by year's end in large part because it was a personal goal of mine to have it done [not edited of course] by the end of Oct. To have it done by year's end became the new goal at that point.
Anyway - thanks go to Alisha, Beth and Nancy who have spent many, *many* hours on this with me
.
Last time:
Clark
"Hey, little man," I finally said as I watched him. "I guess I'm your Daddy. I haven't been around much and I'm sorry about that. There's a lot you don't know about me and your mom. I'm not your biological father, but I couldn't let anyone hurt you, especially not that mad man. If he ever got his hands on you, he'd raise you to be just like him and destroy your mom in the process. I know it probably doesn’t seem like it, but she's a good friend to me. I haven't been acting much like one to her and it hurts so much sometimes to realize that in protecting the two of you, I destroyed the one person I've always promised to protect. It's not your mom's fault and it's certainly not your fault and I'm sorry that I've missed the first few weeks of your life."
It was true. "This is the first time I've spent any real time with you at all. It's not like we're going to have any deep, meaningful conversations, but you're going to grow up thinking I'm your father and I know how much an absent or nearly absent father can hurt a kid – especially a boy. Pete's dad was been like that. His parents were still married, but his dad was always too busy. It was very 'Cat's in the Cradle'. I don't want that. I want to be a part of your life. Once Navance is gone, I don't know what'll happen, but I hope your mom will let me still be a part of your life. One day, after you know the whole story, I hope you'll understand why I did what I did and why your mom and I didn't stay together. I hope to make the transition as easy for you as I can."
He hadn't been very happy when I tried to take the bottle out while he was working on it, so I'd let him finish it before trying to burp him. I patted his back as he snuggled into my shoulder and I was overcome with what I thought was remorse.
I'd already missed nearly two months of his life.
I'd have to make sure I didn't miss any more.
*~*64*~*
~~~~~
Lois
~~~~~
I drove home happy about my first day at work. I thought I would at least sort of enjoy it most of the time even though it wasn't reporting. I'd made a couple of new friends – even if one of them did think 'CK is the bomb'.
I wondered how Clark had fared with Christopher. We'd both planned on being home, which meant that his care would fall to me. I didn't mind. He was my son and I loved him very much, but I did wonder at what point Clark was going to step up – privately; he was fine around others, though the care still fell mostly to me, which was understandable as a nursing mother – and be a father or if he was just going to ignore my son as much as possible until he managed to escape.
I pulled up near our side of the house and went inside. The door between our room and the nursery was open and I saw Clark sitting there, in the glider, with Christopher snuggled against his shoulder.
Maybe he was stepping up.
I shrugged mentally and went to the closet to get out an appropriate outfit before heading to the bathroom to take a shower and get ready.
When I came back out, Clark was dressed in faded blue jeans and an Albert Pujols jersey.
"Jessica's running late. Your dad said to drop Christopher off with him downstairs before we leave."
I pulled a baseball cap on, tugging my ponytail through it. "Sounds good. Did he give you the tickets?"
He shook his head. "Not yet." He went back into the nursery and picked Christopher up. "You ready?"
"Let's go."
We headed downstairs to the kitchen where Daddy was eating a plate of lasagna and reading the paper.
"There's my grandson!" he said taking Christopher from Clark. "I know we live in the same house but I haven't seen this big guy in a couple days." He nodded towards the counter. "The tickets are over there. Ollie and the boys are coming over and we're watching the game on the big screen downstairs." He grinned. "You two will be almost life size."
I glanced at Clark. "What?"
"You remember, Princess. You can see the seats whenever the camera is on a left-handed batter."
Right. "Oh, yeah. I'd forgotten that."
"You two will be easy to spot – what with Clark's Cardinals jersey and your Metropolitan one."
I glanced down at my Roger Cedeno jersey. "I guess so." I sighed inwardly. I was going to have to go to the game.
"Are you two going out for dinner?" Dad asked.
We glanced at each other. "We hadn't really talked about it," I said honestly. "We may just eat at the game."
"Well, have a good time. You might try the new J. Buck's there on Roosevelt, though it's probably really crowded right before a game with the Cardinals," he told us.
"Probably," Clark said. "I wanted to try it sometime though. Dad and I went to the one in St. Louis once and it was pretty good."
I glanced at the clock. "Either way, we should probably get going."
~~~~~
Clark
~~~~~
We said good-bye to Sam and Christopher before heading out the door.
"Do you want to take the truck or the Jeep?" I asked as we neared the vehicles.
She shrugged. "The Jeep's fine." She climbed in the driver's seat and started it before I'd even managed to get into the passenger side. We were going down the drive when she spoke again. "I'd planned on parking at the Planet and you could catch the subway to the game and I could hit Barnes and Noble or Fox and Hound Books or Mama's Little Bakery or something and you could call me when the game was over and we'd meet back there, but since Daddy and everyone's going to be watching the game, I guess I probably better go."
"Probably." At least I knew what she'd originally planned. She hadn't been looking forward to the 'date' thing anymore than I had been. Well, I'd been looking forward to the game and I was sure she'd been looking forward to some quiet time to do whatever she wanted, but neither one of us had really planned on spending the evening together.
"You can't be seen at the game without me," she said staring straight ahead. "Not if you're going to be on camera all the time. A night out with Jimmy or something would probably be fine, but not on a date night."
I just nodded and wondered just how long this night was going to be.
An hour later, we were sitting in the best seats I'd ever had at a baseball game. I had a big thing of nachos in front of me as final preparations were being made to the field.
"I just knew you were going to be here tonight," came a voice behind me. I didn't recognize the nasal tone and I didn't recognize the wild haired woman with a tin-foil hat behind us either.
"Star!" Lois said, setting her hot dog tray down and turning to give the other woman a hug. "What're you doing here?"
"Oh, your dad gave us season tickets for Christmas last year." She leaned closer and whispered conspiratorially. "He really wanted me to do readings for him between innings, but that's not how it works."
Lois laughed again. I wondered how long it had been since she'd really laughed. "I have missed you, Star," she said, hugging the other woman again.
"And I've missed you, too, honey. But now you have to introduce me to this fine young man with you."
I could tell she tried not to change her expression. "Star, this is my husband, Clark. Clark this is Star. She was my mom's roommate their freshman year in college. Daddy's been buying her and her husband, Dr. Andre Novak, tickets for years. Where is Andre anyway?"
Star ignored her question and held a hand out to me. I set my nachos aside. "It's nice to meet you, Mrs. Novak."
Lois snickered and Star rolled her eyes. "Oh, no, honey. I'm Star." She shuddered. "Mrs. Novak is my mother-in-law and I don't like her. She's not a nice person. Andre is working tonight – he's a psychohypnotherapist," she told me. "Michelle Sitkowitz is going to be here soon."
"That's great," Lois said enthusiastically. "I haven't seen her in ages either."
"Well, she asks about you all the time. Your dad said you two had a son recently," Star said with a smile.
Lois nodded. "We did. Christopher is about two months old." She sighed. "I don't have my purse with me though, so I don't have any pictures."
"I do," I told her, pulling my wallet out of my pocket and handing the picture part of it over.
"Oh, Lois, he's a doll." She looked up and studied me for a minute. "He looks just like you." I shifted a bit uncomfortably as she continued to stare. "You're not from around here are you?"
I glanced at Lois. "I'm from a small town in Kansas."
"Really?" Her brow furrowed. "Were you born overseas or something?"
I shook my head. "No, Kansas born and bred." Or something like that.
She smacked the side of her head. "I've got to get this thing looked at. It's been a bit off kilter. I keep seeing you as a blond. Or with a blonde." She frowned. "A pregnant blonde. Or something and that's not right."
I took the pictures back and stuck them in my wallet, glad that the picture of Lana was well hidden. Not even Lois could find it, but I could see it whenever I wanted by glancing through the leather. And Lois didn't know Lana was pregnant.
"Ladies and gentlemen," came the voice over the loud-speaker. "Please rise and remove your caps for the national anthem. Today's national anthem is being performed by..." I tuned the rest of it out as I stood up and took my hat off.
We sat in relative silence, each cheering where appropriate – at least Lois was. I cheered at spots that most of those around us found to be completely inappropriate given the rivalry involved.
I was careful to grin at Lois occasionally when a left-handed batter was up and my arm found its way around the back of her seat, though the only contact with her shoulders was incidental at best.
She smiled up at me and we had what seemed to be good-natured discussions about the merits of one player over another. No one watching or listening would hear the icy undertones unless they knew both of us really well.
Before long we reached the seventh inning stretch. Star and Michelle were both gone when Lois finally spoke to me again, in a more... normal tone of voice. At least more normal for the discussions we'd been having lately. "Daddy said that Christopher would be asleep when we got home and even if he wasn't we didn't have to worry about him. He winked at me and said we shouldn't have to. He's expecting us to go straight to our room, stay there and... do stuff."
"Ah." I shrugged. "We'll both get a good night's sleep."
"It also means I need to wear something... appropriate for the night after my check up, but don't get any ideas about it. I mean it. I don't care if you're invulnerable, you'll regret it if you even think about touching me."
"Don't worry," I muttered. I'd go out on the balcony or something and make sure she was sound asleep before I went to bed. Touching her was the last thing on my agenda for the night.
~~~~~
Lois
~~~~~
I'd heard the mumbled statement and I mumbled back that I had to go to the bathroom. I smiled brightly as I passed Star and Michelle on the way up the stairs, trying desperately not to let the tears fall while anyone I knew was within sight.
I made it to a bathroom stall before I started crying. I knew he didn't want me, but the stupid hormones were making it hard to keep that in perspective. I didn't want Clark or Daddy to know that Dr. McConnell – Kristi – had put me on antidepressants this week. The combination of my true relationship with Clark, the stress of always being under security measures – including ones I was sure Daddy hadn't told me about – because of Navance, and the fluxuations in hormones after the birth of Christopher were overwhelming me and sending me into a tailspin. She recognized the signs as we spoke and I started Wellbutrin the day before. She said it would take a couple weeks for it to really start to kick in.
I took as long as I could but finally headed back down to our seats. It was the top of the eighth by the time I made it back to my seat.
"You okay, Lois?" Star asked from behind me.
"Oh, I'm fine," I said brightly. "I got bumped and hit my knee on the wall, that's all. Hit it just wrong."
Clark put his arm around the back of my seat once I was in it. "Want me to kiss it and make it better?"
I glared at him. "No, thanks."
Another inning and we could go. The Cardinals were losing badly and it seemed unlikely that the game would go into the bottom of the ninth. We could head back to the Jeep and go home and drop the charade.
That was exactly what we did. We got home and went straight upstairs. We'd exchanged exactly ten words since we left our seats. Clark went straight outside and onto the balcony. I went to the closet and then to the bathroom. I soaked in the big tub until the water was cold and then got dressed.
The night gown Martha had bought for me was beautiful and I did feel good in it. I needed to go to Victoria's Secret or something and get a few more. It wasn't like my husband would be buying me any.
I shuddered.
I made a few mental notes for the next day. I'd mentioned to Clark that I was working on Saturday; he was, too. Jessica had gladly agreed to work a few more hours this week – she got overtime, after all – and Daddy had said that was okay with him, too – he was the one writing the checks.
I got out clothes for the next day. We were riding together since our schedules were the same. Part of me hoped he got called in early, but since we were going in at eight, I doubted that would happen.
I took the robe off and threw it over the chair in the corner by my side of the bed, curling up with my body pillow and nearly silent tears streaking down my cheeks as I laid there.
Star had been known to be wrong occasionally – okay, often sometimes. She was pretty streaky as far as accuracy went, but she was right about Clark not being from around here. And the blonde she saw could only be one person. And that meant that Clark was probably still thinking about her all the time and that he couldn’t wait to be free of me and back with her.
The pregnant thing I didn't get though.
I was sure Clark thought I was already asleep when he came in and lay down next to me. He flopped down awfully hard for someone who could float and I thought I heard him sigh as he pulled the covers over himself.
*****
TBC
