Thanks, Beth, Carol, and Kelly for all your help making this readable!
From Chapter 22
“How are you really?” I heard Clark ask. I had gone to the bathroom while we waited for dessert. I guess Clark and Rachel forgot as they had chosen to talk in the hallway outside the bathroom. I didn't really want to listen in… well, I did sort of, but I knew I shouldn't, but I also didn't want to disturb them.
“I'm fine,” Rachel responded, but not convincingly. “I miss you,” she said a minute later.
“I miss you, too,” Clark said, his voice soft. “So much sometimes.”
“But this is the right decision,” Rachel said, her voice sad. “I know it is, even if it hurts now.”
I didn't hear anything else for a moment, but when I opened the bathroom door a minute later, they were standing there, holding each other tightly.
Chapter 23
“So,” I asked Clark over lunch on Monday. “What's with you and Rachel?”
“What?” Clark choked on the bite of sandwich he had just taken.
“I saw you two at the restaurant last night,” I told him. “You looked all cozy after your talk.”
Clark laughed lightly. “Lois, you are too nosy for your own good.”
“What does that mean?” I asked, looking at him suspiciously. He was trying to squirm out of answering my question.
“Aside from the fact that it's none of your business?” Clark asked, his eyes gleaming with laughter.
“Yes, aside from that,” I said.
Clark sighed. “It was nothing. There's nothing going on with us. I miss her. She misses me. We still love each other. But nothing's changed. We both know that we're better off living where we are and if that's the case, we can't be together. But we can't turn our emotions off like a faucet.”
“So the hug in the restaurant was a mistake?” I asked.
“A mistake?” Clark asked, looking at me like I had two heads. “I can't imagine any situation where giving Rachel a hug is a mistake. She's someone I care about very much and I can't imagine that ever not being the case. It wasn't like we kissed in the restaurant, Lois!”
I sighed. I had clearly hit a sore spot. “It was just a very… intimate sort of hug,” I tried to explain, keeping my voice low in the hopes of calming Clark down.
“We're getting there,” Clark said. “This is an adjustment for us. But Lois, Rachel is always going to be one of my closest friends. Like Mom said, she knows my secret. That makes her family.”
“It's still different,” I insisted. “I know you're secret, and I'm one of your closest friends. You wouldn't give me a hug like that.”
“I would if you needed it,” Clark said definitively and I could tell that he felt the conversation was over.
************************
November 1994
“I'm sorry, sweetie,” I said into the phone while trying to keep both hands free for typing. “It really feels like this investigation is going to blow wide open any day now.”
“You said that last weekend,” Chad said sadly.
“I know,” I told him.
“And the one before that,” he pointed out.
I sighed. “I'm sorry that things got so busy. You know, Clark would be happy to come get you and you could spend the weekend here,” I said. I could hear that my voice was a bit snippy, but didn't care.
“What's the point if you're going to be busy?” he asked me.
“We could still have dinner together or something,” I pointed out.
“I can't anyway. I have to…”
“Why is it that you think I should come there when you have to work but you can't come here when I have to work?” I cut him off.
“Lois, that's not what…”
“It's not?” I demanded.
He sighed. “Lois…”
“What?” I snapped at him and flushed slightly when I noticed Ralph give me a look.
“Maybe we shouldn't talk right now,” Chad said.
“Fine!” I slammed down the phone.
I stared at the computer screen for a minute, but could not recall at all what the article I was writing was about. My vision blurred as tears filled my eyes, but I promised myself I would not cry in the newsroom.
I felt hands on my shoulders giving me a gentle massage, but kept my head faced at my computer screen.
“Maybe I could take you to Smallville after work?” Clark whispered in my ear. “You could have dinner with Chad and then come back?”
I didn't say anything, still afraid I might cry. Clark's hands disappeared from my shoulders and he spun my chair around. He took my hand and pulled me from my chair.
I followed him out of the newsroom. Once we were in the hallway, he pulled me to him and I allowed myself to cry. Okay, so maybe he wasn't lying that day when he said he would give me a hug like the one he had given Rachel if I needed it.
“It's just because you haven't seen each other in awhile,” Clark said. “A few hours tonight will probably help.”
I nodded against his chest. “I just miss him so much.”
“I know,” Clark said quietly.
I pulled away slightly. “I'm going to go wash my face,” I told Clark without looking at him. I'm sure I was a mess.
When I got back to the newsroom a few minutes later, Clark was on the phone at my desk. I gave him a quizzical look. “I answered it for you,” he said as I came over. “I thought it might be Chad.” He handed me the receiver.
“Hello?” I asked quietly.
“When I said we shouldn't talk right now, that didn't mean I didn't want to talk,” Chad said quietly. “Just that maybe we weren't in the right place to talk. We were just arguing in circles.”
I nodded my head as I noticed Clark going back to his desk. Then I realized Chad couldn't hear me. “I know,” I said quietly. “I'm sorry I got so upset.”
I could hear the smile in Chad's voice when he replied. “I didn't notice over my own annoyance. Lois, it's just been so long since I've been able to hold you.”
“I know,” I told him, glancing at the opal hanging around my neck. “Clark said he'd bring me by for dinner tonight. Are you off?”
“I'm on call, but I can call Damien and ask him to cover for me for a couple of hours. It's not like we get any calls anyway,” Chad told me.
“Okay,” I sniffled. “I think we can probably leave around six since we're working all weekend and early mornings tomorrow and Friday. So, as long as Clark doesn't have something else to take care of…”
“I'll turn the news on, so no need to call me if you'll be late,” Chad said. This had been a problem in the past. We tried to keep mentions of Clark taking me to Smallville to a minimum in case someone in the newsroom heard us, but the truth was most of the planning discussions seemed to happen when I was here rather than home.
So once or twice, I had not called Chad to tell him I was going to be late, not wanting to draw attention to the times Clark was missing and Superman was doing a rescue. Until recently, Chad had not considered listening to the news to see if Clark would be busy.
“Okay, I'll see you in a couple of hours,” I told Chad.
“Okay. I love you, Lois,” Chad said softly.
“I love you, too.”
************************
Clark placed me on the ground softly. “I'm going to have dinner with Mom and Dad,” he told me. “Just come get me when you're ready.”
I nodded as I made my way to the door of the cottage. I had been thinking about this all day and was nervous. I'm not sure why, but I couldn't help it.
“Hey,” Chad said with a smile as he opened the door. “You're earlier than I expected.”
“I am?” I asked as I came inside and Chad moved behind me to take my coat off.
“Yeah. I saw the Superman thing on the news,” Chad said, my coat now on the ground and his arms around me.
“It didn't take as long as Clark thought it might, and I was ready to go as soon as he got back,” I said turning in Chad's arms.
“I'm so glad you're here,” Chad whispered against my neck.
“Me, too,” I said.
“I'm sorry about earlier,” Chad said as he moved to pull my shirt up over my head.
“Me, too,” I mumbled against his chest.
“Less talking?” Chad laughed.
“Definitely.”
************************
“This is so good,” I said as I wiped my mouth.
Chad smiled. “I admit. I spent all afternoon cooking once I knew you were coming. I barely cook anymore. It seems so worthless for just me.”
“So you never cook?” I asked. “What do you eat?” He hadn't mentioned this before, not even when I mentioned that my eating habits had gone downhill.
“I do cook, but only maybe twice when you weren't here. And both times were to bring things over to Martha and Jonathan. Martha brings things by for me all the time, so I like to occasionally bring her something,” Chad said. “Otherwise, I eat cereal. Sometimes pancakes for dinner,” he mused.
“You eat pancakes for dinner?” I asked, smiling.
“Hey. It's better than chocolate covered pretzels,” Chad teased me.
“I haven't had chocolate covered pretzels for dinner since you left,” I insisted.
“Double Fudge Crunch bars?” he asked.
“Nope.”
“Ice cream?”
“No,” I laughed.
“Popcorn?” Chad suggested.
“Hey. Popcorn is healthy. Sort of.”
“So you have had popcorn for dinner?” he repeated.
“Maybe once or twice,” I mumbled.
Chad smiled, leaning over to push a strand of hair out of my eyes. “I love having you here,” he whispered.
“I know,” I said. I knew what I should say was that I loved being there, but it wasn't strictly true. I loved being with Chad, but I was sure I'd prefer it if he'd come see me in Metropolis. It was becoming increasingly clear, though, that Chad was happy here.
“So, tell me more about your job,” I said. In the months since Chad had moved here he had spoken a lot about small-town life, but little about his job. I think the day-to-day stuff was a bigger adjustment so he spoke about it more but the impetus for being here was supposed to be for his job.
“It's great,” Chad said and to my chagrin, his face lit up when he said it. “It's so much more relaxing than Metropolis. I think… in some ways it may not be the best experience,” Chad admitted. “But I just don't care. I think between my rotations in med school and the year I spent doing my residency in Metropolis, if I ever wanted to move back to the big city, I could make the case for having the experience, but I'm just learning so much more here.”
I caught his words – "if I ever want to move back to the big city' - but decided not to mention them. This conversation wasn't about that. Still, I filed it away mentally. I could see that this was heading exactly where I feared it might.
“You're learning more here than in Metropolis?” I asked.
Chad nodded. “It's just different. I mean, the complicated stuff does go to Wichita, but I've been going up there a couple of days a week to make sure I don't miss anything. Damien has some contacts up there and explained my situation. While not anything like Metropolis General, the hospital there is much bigger and busier, and they appreciate my help.”
“I didn't know you were going up there,” I said, feeling sad that I was missing so much of his life.
Chad shrugged. “I guess it didn't seem like that big a deal. But Damien was pretty clear when I got here that I wouldn't really get the best education just staying at the Smallville hospital. The Wichita thing was supposed to be sort of informal at first, but it's sort of grown.”
“So, now you have set days of the week you go up there?” I asked.
“Well, sort of. I often go up on Tuesdays and Thursdays, but the doctor I'm working with there, Gil, will call me if something especially interesting is happening another day so I can come up. I've gone up every day for a few days when one of our patients was sent there. Damien loves it. He hates having to travel and this way, I can cover for him.”
“How far away is it?” I asked.
“A little over an hour,” Chad said.
“How often do you have a patient there?” I asked him.
Chad shrugged. “Not often. There just aren't that many kids in Smallville. So far, just the one I told you about last month.”
“Kate?” I asked, trying to remember her name.
“Carol,” Chad corrected.
“And she's recovered from the bug she had?” I asked.
“Yup. She probably didn't really need to go to Wichita. But they have so many more resources there than we have here, we wanted to make sure we weren't missing anything.”
“It must be scary to be told you need to send your kid somewhere else. Makes them seem sicker,” I said.
Chad nodded. “I think it did for Abby and Mike, but in the end they were glad. It didn't take long for them to figure out what was wrong with Carol and that's what was most important to them.”
I nodded my head. “And emergency room shifts here?” I asked, although I knew he had far fewer of them.
“They're easier here,” Chad said. “I mean, first off, since there's no formal residency program here, there's less a feeling of my being slave labor. So, sure I need to cover the ER, but that's mostly as things are so slow here there are no ER docs so we all do. It just feels different. More like I'm part of a team, you know?”
I nodded. I did know. I couldn't honestly say I was happy to hear him talk about his job in such glowing terms, but I did understand why he was happy.
“The best part of being here, though,” Chad said, “is Damien. I mean all the doctors are great, but Damien… He's so different from Ken!”
I smiled. “Small town hospitality?”
“Maybe,” Chad smiled back. “And more of the feeling about residents not being slave labor, but he just seems so much more concerned with making sure I'm learning all I should and all I want to rather than using me for whatever he can.”
“That really is great, Chad,” I said softly.
“Yeah,” he said. “It is nice to be able to truly feel like I'm learning while taking care of patients.” He leaned over to pick me up and put me on his lap. “And what about you? Aside from the investigation this week, you've been pretty quiet about work,” he mentioned.
I shrugged. “I'm not starting a new career,” I told him as I leaned my head on his shoulder. “Work's the same as always.”
Chad sighed as he rested his head on mine. “I know. But… I feel like we're losing something, you know. All the stuff we just talked about – isn't it weird that we never did before? And I know so little about what you're currently working on. I miss telling you the minutiae of my day. I feel like we often only hit the high points now,” he said sadly.
“Me, too,” I agreed.
“It's weird,” Chad said softly. “When I'm going about my day, I often think of things in terms of how I'll tell them to you later, but then… I just often don't.”
“I know,” I nodded. It was true. I spent more time talking to Chad in my head now than I did in real life. That was why… I took a deep breath.
“Chad, I know this isn't the best time for this conversation, but since I'm not coming this weekend, I guess… I just wanted to say this. Give us time to think about it before we have a chance to talk about it.”
“What?” Chad asked and I could tell he was alarmed.
“I don't…” I picked my head up off his shoulder. I couldn't decide if it was better to look at him when I said this or to touch him. I put my head back down as I realized I couldn't look in his eyes while I said this. “Chad, I don't think this is working.”
