Thank you to Carol, Kelly, and Beth for being the best betas ever!!
And yet another random American food reference – the tomato soup Lois talks about here is Campbell's condensed tomato soup. I'm not sure of it's popularity outside the US, but it's basically a small can of soup and you add one can of water (although Carol says she adds milk) and heat. You can find a pic
here . For some reason, this soup is intrinsically linked to grilled cheese sandwiches as comfort food. It must have been a super-successful ad campaign when we were kids or something as neither my husband nor I recall our mothers making this meal, but we both think of it as an easy meal for when we're feeling down and in my informal poll, lots of others feel the same way.
Lastly, to give credit where it is due – Chad's grilled cheese sauce is the same as my husband's (and surprisingly good).
From Chapter 30The phone rang, breaking us out of our thoughts. Chad got up to get it and I sat on the floor opening the first of the letters in the bag. My tears flowed as I read it. We were so different then, so sure of our future together. Where had that confidence gone?
“That was Clark,” Chad said as he came back into the room. “There's an emergency. And it's late. I hadn't realized how late. It's already ten. I told him you'd stay the night and he could come get you tomorrow.”
I nodded my head wondering where I would sleep. In our bed? On the couch? I glanced at the letter in my hand again. I wished I could go back to the girl who was the recipient of that letter and tell her to stop feeling sorry for herself. Living apart from Chad for a little while was really not that bad. Not while he sent letters like this one. Not while she could feel loved and secure in her relationship.
Chapter 31And yet another random American food reference – the tomato soup Lois talks about here is Campbell's condensed soup. I'm not sure of it's popularity outside the US, but it's basically a small can of soup and you add one can of water (although Carol says she adds milk) and heat. For some reason, this soup is intrinsically linked to grilled cheese sandwiches as comfort food. It must have been a super-successful ad campaign when we were kids or something as neither my husband nor I recall our mothers making this meal, but we both think of it as an easy meal for when we're feeling down and in my informal poll, lots of others feel the same way.
Lastly, to give credit where it is due – Chad's grilled cheese sauce is the same as my husband's (and surprisingly good).
“Why don't I go make us some dinner?” Chad offered. “Or a late night snack or something.”
I nodded in agreement. Feeling the paper in my hands start to crinkle, I relaxed my grip. I looked around the room for a second before getting up. “I'll help you,” I said, not wanting to go through the rest of this alone. Besides, it looked like we were almost done.
We walked downstairs together, not talking. “Mashed potatoes?” Chad asked me, and I smiled. Mashed potatoes were one of my favorite comfort foods. “Or grilled cheese with tomato soup?”
“Grilled cheese,” I said. Chad made the best grilled cheese. I did not have the patience required to cook it on medium so the cheese would melt, but even aside from that, Chad added this mustard-mayonnaise mixture that gave it a nice tang. It was a far cry from the burnt pieces of toast with cheese in the middle I used to serve to Lucy.
Chad started on the sandwiches while I got the soup out of the pantry and dumped it into a pot. Measuring out a can full of water, I added it to the pot and stirred as I turned the heat up. Chad worked quietly beside me. When the bread and cheese were on the skillet, he placed an arm around my waist. “I'm going to miss moments like this the most,” he said quietly.
“Me, too,” I admitted, brushing impatiently at the tears that appeared on my cheeks.
“So, shall we be healthy and have milk or skip it and go for soda?” Chad asked as he transferred the toasty sandwiches to plates.
“Soda,” I said, thinking that the extra sugar could not hurt tonight.
“My thought, too,” Chad said and he poured us each a cup of cola as I finished putting the soup into bowls.
We moved to the small kitchen table in silence and then seemed to just stop. We both sat down, but neither of us seemed ready to start the mundane task of eating. With a sigh, I reached down and grabbed a half of sandwich. “This is great,” I told Chad as I took a bite.
“The soup's perfect,” he said, swallowing a mouthful.
“Yeah, I'm still very talented at adding water,” I smiled at him.
“So,” Chad said, but then he trailed off in silence. “Which furniture are you taking?” he finally said.
“I'm not taking any furniture. I can't really ask Clark to move it anyway,” I said.
“None of it?” Chad asked in confusion. “You're just going to buy it all new?”
“Or used,” I said. “I don't know. I haven't thought that far ahead.”
“To tomorrow?” Chad asked with a small smile. “What are you planning to do with all the things in the boxes?”
I shook my head. “I don't know.”
We ate in silence for several more minutes and neither of us spoke again until we had moved the plates to the dishwasher. “What about the plates?” Chad asked. “Or the china?”
“You can have them,” I told him.
“That's… Lois, that isn't fair,” Chad said. “You shouldn't have to buy all new stuff.”
I shrugged. “You need this stuff, too,” I reminded him.
“I know, but… Let me give you some money for new stuff,” he offered.
I shook my head. “It's my choice to leave,” I reminded him.
“I left first,” Chad replied. “And this decision… we both made it. You shouldn't bear the brunt of the financial responsibility.”
“You're the one who still has a mortgage,” I reminded him.
“And you'll have rent. And considering it's for an apartment in Metropolis, my guess is that your rent is more than my mortgage payment,” Chad said.
“It is,” I admitted quietly.
“Then let me give you some money to contribute to getting new things,” Chad offered again.
“I don't want your money!” I yelled. I started to add the rest of my thought, but stopped. What I wanted to say was "What I want is you,' but that wasn't really true, was it? I mean, it was true in that I did want Chad, but I only wanted him on my terms. I didn't want him in Smallville; I wanted him in Metropolis. So, it wouldn't really be fair to say, would it?
“I know,” he whispered, moving closer to wrap me in his arms. “I know you don't want my money. But don't think of it that way. Just buy stuff out of our account. It's our money for now.”
“And then what? We'll just split what's left?” I asked.
“Something like that,” Chad said. “At some point we'll have to get a lawyer. There are bound to be things to take care of we didn't anticipate. Retirement accounts or something. I don't know.”
“I don't want to do this,” I told him, my voice muffled from its place next to his chest.
“Me neither,” Chad said and even without looking up, I could hear that he was crying. “Let's not,” he said. “Let's just stop all of this. I'll move back to Metropolis and we'll go back to the way things were before.”
I shook my head, leaning back to look at him. “Earlier when I suggested I stay here you said you couldn't let me do that. Why would you think I could let you move back to Metropolis? You belong here. I know that. You know that.”
“I belong with you,” Chad whispered, his tears falling on my cheeks and mingling with my own.
“I used to think so,” I said quietly.
“Please let me go back with you,” Chad whispered, his head falling to my shoulder. “Please?” he pleaded, his lips finding my neck.
“We can't do that,” I whispered as he lifted his head and my lips found his.
“We can't do this,” he whispered back as he trailed kisses over my face. “I don't want to be without you.”
“I don't want to be without you,” I said, no longer having any clue why we would be doing this.
************************
I woke to the feeling of sunlight falling on my face and I snuggled closer to Chad. Without even being fully awake, I decided it was much more comfortable here and there was no reason to wake up.
“Morning,” he grumbled into someplace near my shoulder as his fingers traveled over my side and then across my stomach to teasingly squeeze my hip.
“Morning,” I giggled as he tickled my side lightly.
“This is my favorite type of morning,” Chad said, and I could feel him smiling from where his head rested on my chest.
“What? Us waking up naked?” I asked with a smirk.
“That would be it,” Chad said, turning his head slightly to kiss me.
The phone rang before things could get more interesting and Chad snaked one arm out from under the covers to grab it.
“What?” he asked, and the annoyance was clear in his voice.
After a moment, he moved away from me slightly. We were still touching, but there was a different feel to it now. “It's Clark,” he said quietly, handing me the phone.
“Tell him we're…” I trailed off as I realized why Chad had moved away. I had forgotten. Apparently he had, too. Somehow waking up in Chad's arms had felt so familiar, so comfortable. I had forgotten what I was doing here. “Hi,” I said into the mouthpiece. I could tell I sounded annoyed, but I didn't really care.
“Sorry,” Clark asked. “I didn't mean to wake you. I just wanted to see what time you'd be ready.”
“What time is it now?” I asked him, trying not to sigh.
“About ten,” Clark said and I felt myself blush. It had been late last night when we went to bed, but I had no idea it was so late now.
“I need a few more hours,” I said quietly. “Maybe sometime after lunch?”
“Okay,” Clark said quietly. “Why don't you call me when you're ready? I'm at my folks now, but I'm having lunch with Rachel so call her place.”
“Okay,” I said, handing Chad back the phone.
For a moment after he hung it up, we lay side by side in bed, neither of us saying anything. Then Chad sat up, pulling the sheets up to cover himself. “So,” he said quietly.
“So,” I replied, trying to keep the smile out of my voice. I suddenly wanted to laugh, although I was unsure why.
“That was… We're going to go through with this anyway, aren't we?” he asked me, turning to look at me with a sheen of tears over his eyes.
I sat up, bringing the blanket with me. I nodded my head. “I don't want to,” I said quietly.
“I know,” Chad said. “But this is what's best for us.”
I nodded slowly and Chad leaned forward to kiss me. The kiss was soft, sweet. Nothing like the fevered kisses of last night.
“We should get up and finish packing up your stuff,” Chad suggested. “Do you want the shower first?”
I nodded, getting up. Chad looked away and I wasn't sure if I was relieved or not. When had it become awkward to be naked in front of my husband?
When I got out of the shower I realized all my clothes were in boxes in the other room. Wrapping a towel around me, I walked through the empty hallway. The smell of pancakes was wafting upstairs and once I was dressed I made my way downstairs.
“I know I'm just postponing the inevitable…” Chad said as I came in.
“It smells delicious,” I said cutting him off. He sent me a grateful smile and I could tell he was more grateful for my pretending things were normal than for any compliment on the pancakes.
We each took a couple and made our way to the table with butter and syrup. We ate in silence, but as opposed to earlier this morning, things felt comfortable now. It took us just a few minutes to finish breakfast and we cleaned up, also in silence.
Then, by mutual agreement we moved back upstairs and packed up the rest of my things.
Slowly, we brought the boxes downstairs. All in all, there were a dozen boxes and they made a sad sight on our… on
Chad's living room floor.
Without a word I moved over to the phone, glancing at the clock while I did so. It was two now, so I shouldn't be disturbing Clark's lunch with Rachel. “I'm ready,” I said quietly when he answered.
“Okay, I'll be right over,” he answered, his voice also soft.
Chad and I sat on the couch as we waited, holding hands, but still not talking. It felt like we had run out of words, like there was nothing left to say.
It took Clark several trips to take all the boxes and he seemed to take his time with the last one. Chad and I got up slowly, trying to postpone the time until Clark would fly away with me and we would be separated permanently.
“I love you,” I whispered, tightening my hold on his hand.
“I love you,” Chad said. “So much, Lois. If there was another way…”
“I know,” I told him, leaning forward to kiss him. The kiss ended, but we didn't pull apart. We stood there, lips touching, hands tight around each other, in denial about what was about to happen.
It wasn't until after we broke apart that Clark appeared, making me wonder if he had been watching periodically, making sure not to interrupt our goodbye. “Do you want more time?” he asked us quietly.
Chad nodded, tears falling down his cheeks. “I want forever. But I don't have that,” he said softly. “So, I think I'm ready now.”
I leaned back into him, resting my head against his chest, listening to the sound of his heart beating. The sound was soothing, reminding me of so many memories from the last ten years. After a few minutes, Chad gently pushed my head up to meet my lips. “Goodbye, Lois,” he whispered, our lips still touching.
“Goodbye,” I whispered back before leaning forward to kiss him again. Then pulling away, I turned toward Clark.
“I'm ready now,” I told him.
Clark nodded, then took a step forward. “I'm sorry,” he said to both of us.
I took another step forward, but couldn't let go of Chad's hand. “I love you,” Chad whispered to me. I nodded and finally let go.
