Clark swallowed the dumpling and set his chopsticks down, giving Lois his undivided attention. “Okay. Shoot.”
“Alright, Clark. The first thing you need to know is that I am not the Lois Lane you know.”
Clark blinked. “Come again?”
Lois straightened up, lifting one hand to tuck her hair behind her ear. “The Lois Lane that you know, the one that belongs here, doesn’t have a clue that you are Superman. You need to know that because when she returns you have to keep your secret. That’s the first problem with my plan—you have to know that she doesn’t know what I know.”
“Slow down, Lois. You’re losing me. You say you are not the Lois Lane that I know. Then who are you, and where is the Lois I know?”
“Not where, Clark; when. I am your Lois, but ten years older. That’s how I knew who you were. The morning of your ceremony with the Deputy Mayor, I was taken from my own time and switched with your Lois. I can only assume that she has been thrown forward in time, just as I have been thrown backward. Ever since then, I’ve been trying to act like her, to be the person I used to be, because my future depends on preserving the time line as it was, but I’ve realized that I can only do that if you help me. When I finally get back home, and she gets back here, I can’t have you letting on to her who Superman is. She’s not supposed to know yet. And you have to pretend that you’ve never met me, that everything is just as it was before.”
This was too much. Clark didn’t know what Lois was trying to pull, but he didn’t like being taken for a fool, and he was getting angry.
“Hold on there, Lois. I don’t know what you’re playing at, but you can’t expect me to believe that you are a time traveler. A. Time travel is impossible, and B. there is no way you are suddenly ten years older. I would have noticed. Now, what’s really going on here?”
“Clark, I know this seems far-fetched, but you have to believe me. Time travel is possible; we’ve both done it before. That is, in my before…never mind. And, no, I don’t look ten years older, because somehow Tempus—that’s the guy who switched us, long story—switched our minds, or souls, or however you want to put it, and not our bodies. And I don’t know how it works, so don’t ask me.” She had started pacing again, but she stopped and looked him in the eye. “Clark, you said last week that you could tell I was lying. I know I’m upset now, but that’s because this is a crucial conversation. But if you think you can still tell the difference, try me. Ask me anything you like. I promise I won’t lie.”
”Alright, then, Lois. Here’s your chance.” It was Clark’s turn to lean across the table. He and Lois were practically nose to nose. “Who is HGW? And why are you advertising as LLK instead of LL? Why are you looking for him, and how did you know what my parents look like? What’s the secret that is so dangerous to your family, and what does it have to do with me? I don’t know what to think anymore, Lois, and I need the truth!”
Lois let out a breath and dropped wearily into a chair. Realizing that he had been crowding her, Clark drew back and sat down as well.
“Okay, Clark, you’re right. You deserve to know the whole truth. And, besides, I have a huge decision to make that involves you as much as me. So, here goes: HGW is Herbert George Wells.”
“The writer? Why are you advertising for a dead man?”
“He’s only dead part of the time.” Lois gave a wry half-smile. “He’s the one who started this whole time-travel business, but Tempus is the one who makes trouble with it. Tempus threw me back to this time, and I’ve been waiting for Mr. Wells to show up and bring me back home. But I expected he would have arrived by now and he hasn’t. If he doesn’t show up soon I don’t know how I’m going to get back home. That’s why I’ve been placing the personal ads; I’m hoping someone in the future, where Mr. Wells likes to visit, will notice the ads in the Planet archives and send him back here. But I’m starting to think that I’ve been too subtle. Usually he shows up when he notices a change in the time line. I think I’ve just been too good at keeping it the same.”
“Lois, this has got to be the strangest story I’ve ever heard. But I can’t find any signs that you are lying. So, keep going. Why LLK?”
“So Herb would know it was me and not your Lois placing the ad. LLK stands for my married name.”
Clark’s eyes widened in surprise. “You’re married? In the future? “
“Yes, Clark, and that’s where this huge decision comes in. In…” --she glanced at her watch—“…twenty minutes, I’m going to get a phone call from Allie De’Nello.”
“The guy who called you Pumpkin?”
“Yeah. Clark, he’s like an uncle to me. He’s known me since I was in braces and pigtails. He’s going to ask me to meet him about a tip. But, in the original time line, as he was crossing the street to meet me, he was killed. The cops called it a hit and run, but I know it was a hit. He was taken out because he knew too much.”
“So you want Superman to save him?”
“No! Or yes!” She was standing again, wringing her hands in frustration. “Clark, this is the huge decision. Do I keep the timeline the same and let my friend die, or do I save his life at the risk of losing my own future?”
Clark blew out a long breath. “Lois, I’m no ethics expert. But, since you’re asking, I guess I have to ask, what is there in your future that might be worth a man’s life?”
Lois’s hands dropped to her sides and she stood up straight. He was not prepared for the intensity of the gaze she turned on him, nor for the deadly seriousness of her voice as she answered him in one powerful phrase:
“My children.”
She took a deep breath and repeated, “My children, Clark. If I change this timeline, I don’t know what effect it will have. I don’t see how Allie has anything to do with my marriage or my children, but how can I know for sure? Clark, Allie is my friend, and maybe if I were a better person I wouldn’t hesitate to save his life, but you have to understand that there is very little I wouldn’t do to save my family.” She started moving again, pacing and running her hand through her hair as she thought out loud.
“But it’s not that clear cut. It’s not as simple as Allie versus my kids. If it were, God help me, Allie wouldn’t stand a chance. But it’s not. It’s Allie’s life versus some small but unknowable *risk* to my kids’ very existence. And then there’s the issue of Mr. Wells. I really thought he’d have shown up by now. I’m getting the feeling that my very carefulness *not* to change the timeline is keeping him from realizing that I’m here. I’m thinking that he won’t show up to bring me home until I *do* change it. Argh! I hate time paradoxes!”
Clark had been frozen in place, just watching this ball of energy pace to and fro, away from him and back again, and trying to follow her reasoning, all the while trying not to give in to the urge to melt into a puddle of despair. His own future, the one he had hardly let himself dream about, the one that involved slowly earning Lois Lane’s trust, befriending her, hoping that, eventually, she would come to feel for him some small echo of what he felt for her, was crumbling to dust. She was married. She had children. She was, forever and always, off limits. She belonged to another man, and she would never be his.
He snapped out of his reverie as she approached him again, stopping this time to grasp his hands and implore him, as if he could solve her dilemma for her, “Clark, what should I do? What would *you* do?”
How was he supposed to answer a question like that? His heart wanted to scream “Save Allie! Change your future! Give me a chance to be in it!” Of course, he couldn’t actually say that. Looking down into Lois’s anxious face, he knew she was agonizing over her choice. What she needed now was not a suitor; what she needed was a friend. And, even if he could never hope to be anything more, he could still be a friend. So, he tried to distance himself, to look at the dilemma objectively. The certainty of one man’s life versus the possibility of eliminating two (or more) people’s very existence.
A phrase from the Bible flitted through his mind: “It were better for that man if he had never been born.” What would it mean to have never been born? It wouldn’t be like being killed, would it? You wouldn’t be gone. You never would have been there in the first place. Was that bad? Not as bad as dying, certainly? But then, the pain of death wasn’t about the dead person anyway, was it? It was about the people left behind to grieve. And, even if no one else ever knew, Lois would know that her children were gone. It would be just as bad for her. How could he advise her? Who was he to tell her what to do? Why was she even asking him?
“I’m sorry, Lois. I can see that this is tearing you up inside, but I don’t think I can help you. You’re the one who has to live with the consequences; I think it has to be your choice.”
But, even as he said it, he realized that it wasn’t really true. Now that Clark knew of Allie’s danger, Superman had a duty to save him. It wasn’t up to him to guarantee Lois Lane’s future happiness at the price of an innocent man’s life. He was opening his mouth to say so, when he realized Lois was speaking again.
“Actually, Clark, it isn’t only my choice.” She collapsed into a chair, rubbing her face with both hands before looking up at him again. “Because I’m not the only one who has to live with the consequences.”
He dropped into the chair next to her, both of them sitting sideways to the table, facing each other.
“I know, Lois. Allie…”
But she was still talking. “Because they’re your children, too.”
What?! “What?!”
“My children, Clark. My family. They’re not just mine.” She was looking at him with a strange combination of anxiety, tenderness, and sheepishness. She laid one hand gently on his trousered knee. “They’re ours.”
“What are you saying, Lois? That I’m your…that you’re my…” He remembered a crucial detail from earlier in the conversation. “LLK. Your married name is Lois Lane…” He needed to hear it from her.
“…Kent.”
And in that moment, he watched as her face transformed. He had caught glimpses of the inner Lois Lane before, in unguarded moments when she was excited about something and her joy leaked out before she could stop it. But never before had she willingly, unashamedly opened herself freely to him. Her smile was wide and her eyes shone. The mask was gone, and there she was, the Lois that he had suspected was hiding under there all along but had never expected to see so soon. And she was just as beautiful as he had imagined.
His heart soared. Seeing that face, it never occurred to him to doubt her story. He had hoped. He had planned to chip away at that mask, to earn her respect, then her friendship, and eventually try for something more. And now, all at once, he had it. Her trust, her admiration, her love, all shining out of those beautiful eyes. And all for him.
He wanted to do something. He should do something to cement this moment, to capture it forever and give it substance. To cross the threshold from what had been into this glorious new reality. Touch. He needed to touch her. His love. His…wife. Almost in slow motion, his hands rose to touch her face. She didn’t flinch. She sighed and leaned into his hand with her cheek, placing her own hand over his. In breathy whispers, they spoke simultaneously. “Lois.” “Clark.” Only those two words, but that was everything.
Feeling suddenly shy, he hesitated, but he needed more. “Lois, would it be okay…Can I…I’d like to….”
She didn’t let him finish the request. She just granted it. She leaned toward him, closed her eyes, and kissed him, softly, tenderly, slowly. When she pulled away, she heaved a sigh of relief.
“God, Clark, I’ve been wanting to do that all week. I miss you so much! I’m dying to get home.”
No. His heart came crashing back down with a thud. No, it wasn’t all for him. She wasn’t his. She was…His. His future self’s. He wasn’t her husband, wasn’t her lover. He was her…friend? Yes. And something more, but not enough. She wasn’t here to make his dreams come true. She was here against her will, and she was trying to leave. To go back to her world where she was His and He was hers. But he wasn’t Him. He was…Him-to-be? Not her husband, but her…fiancé? No. Her…stand-in? No, that wasn’t fair. He was her something, but there was no name for it. Something in-between. A friend-that-will-be-more-but-not-quite-yet.
****
Lois saw his face fall. She knew why, but it couldn’t be helped. Still, her heart ached for him. For this young Clark with so much love to give and so long to wait before it would be returned in kind. She couldn’t give him what he so desperately wanted. She couldn’t give him a young Lois to love him back the way he loved her. But she couldn’t pretend to be the young Lois who didn’t love him, either. And she still had to decide what to do about Allie, who would be calling any minute now. Watching the young man in front of her struggle for control of his emotions, she made up her mind.
“Clark, look at me.” Her tone was as gentle as she could make it. When she knew she had his attention, she went on, “I know this is a shock. Maybe a happy shock, but maybe bittersweet as well. I know I’m not her. And you’re not Him. But you will be. And she’ll see it, Clark, I promise. She has a lot of love to give. And you are the one who will teach her that she *can* give it. I know it’s hard to wait. You couldn’t pay me to go through all that again. But it was worth it. For Him as well as for me. Be patient with her, Clark. You won’t regret it.” She squeezed his hand.
When he gave her a watery smile, she went on. “And no, I can’t be your love, but I hope I can be your friend.” She nudged his knee with hers, “Maybe even a very affectionate friend.”
The ringing telephone brought both of their thoughts back to the immediate problem. It was after hours, so every incoming call rang on every extension. Lois picked up the conference room phone.
“Daily Planet.” As Lois listened to Allie, she was watching Clark signaling that he had something to say as well. Lois held a hand up to Clark in the same ‘Can’t you see I’m talking on the phone and I may have two ears but I only have one brain’ gesture that she used with her sons at home. When Allie finished she asked him to hold the phone and pushed the mute button.
Seeing that he had her attention, Clark began, “Lois, I’m Superman. If Allie’s life is in danger, I can’t just stand by. I don’t want to risk your future…our future….any more than you do, but I don’t know how I could live with myself if I just let a man die.”
“I know, Clark. I know you have to help. It’s what you do, and it’s who you are. Besides, I think the point is moot. If it’s our relationship we’re worried about, I think this whole conversation has changed the timeline more than anything Allie’s likely to do in the future. And maybe Mr. Wells will finally notice something’s changed and come set things right.” She held her hand up again and took the phone off mute. “Allie, I’m coming to meet you. I’ll be there in fifteen minutes. Be careful….Yes, I will be, too. See you soon.” She hung up the phone and headed for the door. “Come on, Superman, let’s go save Allie.”
