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Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 1,194 Likes: 1
Top Banana
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OP
Top Banana
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 1,194 Likes: 1 |
So, what do you think? Can you buy that Lois can at least be open to the possiblity of something happening with young Clark and vice-versa? Does it make them seem fickle? Or like they're settling for second choice? Can you buy the idea that what they mostly need now is a little time and space for the fog to clear?
I have an idea for how to wrap up this story, but I haven't written much of it yet, so if there are burning issues that you just *must* have resolved, speak up now. (L & C '03 are going to have a little chat about the jealousy thing, for instance. And yes, of course they'll be just fine.)
This *is* my happily ever after.
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Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 326
Beat Reporter
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Beat Reporter
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 326 |
I absolutely love this section. The dialogue between young L&C was wonderful and right on. For me this paragraph says sooo much
And, he had something he needed to confess. “I haven’t been fair to you, Lois.” She raised a questioning eyebrow. “Before all this began, I mean. I saw something about you, something that drew me in and made me want to know everything about you. But I only got glimpses of who you really were. You’re very good at hiding it. I should know; I’m probably the world’s expert at hiding who I am. But I was a hypocrite. I’d been trying to get you to trust me, to let me see the real you, and all the time I’d been hiding my real self from you. That’s not fair. I didn’t realize that’s what I was doing until Lo showed me what it’s like to really be myself with someone. Other than my parents, that is. Maybe that’s part of why I don’t really want to go back to where we were. It was really great to have a friend who knew me for all of who I am. I don’t want to go back to hiding. Not from you.
Wonderful section and very believable and from the heart
robinson
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Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 1,384
Top Banana
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Top Banana
Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 1,384 |
ditto what robinson said. I loved this part. Very believable. Two big thumbs up! 
"Hold on, my friends, to the Constitution and to the Republic for which it stands. Miracles do not cluster and what has happened once in 6,000 years, may not happen again. Hold on to the Constitution" - Daniel Webster
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Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 76
Freelance Reporter
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Freelance Reporter
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 76 |
Maybe I'm just one for action sequences, but I wouldn't mind seeing a confrontation with Jason Trask, and a resolution of that whole Bureau 39 issue (assuming that they are returned to the Kent farm).
In any case, this excellent story is winding up very nicely.
--Snave
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Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 1,194 Likes: 1
Top Banana
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OP
Top Banana
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 1,194 Likes: 1 |
Hmmmm...[wondering whether she's actually capable of writing A-plot, but seeing lot of character potential in that as well]...Hmmmm....
This *is* my happily ever after.
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Joined: May 2006
Posts: 483 Likes: 6
Beat Reporter
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Beat Reporter
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 483 Likes: 6 |
Your stories are great when I returned from my vacation I read all parts I could find. 
Kathryn
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Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 9,066 Likes: 31
Boards Chief Administrator Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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Boards Chief Administrator Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 9,066 Likes: 31 |
The younglings were really cute together. Are you going to show us more of how they're going to deal with stuff?
Michael
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Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 1,194 Likes: 1
Top Banana
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OP
Top Banana
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 1,194 Likes: 1 |
Yep, but it's going to take a couple of days since I haven't written it yet. It's bouncing around in my head, though, and it won't stay there long. So pretty soon. 
This *is* my happily ever after.
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Top Banana
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Top Banana
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 1,371 Likes: 1 |
I read through this twice trying to decide what to say for FDK. I had trouble getting past the simple statement that this was just plain great. This part: I think the reason I liked her so much is because she let me. I still think there are things she didn’t show me, but mostly she was her real self with me. No walls, no games. And I was myself with her. I don’t think she’s a fundamentally different person from you. I’m sure she’s learned some things over the years, but then, so has He. But I don’t believe that people radically change their personalities as they grow up. I just think she doesn’t hide who she really is from me. She’s my friend.” was particularly insightful. But I did like everything here. Now, before they go back, since they are going back with some knowledge of the future, *please* have the older Lois tell her younger counterpart that Lex Luthor is *BAD* news. Whether or not she ends up with Clark is up to her but she needs to know what Lex really is! I can think of a few other things that they should know about but that piece of information should be number one on the "something you need to know before you go back" list. Bob
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Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 1,194 Likes: 1
Top Banana
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OP
Top Banana
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 1,194 Likes: 1 |
[Makes note: L. Luthor BAD!]
This *is* my happily ever after.
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Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 921
Features Writer
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Features Writer
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 921 |
Okay, you're not even finished with this and you'r right - I do want a sequel. I want to know what happens with PC and PL when they start their own timeline.
I loved their chat and all the revelations that came with it. It seemed like they both learned a lot due to the time switch about both each other and themselves.
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Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 1,194 Likes: 1
Top Banana
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OP
Top Banana
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 1,194 Likes: 1 |
[Edit: Oops, I meant to post this in Carol's feedback thread, not this one  ] No, no, I must not read Carol's story! I must finish writing Forward! Focus, focus, focus! (But you know I'm going straight here as soon as Forward is off to the betas.) Something to look forward to...as a reward...when I get finished...which I will...really...pretty soon...
This *is* my happily ever after.
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Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 2,837
Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 2,837 |
Excellent story. The wonky stuff was well done. As to this: So, what do you think? Can you buy that Lois can at least be open to the possiblity of something happening with young Clark and vice-versa? Does it make them seem fickle? Or like they're settling for second choice? Can you buy the idea that what they mostly need now is a little time and space for the fog to clear? I have no problem at all with thinking Lois can go back to '93 with Clark and try to forge a new relationship. I don't think they need to erase their memories at all. No, I don't think Lois (or Clark) are fickle. They've seen pieces of what the partner can be, but isn't necessarily yet. I don't think either of the young couple could in any way feel they could step in the the middle of the Kent family of '03. And I don't think they would or should expect whatever family they have (or don't) will be identical to that of Clark & Lo. Great story. Now for the wrap up and happily ever after!  Artemis P.S. a wrap up of the Jason Trask thing would be good too.
History is easy once you've lived it. - Duncan MacLeod
Writing history is easy once you've lived it. - Artemis
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Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 1,864
Merriwether
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Merriwether
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 1,864 |
I thought this was a very plausible conversation, with just the right balance between awkward admissions and newly-learned honesty. I wonder, however, if in the long-term Lois won't feel cheated for having six weeks of her life stolen. By secretly allowing a stand-in to take over for her, she'll find that there are secrets she doesn't know--something I can't see Lois accepting easily.
Elisabeth
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