Hi Terry
Creative set-up. Lots of rich detail. Some initial reactions from my late-night incoherent brain:
- I assumed from the title that the band was going to be a country band or country-rock. Of course that wouldn't work for the Metro Club.
- I wonder if Lucy is in on this undercover free-lance investigative reporter gig?
- I wonder whether this Linda King and Lois know each other?
- This Linda is a sad piece of work. She's in over her head where only Lois Lane belongs. And she knows it, too, which is an interesting bit of self-knowledge.
- Hmmm...is it Linda who's lucky or the guys she chases who get lucky?
- This Toni seems to respect Johnny. Is this a more dangerous Taylor family? One with a competent Johnny and loyal Toni? Or is she just putting up a united front for the new help? She doesn't seem like she's looking to reform her mob family; more like recruit Charlie into it, maybe.
- It's interesting that you've made both Linda and Clark rookies. (Assuming that they're still rookies now--I guess that depends on how long ago Linda is remembering.) Usually when we see Clark starting out at the Planet before Lois, he's an established veteran. It's a nice twist that he's not. I'm assuming that they're both still new given that Clark is still fending off Linda's advances and Perry is treating Clark with less deference than I'd expect if Clark is the established star.
- And poor Clark! He's got the wrong partner, and he's miserable! She won't take a hint, she's not into risk taking (which one would think would be good from Clark's POV, but we know he secretly admires Lois's spirit), she can't write, and she can't help him invent Superman. He's just stuck in the right place with the wrong person and he doesn't know it. (Well, he knows Linda's wrong; he just doesn't know there's a right one out there.)
My only suggestion: I like Shamika, but I would think about toning her dialect down a bit. I'm finding it occasionally distracting. (I'm thinking of the 'you be' line in particular. I don't know anyone who actually uses that phrase--maybe you do, though.) I know it's really difficult to get dialect down in writing since we can't hear tone of voice and inflection, but it's sometimes striking a sour note for me. (Not sure I'm doing a good job explaining myself here; take this as a *very* gentle suggestion.)
You've got a real talent for taking familiar characters and elements and putting a twist on them so we don't know what's coming next. (Never saw the Wanda Detroit part coming.
) I'm looking forward to seeing where you take it from here.
Delightful 
