Lois & Clark Forums Forums Fan Fiction Lois & Clark Fanfic FDK: The Return of Ultra Woman (3/20)

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Trivia: In 1987 the Golden Gate bridge was opened to pedestrian traffic as part of the 50th anniversary celebration. So many people crowded onto the bridge that it actually flattened out. (Suspension bridges normally never lose their natural arc.)

Apparently this was far and away the largest load that had ever been on the bridge, even though there were no vehicles on it. Some were concerned that it was about to collapse.

Bob

Michael

Wonderful part, Bob.

I find describing action as the absolutely hardest thing to write - you did a fantastic job. I could 'see' the scene and feel the tension.

Corrina.

Michael:
I was more than a little worried that this was over the top. However, I felt that the only honest way to approach the story is that any run-of-the-mill disaster just wasn't going to do it. Lois has a real and valid reason for not wanting to bring Ultra Woman back. I felt that to justify such a change in direction, you would need to have a disaster that was up-close-and-personal as well as tragic.

Corrina:
I'm so tickled that you thought this was effective. I completely agree that action is *so* difficult to write. I think this is the most action-oriented section that I've ever done and I fretted over it for hours on end. I am *so* glad that you enjoyed it.

Bob

Really well written. Looking forward to the next part.

Yes, this was a very well-written part, tense, taut, and spine-tingling. UltraWoman was needed!

Somehow I suspect that Ultra Woman is about to return...

Bob, it was a gripping, well-written instalment, but for me it ultimately fell a bit short.

I had a hard time with Lois just watching the disaster happen. I needed to 'see' her conflict. Lois doesn't want to be Ultra Woman, but she is still someone who can't just stand by and let people suffer if she can do something about it. I needed to know why Lois didn't feel she could/should go help out when it was obvious that Superman by himself wasn't going to be able to handle it.

Was it a sense of 'Well Superman always finds a way and he will this time too?'

Was it something as simple as 'She didn't have time to make a change into a costume which she didn't have with her?'

Whatever the reason for her not doing something (even if she would have arrived too late) I think we needed to see that conflict played out in her mind while watching the disaster on the tube.

Otherwise this is a very interesting story and I look forward to seeing how you resolve Lois' situation.

Tank (who like everyone else sees this disaster as the trigger for the return)

cookiesmom, Iolan, Marcus:
Thank you for the notes. As I mentioned earlier, I found this very challenging to put together. This is the most energetic extended scene that I’ve ever written and am glad that it seemed to work as well as it did.

Yes, Ultra Woman would have been very handy and it is only reasonable to expect that this will play a major role in her return. After all, if she’s not going to make a comeback, I sure did pick a dreadful title for this fic.


Tank:
Yours has been the FDK that put me back on my heels. However, I really appreciate that you were honest about what you thought didn’t work as well. The single greatest benefit of using the first-person approach is that we get to see what Lois is thinking and feeling. I got so caught up in presenting the developments on the bridge that I shorted the reader on exactly the questions you raise. To be honest, until you raised this point, I just didn’t notice.

FYI, the idea was to have the whole thing unfold so quickly that Lois would never have time to think about the possibility of intervention. That issue is addressed in chapter 4 but I should have provided more insight to guide the reader while the incident unfolded.

Again, I very much appreciate that you shared your reaction. It will help me do better in the future.

Bob

/imagine quote from earlier reply/

Well, you certainly did, Bob. You certainly did.

Michael