Hello All.
I am really sorry I havent posted anything for so long. I was having some faily problems and in the middle the crises, I completely forgot I was posting something. My apologies to all.
A special thanks to Annalina for reminding me that some readers have not given up on me
MDL.
Previously on Recollections of the Heart “I wish I could, Lois…” He rose swiftly and stood up, walking towards the fireplace. He rested an arm on the shelf on top of it and let his face be lit and warmed by the blaze, his white t-shirt mirroring the shades of the flames in red, yellow and blue. “…But, under the circumstances, I don’t see how I can. If you really wanna know what I think…” He took a deep breath, carefully choosing his words this time, eyes on the fire burning like his soul. “Well, I think that he turned you down and you meant to hurt him, Lois. In the process, you also ended up hurting yourself. I think that’s what you regret. I think that, if he had succumbed to your charms, you wouldn’t be here right now, licking your wounds and lamenting about being wrong.” Bitterness poisoned his soul. Lois opened her mouth to protest. She obviously had not made herself clear enough for him to understand what she meant. The time had come to make amendments for her wrongdoings of the past and tell him honestly and openly about her feelings towards him. Now that she had no doubts he loved her, she had been praying that the opportunity would come up so she could tell him she felt the same way. Her lips moulding her first words were stopped by the sound of the phone ringing on the coffee table, closer to Clark. Clark answered the phone before she could worsen the situation. The caller sought information about Jonathan’s health state. After he explained his father would be having his operation after going under an angiogram and customary pre-op tests the next morning, the person offered him his best wishes. Clark thanked him for everything and hung up. He then left the room for some fresh air outside, not willing to continue hearing anything else Lois had to say. That night, both recollected their conversation over and over, only one finally understood the truth behind it, and none slept peacefully. :::>Chapter 7 & 8<::: The ride to the hospital in the morning was quiet. Lois rested her elbow on the window of the truck while Clark pretended to concentrate on the road. Both had their own tensions and thoughts to deal with, leaving little room for futile conversation or mindless civilities.
Her head was spinning three hundred and sixty degrees per second while Clark’s remained stuck to the words he heard that night.
// “That was different. It was just a combination of many things bubbling up all at the same time. I admired Lex for his humanitarian figure and what I thought was a charming intellectual good hunk of man. But when I walked down the aisle, and you weren’t there…” //
Did she actually expect him to agree to be that absurd and attend the wedding? Why would she care anyway if he was there or not? Wasn’t she the one who discarded his feelings?
// “That was…a mistake. You know what happened that night, don’t you? Of course. You guys are friends, right? But I really regret it. It was a major stupid thick mistake. I was wrong then but I want to make it up… to him… to you... I wish I could apologize to Superman for all the things I’ve said that night and tell him… Oh, what am I saying? It’s not like it sounds, Clark. I don’t mean I want another chance with him… Do you understand what I’m trying to say? You’re an intelligent man, for heaven’s sake! I don’t want him. Can’t you understand me?” //
How could he? How could he ever understand the streams of consciousness of that woman? She was not making any sense and her prattling did not help at all. He always thought the more she tried to explain herself the more she ended up confusing not only the ones around her but herself. What she had told Superman that night was indeed foolish but to an extent she was not even aware of. Now, she wanted to apologize. There was nothing to apologize for. Between her and Superman it was just a matter of forgetting it ever happened and move on with no strings or hard feelings – kind of the same way they did with him as Clark.
// “It doesn’t matter. I know _you_. And I don’t mean you the celebrity or you the ‘superhero’. If you had _no_ powers, if you were just an ordinary man leading an ordinary life, I’d love you just the same. Can’t you believe that?” //
Then how could she not love him as Clark? How dumb was she? No… No, she was not dumb. She was the most intelligent person he had ever met but only blind to the subject. *People see what they want to see,* he concluded and sighed. If she only loved him as Clark…
He pushed the idea to soak in the limbo that was the back of his mind. In a few hours, his father would go under a significant operation that would hopefully improve his heart condition and give him the extension he needed for a good and long second round in life. His mom had called before they left and informed him their family friends were already there, filling in the forms and donating blood for the transfusion Jonathan would need later that day.
With such an important subject in hands, why was he constantly getting back to that conversation he and Lois had the night before? He really needed to erase that from his mind and pay attention to what mattered.
When the truck stopped, Clark turned off the engine and breathed deeply. “Look, Lois. Let’s just forget what happened yesterday, okay? I don’t know what got into me to react that way and I’m really sorry for it. This whole thing is between you and Superman and I have nothing to do with this.” He proposed, looking at her with eyes less hardened.
She rested her head on the back of the seat and looked up to the roof of the truck with a thoughtful and smeared look on her face. “If you say so.” She left the car without another word, leaving Clark to his thoughts and prayers.
“Morning, Madison.” Lois passed by alone towards the waiting room.
“Morning, Lois. Oh, hey… Dina, the nurse, was looking for you. She wanted to know if you could go to the lab and fill in the blood donation questionnaire. That’s if you want…” Madison hesitated.
“I was expecting that.” She smiled casually. “Which way to the lab?”
“Just down the left wing. This hall, take your right on the first corner. It’s the third door to the right. You can’t miss it.” Madison gestured a half-circle with her hand and pointed Lois to the right direction.
A minute later, Clark walked in. He was told by the middle-aged receptionist his mom was inside the room with his father and that Lois had been summoned to go to the lab. He thanked her and joined the family friends in the waiting room. They updated him on the scarce news of that morning and suggested he go to speak to Dr Johansson who would be performing the surgery after all the pre-ops were all finished.
Clark knocked on Dr Jenkins office and was welcomed to come in. Inside the room, two desks were temporarily placed to accommodate both doctors. Dr Jenkins was alone in the room and explained Dr Johansson was seeing his father and administrating the medications to prepare him for the operation that would occur in approximately one hour. ‘The surgery itself won’t take less than an hour but we should be out within two. A stent will be inserted in your father’s coronary to prevent clogs from forming in that area again. Full recuperation is a matter of several weeks of observation, constant visits to the cardiologist, followed by a new diet and prescribed drugs,’ he briefly stated.
Feeling more confident and positive, Clark thanked Jenkins and left to join his mom and dad in the ICU. There, he heard the same explanation, now given a little more detailed by the specialist, Dr Johansson. His father hugged him and kissed his mom before the nurses would take him to the surgery room. “I’ll be back,” his mocked the famous Terminator line while the nurses started wheeling him away, causing Clark and his mom to smile.
Jonathan’s family joined the many friends who lingered and gathered in the large and bright light green waiting room. Everyone was there, including Lois who was the only person seated, facing the window thoughtfully. The drapes were within her reach and she spaced them with her fingers to see the world outside. The sky was blue dotted with cotton clouds and flying birds – it was really a beautiful day outside.
// ‘I’m leaving, dad,’ she shouted from up the stairs to her father’s den.
The sound of her voice echoed without response. He was still downstairs she was sure, but why wouldn’t he answer when she was calling him for the third time? Unsure steps took her down to the place she hadn’t been in for so many years. The spider nets and dust denounced a careless keeper and the falling-apart staircase cricked under her feet. At the end of it, a flicking light bulb lit the room alone.
The place was small but packed by mechanical parts that imitated limbs – some even had fake latex skin. It was deserted but she could see a bright light coming from the adjacent room and she followed it. There, she found her father with a mending gun in his hands, fixing a broken part of what she could describe as a robotic knee. ‘Dad, I’m leaving.’
Sam Lane raised his protective head shield and smiled. “Princess, you’re down here! Come. Let me show what I’m working at.” He reached out for her hand. “This will help many people. See? Many lose their arms and legs in stupid accidents that could be avoided in the first place. But when they happen and there’s nothing else to be done, the victims can have a second chance in life and start it over. That’s what I do! I make the difference. Oh, the wonders of Medicine. Do you understand?”
Lois nodded, worn out. She wanted to point out that he had helped many people at the cost of his own family, but it was useless to stress it over and over. Her heart was bitter and her words not less than sour. “I’m not in med school, dad. I’m going to be a journalist.”
He bore a perplexed expression. “And just because you’re going to be a journalist, does it mean you can’t make the difference and improve people’s lives?’ He lowered his protective gear again and raised his voice while starting his machine again. ‘That’s not how I raised you, princess!”
She wanted to object and remind him she raised herself alone in the middle of that chaos they called home. She left him to his work, went up and grabbed her suitcase, leaving the house she lived for so many years for good. //
After so long, his words had finally hit home and she understood what he meant and why he did what he did - To make the difference in his profession, it had cost him his heart.
She wondered if she was not making the same mistakes her parents did.
>>><<<
Martha and Clark stood among their friends and waited in silence. Once or twice in the first half hour someone tried to small talk unsuccessfully. A few had gone to the cafeteria and the older friends paced around the room nervously. Martha started a low conversation with Wayne who had previously undergone the same surgery while Clark, who sat by his mom’s side, could only stare at Lois, so immersed in her own thoughts, and wondering if her silence was either preoccupation or still due to their conversation of the previous day.
Dina, the nurse, entered the waiting room and called Lois in private. They were talking in secrecy but Clark nosed in with his super hearing.
“Lois, I don’t… ” Dina whispered, bending her head close to Lois’.
“Dina, I told you… I know you don’t think I should hide it from my best friend, but I don’t want him to know I can’t donate blood because I’m sick. Do you understand?” Lois warned the nurse.
“But I…”
“I just don’t think it’s the time to tell him, but one day I will.” Lois interrupted the nurse before she could finish her sentence. What she said was already enough.
The nurse left without another word.
Lois went back to her seat and sat quietly, not looking in Clark’s direction, but waiting for him to do so. Not withstanding the situation any longer, Clark stood up and came to sit next to her. The soft whisper of his voice interrupted her thoughts. “Lois, are you okay? You’re pale… aren’t you getting…. a bit… sick?”
The sound of his words made a tear roll down on her cheek followed by another and her soft cry was more visible when she turned away from the window and looked into his eyes. “Never been better.” She smiled and dismissed the subject, turning her attention back to window.
“So, what did she want?” he asked, trying to make it sound casual.
“My phone number. I forgot to write it down on the form,’ she narrowed her eyes. ‘What else could it be?”
“Cut it out, Lois. Whatever you’re doing.” He did not appreciate her lying to his face that obviously.
“What makes you think I’m doing anything?” Her lips thinned into a malicious grin.
“I don’t know, but, by the look on Dina’s face, she didn’t get out of here with a mere phone number.” He made it up.
“Nonsense.” She turned her attention back to the window, shutting him up.
Damn woman. He knew what she was hiding, but if he confronted her, it would be hard to explain how he had butted into her conversation from across that room. Clark straightened his bent body in his seat absentmindedly.
// “It doesn’t matter. I know _you_. And I don’t mean you the celebrity or you the ‘superhero’. If you had _no_ powers, if you were just an ordinary man leading an ordinary life, I’d love you just the same. Can’t you believe that?” //
*Damn.*
The agony of waiting was driving old Wayne crazy. He paced fiercely, almost scraping the white flooring of the waiting room. “It ain’t over yet?”
Martha came closer and tried calming him down. “Wayne, when you had your surgery we had to wait for almost three hours. It’s normal.”
“How can you be so calm?” He rubbed off the cold chills of hospitals.
Martha touched his arm and stroked his arm, not looking at him but at Clark, staring at Lois. She smiled. “Sometimes… you just know.”
After two hours, the operation was finally over. Both doctors came into the waiting room and stood there for a second while the family and friends gathered around them.
After a minute of suspense, that only doctors know how to do to perfection, they announced all had gone according to the plan, and the operation had been successful, the people cheered. Clark hugged Lois in a tight embrace, and Martha celebrated the result close to old Wayne who had tears in his eyes.
When the moment subsided, the doctors commented on the technicalities of the operation but nothing too complex. Jonathan was being transferred to the ICU for observation and they would monitor his recuperation closely. In a day or two he should be transferred to the infirmary and if all went well, finally go home. Visits for family only within the next twenty four hours. Without further ado, the doctors left satisfied.
“He’s gonna be fine.” Clark breathed out on Lois’ ear, relieved.
“He will. And so are we.” He heard her whisper back to him.
He distanced his torso enough to capture her eyes. Her look was enigmatic and he couldn’t figure out what was behind her assurance. “Are we?” he couldn’t come up with anything better than that.
“In time.” She left his arms to fall on Wayne’s who was hugging everyone emotionally.
He was still hanging on her words when his mom held him close. “I told you, didn’t I?”
He hugged his mom, half in peace.
>>><<<
“So, now I’m Robocop!” Jonathan joked, ending a long story that lasted the whole way from the hospital to the moment when the truck stopped in front of his property.
“Don’t be silly, Dad. It’s just a stent – a little see-saw to help you not clog your arteries with Maisie’s super burgers anymore.” Clark helped him walk up the steps of the house entrance, Lois and Martha following them closely.
“What? No more Maisie’s?” He whined like a child.
“No more -lots of things- for you, Jonathan. You know what the doctor said: diet and repose.”
Jonathan mumbled a complaint, coming inside the house. Martha took over from Clark and gave him meaningful and demanding look, scaring him behind. Martha and Jonathan entered the living room together, leaving Lois and Clark outside. She was walking away from the house as if she was going for a walk. Watching her for a moment, Clark hurried to catch up.
“What’s up with you, Lois?” Clark stuffed his pockets with his hands, looking down to the path that would lead them to the corn plantation. “It’s been days since I’ve last heard your voice. You’ve been so… so quiet. Are you sure you’re not getting sick with all this pure air?”
“Do you have good memories from your childhood, Clark?” she asked, not taking his sarcasm into consideration, but looking at the same direction.
She had not answered his question, but at least he managed to make her talk. He held on to their friendly chat in hope that she would eventually spill everything out. “It’s funny you should say that. For the past few days I had thought a lot about it. I guess I always knew I had great parents, but somehow I think our perceptions of what it means to have had a good childhood changes with time. I had an amazing one, looking back now.” He smiled, remembering his corn crop favorite memory.
“Mine was… necessary.” Her words were carefully chosen not show their true meaning. “It’s ironic,” she continued thoughtfully, waiting for him to ask her the next question.
“What is?” He followed her plan accordingly.
“The fact that I had such an awful childhood with my birth parents and you had an awesome one with adopted ones.” She carried on walking as if nothing abnormal just happened.
But Clark froze stuck to the ground, stunned by her words and the casualness of her tone. “How…”
“Dina. When I was donating blood, I asked her what Jonathan’s blood type was. Guess what? He’s AB positive. Everyone could have donated blood to him – he’s what they call universal receptor.” She explained, still controlling her feelings while continuing her walk towards the plantation. “Now, you and I know what that means, Clark. The closest thing you could ever get to being related to him was to be his universal donor, right?”
He paced slowly by her side, heart thumping like drums. “That was… a family private thing, Lois. You didn’t need to know… that.”
“Oh, don’t worry. I totally understand. In fact, that’s why I’m telling you this so openly. I wasn’t going to risk baking your noodles with it if I didn’t know you already knew. I just wanted you to know that I know.” She smiled to herself for using such a dumb sentence.
“And… how did you know that I know?” He went along with it.
“Your story about being in Africa and how you couldn’t donate blood, Clark. I’m a nurse and doctor’s daughter, remember? Yes, it’s true that living in Africa made you almost ineligible for donating, but as long as you had come back within six months and hadn’t shown any signs of infection or disease, you could have done it. You simply didn’t want me to find out the truth.” She explained, almost reciting the blood donation book for dummies.
“I see.” He admitted his mistake uncomfortably. “Well, at least you didn’t take me for a chicken running away from the needle,” he joked, awkwardly nervous.
“That… I only realized later on.” She sat on the ground when they reached a clear spot in the middle of the plantation. “But that’s what you do best, uh? Lacing the truth with a lie.”
Her shocking words made their latest sequence of conversations flash back into Clark’s mind, revealing him her plan all along.
// “Look, Lois. Let’s just forget what happened yesterday, okay? I don’t know what got to me to react that way and I’m really sorry for it. This whole thing is between you and Superman and I have nothing to do with this.”
“If you say so.” //
// “Don’t know why you wanted me to…”
“Shhh, he can’t find out I’m sick. Do you understand?”
“But I…”
“It’s just not the time to hit him with the news yet, Dina. Thank you.”
...
“Lois, are you okay? You’re pale… aren’t you getting…. a bit… sick?”
“Never been better.”
“So, what did she want?”
“My phone number. I forgot to write it down on the form. What else could it be?”
“Cut it out, Lois. Whatever you’re doing.”
“What makes you think I’m doing anything?” //
Realization hit him and without a word, Clark followed her and sat on the ground. Was it his imagination or he was starting to break sweat? The lump on his throat blocked his words. “Dina… she didn’t go there to tell you anything, did she? You just asked her to come so… you could… test my hearing. Lois, I…”
She wasn’t listening. Her own recollections bringing her to tears.
// “It doesn’t matter. I know _you_. And I don’t mean you the celebrity or you the ‘superhero’. If you had _no_ powers, if you were just an ordinary man leading an ordinary life, I’d love you just the same. Can’t you believe that?”
“I wish I could, Lois. But, under the circumstances, I don’t see how I can.”//
// “…Oh, what am I saying? It’s not like it sounds, Clark. I don’t mean I want another chance with him… Do you understand what I’m trying to say? You’re an intelligent man, for heaven’s sake! I don’t want him. Can’t you understand me?”
“I wish I could, Lois…” His white t-shirt mirroring the shades of the flames in red, yellow and blue. “…But, under the circumstances, I don’t see how I can.” //
// “If you really wanna know what I think… Well, I think that he turned you down and you meant to hurt him, Lois. In the process, you also ended up hurting yourself. I think that’s what you regret. I think that, if he had succumbed to your charms, you wouldn’t be here right now, licking your wounds and lamenting about being wrong.” //
“You were wrong about one thing, Clark. If _he_ had succumbed to my charms, I’d still be here.” Her eyes in tears.
“Lois, I’m… sorry. I couldn’t…” He brushed his thumb over her cheeks, drying the soured drops.
“… couldn’t tell me you loved me?” She looked at him with tender eyes.
“I always loved you, Lois, one way _and_ the other. I just needed you to see _me_ first.” His heart was poured to her.
“Oh, don’t be silly. I knew that.” She sobbed, slapping his arm wearily. “Give me some credit, will you? Okay… okay. I must confess I was furious when I first found out, but _under the circumstances_... I mean with your dad’s operation on the next day and everything around it, I couldn’t just be picking fights in the middle of the night and breaking someone else’s china. But, believe me, keeping my mouth shut this whole time was the hardest thing I ever had to do.”
“Oh, I believe that.” He hoped his comment would not trigger a nuclear war or violate a peace treaty.
Thankfully, she continued. “But, hero or not, you still needed my strength and support to deal with this whole situation. Anyway, after repeating our whole conversation over and over again, I finally saw the truth behind it. On the next day, I had the proof I needed. That’s what I do for a living, Clark. I dig out the truth.”
“So, you were never sick, uh?” He knew the answer to that question.
“No, but I wanted you to believe I had found something serious on my blood test. I needed to know if you were listening. Poor Dina didn’t even have a clue of what I was talking about.” Her reporting skills were never so sharp. “I was mad, Clark. Pretty mad. Barking mad. And hurt. But that doesn’t mean I stopped loving you… both.”
“You do… and you didn’t?” A fizzy feeling started in the pit of his stomach.
“No, Clark. You see, at first, I was in love with _him_, but I found out later on that I was also in love with _you_. I was going to tell you the day Mr Stern announced the Planet would be back. I wanted to tell you, but, before I could, you ruined everything by taking back what you said. Now I was in love and angry at both and, for some reason, started comparing you two all the time. I needed to make a decision as to whether I was going to go ahead with it or not and didn’t want to play with anyone’s feelings, including mine.”
“So…” His voice urged her to continue.
She hoped this time she was making any sense to him. “You were right when you said I meant to hurt… you. And you were right when you said that I ended up hurting myself in the process. There were times I thought it would just be easier if you two were the same person combined so I could love _and_ hate just one. Does that make any sense to you? Anyway… I was angry; pissed really. But these days were not only of recuperation to your father, but also to me. I did a lot of thinking these days in Smallville and I must say they served me well to know more about _you_ as a whole, and… to know more about _myself_. I feel a lot better now, but that doesn’t make me feel less stupid.”
“Not stupid, Lois. Blind.” He corrected her, cupping her face with his hands.
She smiled weakly. “Will you ever forgive me?”
His tender expression changed into sudden surprise. “Forgive you?! For what?! I’m the one who needs your forgiveness. I lied to you this whole time… and it got more complicated when I fell in love with you. I know I told you I wanted us to be friends, but I lied. I always loved you and still do.” He lowered his eyes and hands, ashamed for bringing the subject up.
“I know. Your father told me. But, of course, the whole conversation only made sense when I found out the truth” She caught his hands before they fell over to his lap.
“My father? How…”
// “Clark, your mom needs you outside.”
“Are you two kids going to behave?” //
“Oh…” He paused re-playing the scene over his head. “What did he tell you?”
She closed her eyes and shared her memories.
// “Lois, I’m glad I could catch you alone. I needed to have a word with you in private.” Jonathan said when their laughter trailed off.
His expression had changed slightly and she could tell he had something important to say. Giving it her full attention, she invited him to continue. “What is it, Mr Kent?”
“First, check if Martha and Clark are still in the hall, please.” His tone was low and secretive.
“The door is closed, Mr Kent. I don’t think they can hear us.” *Perhaps the medicines are making him a bit loopy.*
“Nah, that doesn’t mean he can’t hear us. Can you just check it, please?” he pleaded in a rush – the morphine was kicking in.
She did as he said, and assured him they were cleared. Sitting on the chair by the side of his bed, she waited for him patiently. “What is it?”
“It’s Clark, Lois.” He decided to go straight to the point, not wasting time and taking the risk of being interrupted. “The boy loves you.”
Finally something she could live with. All the fears she had that he might not feel the same way about her and put her in an awful awkward position when she told him the truth about her feelings vanished as quickly as Jonathan’s urge for confess. “Oh, Mr Kent, I love him too, but it’s complicated.”
“More complicated than you think, but that’s for him to tell you. I’ve said enough. Risked enough.” He murmured before his wife entered the room, completely changing the subject. “Martha, Lois was telling me she never had roasted corn on the knob with butter. Can you believe that? It’s delicious, Lois… Just delicious. But, of course, you have to take the corn cobs fresh from the field and roast them…” //
Clark shook his head, not believing how his father gave him in so easily. “The man is in trouble.”
“He was just trying to help me figure out the obvious.” She grinned, blushing.
Her happiness irradiated up to his heart and his hands touched her face softly. He narrowed his eyes and focused on the sight of her succulent rosy lips. A final tease before savoring them sounded appropriate. “And what’s so obvious?”
She shortened the distance between their bodies and was an inch close to brushing her lips against his. The heated air coming from his mouth aroused her. A bit dizzy from the swirl of butterflies in her stomach, she slipped through half parted lips. “That you have to take the corn cobs fresh from the field to make a delicious corn on the knob with butter. Come on, Clark! Let’s find some!” She invited him, swiftly getting up and running away with a beam on her face.
Shaking his head and cutting her some slack, Clark slowly got up, brushed away all the tiny fragments of hay sticking to his jeans and watched her for an instant, gradually blending away with the view. The sunset was close and the grey clouds coming from the south announced the incoming rainy night. Perhaps showing Lois the shed would not be such a bad idea. *She likes hay, doesn’t she?* He smiled and sped up, scooping her off her feet.
The End.
