Lois & Clark Forums Forums Fan Fiction Lois & Clark Fanfic FDK - Awaken My Heart (1/?)

FDK goes here.

Thanks!

Very cool beginning.

Let's see. No Superman, so Clark must have ended up on New Krypton (since the place is arid and unappealing). He's the Lord High Banana and Lois has now been branded as his property. Yeah, like she's going to sit still for that!

The idea that the Mars mission went south and sent Lois through a wormhole to New Krypton is just as believable as Clark's ship going through a wormhole on its journey from Krypton to Earth. I wouldn't worry about the setup; we readers are used to believing several impossible things before breakfast at least twice a week.

Who is that older woman? Not likely it's Clark's mom Lara, unless her place in the household involves training and placing new servants. And is there a threat of war here? Is Nor a menace? Is this new visitor going to throw the political structure into turmoil? Will the spaceship be analyzed, its point of origin found, and Earth colonized? Will Lois develop any strange powers from the red sun?

Nice start! I want to read more.

Very interesting beginning. I like it a lot and agree with Terry; the premise isn't too strange. Hey, if we can believe that a pair of glasses and some hair gel would really fool Lois Lane for two years, we can believe anything.

I am very curious about the brand. Did Kal-El think it necessary to keep Lois from being dissected like a frog or studied like an alien life form or somethin... oh. Right.

Anyway, I'm very curious about which of them will try to learn the other language first. Clark is the linguist in the show, but maybe Lois Lane will figure out Kryptonian first. Or, maybe with the telepathy, they won't need to talk. Non-verbal communication.

And Terry?
Stay out of my head. I've been working on that story (on and off) for a couple of years now. Do you really want to spoil the surprise?

More soon, please.
BJ

whoa - weird, but interesting....waiting to see where this goes!
oh - and the continuation to Weekend in Smallville - coming soon?

Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Very intriguing start, Corrina.

The one thing I didn't get was why Lois was wearing regular clothes in the escape pod

The pink ooze got all confused at first and I was wondering when you where going to explain it but once the branding-iron came out, it was quite clear. Very civilized thing to do. And she even got taken care of by her new lord and master. Kal sure is a very benevolent man and any human can be grateful to be allowed to be his pet.

Seriously, though, I'm guessing he's trying to protect her, making sure she's not left to rot in the prison. When she got shown her new quarters, I wondered if they would be more plush, with lots of tight, short, fancy garments. And leashes. Never forget the leashes. And the nfic. When there's a leash, there's always an nfic :p

Michael, still torn between twice a week being a good thing as it leaves time for other stuff and a very bad thing since said time will be spent waiting for the update.

Great beginning with lots of possibilities. And very believable. I do wonder if the title "awakening my heart" is about Lois awakening Kal-el's heart since he seems devoid of emotion. Although is already smitten with Lois.

More soon

Very intriguing! Which is all the brain power I have at the moment .

Carol

Three cheers for your muse, FH! But "Shuster's Paddock"? That seemed, I don't know, alien? Why would NK use an English name, even if it is in Kryptonian.
Anyway, great start. Keep it coming.

Artemis
(almost back to writing)

Oooh Feedback! Thanks guys.

Terry Thanks for your FDK, Terry

There are enough ideas here for a series of 'spin-off' stories, Terry. As for my fic, I could answer a couple of 'yes-es' and a few 'no-s'!

Glad you didn't find it too farfetched - and I loved the way your described the normal existence of a FoLC!

Brenda Thanks for your comments.

The reason for the brand will be answered very soon and they will find a way to communicate - also soon.

Sarah Thanks ... I'm glad you found it an interesting set-up.

RE the WiS series - My intention was to write the next fic in the series and put this on the backburner for next year - but the ideas for this just pushed everything else out of my head. The series is at a good point now - so a break won't hurt - hopefully December. Sorry!

Michael Thanks Michael - your enthusiasm makes my day.

Re Lois's clothes. My thinking was the the high-tech pod was almost like an advanced space suit - providing oxygen etc. However, the thought of them pulling Lois out of it in full astronaut gear is pretty funny! They may have shot her on sight!

robinson You are spot on regarding the title - who better than a Lois Lane to awaken the heart of a Kal-El/Clark Kent?

Thanks for reading.

Carol I'm so glad you posted FDK Carol, because I have you to thank for the idea.

I read the title 'Backwards' to the very first part you posted and thought 'oooh, Lois on Krypton'. I opened your story, fully expecting to read a variation of the set-up that was already close to fully-formed in my head.

That first fic of yours, and the follow-on fics have been great, but clearly, nothing like what I was expecting ... so I decided it would be OK to go off in my own direction.

I did attempt to PM you to explain this before posting the fic, but your box is full.

So anyway ... many thanks ... for both the FDK and the idea!

Artemis You're right about the name. It has no further relevance in the fic - so I didn't give it a lot of thought - but Shuster's isn't very Kryptonian. I'll probably change it before it goes to the Archive.

Thanks for your FDK and I'm glad you're getting back to writing.


Thanks everyone

Corrina.

This is a wonderful beginning. You already have me absolutely hooked, and my husband is going to have to put up with me checking for updates every day. It does remind me a little of a Flash Gordon serial from the 1940s (with Kal as Ming the Merciless), but as long as the rest is as good as this part, I'm ready to go along for the ride.

Wow, I'm totally hooked. The language issues are especially fascinating and make perfect sense. I don't think I've read a story before that showcases this. How interesting that even the sounds they make are completely foreign to each other.

I usually avoid starting stories that aren't finished yet, but this one is too captivating to avoid. Here's to hoping the muse cooperates and you're able to post regularly!

ETA, now that I've read other comments: I kind of liked "Shuster's Paddock". I just figured it was the English translation of whatever Kryptonian term they have for it in their language. Maybe you could change it to "Shus-Tel's Paddock" if you wanted it to sound less like English.

This is a fascinating premise! I am totally hooked. I love the amount of detail you put in your stories, and I can't wait to see where this goes!

Amber

How intriguing! I can't wait to see where this goes next.

To respond a little to the other feedback--

It makes sense that Lois would be in normal clothes. Astronauts wear normal clothes when they're in the ship. Space suits are only for space walks. And, since the escape pod is for emergencies, it has to be pressurized, etc. because there wouldn't be time to don a suit.

I hope Robinson won't mind me saying that I think it is reading into things to call this Kal-El already smitten with Lois. I haven't seen evidence of that yet, although we all expect it, given the title. He seems more curious and intrigued. He is protecting her, but that could be because he is just, not smitten. And he respects her boldness, but also not the same as smitten yet.

One does wonder what the brand means--obviously she belongs to him, but in what capacity? Property? Servant? Concubine? Simply under his protection?

I loved the detail of how alien the languages truly are to each other. And how Lois doesn't realize yet that she is not on Earth.

This is the harsh New Kryptonian environment that Ching told Lois and Clark about. We can understand how such an environment would breed a stoic Kal-El. I'm looking forward to seeing Lois's fire meet Kal-El's ice.

And I loved Lois calling him the Top Banana.

I have to agree with most of the other comments here: this is intriguing, promising, and not too far-fetched.

The language issue is something that - in my opinion - is glossed over in far too many SciFi shows, so I'm glad to see it addressed here. I also like the fact that the two languages have so little in common as to be almost unrecognizable as language by the other party - that would make sense, given that these languages evolved on different planets. I'll be looking forward to the sequels!

I was a little bit confused about one thing, though: I can hardly imagine Lois not immediately realizing that she's not on Earth anymore. The fact that she would even entertain the notion that this might be *Africa* rings very untrue to me, given that she is an educated woman, and a genuinely smart one at that.

But really, in the grand scheme of things, that's just a nitpick. Keep them coming, please!

Since they seem ultra militaristic, I would suggest calling it "the drill field" where they do their marching. Guys like those have to march a lot to wear off energy

Artemis

More FDK

cookiesmom Thanks for your comments. Welcome aboard! I hope you enjoy the ride.

Kathy Thanks for making an exception and reading an unfinished fic.

Language is going to play a big part in this fic - I didn't consciously set out to achieve that ... in fact, until I read your comment, I didn't realise just how central it is.

Thanks for the 'Shus-Tel's Paddock' suggestion ... I'm still mulling over that one.

Amber Thanks for reading and leaving FDK.

Happy Girl Thanks for your comments.

Oooh - perfectly put. I hadn't thought of it in those terms, but I love it.

Pedendang Welcome!!

Thanks for reading and leaving feedback.

She considered Africa because of its remoteness, but immediately dismissed it because her 'hosts' were not 'different' enough to be Africans.

The people she encountered all have one head, two legs, two eyes, one mouth etc ... they are roughly her size, they are male and female ... they look human - they don't look like ET. They communicate - with a strange language, but not through any 'alien' means, they walk - don't gravitate, they wear clothes - unusual in style, but recognisable as clothing rather than metallic 'spacesuits', they eat food - not hi-tech pills.

Kal has - within a few degrees - the same colour hair, eyes and skin as Lois.

I think there are enough similarities for even a smart person to think she has landed in a remote country on Earth, rather than another planet.

However, I appreciate you raising something that didn't make sense to you - thanks. To be honest, the white, English-speaking, very-American looking 'Kryptonians' on LnC never made sense to me!

Artemis Thanks for the suggestion - yes, they are militaristic!

Thanks everyone.


Part 2 is almost ready. Part 7 is with my BR.

Corrina.

I'm a little embarrassed to admit that I actually yipped in excitement when I read this line.

Don't be embarrassed. I've been beta'ing (not that Corrina actually needs it, her story is so well written right from the get-go) and it's definitely well worth waiting for!

An excited yip is a perfectly proper response in this context.

Good beginning, Corinna! I have to say I may or may not be following this fic, though, because brand-new multi-parters have begun to scare me off. (Reading makes my eyes increasingly tired these days, and if I'm not already committed to a multi-parter, well...)

But I agree with those that say it is a fascinating beginning. Personally I found the branding business slightly too gruesome. And if Kal-El brands Lois, it must be because he regards her as his property, and then he could be prepared to treat her rather badly (or very badly). But of course Kal is going to fall in love with Lois, if he hasn't become hopelessly intrigued by her already.

Pedendang wrote:
Well, given the circumstances, I agree that Lois shouldn't think that she was on the Earth. If I had been in her position, I think I would have believed I was on Mars, and that I had been captured by a secret, super-technological sect that had made it to Mars from the Earth and had managed to find a way to make at least part of Mars habitable. This description sounds as if it could have been Mars to me:

That's exactly like Mars.

Hmmm. I guess that could be like Mars. Mars is farther away from the Sun than the Earth is, so sunlight itself is more dull on Mars.

That might possibly be Mars. The rust-colored sand on Mars is blown about by strong winds in the thin atmosphere, so the sky is salmon-colored on Mars.

Given that Lois was on her way to Mars, I guess it would make sense for her to think that she had crashed on Mars and been captured by a weird, unknown sect of humans there.

Just my two cents! Anyway, that's a very interesting beginning, Corinna!

Ann

That is a fascinating beginning.

Poor Lois! She is in a strange world and she has no one to talk to.

And poor Cl... Kal-El. I wonder what has happened to him, it seems he had a hard time on NK.