Lois & Clark Forums Forums Fan Fiction Lois & Clark Fanfic FDK: Blind Faith - Part 1

Hey, everyone!

This is part one of the first serious piece of fan fiction I've ever written - or at least, it's the first one I got beaten into a shape I deemed good enough to be seen by others. There's an unknown number of chapters still in the making - all I have right now, beyond what I already posted, is an outline of where I would like the story to go in the long run.

The idea for this story was sparked by another story-in-the-making I read on these boards - Zenith, by clrgard - and I'm thankful to clrgard for letting me run with what is basically the same premise and have a swing at it myself.

Now, there are a few specific questions I'd like to get answered about this:

• Do you think the way this story is told is in-character for Lois/Clark respectively?
• Does the style (constantly changing perspectives, first-person point of view, ...) work for you? If not, is there something you think I could do to make it clearer/more appealing?
• Do you find any part of this story boring to read? (I'm in doubt, particularly, about the last scene, where nothing much really happens to progress the story - either within this specific chapter, or in the bigger scheme of things - except that it ties off some lose ends left over from the episode this story spins off of).

I realize these may be questions better addressed by a beta-reader first, but since I'm new to this community, I figure the best way for me to find someone willing to help me with this is to just throw what I have out here and see who's at all interested.

Of course, all feedback that goes beyond the scope of the questions I posed - good, bad or ugly - is also welcome, if you're willing to give it. And when I say 'good, bad or ugly', I really mean all of those. I would love to have people praise what I've written, but I strongly believe that when a story is still shaping up, it's much more useful to know what didn't work than to know what did. I'd be eternally grateful to you if you could take the time to say anything at all; even if you hated every word of it.

Hel-lo! Awesome new L&C writer!

Clark's POV is absolutely in character. Lois's POV is not NOT in character, if that makes sense. Her actions are certainly in character, but in first-person POV, I imagine you want to know if her thoughts are in character. She doesn't wear her heart or thoughts on her sleeve as Clark does, so it's hard to say what is going on in her head just from watching the episide. Her thoughts are subject to a vast number of interpretations, much more so than Clark. Your interpretation of her thoughts are somewhat different than others I've read, but I like it very much and it does still feel Lois-like to me. I certainly don't want you to change it.

Yes. I like the immediacy of first-person POV, and I like the way you simply drop the reader into the scene without preamble. It makes me feel like I'm in their heads.

Heck, no!

There's something noir-like in this story, and it intrigues me. It's not really your hook that has grabbed me - although I've never read a fic where CK's blindness wasn't cured at the point where the episode left off, and it does interest me - but more the aura of the story.

I hope to see more very soon.

Very interesting .

Always glad to have new writers!

One thing that I would like is if you labeled the sections by POV. I've done the alternating POV thing [see 'On the Other Hand' or it's sequel 'Unanswered Prayers' here on the boards if you want to see how I did it] and that was confusing to me.

Otherwise I'm intrigued and can't wait for more .
Carol

Excellent start, and it's great to see a promising new writer here.

- Happy

I usually try to avoid stories that are unfinished, especially from new authors, but this one ... holy cow. Yeah, I'm totally hooked.

I read the chapter after you've made the adjustments, but I didn't see anything here that I'd put on my BR hat for and change. (Other than the opening line, which should be, "Have you ever been hit by lightning?" not "Did you ..." but that's more of a GE thing.)

I, too, disagree about labeling the POV changes. I don't know that I've ever seen a double first-person story before, but to my surprise, I had no trouble picking up who was talking in each scene. You made it clear from the context at the beginning of each scene who was speaking, and I had no trouble following along. If you can keep that up, I see no reason why you should change it. It gave the story a unique feel and I liked it.

Boring? Absolutely, 100%, not on your life. I think the premise is fascinating and I was sucked right in. Your pacing is good, your dialogue is more natural than most, and your writing is technically fabulous.

In fact, am I correct in assuming that English is your first language, even though you live in Belgium? If you can do THIS in a second language, I can't even imagine what you can do in your first. I'm very impressed.

I'm really looking forward to what comes next. I'm the last person in the world to tell someone to write faster (my WIP file can attest to how slow I am) but ... pleeeeassse write faster!

Um ... wow.

First of all, thanks for taking the time to read and comment on this, you guys!

When I posted this, the last thing I expected was to get an abundance of praise, especially since I explicitly gave everyone permission to talk about the bad and the ugly, too :-). I feel honored.

HappyGirl, what you said made a lot of sense to me, so I've made a couple of changes in my story to address the things you touched upon. Thank you for taking the time to go through it with a fine-toothed comb!

Kathy, you're right about that opening sentence, of course, so I changed that too. Like wrecked vs. wreaked, I suspect it's one of those mistakes I'm bound to make from time to time, because English is not, in fact, my first language. Dutch is. But I'm flattered that you think so highly of my linguistic ability :-).

Carol, I want to thank you very much as well for taking the time to answer one of my questions, even though I know, now, that you usually keep your feedback very short :-). I'm going to hold off on the labeling for now, because I have a sneaking suspicion that would ruin part of the experience. But I'll keep your suggestion in mind. Maybe there will come a point in the story when I can no longer always make it clear from the start who is talking, and then some kind of labeling might be a good way to address that.

And Mrs. Mosley, I appreciate you dilligently answering every one of my questions. I thought about your words concerning Lois' POV, and I know what you mean. There are many possible incarnations of Lois Lane - especially the pre-marriage Lois Lane - and I suppose that just goes to show how good the show was at conveying Lois' version of the 'secret identity', through which she so successfully hid her true thoughts and emotions from the outside world. But as long as you guys still think my Lois sounds and feels like the Lois you've come to know and love, I'm happy!

By the way, did I say you guys rock?

You guys rock!

I have to say I was not bored by this story at all! I am very intrigued to see where you go with this story.

I like that Lois is picking up the cues between Superman, Martha, and Jonathan. I wonder if this will cause her to figure out the secret.....

First - wow! An excellent premise, good description, and immediacy with the first-person narration and POV's.

I agree with HappyGirl that it's fairly clear from context whose POV it is. Keep on putting the asterisks for section breaks.

I loved that part - it explains so well what Lois was going through when she had those flashes from the instant-learning device.

One quibble: I believe the character's name was Dr. Leit, not Dr. Light - obviously, it sounds the same, but it isn't the same.

I love how Lois is keeping the big story silent - this should prove to Clark that he can trust her with the big secret. Of course, from the way she's picking up on the odd vibe between Jonathan/Martha and Superman, she'll probably figure it out on her own....or will she?

And what about the villains? They remain unsubdued.

You can't stop now! Please post more soon!

P.S. I'm amazed that you can write so well in a second language. Outstanding!

Welcome to the boards, Pedendang

Another welcome to the boards! Yes, your English is top notch. You even have a great handle on American colloquialisms! Ditto to the comments and I'd leave the POV switched unlabeled for now. It was easy enough to tell who was thinking.
Keep it coming soon!

Artemis

Beautifully, lyrically written! I'm enjoying this new take on a favourite episode.

Welcome to the boards,
Irene

... And the kind words just keep coming, and coming ...

I'm truly honored, guys .

lcfan99, thank you for this newest contribution to curing me of the fear that I'd be boring all of you to death with this story. It remains to be seen if I can keep at it in upcoming chapters, but if there ever was a better motivation to work hard at that than all this wonderful feedback I'm getting, I haven't seen it!

And will she figure it out? Well... let's just say that I usually think of Lois Lane as anything but 'galactically stupid'.

Iolanthe, I changed the name. Thank you for pointing that out. It does make much more sense this way. The villains are coming back with a vengeance - soon. Just stay tuned for chapter 2, which should become available from a browser window near you within the next two days or so - as soon as I hear back from my newfound beta-reader (thank you, HappyGirl!).

Michael: see above. Chapter two is quite prossibly getting the fine-toothed comb treatment as we speak, chapter three is getting its i's dotted and its t's crossed, and chapter four is 3/4 written. It just needs a bit more fleshing out.

Artemis, I actually went back looking for 'American colloquialisms' after I'd read your comment, and not very many things jumped out at me. I guess I talk like an American without even realizing it. My English teachers of yore would surely have considered that a Very Bad Thing, but since I'm trying to get into the heads of a couple of American TV characters here, I guess I should be grateful that it comes to me this easily.

And Irene, you think of my writing as 'lyrical'? Now that would most certainly be an all-around Good Thing, as long as it doesn't go hand in hand with boring long-windedness. Thank you for your kind words!

For those interested in an estimate of time investment required to get to the end of this story: there will probably be another twelve to fifteen chapters after this one, posted with a frequency of one to three times a week, depending on my schedule in the next few weeks.

Yes, that was really it, rather than specific phrases. You are organizing sentences in a very American fashion. This sentence gave me a real kick:
That was a really witty way to phrase that and presented a great visual to me in a brief sentence.
Glad to see there is more coming soon!

Artemis