Wow, Em. I was reading through this, waiting for the change from the original plot, realizing that you made this part so long so that we would get to the divergence. Then, whoa, baby! What a divergence!
And now I'm really worried. If Clark felt bad for Mayson dying while he was kissing Lois, how much worse is he going to feel if those kids die because he was making love to her?
It seems like he isn't able to hear other things when he's concentrating on Lois (which, in the long run, is certainly a good thing). He's going to have to work through giving himself permission to have a life and a relationship without feeling bad every time he's not there to rescue someone. After all, he doesn't rescue people on the other side of the world, either, because he simply doesn't hear them. Being with Lois has got to be part of the 'you can't be everywhere, and what you can do is enough,' but it's going to take him a while to figure that out.
And, I'll say it again, Lois won't understand what's going on with Clark until she understands that he's Superman. Luckily, it looks like she's been picking up a clue or two. She just hasn't connected the dots yet.
Major twist. Keep it coming.