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Joined: Jun 2006
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Clark Kent was pissed. Smashed. Totally wasted. For the first time in his life, he was completely, one hundred percent, out-of-his mind drunk.
I raised an eyebrow at the idea of a drunk Clark.


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He’d lost count of how many drinks he’d had about the same time he realized that the alcohol was affecting him.
I’d say that being super was still with him somewhat. I’m thinking that most people who never drink would “feel” it much sooner than having had so many drinks they’d lost count.


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“Blind spot?” she asked incredulously. Although his facial expression was full of concern, not anger, this conversation was starting to sound suspiciously familiar. Regardless of her level of complicity in the wedding fiasco from hell, she yanked her hand away, feeling defensive. “Don’t patronize me, Clark. I know my own mind.”
The only reason she must not have gotten madder was because Clark was drunk.


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I think that sometimes you don’t know your own heart. Underneath that tough outside, your heart is warm, tender and beautiful, but it’s also vulnerable.
Awww... Clark has her pegged.


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He pulled the cherry stem out of his mouth and held it up for inspection; it was tied in a knot. Clark wiggled his eyebrows. “Impressed?”
Well, I’m impressed. Do people really do that?


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“So? Besides the two of us, only Perry, Jimmy and Jack know the truth. Let your reputation work in your favor.” Clark’s eyes sparkled as he warmed to the topic. “We can tell everyone that you suspected Luthor was dirty so you went undercover to distract him until we could find the evidence. Tell people it was all part of your plan to say no at the altar.”
Great idea, Clark! Wouldn’t Henderson also know the truth?


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Like when Clark had gone undercover at the Star, they could say they had staged all of their fights; even Perry might buy that one.
Maybe they could convince Perry that it was the truth.

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When she leaned back, Clark was grinning at her like a fool.

“What?” she asked.

“You kissed me.” Clark set his drink down and shifted in his seat to scoot closer to her. “You kissed me and I *liked* it.”
And I *liked* it! LOL This is so cute.


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His knowing smile and husky tone generated an unexpectedly warm sensation to slide down her spine and pull her not-so-small attraction to Clark back out of its hiding place.
Oooohhhh..... Oh, la la!


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I never run off,” he protested. “I go to help.”
Oops. Watch it, Clark!


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He gave her a wink and then took a step forward, but didn’t remember the first step down. Lois wrapped an arm around his waist just in time to keep him from falling on his face.

She struggled to get him upright. “Jeez, Clark. You weigh a ton.”

“It’s because I’m so dense.”
So when I read the first paragraph above, I’m thinking Lois is doing pretty good to hold Clark up because of his dense molecular structure, and then you go and make a joke out of it which left me laughing myself silly. rotflol


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“I’ve missed you, Clark.”

“Well, then,” he smiled. “I guess it’s a good thing I’m coming home with you.”
Delightful.


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“Oh, believe me, I'd love to. In fact, sometimes I do,” he confided with a secretive grin, “but only when no one is looking. Especially when you wear that tight black skirt ….”
rotflol


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She placed the first carton in the microwave and turned it on. When she turned back around, Clark had his glasses pulled down his nose and was glaring at the food. “What are you doing?” she asked.

He slid his glasses up again and shrugged. “Trying to heat it up, but my eyes aren’t working.”
Rah roh.


I don’t get drunk. I don’t like to drink. Do people really get hungry when they are drunk? It seems to me that eating would be the last thing they’d want to do.


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a platonic night
A nice little kudos to a Sue fic.

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When he didn’t stir, she loosened his tie and slipped it free of his collar and then slid his glasses from his face and placed them on the bedside table with his tie.
I’ve always thought the glasses have very little to do with masking Clark’s secret identity. I think it just reminds him to act differently.


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“It wasn’t Superman I was thinking about while I was walking down the aisle; it was you.”
Surprise, Clark!


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Once they did, though, his resulting smile was so radiant that it made her stomach twist.
Ah, that gorgeous smile. And he doesn’t get to remember what she said?


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Lois smiled. “Yes. I’ll tell you again tomorrow.”
But will she really? And does this mean another fic?


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A/N:
I’m sure I should probably know what this means, but I can’t figure it out. So what does it mean?


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But… but… where was the goat? You just wouldn't believe how much time I've mentally wasted trying to figure out how to get a goat into your story.
Sue, you have absolutely no idea how funny this is. One of the ficathon requests actually included a goat. Perhaps we should have sent that one to you! laugh But, otherwise, I totally lost you here.


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And, yes, you definitely knew I'd like this one because you've been teasing me since last spring about how you were going to write a Drunk!Clark story.
Isn’t it odd that we assigned BJ your fic request without knowing you two ever communicated much. Mellie must be psychic. (She did almost all the work of figuring out the assignments.) And BJ “nagged” that she needed her story assignment early because her muse was “fickle” and she got an assignment that would fit in with what she had talked to you (Sue) about and then she enlisted Sue’s help with her own fic. I love it.


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I'm woozy with delight.
Such an appropriate comment.


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White wine? That had me sputter and grin. From the way you've described the bar, I'm surprised they even serve white wine. Or that it is drinkable
I could tell you a story about white wine and the Hofbräuhaus, but...


Can you please explain the goat?


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Me neither. It's just an impression I got from TV.
Oh, my. Those impressions from American tv can be pretty unrealistic.


Great story, BJ.


~~Even heroes have the right to dream.~~
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BJ Offline
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Thanks, Kathy and HG, for clearing up the question of Lois ordering white wine.

Female Hawk said:
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the first line had me worried ... I wasn't sure I would like any of them
I'm glad you gave the story a chance. As for the first line, that's my quirky sense of humor again. When Mary posted that line as a challenge, I tried to think of a way to use it that would be unexpected. This is what my mind came up with.
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Setting the story just after Lois's wedding disaster worked really well.
I thought so, too. They needed each other desperately and after everything that had happened, Clark losing his inhibitions only helped them to repair their relationship. Also, of all the times that Clark loses his powers, there are only a couple that don't give us an immediate recovery (or at least a definite timeframe). It seemed the most logical place to explore Clark's vulnerability.

Thanks for your comments, Corrina.

flowerpot said:
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this version of a drunk clark is adorable
Isn't he just? laugh As for the sequel, the more FoLCs ask for one, the more tempted I am, but the reality of my life is that it probably won't happen. Thanks for asking, though. It makes me feel loved.

Hi Nancy! Thanks for your comments.
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I’m thinking that most people who never drink would “feel” it much sooner than having had so many drinks they’d lost count.
Hmm. You make a good point. I more meant that he stopped counting when he realized the alcohol was affecting him. Does that work better?
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Well, I’m impressed. Do people really do that?
grumble

As for the goat and the inside joke ... Sue had suggested that we beta each other's stories for the ficathon so I *had* to tell her *something*. So I fed her some false information and then tried to write as fast as my little muse would allow.

I'm glad you all enjoyed it - thanks for commenting.
B

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BJ - this was awesome. So funny. There were so many great lines in here. My favorite, though, was

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He slid his glasses up again and shrugged. “Trying to heat it up, but my eyes aren’t working.”
Poor Clark. And poor Lois - she was so close to learning the truth...

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Since I do drink, I can jump in to help answer some of the questions. wink

Re: The cherry stem -- This is a sexual reference. The joke is that anyone who could control their tongue well enough to tie a cherry stem in a knot would be an outstanding kisser. (Well, that's the PG version, but I'm sure you can take it to its logical conclusion. wink )

Re: Eating while drinking -- If you are hungover from being drunk, then you often don't want to eat because you feel queasy, headachey, etc. But in general, there's a reason restaurants like to have a liquor license -- when people drink, they like to munch, and when they munch on salty snacks, they get thirsty and order more to drink. And since drinking alcohol lowers your inhibitions, you're more likely to eat more junk (nachos, potato skins, and other "not very healthy but oh-so-tasty" appetizers) than you might otherwise. Plus, as BJ says, eating while drinking helps dilute the alcohol levels in your blood, so if you want to help sober someone up, don't give them coffee (they'll just be an awake drunk), give them food.

Re: The goat. Yes, someone participating in the ficathon got a goat as one of their prompts. Beyond that, no comment until my own ficathon story comes out. lol

Kathy

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Kerth
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Given Kathy's post, I'm not sure I should own up to this, but...
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Well, I’m impressed. Do people really do that?
wave I can. I used to be a waitress and we would sit around during lulls and practice tying cherry stem knots with our tongues. (Truthfully, you use your teeth, too.) We'd have contests to see who could tie one the fastest or in the most knots. I got pretty good at it. On the rare occasions now when I get a sundae or something that comes with a cherry on top, I still do it. Next time you're in my neck of the woods, Nancy, I'll show you. wink

Oh, and Kathy, if you're still looking for goat ideas, I've got a few. laugh


Lois: You know, I have a funny feeling that you didn't tell me your biggest secret.

Clark: Well, just to put your little mind at ease, Lois, you're right.
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Pulitzer
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I more meant that he stopped counting when he realized the alcohol was affecting him. Does that work better?
Yep.

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Dunno, but the idea that Clark would try and succeed was both an amusing and sexy idea to me.
Very sexy.

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Eh ... I don't know. I *do* know that eating while drinking keeps the alcohol from being so concentrated, but whether one feels hungry while drinking ... ?? Mostly I figured that Clark is Clark whether he's drunk or not. And it's canon that he *likes* to eat.
Yes, Clark likes to eat. Isn’t it interesting that I’ve worked with alcohol (and drug) addicts for years and don’t know these things. I guess I know more about the aftermath.

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A/N was my own special acronym for Author's Note. I
Oh, I’ve seen it before. I’m just dense sometimes. (Ask Mellie.)

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Nag. I do *not* nag. I make one simple, polite request for my story prompts and I'm labeled as a troublemaker...
Just teasing (guess you knew that) because it turned out so well. You weren’t the only “nagger”. I actually thought it was great because it meant you naggers were really excited to write a story. laugh

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As for the goat and the inside joke ... Sue had suggested that we beta each other's stories for the ficathon so I *had* to tell her *something*. So I fed her some false information and then tried to write as fast as my little muse would allow.
That’s so funny!


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Re: The cherry stem -- This is a sexual reference. The joke is that anyone who could control their tongue well enough to tie a cherry stem in a knot would be an outstanding kisser. (Well, that's the PG version, but I'm sure you can take it to its logical conclusion
Hehe... Thanks, Kathy. I actually got that. (And thought of some Sue fics.) I just wondered if anyone could actually do it. Apparently so - including Sue.

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On the rare occasions now when I get a sundae or something that comes with a cherry on top, I still do it. Next time you're in my neck of the woods, Nancy, I'll show you.
I’ll take you up on that.

Again, a great, cute story, BJ.


~~Even heroes have the right to dream.~~
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oh love this!! It really had me laughing out loud a few times haha

''I need to tell you a secret... I'm drunk'' haha
I was thinking noo he's gonna tell her he's superman NOW?! :p

Great story!!!! <3


"I have no regrets. If you regret things, then you're sort of stepping backwards.
I'm a believer in going forwards." ~Kate Winslet
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