***~~~***
Chapter 16: Connections
***~~~***
The availability of electric power made the getting started in the morning delightfully uneventful. Clark found it pleasant and almost surprising how well their routine went considering the newness of their living arrangements.
Shortly after they left the apartment, they passed an open newsstand. Clark couldn’t resist stopping to pick up copies of The Daily Planet and Metropolis Star. He handed Lois the Planet while he took to lesser paper for himself.
Lois and Clark had planned to use the bus to get into work again this morning, but the light drizzly rain, which had become nearly unending since the day after Nightfall, convinced them to grab one of the now available taxis.
They had only been in the taxi for a moment when Lois became very agitated while reading the paper. She showed Clark the page one article in the Planet that had upset her. It outlined calls for Superman to be stripped of all honors that had been granted since his appearance. These suggestions seemed to be widespread. The story named business and government leaders, both local and national, that were making similar suggestions.
The lead Superman-related piece in the Star was worse, and left Clark glad that Lois hadn’t seen it first. It was a long technical piece on some of the Nightfall intercept alternatives that were not used since Superman was available. Even though it was technical in nature, the article was clearly slanted to imply that if Superman had not been an option, the world would have been better off.
When they swapped papers, Clark was pleased and surprised at Lois’s reaction to the piece in the Star. Based on her frustration with the articles in the Planet, he expected an even bigger explosion. Fortunately Lois dismissed this as typical Star tabloid trash and was simply irritated at what people were likely to think about Superman. She seemed more frustrated that the Planet had anything negative at all.
When Clark read the story in the Planet, it was clear that it was nothing more than a report of the condemnations and that there was no anti-Superman slant. As they discussed the article in the Planet, they were both somewhat surprised to realize that none of the new attacks on Superman came directly from Lex or anyone else obviously connected with LexCorp.
They arrived at work to find that both power and phone service were working. Clark was initially excited because he thought this would mean that he could follow up on what was happening in Kansas. He was disappointed to learn that only local phone service was available. Between the loss of communication satellites and the damage to ground lines, the limited long distance communication channels were being reserved for government, military and emergency services. It would be weeks before regular long distance could be restored.
The advantage of living together made itself apparent at the very beginning of their workday in the form of the concise notes that Lois and Clark had prepared the previous evening. They started the day by giving Perry an overview of their results thus far. He told them to stay with the investigation even though he had no contacts inside LexCorp Space Systems.
By midmorning, Clark was standing at Lois’s desk as they discussed possible approaches for the investigation. Based on the information from Bernie, it sounded like all of the components most critical to Superman’s survival were part of the LexCorp-designed unit. Since Bernie had almost no detailed information about that assembly, unless they could get a lead inside LexCorp, the investigation was likely to go nowhere.
“We can follow up on the possible malfunction of the guidance system,” Clark suggested to his partner. “We can do that investigation through our EPRAD and military contacts.”
“That won’t be enough,” Lois replied. “Bernie was right. That part of the story is at best, supporting information. If that was all that had gone wrong, why didn’t Superman correct the problem immediately? Why did he disappear?”
Clark sighed in frustration. “You’re right, but without those answers it’s all we have to go on.”
“I could try to go to Lex,” Lois offered. “I mean, if I said I was reconsidering his offer to stay with him…”
Clark felt the now-familiar chill at that name. “I wish you wouldn’t do that. But…you know I can’t give you unbiased advice when it comes to him.”
“It wouldn’t be anything other than for the investigation,” she answered defensively.
“I believe you,” Clark said. “I just worry. He… I can’t help but think that there must be something very wrong with that man. I think he’s dangerous.”
Lois stared back at him intently for a long second. “You still don’t remember any more about why you feel the way you do?”
“No. My memory isn’t any better today than yesterday. I had hoped to wake up this morning and find that I could remember more. Unfortunately, as near as I can tell, it’s exactly the same as before.”
“I’ll call that memory specialist and make an appointment for you.”
“I can do that,” Clark replied.
“I’ll do it,” she insisted. “Besides, I promised the doctor at the hospital that I would make that call. I wouldn’t want to shirk my responsibilities.” There was a playful tone in her voice that made it clear to Clark that she was enjoying her role in helping him.
Suddenly there was a commotion from Perry’s office. A man stood inside Perry’s half-open door shouting. “…don’t care about the evidence! You have no right to defend him! Superman killed my family!”
At that last sentence, Lois bolted for Perry’s office. Clark hurried to catch up. Lois wasn’t even at the door when she started her own shouted contribution to the spectacle. “Superman never killed anyone!”
The man in the doorway glared at her. “He’s the biggest mass-murder the world will ever know. If it weren’t for Superman, the government would’ve done something else to divert Nightfall. Thanks to him, they didn’t even try. That…alien killed over 100 million people including my family.”
By this time, Perry was standing just inside his office. “Lois, Clark, this is Dr. Hanson. He lost his family to a Nightfall fragment strike. Dr. Hanson, I'm truly sorry that you found the editorial so disturbing, but I think that we may be able to work together to a common goal.”
The man still looked and sounded angry, but at least he was no longer shouting. “I don't see how.”
Perry remained calm as he elaborated. “How would you like to have the chance to find out exactly what Superman did and didn’t do on that mission?”
Dr. Hanson just stared back at Perry for a moment. Then he asked, “What are you proposing?”
“If you’ll come back into my office I’ll explain,” Perry said calmly. “Lois, Clark, please join us.”
When they were all in the office, Perry closed the door and then stepped behind his desk. Dr. Hanson took one chair and Lois sat down in the other. Clark took a spot behind Lois and stood with his hands resting lightly on her shoulders. Clark could see that she was still wound up at Hanson's allegation.
Perry turned to Lois. “Dr. Hanson here thinks we are incapable of being fair and recognizing what Superman did. I have tried to assure him that while we have been a friend and supporter of Superman, we’re committed to the truth.”
Hanson looked away in a sarcastic gesture. “Yeah, right,” he said.
“Lois, please tell Dr. Hanson about the investigation that you and Clark are pursuing.”
Lois glared back at Perry but he was looking at Hanson and if he saw her at all, he gave no sign. After only a second she turned to Hanson. She addressed him in a stiff and formal voice. “We’re investigating the Nightfall mission. Everyone knows the result, but no one knows what really happened up there. Yesterday Clark and I spent the day at Star Labs talking to one of the key scientists that planned the mission. We’re compiling information about the mission and the equipment that was used by Superman.”
Perry’s eyes never left Hanson as he issued a challenge to his reporters. “When your investigation is complete, if the evidence shows that Superman did betray the people of Earth, what story will you write?” Perry asked.
There was no hesitation in Lois’s reply. “The truth.”
Perry continued to look directly into Hanson's face. “Dr. Hanson, I might not like what we find, but I’ll never let my preconceptions cause an untruth to be printed in this paper. I wrote that editorial because I believe in it. Nightfall has been a tragedy of unprecedented proportions. I would never try to underestimate your loss, but there isn’t enough information for anyone to know what happened and assign blame. Lois and Clark are my two best investigators. At this time, their only assignment is to get to the truth behind the failure of the Nightfall mission. I'm offering you the chance to help bring the truth to light.”
“Perry, you know we'll be fair,” Lois cut in, almost in anger. “Clark and I are making great progress on our own.”
Perry turned his head slowly to face Lois. “I understand. But Dr. Hanson represents a segment of our readership that we need to acknowledge and honor. Also, I think Dr. Hanson may be able to help more than you realize.” He turned back to Hanson. “Please tell Lois why you feel so strongly that Superman must be at fault.”
Hanson turned to Lois. “I helped develop some of the equipment used on the Nightfall mission. I’m confident that it couldn't have failed because I assisted in the design. We built in multiple levels of fail-safes and all of the critical systems were massively redundant. For almost every key system, it would have taken several independent failures to trigger a mission debilitating condition.”
Lois’s reply was quick but her tone was professional. “We've been all through this with Dr. Klein at Star Labs. He told us that mission data points to at least one failure that wasn't announced to the public.”
Hanson looked surprised at this. “I can't believe any of our systems failed. The redundancy was as complete as any I've seen. What system do you believe failed?”
“It was something in the guidance system,” Lois explained.
“Oh, that explains it then.” Hanson replied smugly. “I didn't think any part of the system should have been left to the military.”
This got Clark's attention. “You aren't one of the military engineers? Then what equipment were you involved with?” he asked.
“The survival assembly. I'm a senior scientist at LexCorp Space Systems. My team did most of the work on the communication and space suit subsystems.”
***~~~***
Lois and Clark spent the next hour convincing Hanson that they were committed to getting at the truth. It helped that Bernie Klein was already involved in the investigation. Hanson knew Dr. Klein and had a great deal of respect for him personally. However, even the fact that Dr. Klein was working with them only did so much to convince Hanson that he could trust reporters with such well known ties to Superman.
In the end it was Jimmy who provided the key that convinced Dr. Hanson that Lois and Clark could be fair about the issue. Lois was sitting with Hanson going over some of the information about the equipment that they had gotten from Bernie the previous day when Jimmy approached. After a few seconds Lois noticed him standing there looking antsy. “Jimmy, is there something you need?”
“Is CK around?”
“He'll be back in a minute. I think he went to the restroom.”
“I, um, have some more news from Smallville.” Jimmy’s demeanor told her that this was not good news.
“What do you have?” Lois asked, almost afraid to hear.
Jimmy hesitated. Then he took a deep breath and dived into his reply. “I was with the radio team on the roof when we got an update from one of the Kansas operators. There was a major impact near Clark's parents’ farm. That whole area... It's part of a half-mile-wide crater. There’s nothing left of his home at all.” Jimmy paused while Lois considered what that meant. After a moment Jimmy continued. “Can you tell him?” he pleaded. “I think it would be better coming from you.”
Lois could feel the emotional impact as if it were her own parents. “I'll tell him.”
When Jimmy turned away from the desk, Hanson asked about the message. “Was he talking about Mr. Kent?” The angry man that she’s been dealing with all morning was gone. Hanson’s voice was full of compassion.
“Yes. You see, we lost loved ones too. Clark's parents were wonderful and kind people. I met them once. They were all the family that Clark had. Please don't say anything to him. I'd like to find a way to tell him myself.”
“Of course,” Hanson replied.
When Clark returned nothing was said about Smallville, but Hanson had apparently made up his mind and very shortly asked to be called Fred.
***~~~***
An hour later when Fred was ready to leave, they had a plan for the investigation. He was still convinced that there couldn't have been a problem with any of the LexCorp equipment, but seemed to be completely ready to help with the investigation. Even so, they almost lost his cooperation when—just as he was about to leave—they asked him to make sure that no one else at LexCorp knew he was working with them.
“Why should I keep this a secret?” he asked. “These are my friends and coworkers. I don't want to feel like some kind of spy.”
Lois put on her most patient look. “One of the things you learn as a reporter is that investigations always go better and more quickly if they are done with a certain level of secrecy. We're sorry to ask you to keep this from your friends, but... Do you believe you will be working against them?”
Fred hesitated only slightly before answering. “Against my friends… No.”
Lois continued. “We need you to keep this secret. If you get uncomfortable and don't feel you can continue then let us know. We want to be as fair as possible to everyone. We have Dr. Klein working to get information on the components that weren't from LexCorp. If we’re going to get to the truth behind the Nightfall mission, we need your help.”
“All right,” he replied reluctantly. “But I'm still not completely comfortable with doing this in secret.”
“Believe me, we understand,” Clark added.
When Fred was finally gone, Lois realized that she’d never had the opportunity to pass along the news about Smallville. “Clark, can we go to one of the conference rooms? We need to talk in private.”
When they entered the room, Lois stopped by the door while Clark went farther in. “Please sit down.”
“What's this about?” he asked nervously.
“Please?”
Clark sat as Lois closed the door. She then moved to the seat nearest his and turned it so that it was facing him. She sat and paused while searching for the right words.
“Lois, you're scaring me,” Clark said in an uncertain voice.
“I'm sorry Clark, this is just hard.” She took a deep breath and plowed ahead. “We have word from Smallville. There was a major fragment impact right next to your parents’ farm. The whole area was devastated. Your home and all the surrounding areas were destroyed.”
As Lois spoke that last phrase, Clark felt a wave of despair wash over him. There was a feeling of loss but no memories on which to anchor those feelings. He was feeling the weight of losing a home and family that he didn’t know. He wasn’t sure if the lack of memories made things better or worse, but in that moment he would have given almost anything to know the reality behind the loss he was experiencing. As the darkness washed over him, he was unsurprised to realize that that his eyes were filling with tears.
He felt a gentle hand on his. “I'm so sorry, Clark.”
Her voice was a beacon in the darkness. He wanted to reach for her but was afraid that if he held her now, he'd never be able to let go. 'In an effort to keep from breaking down, he tried for a faint ray of hope. “Is there definitive word that they were killed?”
“No. But, Clark, based on the reports from the area, it seems probable.”
“I understand that, but I have to try to hold out some hope. I'm not kidding myself and I understand that they were probably killed in the impact, but until I know, I'd rather not give up.” He was trying to sound determined but he suspected Lois could hear the desperation in his voice. Assuming that she did, she was kind enough to not remark on it. After another second he continued. “I wish I could remember something about them.”
“Clark... All you need to do is to look in a mirror. When I met them, I immediately knew all about them. You’re a living tribute to your parents. Your kindness, compassion and belief in people are what I saw in them.”
Lois being here made this so much easier. “Thanks, Lois. I... I'm glad it was you that told me. I think I'll be all right now. Should we get back to work?”
“Clark, do you need some time alone? Would you like to go home for the rest of the day?”
Being alone was the last thing he wanted. “No. I think this will go better if I can stay busy. Besides, I really mean it when I say that I'm not giving up hope just yet.” He managed a weak smile.
From the doubtful look on her face, Clark suspected she wasn’t convinced by his words. But she seemed to be willing to let it go. “Okay, partner. Now that we have access to the information from both the government and LexCorp, we should plan how to make the best use of it.”
***~~~***
The afternoon passed more quickly than Lois would have expected. First, they needed to develop a list of questions about the equipment for both Bernie and Fred. Then there was the problem of how to set up meetings with both of their technical contacts without alerting anyone to the fact that Fred was helping them.
Perry had spread the word through the office that the Lane and Kent team was involved in a special high-priority investigation and that they should not be disturbed. Consequently, they found that they were almost totally undisturbed for the rest of the day until an unexpected visitor arrived late in the afternoon.
This time Lois sensed his presence before he got too close. She looked up from her notes and saw Lex standing just outside the elevator. He was involved in some discussion with Perry and wasn’t even looking in her direction.
She needed to get her notes covered. “Clark!” Her call was a voiceless shouted whisper.
He looked up from his work. “What is it?” he asked in a similar voice.
“Lex is by the elevator. He’ll probably come over here when he’s done with Perry. Cover your notes but leave something for him to see. If he sees your desk clear, he’ll know we’re hiding something.”
They both went about changing the papers on top of their desks. Lois saw that Clark had pulled out the information that he had gathered about how Metropolis was coping with Nightfall. She retrieved the information on other communities around the country and how they had been affected by the asteroid. While she was waiting for Lex to come over, she read through these notes. There was the genesis of a good story here. She started jotting down some issues to follow-up on later.
She became so engrossed in her work that she was actually startled when she heard Lex’s voice. “Good afternoon, Lois.”
Her head popped up. “Oh, hi, Lex. I saw you by the elevator but it looked like you had come in to speak with Perry.” She was doing everything in her power to project the semblance of friendliness toward this man that she had genuinely felt only a week before.
He replied in those controlled tones of his. “There were two reasons for my visit. First, I wanted to assure Mr. White that I will use all of the resources of LexCorp to support his position. We need to be as fair as possible to Superman.”
This wasn’t what she expected. “This doesn’t seem to be the same position that you had the other evening. And later, on the radio, it didn’t sound like you were arguing to be fair.” Lois was afraid that she wasn’t completely masking the anger she felt.
“My dear, you are correct and I regret that I may have jumped to a conclusion too quickly. In fact, you were the primary reason that I felt the need to revise my earlier position.”
“Me?” Lois wondered what Lex was up to.
“Yes. You were right that we shouldn’t jump to conclusions about Superman without giving him the benefit of the doubt. Also, your reaction to my position left me doubting my words. I found that I couldn’t bear the thought that you might think ill of me for being unfair. I suspect you were unaware of this, but Superman and I worked together on many activities that were never publicized. We were working together behind the scenes to make Metropolis a better city. I would go so far as to say he was one of my best friends.”
There was a crash from Clark’s desk. His coffee cup was in pieces on the floor and he was staring at Lex. After a second, he said simply, “Sorry,” and went about cleaning up the mess.
Lex looked back at Lois. “Your associate still seems to be having difficulties with his motor skills.” As smooth as his voice was, a note of scorn was easy to hear.
Lois finally took her eyes off Clark and turned to Lex. “He’s under a lot of stress. Between his memory loss and worry about his family, I’m surprised he’s holding together so well.”
“Yes… Well, the primary reason for my journey today was to make another appeal for you to take advantage the accommodations in my building. I admit that my having a copy of your apartment may have seemed somewhat forward, but please believe that it was more of an accident than a calculated act on my part. When I first heard of Nightfall, I did little more than mention to one of my senior assistants that I was worried that your home might be at risk. I was surprised to find that he had interpreted my comment to mean that I wanted your apartment reproduced in a safe location. I sense that the existence of the apartment has made you uncomfortable and for that I am sorry. However, it is there now and it seems a shame to leave it incomplete by your absence.”
His voice was strangely…hypnotic. Something about the way Lex spoke made it difficult to disbelieve him. For only the briefest instant Lois found herself genuinely tempted by his offer. She found herself thinking that it could have been just as he said, an overzealous act by an underling looking to impress his boss.
Out of the corner of her eye, she detected a movement. She turned to see Clark fumbling with a mop and cleaning up the spilled coffee. It was as if a spell had been broken. What was she thinking? She turned back to the deceiver at her desk. “Lex, I appreciate the offer but I’m comfortable where I’m staying.”
Lex had apparently noticed her looking at Clark before replying. “So you would rather share a one-bedroom apartment with Kent than accept my invitation.”
Now his voice wasn’t hypnotic, it was just short of insulting. And apparently he’d been keeping tabs on her. “How did you know I was staying with Clark?”
His expression turned hard. “Does it really matter? When you said that you had found a place to stay, I assumed that you would have arranged for more…appropriate accommodations.” He glanced in Clark’s direction, then stood up. “I see that I have apparently misjudged you. Good day.” His walk to the elevator was very deliberate. When he entered the elevator, he pressed a button without even turning around.
Lois was still staring at the closed elevator door when Clark came over to her. “I’m sorry about that.”
She turned to face him. “Clark, what happened? Did you drop your cup deliberately?”
He looked aghast. “No. I thought I was doing a good job of ignoring him. I swear that I was trying my best to ignore what he was saying. I didn’t mean to eavesdrop but he wasn’t making any effort to speak softly and his voice carried. When he said that Superman was his friend… It was like when I first saw him. For an instant, I had this sharp pain in my head accompanied by a feeling of wrongness. Lois, I think there is a connection between how Luthor and Superman interacted and why I react to Luthor the way I do. As far as him being friends with Superman…” Clark winced again. “That feels more wrong than I know how to say.”
Lois nodded thoughtfully and turned toward the now closed elevator door. “I think my invitation to stay with him just expired.” She turned back to Clark. “He implied that by staying with you I’ve shown that I’m not worthy.”
“I’m sorry. I… I love having you as a houseguest but I don’t want to be part of damaging your reputation. I hope you won’t accept *his* invitation but if you would rather stay somewhere else I understand.”
Lois noticed an inflection in Clark’s voice when he said the word “love” that she suspected Clark didn’t realize was there. “Clark, I’ve never been more proud to be considered ‘unworthy’ by anyone. With all that’s happened the past few days, it’s like my senses have been sharpened. When I hear Lex talk, where I once heard polished control, now I hear arrogant self-interest with a coating of slimy oil.”
“Is that because of the thing with your apartment and his attacks on Superman?”
“Partially, but those aren’t the largest factors.”
“So, what is it?” Clark asked. Now he looked genuinely confused.
“You,” she said.
“Huh? I don’t understand.”
“Clark, you’re one of the kindest and most forgiving people I’ve ever met,” she explained. “I would have sworn that you were incapable of disliking anyone. The fact that you have such a strong negative reaction to Lex is very revealing. Not only that, but now we’ve discovered that Lex seems to be lying about his relationship with Superman…”
Clark cut her off. “I don’t know that. It’s just a feeling.”
She looked at him intently. “Think about Lex and Superman and then tell me honestly—based on your feelings, what type of relationship did they have?”
Clark closed his eyes and Lois could tell he was probing his memories, such as they were. After a moment he opened his eyes and met Lois’s gaze. “Adversarial… or worse. More like open hostility. But, Lois, can you trust my feelings? I don’t have the facts to back them up.”
“Clark, I trust your feelings as much as I trust my own. Lex is lying and that means he has his own agenda and he’s hiding something. It’s up to us to find out what it is.”
Clark looked both relieved and hopeful. “So you won’t be looking for another place to live?”
He was so cute. “And lose your cooking? Not likely!”
She saw that smile again. “Lois, I… Thanks for staying with me.” Lois couldn’t help but wonder how someone that looked as good as he did could ever reach his age and still be so uncertain of himself. No wonder he had been so careful to hide his feelings.
Lois remembered that the first night he lost his memory, he said that she lit up his world. She was coming to realize that he was doing the same for hers.
***~~~***
That evening followed the same general flow as the previous day. Lois stayed with Clark in the kitchen and helped cook dinner. She was learning food preparation concepts that she never knew before. Who ever imagined that there were so many different ways to cut up and cook food? Under the right circumstances, real cooking could be fun. She also made sure that Clark remembered to be careful about knives and hot utensils. They shared a sense of pride when dinner was tasty and completed with no trips to the first aid kit.
There were now two television stations operating. This was good in that there was another source of information. However, there was still no entertainment programming. The coverage was a mix of local, national and international news about the aftermath of Nightfall. It wasn’t surprising that they eventually mentioned the weather. After the talk with Perry, Lois and Clark were half-expecting tales of meteorological disasters and ‘impact winter’ but the television reporter seemed to come from the Perry White school of journalism.
All around the world there was an increase in clouds and rain from all the water kicked up from the ocean impacts. The meteorologists stressed that this rain had been a great help in suppressing some of the fires started by Nightfall. There was no talk of long-term weather problems, just the acknowledgement that the dirty rain was likely to continue for the time being.
It didn’t take long for the news to get repetitive. Given that they had spent the day in a newsroom, it was really the last thing they wanted to hear after hours. Fortunately, Clark had several videotapes that provided a suitable diversion.
***~~~***
Lois woke up to the sound of static. She opened her eyes to see a television showing snow. A glance at the clock on the VCR showed that the movie must have ended more than half-an-hour ago. Surveying her position revealed that she had fallen asleep leaning against Clark. Not only had she been using his chest as a pillow, his arm was around her shoulders as well. She had to admit that it felt quite comfortable. In fact, being with Clark like this was more than comfortable. It was… It was best if she not let her imagination go down that path too quickly. She already knew that she had never felt this comfortable with a man before. It was…nice, but now it was time to head for bed. “Clark. Clark, wake up.” She moved to jostle him but didn’t break their embrace.
He finally opened his eyes. He looked confused for a second before saying a very tender, “Hi, Lois.” Before she could respond, he seemed to sense the intimacy of their position and hurriedly removed his arm from her shoulders. As he stood up, he muttered a nervous, “I guess we should get ready for bed.”
Clark took care of his bedtime bathroom routine while Lois waited in the front room. When he appeared, she could see that he still showed some signs of his injuries from the accident that cost him his memories. “How are your injuries healing?” she asked.
“Injuries?”
“I can see bruises on your arms and a few scrapes without even trying. Are they feeling better?”
He glanced at a large bruise on his left arm. “Oh, yeah. I don’t even feel it unless one of the bruises is bumped. There’s hardly any soreness at all anymore. I guess I’m a fast healer.”
Lois wished she had an excuse to talk more, but it was late and Clark needed rest if he was going to recover. “Well, I guess I should head for bed,” Lois said as she started for the bedroom door.
Clark fell in beside her. “Lois, are you sure that you’re comfortable staying here? I mean, I know you aren’t going to stay with Luthor, but…I want you to be comfortable. I don’t want to ruin your reputation and with how I… I just want the best for you.”
“Clark, I’m not worried about my reputation and this is very convenient for work. You know all that. What’s bothering you?”
Clark contemplated the top of his slippers. “I just want you to be comfortable around me.”
She wasn’t sure where this was going. “Clark?”
“Well, with how I feel, I…”
In that instant Lois realized she was getting tired of Clark tiptoeing around this issue. Maybe this was the time to force some things more into the open. “What are you saying?” she asked.
Now a look of fear crept into his face and he started to move away. Before he could escape, Lois slipped her hand in his. He seemed to struggle for words for a second. “I… I can’t say. I don’t want to mess up our relationship. If I say… You’ll be uncomfortable and I… I don’t want you to leave.”
She could see he was terrified. He needed reassuring. “Unless you’re planning to tell me to get out, I don’t see how you could hurt…us.”
He squared his shoulders and his face showed fear overlaid with determination. “Lois, I don’t know why I didn’t say anything before I lost my memory, but I don’t want to lie to you. For all the things that I don’t remember, I’m certain that I was…in love with you before my accident. I still… I want to be your friend, and if that’s the limit of the future you want, then I can live with that. But Lois, I feel so much more. I…want so much more…for us.”
Lois had suspected this was coming since almost that first night in the hospital when he spoke her name. Even though she had forced the issue tonight, it was still a shock to hear him open up like this. She noticed that he managed to avoid saying how he felt toward her right now. She almost smiled at this. Always Clark, cautious to the end. However, she was thankful for his caution as it meant she didn’t have to respond to a direct declaration of love from him just yet.
As the seconds ticked by without a direct reply, Lois failed to notice the look of despair that was overtaking her partner’s face. Finally, he pulled free of her hand and continued, now in a dejected tone, “Never mind, Lois. I should never have bothered you. You deserve so much more.”
He had only retreated a few steps when she caught him and pulled him forcefully into her embrace. “Don’t say that! You’re a great man and a great friend.” Those first words were delivered while she was holding him in the strongest, most intense hug her arms could produce. After a moment she loosened her arms just enough to pull back and see his face. “I’m not going anywhere. Okay?”
Clark responded with a smile. It was a hesitant and nervous smile, but it was a smile just the same. Lois again took his hand in hers and led him to her door. “As far as messing up our relationship, you haven’t,” she offered.
Clark could barely believe it as he watched Lois reach up with both her hands and gently pull his face down toward hers. The feel of her lips against his was almost more than he could stand. Since he had seen her in the hospital, this is what he’d wanted, but knew was forbidden. At first, he wasn’t sure how to react and just at the beginning, he didn’t kiss back. In an instant, he realized that she might think his failure to respond meant that he didn’t want this. Even then, he was still nervous and suspected the kiss showed as much. The kiss was no more than lips pressing together but he hoped some of his feelings—his love—came through.
From Lois’s perspective, the kiss moved her more than she expected. Clark’s confusion was not at all surprising. As soon as their lips touched, her mind flew back to the other kisses they had shared. The one in Trask’s plane had felt exactly the same as this one started. Once Clark started to respond, the kiss became more reminiscent of the kiss in the Lexor. As the kiss progressed, she remembered something else from that time at the Lexor—kissing Clark was a very enjoyable experience.
She was disappointed when, after a few seconds, Clark started to pull back. However, it was the right thing to do. Her point in initiating this kiss tonight was to tell Clark that she was comfortable staying with him and that she was also interested in exploring another level of relationship. However, that exploration was not for tonight. As she pulled back and Clark’s face came into focus, two thoughts came to mind. First, Clark was a very attractive man. The second was that he enjoyed the kiss as much as she did. She didn’t need a mirror to know that her own face was showing the same level of pleasure as Clark’s.
She let go of his hands and stepped back through the doorway, never taking her eyes off his face. “Goodnight,” she said. She hadn’t really meant for it to be a breathy whisper, but it was hard to talk right with your mind spinning and the largest possible smile seemingly locked on your face.
“Good night, Lois.” He didn’t do much better.
Her mind was a confused blur all the time she was getting ready for bed. What had they done? She wasn't sure. Did she regret it? That was easier: no. She went to bed still thinking about that kiss. It was so nice. It also felt more familiar than she’d expected. As she lay in bed, she realized that Clark’s scent was fading. For just a moment she wondered about suggesting that he take a nap in the bed for an hour or two after work. Lois laughed at this. She wasn’t about to take such a silly step. Still, his scent on the bed was…very nice. Her last thoughts as she drifted off were how wonderful that kiss was—and how familiar it seemed.
TBC
Bob
