***~~~***
Chapter 22: Distress
***~~~***
Right after the story of the raid on LexCorp tower had first hit the streets, snitches all over Metropolis started buzzing with news about Luthor. Word was out that several criminal organizations had put a price on his head. After all, Nightfall hadn’t limited its killing to the legitimate population. Several highly placed underworld figures had lost family in the tragedy. There were some rumors that helping Luthor could cost a person not only their own life, but the lives of their entire family. The very fact that he, or more properly, his body, hadn’t turned up, led many to believe that Lex had managed to escape the country.
Luthor’s escape had been an embarrassment to MPD. Henderson believed that there might have been a leak from MPD while they were preparing for the raid on his tower. Shortly before the raid, a servant had seen Lex in his penthouse. When the police arrived, he was gone. That same elevator that had taken Lost to his survival shelter beneath the tower had probably been his escape route. Those sub-levels had multiple points of entry to underground drainage and sewage systems. There were any number of jokes going around that as soon as he was revealed for what he was, Luthor ran for the sewers.
Before the news broke, it had been impossible to get anyone to talk about The Boss. Now, instead of struggling to find a source willing talk, the problem was finding anything new about Luthor worth reporting. He had killed the world’s greatest hero. He had been responsible for the deaths of millions of people. And finally, he had been the most powerful crime lord in the eastern half of the United States. With all that already on the record, almost anything else Luthor might have done paled in comparison. Fortunately, Lois had a fine eye for what was worth pursuing.
Lois had been investigating Luthor’s involvement in weapons systems. It had occurred to her that if he used military technologies for his own purposes when he went after Superman, it was likely that he had misappropriated military systems before the Nightfall incident. By Tuesday morning, she had a handful of leads that she wanted to split with Clark. Between the two of them, they should be able to have a story ready before other researchers even found a clue.
When she was ready to hand off that part of the investigation to her partner, Lois looked up to see Clark staring at his empty desktop with an utterly blank look on his face. He held the telephone headset in his hand but his arm was on his desk. It was as if he blanked out and simply forgot to hang up the phone. For a second Lois was afraid that this was some sort of relapse of the nerve gas. The idea that he might have forgotten all they’d been through these past weeks sent a chill of fear through her. Without thinking she called out, “Clark!”
His head snapped up. Good, he was still here. She hurried over to his desk and continued in a more conversational tone. “Are you all right?” she asked. “You looked like you were a million miles away.”
He glanced around and seemed to notice the telephone handset. He returned the phone to its cradle and slumped back in his chair. He looked very tired. “I’m sorry, Lois.” His voice sounded as tired as he looked. “I just got some news.”
She sat down on the edge of his desk. “Can you tell me?”
When he answered, his voice sounded dead. “That call was from the Nightfall relief coordinator here in Metropolis. Right after the asteroid hit, I left my name as the point of contact for my parents. The relief workers just got the official casualty list for Lowell County.” With every word Clark’s voice grew more strained. “They’ve finished the clean-up work in Smallville. My mom and dad were declared dead yesterday.”
Lois thought that he had already given up on his parents being alive. But looking at him now, she knew that he’d been holding out hope. With those last words, Lois could hear Clark’s hope die. As she had noticed so many times since Nightfall, despite the loss of his conscious memories, underneath he was still Clark. Ever the optimist, he’d found a way to believe they would turn up alive. Having to accept the loss of his parents was taking a heavy toll on him now. She reached out and took his hand in his. “Clark, I’m so sorry. They were some of the nicest people I’ve ever met.”
When he lifted his face to see hers, she was surprised that what she saw was not just sadness, but frustrated confusion. “Were they? I wish I could remember. I have a few images but I’m sure you remember them better than I do. It hurts. It’s not only because I’ve lost my family. What hurts the most is that I’ll never know them. You say they were special people. They raised me but I don’t even remember them.”
“You can’t feel bad for that,” Lois offered. “You didn’t ask to lose your memory.”
“No, I didn’t,” he replied flatly.
His expression suddenly darkened. Over the past days Lois had come to recognize this look. She had never seen it on Clark before Nightfall. Since then there was only one thought that triggered that expression. “You can’t let yourself dwell on Lex,” Lois said.
He looked up at her with that flat and angry expression. “Are you sure I was a nice person before Nightfall?”
“Of course! You still are. It’s always been one of your defining characteristics. When you started, I thought you were too nice to survive in this city. What I didn’t see was the toughness you hide under that friendly exterior.”
Clark looked back down at his desk. “When I think of Luthor, I… I just hate so much it burns. Lois, I want to hurt him. I want him to hurt over and over for what he’s done.”
It was clear to Lois that Clark was more frustrated than angry. This wasn’t about him hurting anyone else, this was about Clark hurting inside. “If Lex were here, what would you do?” she asked in as tender a voice as she could muster.
Clark looked up at her and took a moment to think. “I’d want to kill him.” There was genuine anger in his voice.
“But what would you do?” she asked softly.
That seemed to bust the bubble of anger. When he answered, his voice carried a tone of resignation. “I’d detain him and call Bill Henderson.”
“That’s why you aren’t a bad person. Sure, you can beat yourself up because you aren’t a saint ready to forgive Lex. But I know you. You wouldn’t go after him yourself. Part of what I’ve always liked about you is your innate goodness. The only other man that I’ve even met like that was Superman.”
“And I can’t remember him either,” Clark replied. “I still can’t believe we were as close as you say. I wonder how I ever got to be friends with him.”
Lois shook her head. “In hindsight it’s almost funny. I was so enamored with him that not only didn’t I notice your good qualities, but I also completely overlooked how similar the two of you were. Now that I’ve really taken the time to look, I see how much you two had in common. A few days ago I started to wonder if Superman might have gone to Smallville when he first arrived on Earth. That would explain why Bureau 39 was so interested in your home town. In fact, I bet your parents knew him as well as you did.”
It was a long time before Clark spoke again. “I guess we’ll never be able to ask that question now.”
Lois suddenly realized that she had managed to steer the conversation all the way back around to the issue that upset Clark and started it all. “I’m sorry, Clark. Do you need to go home?”
“No. I’ll do better if I try to stay busy.”
Lois forced an expression that was more upbeat than she really felt. “Good. I have some leads on another Luthor-related investigation. I need your help in finding out which will pan out.”
***~~~***
Later that day Lois watched as Jimmy tried to talk with him about some of the photos from the warehouse raid. The younger man could see that something was very wrong. When he asked Clark if he was all right, Clark just stared back at him. After a moment Clark said, “It’s personal,” and turned back to what he was doing. Lois cornered Jimmy after that and asked him to pass the word that Clark was having a really bad day.
Later on, when she talked to Clark about their Luthor investigation, Lois asked if it was okay to tell others in the office about his news. “Clark, everyone here is worried about you,” she offered. “I think it would help them understand if I could tell them about your news.”
His look was cold. Not angry, but not much of anything, It was as if a secret light that he’d been carrying all this time had gone out. “That’s fine, Lois. Whatever you think is best.” She couldn’t remember hearing his voice so devoid of emotion.
By the time they got home that night, she had long since given up on Clark snapping out of it. However, she had a plan to get through the evening. As soon as they were in the apartment, she took charge. “Clark, I’m going to change into casual clothes for the evening. What don’t you change too? I’ll be out in a minute. And don’t worry about dinner, I’ll cook tonight.”
It was a sign of how out-of-it he was that statement passed without comment. About ten minutes later Lois came back out of the bedroom. She had changed into a sweatshirt and sweatpants. Interestingly enough, Clark wore the same thing. The only difference was the colors and the college names on their shirts. Lois had considered wearing the Midwestern University shirt that Clark had given her, but didn’t want to risk reminding him of Kansas, so she chose a University of Florida shirt. Clark had gone with the University of South Carolina for his wardrobe.
They had settled in front of the television and Lois was looking for something that was unlikely to make Clark feel any worse. About twenty minutes after they changed, Clark realized that no food preparation was taking place. “Lois, would you like me to make dinner?” he asked.
“No, Clark. I told you earlier that I’m handling dinner tonight.”
He seemed to be struggling for a reply when the doorbell rang. Lois jumped up and hurried to the door. She returned a moment later carrying a pizza box. “Here we go,” she said cheerfully. “Lois Lane cooking at its finest.”
That managed to evoke a tiny smile from Clark. It wasn’t much, but it was the first positive expression she’d seen on his face since that terrible phone call.
They spent the evening watching television. It had the look of most of their evenings together but the feel was different. Clark just didn’t seem to be able to pull out of it. He was hurting way too much to hide. Halfway through the evening Lois realized that she was hurting also. At first, she thought that it was because of the loss of Martha and Jonathan. However, she quickly realized that wasn’t it. She felt bad about their deaths but unlike Clark, she had accepted that they had died when the news of Smallville’s destruction first came in. No, she was hurting because Clark was hurting. It was just that simple. His pain was her pain and there was no way to make it better.
When Lois finally switched off the television, Clark was still in that zombie-like state. When she stood up, he just remained seated staring at the blank television tube. “Clark?” He looked slowly up at her. When he failed to respond, she continued. “We should be heading for bed.”
“Okay. Good night, Lois.” His reply was slow. When he finished speaking he went back to staring at the television.
This was no good. If she left him, he might sit like that all night. She reached down, grabbed his arm and used it to pull him upright. “No way, mister. I’m not going anywhere until you’re bedded down for the night.” She pointed at the bathroom. “Now get your night clothes and get ready for bed. I’m not going to even start to get ready for bed until you are safely tucked in.”
Lois thought she was going to have to put up with another blank stare but was pleased to be wrong this time. Clark stood up and then looked down on her with a shy smile. “Yes, ma’am.” He kissed her gently on her forehead, gathered up his nightclothes and headed for the bathroom.
She waited in the bedroom for Clark to emerge. It was only a few minutes later when Clark stepped out. During his time alone, he seemed to have slipped back into that state of listless depression that had been so dominant all evening. It was clear that drastic measures were called for. “Clark, come here.”
He seemed to have failed to notice her sitting on the edge of the bed. At the sound of her voice he paused and then came over. She could see that he was still out of it. “I want you to take the bed tonight,” she said.
“No. That's not right. You’re my guest.” He was still speaking in mechanical tones.
Lois was ready for him to argue. With him in this state, this part would be all too easy. “I've had the bed every night that I've been here,” she pointed out. “You need to get some rest tonight. Clark, you'll be doing us both a favor if you can get a good night's sleep to help you work things through.” She reached out and took his hand. “Please, do this for me.” She knew that wasn't fighting fair but this was a contest that she had to win for his sake.
His reply was less mechanical, but still flat. “All right, Lois. If you're sure.”
“I am.” She stood up and motioned toward the bed. “Climb in.”
He almost looked like he was going to protest, but for the first time this evening, his listlessness worked in Lois's favor. He pulled back the covers and got into bed. Once he was settled in, she turned to start getting ready to go to sleep herself. After she had collected her pajamas, she looked over at Clark to see him staring glassy-eyed at the ceiling. She went to the bedside and sat down. Clark looked up at her with that same blank stare that had dominated the evening. “Clark, what are you feeling?”
He thought for a moment before replying. “Cold. Alone. I don't know, Lois... I just don't know.” The mechanical listlessness was back.
In a flash she knew how she wanted to handle this. “I'm going to get ready for bed,” she said as she stood up and stepped away from the bed.
For some reason Clark had expected some other reply, but he hadn't been at any sort of mental peak all day. He watched Lois go into the bathroom. While she was getting ready, he closed his eyes to try to relax enough to go to sleep. He knew he was worrying Lois, but didn't know what to do. He was struggling with these feelings of being alone. It was almost like his mom and dad were his only personal contacts and with them truly gone, he had no other connections.
Throughout the day he'd been fighting one thought that he didn't have the courage to share. Over and over his mind wandered back to the thought, 'If only he'd been there.' The idea scared him. He didn't think he wanted to die, but what else could be the motivation for wanting to be home when a chunk of Nightfall fell on his parents? That was part of what had him so distraught. Did he really have so little that he wished he'd died with his parents? Sure, his memories were gone but things seemed to be going so well with picking up the pieces. The idea that he was harboring a secret death with had really shaken him.
He was so caught up in his musings that he completely missed Lois leaving the bathroom. He figured she would come over to say goodnight before heading out to the sofa. Clark heard the lights going out first in the bedroom and then in the outer room. He'd been so certain that she would be over. He even imagined that they might share a kiss. Instead, when he heard the light switch in the outer room he felt his spirits dip even lower. He was disappointed to find that he could feel even worse than he had.
His train of thought was broken by the feel of movement on the other side of the bed. He felt the sheets being pulled back. His eyes snapped open. “Lois?” There was no response. But the sounds and the motions on the mattress were unmistakable and there was just enough light to see her moving beside him. She was getting into bed. He almost sat up but she was already laying down facing in his direction. He rolled onto his side so he was facing her and asked, “What are you doing?”
“I'm helping my best friend get through the most difficult time since I've known him.”
“But, Lois... I mean, um, how do you know you can trust me?”
“If I didn't trust you, I wouldn’t have been staying with you in the first place. Besides, I’m not sure that there’s anything that you’re likely to do that I’ll object to anyway.”
“Lois!”
She laughed softly. “It is nice to hear some of the Clark I know in your voice. That's the first I've heard since this afternoon.” She slid over to him and said, “Now, hold me.”
He was both excited and terrified as he tried to figure out how to meet this unexpected request while lying in bed. Clark slid one arm under Lois as he felt her arms reaching around his neck. He'd hugged Lois before, but nothing compared to the feeling of this situation. Lying here, the feeling of loneliness that had plagued him all afternoon was nowhere to be found. Lois was now close enough that he could see her face when she pulled back just enough to look at him. “Better now?”
“Lois, I...” He wanted to say how much he loved her but didn't feel like it was the time. He must have done something awfully right at some point to have a woman like this in his life. There was so much that he wanted to say but he was scared to ruin the moment. For all the churning thoughts, it was only a second before he answered. “Yes. Much better.”
“Good.” Even in the low light of the room her smile was dazzling. In an instant he felt her lips on his. The kiss wasn't chaste, but it didn't seem passionate either. Whatever it was, Clark thought it was wonderful and far too short.
When the kiss ended, he felt Lois's arm move and her hand was on his cheek. “Good night, Clark.”
An hour ago Clark wasn't sure that he would sleep at all this night. Between the pain of the recognition of the loss of his family and the strange thoughts about wishing he had been in Smallville, he'd felt lost. Now he felt... loved. “Good night, Lois.”
Clark thought she would pull away and roll to the other side of the bed. Instead, she settled her head on the pillow beside him. Their arms were still around each other and Clark could feel the gentle movement of her breath on his face. He closed his eyes feeling suddenly tired. But this was the most marvelous tired he could imagine.
TBC
Bob
