***~~~***
Chapter 23: Catalyst
***~~~***
When he woke up the next morning, Clark thought that his senses must not be working right. The temperature in the bed seemed to be warmer than it should. As his awareness of his surroundings grew, he realized that his right hand wasn't touching the fabric of the sheets on his bed. A slight movement of his fingers verified that this wasn't cloth at all, he was touching skin. And it wasn't his.
Clark opened his eyes to find Lois's face only inches from his own. His perfect dream had been real after all. Lois was here in bed with him sleeping in his arms. There seemed to be a few changes from what he remembered last night. They were still in each other’s arms but at some point in the night his hand seemed to have worked its way under Lois's pajama top and his hand was in direct contact with the smooth skin of her back. And then there was the positioning of their legs. Clark's right leg was... well, between Lois's. The only description would be that they were intertwined.
All in all it was an exceptionally pleasant position, but what terrified him was how Lois might react when she woke up and discovered their ...situation. He thought about trying to disengage himself, but it only took a few very tentative movements to verify that there was no way out of this without running a serious risk of waking up Lois. So, since there seemed to be no convenient way out, Clark decided that his time would be best spent enjoying the moment. His memory obviously limited his ability to compare this waking-up experience to very many others, but there was no question that this was now his best start to any day.
Clark spent a long moment studying her face. Lois was normally so animated that she didn't hold still long enough for him to get such a good look. She was a very beautiful woman. Her features reflected a strength born of experience that had made her the person so many knew as Mad Dog, but there was a warmth and tenderness showing right now that she normally worked to hide. Clark had seen it that first night in the hospital. He suspected that he had seen that even when they were just partners, before he had lost his memory.
It was only another moment when her breathing changed a tiny bit. A few seconds later her eyes fluttered open. It was fun to watch her go through the same series of recognition steps that he had experienced a few minutes earlier. In only a few seconds, her eyes locked with his. He feared that he was about to discover the consequences of her not being happy about waking up in this position. That lasted only an instant as an amazing smile filled her face.
Clark was thinking about how much he wanted to kiss her, but he was afraid to initiate the movement. Fortunately, there seemed to be a synergy of their minds since at that second Lois moved her head all of six inches and initiated a kiss herself. It was little more than a light peck, but it was on the lips, it was Lois, and it was magnificent.
She quickly pulled back. “Do I have morning breath?” she asked.
“No. At least, not that I can tell.” Clark answered. “All I can taste is Lois, and I think you have a very nice flavor. I just hope I taste half as good as you do.”
That evoked a mischievous smile from Lois. “Let’s see,” she said playfully. This was followed by another, much more intense kiss. When Lois pulled back this time, her face was showing a look of exaggerated consideration as if she were trying to think through a tricky problem. “I don’t know. You do taste pretty good.”
Clark was taken aback by this cheerful woman that he had woken up in bed with. Whatever he knew or thought he knew about his partner, this was something different. Was she always this bubbly and playful in the morning? Dare he ask? Instead of risking the mood of the moment with words, Clark wanted to see if the fates would smile upon him and grant one more taste of heaven. Since his arms were conveniently already around this enticing person, he decided to use them. He applied a tiny bit of pressure to pull her closer. To his joy, she sensed the pressure and did the same. There was nothing tentative about this kiss. Lois’s mouth assaulted his with an energy and desire that caught him totally off guard. He found her tongue assaulting his lips, demanding the chance to interact with its counterpart. This kiss was nothing short of otherworldly. For a long moment, their lips wrestled and their tongues danced. When the kiss finally ran its course, it was more a feeling of a pause than an end.
Lois was now staring at him with a look that he had trouble placing. There was desire there. However, there also seemed to be elements of both joy and confusion. A few seconds later Clark finally broke the silence. “Good morning,” he offered with a smile. “You sure beat the heck out of an alarm clock.”
This triggered a smile. “As do you, Mr. Kent. Good morning yourself.” She moved her head about as if assessing their position. “We seem to have found an interesting sleeping position.” Then she looked at him and her expression turned more serious. “How do you feel this morning?”
Clark took a few seconds to reflect on his feelings. “I’m better. I can feel the impact of yesterday, but I don’t feel so lost. I don’t know what came over me yesterday. Thank you for taking care of me. I don’t know what I would have done without you.”
“That’s okay, Clark. I know you well enough to know you would have done the same for me. Anyway, we need to get ready for work.”
“If it’s okay with you, I’ll go first,” Clark offered. “You can wait in bed a little longer while I take my shower. I promise to be quick and then I can have breakfast ready for when you’re done in the bathroom.”
She smiled and said, “Okay.” Clark enjoyed beginning the day spending so much time looking at her face. Of course, getting out of bed meant letting go of her. The puzzle of untangling their limbs was solved all too quickly and he regretfully left the bed.
Just before entering the bathroom, Clark glanced back. When he discovered that Lois was watching him, or more precisely, his rear end, with an intense look as he walked across the room, he felt himself start to blush. He was glad that she seemed to enjoy looking at him. He couldn’t help but hope that this wouldn’t be the last time he woke up in Lois’s arms.
***~~~***
As they rode up the elevator together, Lois struggled with mixed feelings. She wished she’d taken the stairs. Or that the elevator would have been too crowded and she could have waited for the next one. Or maybe Clark could have taken the next one. Or maybe he’d have a flashback to one of his disappearing acts and he’d run off somewhere. Any of those would have been just as good. She wished he were anywhere else but standing next to her.
Her mind was racing at a thousand miles an hour. How could she get into a mess like this? Last night, when Clark was hurting so much, it seemed so natural to stay with him. Perhaps sleeping in the same bed with him was a bit too much, but it didn’t feel that way at the time. She just knew that he was hurting and she had to help. She never guessed that they would end up holding each other all night.
What kind of people sleep like that? Whatever kind of people they were, Lois Lane wasn’t one of them. At least, she never had been in the past. Not with anyone else.
And finally, what in the world had she been she thinking this morning? Lois had always thought that if she ever woke up in bed with a man that she wasn’t either married to, or at least seriously involved with, it would be a race to see who could leave quickest and pretend nothing ever happened. But, no. Instead of jumping out of bed and running, she had encouraged him. Joking about morning breath and kissing. Several times too! What in the world had come over her? She *never* woke up in a good mood.
Now Clark probably thinks… She didn’t know what Smallville thought, but it couldn’t be good. She wished she could have a do-over on the morning where she was out of bed before Clark woke up.
Maybe she could convince Perry that she needed to go alone on a month-long assignment to another country. Anything to avoid having to deal with the consequences of her bizarre behavior this morning. Anything to avoid Clark.
It wasn’t that she really regretted last night. She didn’t have the excuse of claiming that she wasn’t in complete control of herself. They didn’t even have beer with the pizza. She slept with Clark all night and nothing happened. She had her pajamas on when she went to sleep and they were still in place when she woke up. All they had done was hold each other all night. How could that feel more like something than any previous encounters with men where much more did happen?
And this morning. As scared as she was, how could she really regret the single most passionate kiss of her entire life? That kiss… It was… She had never kissed or been kissed like that before. That was what a lover’s kiss was supposed to be like.
Her mind reeled at that term. ‘Stop!’ she thought. ‘Don’t go there, Lois. Do *not* think of Clark and “lover” in the same thought.’
Then her other voice kicked in. ‘But he would be great. Being with him felt so right on so many levels.’ She wasn’t supposed to be thinking these thoughts today. They were supposed to be backing off to find out where they wanted their relationship to go. ‘Last night was just a fluke. This wasn’t anything more than Florence Nightingale Syndrome. That’s right. Those feelings weren’t real.’
Once the unending elevator trip was complete, Lois bolted for her desk. Throwing herself into work would make that Clark problem go away. She was still trying to collect herself when she heard a slight thump and saw her coffee cup on her desk with a chocolate doughnut beside it. She looked up to find Clark smiling down at her.
“Lois, I want to revisit the leads you gave me yesterday. I’m sure I’ll do a much better job today. I’ll go over the work I did yesterday and, as necessary, I’ll follow up on those leads. I’m sure I can work through them in a few hours. Okay?”
How could he be acting so normal? She was sure she must look angry. She tried to make sure her voice was all business. “That will be fine. Let me know if any of those pan out.”
“I will,” he replied.
She was so busy watching his smile that she almost missed his hand reaching toward hers. Before his hand could make contact, she pulled her had away and said briskly, “I have a lot of work to do today.” In a deliberately dismissive action, she turned back to her workstation and when through the motions of work. Out of the corner of her eye she noticed that Clark stood there for a few seconds and then turned away and went back to his desk. She didn’t have to see his face to know she’d hurt him. Well, better a little pain now than worse later.
Lois was able to force herself back to work but her mind was stuck in spin mode. This thing with Clark had gotten completely out of control and she felt like she had to do something, but she had no idea what. She found herself sneaking looks at Clark and trying to come to grips with what it all meant. She was simultaneously thrilled and terrified. This sort of thing was supposed to go slower. At least, she thought it was. And what in the world was Clark thinking? Distance between them was definitely what was needed now. A lot of distance.
An hour later she was still sitting at her desk and staring at the screen of her workstation but getting very little work done. She noticed that her coffee cup was empty. She went to the coffee machine to refill her cup and she heard a hiss from behind.
“Okay, how did it happen?” It was Cat.
Lois turned to face her. She considered ‘accidentally’ spilling her coffee on Cat, but Lois decided that she hasn’t done anything to deserve that. Yet.
“Hi, Cat. What are you talking about?”
Cat got one of those I-know-what-you-did looks on her face. “You and Clark. Lois, I read these signs for a living. Was he as good in bed as he looks?”
She should have expected Cat to pick up the signs that something significant had happened. The one benefit of her mind being in turmoil all day was that there was nothing that Cat or anyone else could say today about this which would startle her. “Cat, Clark and I have been rooming together since Nightfall. Why do you think something happened now?”
“I saw the way you both looked last night when you left. As soon as I got in today I… well, I was curious. I’ve been watching both of you all morning and you two have all the signs. Something big, and I mean really big, happened last night. So, was he as good in bed as he looks?”
In this situation, attack seemed to be the best approach. “I thought you knew.”
Cat’s expression suddenly changed to a much more somber look. “No, I don’t. I actually tried playing with him right after he lost his memory, but he was in no mood for it. In fact, he reminded me that some games come at too high a price. Given how he reacted, I’d have thought he would have told you about our non-history already.”
“What?”
“Lois, I made my pitch for him right after he started here, but he was already a lost cause. I just kept wondering why he never let you know how he felt.”
What? This was a side of Cat Lois had never seen before. Was it possible that she had more depth than Lois gave her credit for? And how is it that Cat knew how Clark felt before Lois did? Lois shifted to a less combative tone. “What do you know about how he felt? Did he say something?”
“Relax, Lois. Like I said, I do this for a living. He’s been crazy about you from the very beginning. If you hadn’t been chasing Superman, you would have seen it too. Obviously he remembers how he feels. Does he remember why he kept his distance?”
She seemed genuinely interested in helping. But this was Cat. “Why are you so interested?”
Cat looked almost confused by the question. “At one level, I’m not sure. I see people mess up their lives all the time. Every so often I see people that are genuinely right for each other. When I watch you and Clark, I see that. It’s nice to think that every once in a while people that belong together end up that way. So, I answered your question, now it’s your turn. Why didn’t he say anything?”
There was a genuine caring in her tone that touched Lois. But, the connection between Clark and Superman and the idea that they were both waiting for her to was too much information to share. “We’ve talked about that. He has some ideas but he just doesn’t remember.”
Cat’s voice took on a very supportive tone. “Take some advice from an old pro. He’s special. You have him. If you’re smart, you’ll keep him.”
That should have made things easier. But Cat didn’t know that Lois’s inner voice had been screaming “run away” all morning. What did it mean when Cat told you that the guy you’re involved with, or whatever they were, was a keeper?
The talk with Cat should have made it easier, but it didn’t. The next time Clark talked to her, Lois was outright brusque. At one point he started to reach for her hand again but he saw her flinch and didn’t finish the motion. He was confused and probably a little bit hurt, but he should be able to figure out that she needed her space today. After that incident, he was all business and never again attempted to invade her personal space.
It was mid-afternoon when Perry called Lois into his office. As soon as the door was closed it started. “Lois, honey, what’s up between you and Clark?”
She hadn’t really expected the question. They weren’t fighting or anything. “What do you mean?”
“Darlin’, except for yesterday you and Clark have been working like a well-oiled machine since Nightfall. I didn’t think I’d ever say this but he makes you better than you are alone. Ever since you moved in to his apartment after Nightfall, you’ve both been better than ever. But today the two of you are hardly talking. It’s all over the newsroom. Did you have a fight or something?”
This was worse than Lois thought. She didn’t think that it had been that obvious. “No, Perry, we didn’t have a fight. It’s just, well, when I was trying to cheer Clark up after yesterday… There have been some complications.”
Now Perry looked very uncomfortable. “Lois, I’m not here to tell you how to run your personal life. But if something happened that makes you uncomfortable to stay with Clark, well…” He paused to clear his throat. “Lois, you know the Myerson family was staying with me. Well, they moved out yesterday. I was originally going to ask if you would like to stay but, well, you seemed happy to stay at Clark’s so I didn’t want to rock the boat.”
“Nothing happened,” she pleaded.
“Well, like I said, I’ll have a free room and I wanted to let you know that Alice and I would be happy to have you stay with us. Even if you and Clark haven’t had a falling out, maybe it would be a good idea to spend some time away from him.”
It was almost scary how closely his words matched her thoughts of just a few moments ago. “Perry… Thank you. Clark and I didn’t have a fight. It’s…complicated. Can I think about it tonight and let your know tomorrow?”
“Sure, Lois. You know I want what’s best for you and Clark.”
“I know, Perry. And thanks.”
***~~~***
The day never got better for Lois. What she felt like she needed was a week away from Clark. But she didn’t want a week away from him. At one level, she didn’t even want to go a whole day without him being an integral part of it. The truth was that she didn’t want to be at work. She wanted to be somewhere that she could hold him and they could talk about her fears. Or maybe she wanted to be on another continent where no one had ever heard of Clark Kent. The confusion wasn’t making things any better.
There were two rumors running around the office that she had managed to hear. One was that they had finally slept together and Clark was such a loser in bed that Lois was looking for a way out as quickly as possible. The other was that she had given up on him as a prospect for a relationship and she was moving out anyway. There seemed to be some other variants but the common theme was that the two of them were Splitsville.
Lois had even noticed that some of the more adventurous, or possibly simply more aggressive young women that worked in various roles for the Planet, suddenly developed excuses to talk with Clark today. It was noteworthy that only Cat seemed to have read the clues correctly. Lois could understand the confusion of the other women since she wasn’t sure how to read things herself.
By the time the end of the day rolled around, she was genuinely uncomfortable going home with Clark. The idea of moving out and living with Perry and Alice for a while was sounding more and more like what she wanted to do. She liked Clark, she really did. But given where they were at, the only path forward that included both of them was one where ‘Love’ was part of the package. Did she love Clark? Honestly, she didn’t know. She’d certainly never been tempted to say the big ‘I Love You’ phrase. Of course, she had sworn off those three words years ago.
Dinner was as awkward as the day in the office had been. As she poked at her meal, she couldn’t help but wonder how a day could start out so joyfully and then get so twisted around. The morning was just so weird. Once the magic was past, Lois had spent the entire day trying to bring it into perspective.
She looked up to find her roommate staring at her with a look that reflected an intense concern with a shade of confusion. “Lois, please tell me what’s been happening today.”
She was tempted to pretend to not understand. But she knew that wouldn’t help the situation. “Clark, I don’t really know. This morning was great, but then I got to thinking about what it might mean.” She paused for a long moment. “I’ve come to value you as a person and a partner. If we let this go any further, I don’t know what I’d do if we didn’t work out. In the past…when the ‘Claude’ thing happened, I only made it because I could throw myself into work. With you being so important to me, if it didn’t work out, I don’t know how I’d make it this time.”
“Lois, after last night, I don’t see how we go back.”
She looked startled at this. “You know as well as I do that nothing happened last night. If it did, I might not be here at all.”
His reply was an impassioned plea. “You’re wrong. Everything happened last night. Sure, we didn’t have…we weren’t intimate last night. But something much more important happened. You told me that you loved me. That’s far more important than…sex.”
“I never! Clark Kent, if you think I said those words you were dreaming.”
“No, you didn’t say it with words. You said it with actions. I was out of it yesterday but I remember everything clearly. I remember how you took care of me. I remember how you kept me going. And I remember how you slept with me, with no sex on the menu, to keep me from being alone when the single thing I needed the most was to not be alone. When I woke up this morning and found you there, it was wonderful. But the best part of all was that I woke up with the woman I love knowing that despite her fears, she loved me.”
Lois was stunned absolutely speechless by this. How could he interpret her actions this way?
“Lois, do you regret how you took care of me yesterday?”
That was easy. “No,” she replied in a strong voice.
“Do you regret what happened this morning?”
That was a little more complicated, but not as hard an answer as she expected. “No,” she said softly. She wished she was as sure of this answer as the first one.
Clark paused as if gathering himself. “Lois, will you marry me?”
Lois had no idea where this night was going to lead, but that wasn’t part of any development she had considered. “What?”
“I know that may strike you as sudden, but are you really surprised? That was the other half of what I learned last night. The first part, and by far the most important, was that I learned that you love me. I understand your reluctance to say the words, but I believe I know the truth. The other thing I learned is that how I feel for you isn’t going to go away. When we woke up this morning…the way the day started…I want to spend every night with you and I want to wake up every morning with you in my arms.”
This was impossible. How could he be asking this? She finally found her voice. “But Clark, you don’t know me that well.”
“How can you say that? Lois, after Nightfall it was like being born anew. When I woke up I hardly knew anything. But the one thing that I did know was you. I’ve only lost the specifics. I have all these emotional echoes from things that have happened to me since I came to Metropolis. For some of them, I know from the circumstances that you were the cause. There are others that I lack the specifics about, but I just know that you were there.”
He paused as if to give her the chance to reply. However, the words just weren’t there. After another few seconds Clark continued. “I realize that I’m not a whole person. I have to get used to the idea that whole sections of my memory are gone forever. I’m ready to move on. Before last night, I knew I wanted you in my life. I knew how good it felt when we were together. I wouldn’t have thought it possible but now I want to be with you even more.”
There was another pause. This time Clark’s expression grew somber. “Lois, Perry told me that he’s offered you a place to stay. Are you planning to take him up on that offer?”
So he knew. He knew what was on her mind but he proposed anyway. What did that mean? She waited for him to continue again but it seemed that this time he was going to wait for her to speak. “Clark, I know that you think you feel this way, but…I don’t know. I’m confused.”
***~~~***
Lois lay in bed trying to decide if she had salvaged her life or ruined it.
After his initial proposal, Clark tried a few more times to get her to talk about their future. But after Lois kept changing the subject every time he tried to talk about the two of them, he finally realized that not only was she not going to accept his proposal, she wasn’t even going to talk about their relationship. In fact, she wouldn’t even acknowledge that there was a relationship or that he had even made his proposal. At first he’d been patient and polite the way only he could be. Each time she avoided the subject, his spirit had dipped a little more.
Lois remembered the moment when things really changed. For her it was just one more act of avoiding the relationship talk, but Clark’s reaction was different. The previous times she’d avoided the topic, he just moved on to another subject. That time he went silent. His face fell and took on an expression of hopelessness. The change was so profound that it was almost as if the lights had been dimmed. He had given up.
It was only a little later when Clark pulled out the linens for the couch and said he was tired. Lois knew he was tired all right. Unfortunately, she was all too sure that the fatigue wasn’t physical in nature. Something had been carrying him. Hope… Lois had seen tragic events before, but this time, with this person, watching his hope die was more painful that anything Lois had ever seen.
What they’d done last night and this morning had really affected Clark He had not only been able to throw off the depression from the previous day, he’d been able to stay cheerful in the face of her keeping him at a distance all day. Lois was sure that he was as moved by last night and this morning as she was.
As she was…
At that moment her mind flashed back over the time they’d spent together these past weeks. In a very real sense, except for the…intimacy part, they had been living as a married couple since Nightfall.
She had to admit that he had become far more important to her than she had expected. He was so…nice. How could someone so nice be interested in a hard case like Lois Lane? The more she thought about it the more she tried to convince herself that he didn’t know her well enough to want a relationship. But the fact was that time and again he had proven that memory or no memory, he knew Lois Lane better than anyone. How could he be so perfect when so much of his memory was gone?
But that was just Clark coming through. If there was anyone, anywhere, who might be a candidate for perfect, it would be Clark. Holes in his memory or not, he was still Clark.
What should she do?
If she could ask him, what would Superman tell her to do?
What did she want…in her future? What about for now?
Lois got out of bed and headed across the room. She opened the door to the main living area. It was dark but there was enough light that she could see Clark on the sofa. “Clark, are you awake?”
The speed with which he sat up told her that he hadn’t been sleeping either. The lamp next to the sofa clicked on. “Yes, Lois. Do you need something?”
His voice was always so caring. Even after all that had happened this evening. Even after his disappointment, when she got him out of bed in the middle of the night, his concern was immediately evident. “Clark, I’ve been thinking about…us…and the future.” Deep breath, she thought. She could do this. “If I asked you to take the room at Perry’s house for a few weeks so I could live here by myself and get my mind straight, would that be okay?”
“Of course, Lois. I’m sure he’ll be happy to let me have the room while you sort out what you want to do.”
She looked at him somberly. “You realize that I might decide that we don’t have a future together. It may turn out that I would rather just stay work partners.”
He took a long moment before responding. “I understand.” Lois could tell how much he had to struggle to say those words calmly. “But I know that if you aren’t happy, I can’t be happy either. I want what’s best for you. If you feel that your future has to be without me, I have to respect that. I…love you. To me that means that your happiness is paramount.” Clark paused as if gathering himself. “Anyway, I’ll make arrangements for the room with Perry in the morning.
She looked at him intently. “So, even knowing that I’m likely to break off our relationship, you’d give me your home and move out? Just because I asked?”
“Yes. For you.”
Always Clark, she thought.
Suddenly she was sure. Absolutely sure. “Then the answer is yes,” she said.
“Okay. I’ll pack up before we leave for work in the morning. I’ll talk to Perry and as soon as he says that it’s okay, I’ll move enough stuff for a week or so. I’ll still need access to this apartment occasionally, but I won’t come in without asking first.”
How could he say all that without having his voice sound bitter? That was easy. He could do that because he was Clark. “No, Clark. You don’t understand. That isn’t the question that I’m answering. My ‘Yes’ is to your earlier question.”
Clark had a look of total confusion. “What question? I don’t understand.”
Lois waited nearly a minute to see if he was going to figure it out. She wanted so much to smile, but it was no accident that she won at Poker as often as she did.
He tried again. This time his voice was slightly pained. “Lois, please… What are you talking about?
Poor Clark. Okay, this was enough. “Fine, how about this…Clark, yes, I’d love to marry you.”
Clark stood up, took one step toward Lois and stopped. She could see the hope in his eyes. But there was fear and confusion as well.
She could see how much he was struggling. She took two quick steps to reach him. They came together in a kiss that overflowed with the pent-up emotions of the day. One kiss led to another and still another. It was several long moments later when Lois pulled back. “And, before we go any farther, there is something else.” She had to pause for this one. “I love you, Clark Kent.”
That led to another kiss. When they finally separated, it was Clark’s turn. “I love you, Lois Lane.”
To Lois, the smile beaming down at her seemed to energize her soul. “Now, fiancé of mine, please come to bed. On top of everything else, I think you’ve ruined me for sleeping without you.”
TBC
Bob
