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Hack from Nowheresville
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OP
Hack from Nowheresville
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 290 |
ACK! Don't do that! don't post with out the "1/?" Now I'm hopelessly involved and I have no idea when you'll post next!  Can't wait for part 2!  -Breanna
_________________________
Trask: Does Superman have any telepathic powers?
Lois: (blushing) I hope not.
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Kerth
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Kerth
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“The lines are open. Call me at 1-800-RAMONAH and let’s talk.” 
"Practice up your shielding spells...and remember to duck if you see green light coming your way." Harry Potter to Wizengamot in OotP trial A Bad Week in the Wizengamot
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Freelance Reporter
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Freelance Reporter
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Oh this is spectacular! The idea of Clark feeling uneasy and embarrassed about calling a phone-in radio show is so dead-on! I especially liked the Lois introspection throughout this, and I'm glad she's beyond the stage of, "I don't like Clark. Clark is cute. Clark is only my partner and nothing more. Clark could be more." That type of Lois is so prevolant in fanfic these days that its fun to see a Lois who isn't exactly denying anything anymore.  Can't wait to read more, -Jo 
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Hack from Nowheresville
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Hack from Nowheresville
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Oops.  Sorry about not numbering the parts. It's been a while. I've corrected the header to read "I've Got This Friend 1/2."
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Boards Chief Administrator Emeritus Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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Boards Chief Administrator Emeritus Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 9,362 |
I'm with Breanna - I was expecting a vignette, so the tbc was a bit of a surprise.  OTOH, this is a rather beautiful little introspective piece you've started off with, Marilyn, and I'm looking forward to see what comes next. This looks like the beginning of a waffy situation you're setting up and I'm keen to see where we go from here.  Plus, you used fragments. <G> Any author who uses fragments is doing good by me. LabRat  (True Defender of Fragments and Frustrator of Betas)
Athos: If you'd told us what you were doing, we might have been able to plan this properly.
Aramis: Yes, sorry.
Athos: No, no, by all means, let's keep things suicidal.
The Musketeers
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Beat Reporter
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Beat Reporter
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Great start, Marilyn!
I love the idea of Clark mindlessly trying to escape his frustrations of being in love with Lois only to come across a lovelorn talk show on the radio.
Next part, when?
Missy
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
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LOL Rat! And, yes, I loved this too. You set the scene wonderfully; I could just picture the long, dark road and Clark's frustration at being trapped inside a car when he really wanted to be free, flying. And his thoughts of Lois - oh yeah. Nice! Or will Clark's courage give up first? Hurry up and post part 2!  Wendy
Just a fly-by! *waves*
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Hack from Nowheresville
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OP
Hack from Nowheresville
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 290 |
I've corrected the header to read "I've Got This Friend 1/2." YAY! Loved part 1, can't wait for 2! -Breanna
_________________________
Trask: Does Superman have any telepathic powers?
Lois: (blushing) I hope not.
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
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Hi, Great start. 
Maria D. Ferdez.
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Don't like Luthor, unfinished, untitled and crossover story, and people that promises and don't deliver. I'm getting choosy with age.
MAF
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Hack from Nowheresville
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Hack from Nowheresville
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Aweeeeeeeee! I love it! I can't wait to see what happens next!
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Beat Reporter
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Beat Reporter
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Oh I love this!!! It reminds me a little of "Sleepless in Seattle" --how the radio show somehow has the power to unite two people... There is something about "anonymous" voices. Hopefully it will work for Lois & Clark! I can't wait for part 2!!! -Wanda PS: Were you inspired by "Delilah"? Classic!!!
"He's a man. I'm a woman. Do you want me to draw you a diagram?" -Lois Lane, I've Got a Crush on You.
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Top Banana
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Top Banana
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Really, really nice.
This is so atmospheric.
Lovely writing.
CC- another diehard user of fragments
You mean we're supposed to have lives?
Oh crap!
~Tank
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Columnist
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Columnist
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Wow Marilyn, I got really excited when I saw that you posted a new story, but after I read it, I am ecstatic. This is great. You've captured the mood really well, and I loved Lois's reaction to the purple prose. I would guess that you have some experience with it. When are you posting the rest? gerry
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Merriwether
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Merriwether
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Aww, this is so cute! I've got a big ol' smile on my face and I haven't even seen part 2 yet! (I guess there are some advantages to not checking the folder right after a story has been posted -- the story was marked 1/2 by the time I saw it, so I knew to expect a vignette. In fact, I wouldnt have read it otherwise, since I don't read long stories in progress as a general rule.) This was very fun ... just perfect for a "bedtime story". I just hope part 2 will be coming soon ... I want to see Lois recognize his voice! Kathy (off to bed with a WAFFy smile )
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Hack from Nowheresville
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Hack from Nowheresville
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Thanks everyone for your kind comments. Sorry for the initial faux pas and not indicating the part numbers. I gather that everyone likes this phase of Lois and Clark's relationship -- lunkheaded Clark, hopelessly in love and afraid to say the scary words and terribly cynical Lois, unsure if she really feels anything and also afraid to say the scary words. I hope you will enjoy the resolution as much as the set-up. Fragments. Yep. I found one article that gave me very good justification for using them. The key to using fragments is CONTEXT. According to Fowler's (Modern English Usage, 3rd Edition), if in the context of what you are writing you use a sentence fragment and it works, it is usually acceptable. However, as stated in Essentials of English, 4th Edition, if it seriously dislocates the continuity of the writing, it's a sentence error. Who's call is it? First, yours. Second, your editor's. Most writers use sentence fragments in dialogue or in quick action sequences because the context of their writing calls for it. There's a very good section on using sentence fragments in dialogue in Renni Browne and Dave King's, Self-Editing For Fiction Writers, pp 64-67. The authors list quite a few examples and basically conclude that, "If not overused, this technique captures remarkably well the rhythms of real speech." I believe it not only captures the rhythm of real speech but of real thought as well. And since the first call is mine and the second is my editor's, since I'm the editor, I guess that means I get both calls. Will Lois recognize his voice? Will Clark chicken out before she does? You'll have to read part two to find out.
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Hack from Nowheresville
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Hack from Nowheresville
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Ditto others. A very good setting, both so in character. Great introspection. Simply lovely.
What if Lois don't regognize Clark's voice but gets courage to call herself and ask for advice?
Gabriele
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Boards Chief Administrator Emeritus Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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Boards Chief Administrator Emeritus Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 9,362 |
I believe it not only captures the rhythm of real speech but of real thought as well. You've been hacking into my conversations with my betas over the years, haven't you, Marilyn. Couldn't agree more. I will admit that I've been trained to use them much less frequently than I did back in my wild and reckless writing youth...but that's as much of a victory with me as any beta's ever going to get on this one. LabRat
Athos: If you'd told us what you were doing, we might have been able to plan this properly.
Aramis: Yes, sorry.
Athos: No, no, by all means, let's keep things suicidal.
The Musketeers
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