This is an early birthday present (birthday November 1st) as Laswa is going away for a few days -- so here it is!!!!
Happy Birthday, Laswa (Anne).
Note: During the time Laswa has been my BR, she has had to suffer long and hard through my constant talk about my passion for Broadway plays and musicals. To her credit, she has put up with a lot. So for her birthday—guess what????? More Broadway!!!!! But I do know she has a favorite--so it’s included.
I wish you the happiest of birthdays!! .
Note 2: Those of you familiar with the songs, I suggest you read the lyrics anyway, as there are a few surprises.
* * *
Planet Broadway
“What shall I put you down for, Clark?” Cat Grant asked, seductively.
“Huh?” Clark asked.
“Oh that’s right. He’s a rookie,” Lois told Cat, smiling.
“I know that, Lois,” Clark said. “You don’t have to keep rubbing my nose in it.”
“Well, once a year the Planet staff puts on a talent show at a local night-club in order to raise money for one of the Homeless Shelters.” Cat explained, showing him her clipboard. “It’s two weeks from now.”
“You don’t mean I have to...to....”
“So what Broadway number are you going to sing?” Cat purred at him.
“Uh, uh! Not me,” he said, shaking his head.
“Well I’m doing a number from Cabaret,” Lois said, grinning as she sat down at the chair next to Clark’s desk and crossed her legs.
“Of course you are,” Cat said, as she oozed around the other side of Clark’s desk and perched herself on the corner. “So what else is new?!”
“And what are *you* doing, may I ask?” Lois inquired of Cat. “Something from ‘Best Little Whorehouse in Texas'?”
“Very funny, Lois,” Cat spat out. “Actually I’m thinking of something from ‘Flower Drum Song'.”
“You both have got to be kidding!” Clark exclaimed, looking from one to the other. “Who else participates?”
“Well,” Perry drawled as he walked up to the three of them. “I usually do an Elvis number, but Elvis wasn’t on Broadway. However,” he began, as he moved into Elvis story mode, “Elvis *was* asked to play Tony in the movie version of ‘West Side Story’, but the Colonel made him turn it down. I always thought that was a big mistake. Richard Beymer lip-synching never did cut it in my book.”
“So, CK,” Jimmy interjected, as he joined the group. “You gonna be up there on the stage with us?”
“You, too, Jimmy?” Clark asked.
“Sure. Hey, Lois. Is Lucy going to come this time?”
“Don’t know, Jimmy. She’s sort of seeing this sleazy character, and he’s taking up all of her time.”
“Oh,” Jimmy said, quietly.
“So, Clark.” Perry said, eyeing him. “This is something we all do. What’s it gonna be?”
“Well,” Clark replied, pausing. “My Mom and Dad sing in the church choir and they’ll be here that weekend, so maybe I can draft them to do something. My mom’s a fan of Broadway music.”
“Okay, Ma and Pa Kettle,” Cat smirked. “Oops, Ma and Pa Kent,” she corrected, disingenuously and wrote herself a note.
“Why so gung ho, Cat?” Lois asked. If I, you thought this was beneath you last year.
“Well, Lex Luthor is emceeing this year and since he’s the fourth richest man...”
“Third,” Lois amended.
“Ah ha!” Jimmy chimed in. “The plot thickens.”
“And wait ‘til he sees what I’m wearing,” Cat hinted.
“Not wearing, will be more like it,” Lois added.
* * *
Two weeks later, the audience clapped politely as Ralph finished his rendition of ‘If I Were a Rich Man’.
At the table where Lois and Clark sat with Clark’s, parents, Lois leaned over to Clark. “See, you *could* do something. You’ve gotta be better than Ralph.”
“Ladies and Gentlemen,” Lex announced. “Your editor and chief, Perry White.
Perry entered from back stage wearing jeans, a white tee shirt and a black leather jacket. Three young men from circulation dressed in similar attired moved in behind him.
“From ‘Grease’, Lex proclaimed.
Perry sang:
Why this car is automatic
It's systematic
It's hydromatic
Why it's a grease lightning
The backup singers echoed:
Grease lightning.
Perry continued:
We'll get some overhead lifters and some four-barrel quads
oh yeah.
Backup singers:
Keep talking. Whoa, keep talking.
Perry:
Fuel injection cutoffs and chrome plated rods oh yeah.
Backup singers:
I'll get the money. I'll kill to get the money.
Perry:
With a four speed on the floor they'll be waiting at the door...
The four singers followed their choreography, while the audience hooted and howled.
The four then continued as they wove in and out:
Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go.
Perry sang:
Go grease lightning you're burning up the quarter mile.
All four:
Grease lightning go grease lightning
Go grease lightning you're coasting through the hit lap trial.
You are supreme, the chicks'll scream for grease lightning.
Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go
Go grease lighting you're coasting through the hit lap trial.
You are supreme the chicks'll scream for grease lightning--
Lightning, lightning, lightning
Lightning, lightning, lightning
Lightning.
The audience leapt to their feet, applauding as the four ran off.
Cat walked on stage dressed in a silk Kimono and took a pose with her back to the audience.
“Ladies and Gentlemen," Lex said over the continued hub bub and indicating the audience to quiet donw. "Singing an appropriate number from ‘Flower Drum Song’. Miss Cat Grant.”
Cat turned around with bravado as the music began, removing her dressing gown to reveal herself dressed in a seductive red teddy.
Cat sang:
I'm a girl, and by me that's only great!
I am proud that my silhouette is curvy,
That I walk with a sweet and girlish gait
With my hips kind of swivelly and swervy.
Cat took a couple steps toward where Lex was standing.
I adore being dressed in something sexy
When my date comes to get me at my place.
Out I go with my Joe or John or... Lexy,
Like a filly who is ready for the race!
When I have a brand new hairdo
With my eyelashes all in curl,
I float as the clouds on air do,
I enjoy being a girl!
Cat took out a compact and pantomimed putting finishing touches on her make-up while she continued.
When men say I'm cute and funny
And my teeth aren't teeth, but pearl,
I just lap it up like honey
I enjoy being a girl!
I flip when a fellow sends me flowers,
I drool over dresses made of lace,
I talk on the telephone for hours
With a pound and a half of cream upon my face!
I'm strictly a female female
And my future I hope will be
In the home of a brave and free male
Who'll enjoy being a guy having a girl... like... me.
Cat moved back toward center stage, put her leg up on a nearby stool, adjusted her garters and continued.
When men say I'm sweet as candy
As around in a dance we whirl,
It goes to my head like brandy,
I enjoy being a girl!
When someone with eyes that smolder
Says he loves ev'ry silken curl
That falls on my iv'ry shoulder,
I enjoy being a girl!
The gossip columnist began strutting around the small stage.
“Well, that’s our cue to go back stage and change.” Martha told Lois and Clark as she and Jonathan slipped away.
On stage Cat was finishing.
When I hear the compliment'ry whistle
That greets my bikini by the sea,
I turn and I glower and I bristle,
But I happy to know the whistle's meant for me!
I'm strictly a female female
And my future I hope will be
In the home of a brave and free male
Who'll enjoy being a guy having a girl... like... me.
The hoots from the mail members of the audience were obvious. Lois rolled her eyes at Clark.
Lex walked to the microphone and glanced at his notes. “Apparently Clark Kent is too limited to be a part of this,” Lex intoned. “So in his stead are his parents, Martha and Jonathan Kent.”
The Kents made their way to center stage and sat on a bench. Jonathan was wearing overalls and Martha had on a flowered housedress.
Jonathan looked at Martha and smiled as the music started.
We’re as corny as Kansas in August,
We’re as normal as blueberry pie.
No more a smart little hick with no heart,
We have found us the love of our lives.
We are in a conventional dither,
With the conventional stars in our eyes.
And you will note there's a lump in our throat
When we speak of the love of our lives!
Martha sang:
I'm as trite and as gay as a daisy in May,
A cliché comin' true!
Jonathan sang:
I'm bromidic and bright
As a moon-happy night
Pourin' light on the dew!
Clark looked over at Lois realizing that he also had found the love of his life, but that she...
“They’re wonderful!” Lois whispered.
Martha and Jonathan took each other’s hands and continued:
We’re as corny as Kansas in August,
High as a flag on the Fourth of July!
If you'll excuse an expression we use,
We’re in love, We’re in love,
We’re in love, We’re in love,
We’re in love with the love of our lives!
The audience’s applause was warm and heartfelt as Martha and Jonathan returned to the table.
At the microphone, Luthor paused until he could be heard. “Here is a song from ‘Oliver’, he said checking his notes again. “Sung by Jimmy Olsen.”
Jimmy came up from the audience where he had been sitting and taking the microphone in his hand, sat down on the bench and waited as the soft introduction to the song began. He looked sadly, out at the audience.
Where is love?
Does it fall from skies above?
Is it underneath the willow tree
That I've been dreaming of?
Where is she
Who I close my eyes to see?
Will I ever know the sweet "hello"
That's meant for only me?
Who can say where she may hide?
Must I travel far and wide?
‘Til I am beside the someone who
I can mean something to.
Where,
Where is love?
Who can say where she may hide?
Must I travel far and wide?
'Til I am beside the someone who
I can mean something to.
Where,
Where is love?
The members of the Daily Planet staff, their family and guests, paused for a moment as the poignancy of the song took hold. Then the applause began--slowly at first and then building.
Clark glanced at Lois. He knew where his love was--sitting right across from him, and yet he was invisible to her.
He and Lois and just cracked the case of the so-called invisible man and he had really realized what it felt like. He knew...
“Ladies and Gentlemen,” Lex said, breaking into Clark’s thoughts.
Lex looked over at Lois. “As the climax of tonight’s festivities, we have a number from a very beautiful and talented young woman...”
“Wait a moment,” Clark said, rising. “I think I’d like to try something, if it’s okay?”
The audience applauded and Lex bowed. “Of course, Mr. Kent.” Lex said. “What’s it going to be? Something from ‘Oklahoma!’ Oh wait, no. You’re from Kansas. I remember.”
“Actually something from ‘Chicago’, Clark told him and turned toward the audience.
“Do you need accompaniment?”
“No. I can do it acapella,” Clark informed him.
Clark took a deep breath and looked over to the table that Lois and his parents were sitting and then, as if singing solely to Lois, began.
If someone stood up in a crowd
And raised his voice up way out loud
And waved his arm and shook his leg
You'd notice him.
In someone in the movie show
Yelled "fire in the second row
This whole place is a powder keg!"
You'd notice him.
And even without clucking like a hen,
Everyone gets noticed now and then,
Unless, of course, that personage should be
Invisible, inconsequential me!
Cellophane
Mister Cellophane
Shoulda been my name
Mister Cellophane
'Cause you can look right through me
Walk right by me
And never know I'm there!
Cellophane
Mister Cellophane
Shoulda been my name
Mister Cellophane
'Cause you can look right through me
Walk right by me
And never know I'm there!
Lois couldn’t take her eyes off Clark. His voice was pleasant and rich--but more importantly, there was an emotional quality in his delivery and in his eyes.
Clark took a couple steps forward.
Suppose you were a little cat
Residin' in a person's flat
Who fed you fish and scratched your ears?
You'd notice him.
Suppose you were a reporting team,
Working tirelessly, so it would seam
Beside one man for seven months
You'd notice him.
A human bein's made of more than air
With all that bulk, you're bound to see him there.
Unless that human bein' next to you
Is unimpressive, undistinguished
You know who...
Lois, a big fan of Kander and Ebb who had written both Cabaret and Chicago realized the change in lyrics. Lois stared at him. She had told the farmboy not to fall for her, but he obviously had. Mr Green... No! She shouldn’t call him that. He had proven many times that he was more than that...that he was someone who cared about what he was doing and now he was telling her that he cared for her as well.
Lois listened to the pain in Clark’s voice. He wasn’t just acting the part of Amos, he was sharing his feelings with her. She knew that pain. She had been there before and knew what it was like. Lois had promised herself that she would never hurt anyone the way she had been hurt. But looking at Clark’s eyes and hearing the emotion in his voice, it seemed she had already done that. Why hadn’t he...? Why do men always?
Cellophane
Mister Cellophane
Shoulda been my name
Mister Cellophane
'Cause you can look right through me
Walk right by me
And never know I'm there!Cellophane
Mister Cellophane
Shoulda been my name
Mister Cellophane
'Cause you can look right through me
Walk right by me
And never know I'm there
Never even know I'm there.
Once more that audience paused for a moment as Clark left the stage; and then, as before, began to applaud.
Lois rose as Clark joined the table and walked up the couple steps to the stage.
“Alright, *now*,” Lex began. “Our incredible chanteuse singing a song from ‘Cabaret’--Miss Lois L...”
“No!,” Lois interrupted and walked over to the accompanist and whispered in his ear.
Lois strode back to center stage.
The accompanist began the introduction, but Lois didn’t come in at the appropriate time. She closed her eyes and looked at Clark. She turned around and gathering up her emotions turned back.
The accompanist started again and Lois, building up her anger started to sing:
Words! Words! Words! I'm so sick of words!
I get words all day through;
Working with them, now with you!
Is that all you blighters can do?
Don't write of stars
Burning above;
If you're in love,
Show me!
Don’t keep your dreams
Filled with desire.
If you're on fire,
Show me!
Lois walked down the steps of the stage and took a few steps toward Clark.
Here we are together in the middle of the night!
Don't wish for spring! Just hold me tight!
Anyone who's ever been in love'll tell you clear
This is the time, right here!
Lois closed the gap between them.
Haven't your lips
Longed for my touch?
Don't yearn so much,
Show me! Show me!
Don't wish for love lasting through time.
Don’t try to figure out how.
Show me now!
Sing me no song!
Read me no rhyme!
Don't waste my time,
Show me!
Don't wait ‘til June!
Don't wait ‘til fall!
Don't wait at all!
Show me!
Never do I ever want to see you delay.
Listen to me now. Hear what I say.
Here we are together in what ought to be a dream;
Pause one more time and I'll scream!
Lois sat down on Clark’s lap.
Haven't your arms
Hungered for mine?
Please don't "refr'ine",
Show me! Show me!
Don't wait until wrinkles and lines
Pop out all over my brow,
Show me now!
Lois leaned in and kissed him. Clark, kissed her back long and hard, amidst the sound of thundering applause from the onlookers, although neither of them were aware of it at all.
The End.
Credits:
**‘Grease Lighting’ from “Grease” -- Casey and Jacobs 1972
**‘I Enjoy Being A Girl’ from “Flower Drum Song” -- Rodgers and Hammerstein 1958
**‘A Wonderful Guy’ from “South Pacific” -- Rodgers and Hammerstein 1949
‘Where is Love’ from “Oliver” -- Lionel Bart 1963
**‘Mr. Cellophane’ from “Chicago” -- Kander and Ebb 1973
**‘Show Me’ from “My Fair Lady: -- Lerner and Lowe 1956
**lyrics freely adapted by this author.
