I think this part will explain more a bit of Clark's feelings from the last part. Thanks again for sticking with me.
Enjoy!
++++++
Clark practically bounded down the stairs.
"I thought the house was falling down," Jonathan said as he looked up to see his son step into the kitchen.
"Sorry, Dad." He kissed the side of his face. "It's a beautiful morning, isn't it?"
Jonathan laughed softly. "I'd say you feel a bit better."
"I feel great!" He wrapped his arms around his mom's waist from behind as she poured him a cup of coffee. "How's my mama this morning?"
"Very happy," she said and smiled when he kissed her cheek. "Thanks," he said as he released her and took the coffee from her. "Mmm, good," he remarked as he headed for the table. "So, Dad, need some help this morning?"
"Oh, no you don't. You're not gettin' me in trouble with your ma." He downed the last of his coffee before turning to kiss Martha. "Wayne and I will be over by the creek if you need us." He clapped Clark's shoulder. "See ya' in a bit, boy."
"Okay, Dad." Clark smiled at him before he left. "Why can't I help Dad?" he asked his mom as she gathered the ingredients for his breakfast.
"You need a few days to get used to being home."
He watched as she kept working. She was right. He'd also like to spend some time with his son. A wide smile spread out across his lips. His son- he was really beginning to like those words.
****
Clark stepped into the barn and inhaled deeply.
"Please don't tell me you've missed that smell," Lois said as she stepped around him to offer her pony some oats.
"All of it, Lois. I've missed all of it." He reached out to pet the horse. "She's beautiful."
"He," she corrected.
Clark peeped over the stall wall at the horse. "Sorry, buddy," he mumbled at the animal for mistaking his gender.
"He was gift from my father," Lois explained as she continued to feed the horse.
"Really?" He took the brush she offered and began to stroke the horse's coat. "You two are..."
"Comfortable in our repaired relationship. In fact, he lives in town."
"What?"
"Runs the general practice. And get this! He and my mother are back together!"
"Wow! I guess things really have changed." Clark moved around so that he could see the horse in the next stall. "Old Maggie."
"Old is right," Lois commented. "Doc Tanner didn't expect her to live past Christmas."
Clark stopped rubbing the horse and faced her. "I've missed six of those," he said sadly. "Time was different there. I lost track after a while. It became a game for me and Jimmy to guess what time of year it was here."
"Well, you'll be home this Christmas. We'll have the largest party this town's ever seen." She grinned at him, then continued through the barn and out the other side.
He followed and they continued out into the pecan grove. "There were animals there, but nothing like here." He indicated a squirrell making its way up a tree trunk. "Something that resembled a squirrell. The largest animal was a tonk."
"A who?"
"A tonk. It looks similar to a rhino except much bigger. The most abundant wildlife was fish. There was an ocean."
"Just one?"
"Just one very huge ocean. Very small bodies of fresh water, but it was the clearest water I've ever seen." He looked out over the field as they continued down through the grove. "Cattle on a wheat farm," he remarked.
"That's where the money's at."
"And it seems the Kent farm is doing well."
"Very well. Martha and Jonathan paid off their mortgage a few years ago and we paid cash for all the renovations."
"How about you? Must have been tough getting used to the pay cut you took coming out here."
"Actually, I banked nearly everything I earned when I was traveling. Made some good investments, thanks to your father. I'm actually more satisfied now."
He merely nodded. "How satisfied?"
She stopped and waited for him to do the same. "Monetarily I'm very comfortable. I'm thrilled to be a mother, and I'm no where near as lonely any more."
"Why, Lois? Why did you wait? Why didn't you just move on?"
"Move on to what, Clark? I gave my heart to you a long time ago," she repeated what he'd told her that morning.
"And if I'd never come back?"
"We'll never know, will we?" She dared him to say anything else. They couldn't spend the rest of their lives doing this. They would never be able to move on. "Come on," she told him after a second. "I'll race you to the pond."
And she was off at a full run. Clark chuckled and set chase after her. Both were laughing happily when they made it to the water's edge.
"What are you doing?" Lois asked when Clark pulled his shirt over his head.
"Going swimming," he answered as he began to unbutton his jeans.
She could only watch in silence as he toed off his shoes and tossed his socks and jeans aside. <<Damn! Why do they have to be white?!>>
Clark straightened, wearing nothing but his white boxer briefs and a bright smile. "Ya' coming?"
She couldn't answer as he turned and waded into the water. He looked... so good.
"Come on!" He splashed water at her, then turned and dove under. She was still standing on the shore when he came up. "What's wrong?"
"I am *not* coming in there."
"Ah, come on. I thought you were a country girl now," he teased.
"Not when my folks have a big, *clean* swimming pool at their place." She crossed her arms over her chest.
"Party pooper," he whined with a grin before he went under again.
She waited patiently for him to get his fill. Finally he began to ease back toward the edge. And oh, God, why did he have to do that? she thought. <<Go back under. Please go back under!>> He looked so good and oh, oh! She had to turn away. His wet briefs were clinging to all the right places.
Clark was oblivious to her plight. He shook his head to rid it of some of the water clinging to the long strands. "I need a haircut." He leaned over to grab his clothes.
"Aren't you gonna get dressed?" Lois asked as he started to walk away.
He stopped. "I'll just wait till I get back so I can shower." When her eyes swept down his body, he smiled. "Do I make you nervous?"
"No," she insisted as she pushed past him and headed for the house. Clark chuckled and quickly caught up to her. They walked in silence for a second before she blurted out, "You're certainly not modest any more."
"I've been through way too much to be modest. But if it'll make you feel better," he said as he stopped to get dressed. "I'll put my pants on." He flashed her a knowing grin, then pulled his jeans back over his hips. Very slowly he lifted the fly, making sure she was watching him.
She put her hands on her hips and glared at him. "You're doing that deliberately."
"Doing what?"
She wouldn't look. No way! She glanced anyway. <<Does he know how good he looks?>>
Clark buttoned his jeans, then approached her. "Please look at me." He reached up to cup her cheek. "Look at me all you want." He kissed her softly. "I'm certainly going to look at you."
Forcing herself to breathe, Lois could only stare at him, nearly drowning in his dark eyes. Blinking to stop the tears threatening to spill from her eyes, she leaned forward and kissed him again. "I love you," she told him and wiped his lips with her thumb. "So much," she whispered.
"And I love you," he answered, capturing her lips again. They grinned at one another, held hands, and headed back home.
Home! That wonderful word again.
****
They passed by the clothes line, where Martha had put out clean sheets to dry, talking happily about nothing in particular. Suddenly they heard Lane screaming. Both began running toward the house.
"NO! DADDY! WHERE IS HE?!" The little guy shot out of the back door and stopped when he nearly ran into his parents. He took a deep breath and would have fallen to the ground if Clark hadn't caught him.
"What's wrong, little guy?"
"I... I... " He threw his arms around his dad's neck, breathing heavily. "I thought you were gone."
"Oh, Lane." Clark lifted his hand and cradled his dark head. "I'm home." He leaned him back so he could see his eyes. "When my powers come back, and when Mom gets tired of me mooching off her..." He flashed Lois a grin. "I will leave to go to work and to be Superman, but I'll always come back."
"You won't ever go back to that other world again?"
"Never! You and Mom, Grammy and Poppy, you guys are my world now." He placed a kiss on Lane's forehead. "What do you say I join you for breakfast, then you and I go explore this big ole farm?"
"'Kay!" He happily took his dad's hand and they started up the steps. "Dad?"
"Yeah?"
"Why are your pants wet?"
Clark just laughed softly and followed his son inside. He was going to enjoy getting to know this little guy.
****
She watched until they were out of sight before she turned and went back inside. Clark and Lane were off to get to know one another, Jonathan was working, Martha was painting, so Lois was left to entertain herself. Remembering the notebooks Clark had given her, she headed upstairs.
^^^^
Day eight, and I feel like I'm dying. What have I done?
Coming with the Kryptonians seemed like such a good idea at the time. I was in so much pain... Surely getting away had to help. And I sure as hell can't get much further away.
Well, actually by the time we reach New Krypton, I'll be an entire galaxy away. What a concept to have to comprehend.
----
Everything I've ever believed to be true, everything I've ever imagined... I just can't grasp the fact that I'm on my way across space to another planet. We're on board the 'mother ship'. I have to laugh at that. Things are just so strange. Nearly fifty people were aboard this ship, including part of the Council. The Council is essentially the ruling party, or government, on NK. There are only five members, but they've basically ruled the world. Zara is considered the First Lady, yet she's limited in what she has been able to do without me.
I guess I have to tell you who Zara is. Zara, from the House of Ra, is... my birth wife. You read right, my birth wife...
^^^^
She read on as he explained how the factions worked on New Krypton. He talked about the tests they'd put him through when they'd come to Earth. Then he began to talk about her.
^^^^
It was so hard to make the decision to come. All I could think about was you. So many times I'd tried to call. I wanted to ask your opinion; it was an automatic response. Even after more than two years, some habits you just can't seem to break.
It took a while, but I remembered that you were gone. The team was only one. But it was never an easy decision. You were always on my mind.
You still are. If it wasn't for thinking of you, there's no way I could make it.
^^^^
On and on she read about life and how much his had changed.
^^^^
The fighting started today. My subjects don't really trust me, but they want me to lead them against Nor. I don't know why but I just can't quite grasp that.
^^^^
She closed the first notebook two hours later, a clear understanding of what Clark was feeling when he made the decision to leave. It had never been easy for him.
She could picture her flabbergasted boy scout when they'd ushered him straight into his ceremonial union with Zara. Even if he'd made it clear early on that his marriage was only for show, there was part of her that was jealous of Zara. She'd had him for six years.
Lois stood and walked over to look out of the window. Across the field she could see Clark and Lane flying a kite. As much as she'd enjoyed reading his thoughts, right now she wanted to hear his words. She hurried down the stairs and out the back door.
****
"Hold on tight," Clark told Lane as he slowly released the string on the kite.
"Got it!" Lane's little arms had to fight, but he held on.
Clark sighed in contentment. He didn't remember ever having so much fun flying a kite.
He and Lane had taken a tour of the farm, which had grown by nearly thirty acres. There was several hundred head of cattle, three fields of wheat, and two more well stocked ponds. They planned on going fishing later that evening. Clark was hoping he could convince Lois to come along.
"Penny for your thoughts."
He almost jumped when Lois spoke behind him.
"Sorry, didn't mean to startle you," she said as she eased up beside him.
"Please, startle me any time." He smiled and reached out to pull her close enough to plant a kiss on her lips. "What brings you out here?"
"I wanted to see you," she said and wrapped her arm around his waist.
"I'm glad," he put in. "Hey, Lane, don't get so close to those trees."
"Ah, little help here," he yelled back. The wind had gotten under the kite and was almost carrying him across the field toward the grove.
Clark trotted over and helped him rein in the kite.
"Sorry, Dad. Not very strong am I?"
"Don't you worry. You'll be big and strong before you know it." Clark ruffled his hair, then pointed to Lois. "Look who came to see us."
"Hi, Mom." Lane offered her a wave and a smile.
"Hey, sweetie."
"Wanna play basketball," Lane asked as they walked back toward the house.
"I would love to," Clark answered.
A few minutes later they were laughing and tossing the ball around. Lois mostly watched Clark. He was so much different than she remembered him to be. No longer was he a shy, niave, farmboy. He was much more confident, sure of himself and his masculinity. He carried himself as if he knew his place in the world. She briefly wondered if he'd always be this way. A balanced mixture between her sweet, gullable partner and the new, stronger lord from another world.
And would she get used to the change?
****
Clark rubbed his hand across Lane's back as he carried the little fellow up to bed. They'd had a very full day. And they'd even convinced Lois to come along on their fishing trip. He and Lane both had whined because she caught more fish than they had.
He gently lowered Lane to his bed and covered him up. The little guy had fallen asleep on his lap before he could finish the book they'd been reading. "Thank you for a wonderful first day as a daddy, son," he told the sleeping child. He smiled as he tucked him in. "Goodnight." His lips touched Lane's head briefly before he pulled back and crept from the room.
Lois had just stepped onto the landing from the stairs when he came out into the hallway.
"Hey, you," Clark offered as he pushed his hands into his pockets.
"Hey, yourself." She grasped the front of his shirt and pulled him close. "Are these the only kinds of shirts you own?" she asked, fingering his tight muscle shirt.
"Ah, actually I've grown to like these."
"I love 'em," she said as she smoothed her hands across his hard pecs.
He looked down at her hands, heat building quickly deep within his belly. "You didn't like the black suit?"
"Oh, yeah. I like that, too," she said with a grin, looking up at him.
"I miss the blue."
"Yeah, that, too," she agreed and allowed her hands to roam down his sides.
He smiled back at her, but kept his hands firmly buried in his pockets. There was no way he could touch her. His body would react, then his body would react... then...
"Clark?"
"Hmm?"
"What's wrong?"
He just shrugged.
She pulled her hands back and her smile faded. This man had flirted with her shamelessly all day. He'd said things to her that he never would have before his absence. She'd blushed like a fool! So why was he standing here like he'd rather be somewhere else?
"Well," he said, breaking into her thoughts. He kissed her briefly, then stepped around her toward his room. "I'm beat."
"O... kay," she answered absently. He gave her a smile, then disappeared behind his door, leaving Lois standing there in silence. <<What just happened here?>>
Behind his closed door, Clark leaned back against the wood and sighed in relief. He finally pulled his hands from his pockets and rubbed his face. <Real bright, Ka...> He'd almost referred to himself as Kal. Six years was a long time.
Too long, he thought as he pushed away from the door. He dug around in his bag and pulled out a picture frame. It held the image of him and Lois at the ceremony when he'd received his first Kerth. Reverently he placed it on top of the dresser and eased back to sit on the bed. Looking at the photograph, he remembered another night he'd done the same thing.
{{{{Heaving a deep sigh of relief, he couldn't even look at himself. Not more than thirty minutes ago he'd been lying with Zara; he'd touched her, kissed her. He'd enjoyed her reactions. And he'd been angry because his body failed to react.
He lifted his head to stare at the picture on the table across the room. It was *her*. There was nothing inside his head but her. She was the reason he'd failed to react with Zara; she was the reason he'd reacted the moment he was alone with his thoughts of their night together; she was the reason he'd shamelessly sought relief alone.
She was also the reason he felt disgust now. He felt as if he'd betrayed her. They'd never made a committment to one another. Yet, to her was where his heart belonged.
But he hadn't even thought about her when he'd been with Zara. Later, when he'd failed to become excited, he'd been so angry with her. It wasn't her fault. It wasn't Zara's fault. The way he'd acted, though, it had been everyone's fault but his own.}}}}
Suddenly the door banged open and his head shot up. Lois was standing there, hands on her hips, with an angry scowl on her face.
"I said I wouldn't do this. That you needed time. You've been through so much and it's going to take time for you to deal with everything. Hell, it's hard for me to deal with everything. But dammit, I want to know what's wrong. We spent the whole day flirting with one another, kissing, and hugging. Then I tell you that I find you irresistable and you don't even take your hands out of your pockets. You blow me off and shut yourself away in your room." She stopped when he smiled. "What? This is *not* funny!"
"Babbling," he said simply. "I missed hearing you babble."
"Can it, Kent," she said, trying to maintain a straight face. "Tell me what's wrong."
"Do you really want to know?"
"Of course!"
"Okay." He stood up, a very serious expression on his face. "I didn't touch you out there because if I had there was no way I could have come to bed alone." She blinked. "Lois, I know I told you we couldn't be together years ago, but I never felt it in here," he said and placed his hand on his chest. "And when we slept together..." He took a deep breath and looked away. "It meant more to me than just an affair. For me, years of hoping and dreaming had been realized. And being apart all this time has only made the feeling grow. I know a relationship involves so much more than the physical aspect. But I can't seem to convince my body of that."
She just stood there, staring at him. What did she say to that?
<<Try the truth.>> "I want you, too, Clark. I really do. I just don't want to make any mistakes this time."
"Then please understand when I keep my hands in my pockets or go to bed early," he begged.
That look, like a wounded animal- that's why they needed to wait. She knew what he said, but could also see the shadows behind his eyes. He had so much to deal with; *they* had so much to deal with.
She nodded. "I love you," she said softly.
A small smile spread out across his face. "I love you." He reached out to rub her arm. "Now get out of here before I change my mind."
She couldn't suppress a giggle as he turned her and pushed her out of the door. "'Night," she sang as she continued down the hall.
"Goodnight." He waited until she closed her bedroom door before he shut his. His traitorous body still hummed from where she'd been in the room with him. But Lois was right, to some degree. He did need time to process everything. With a sigh, he pushed away from the door to prepare for bed.
