This is a companionpiece for
"Don\'t leave me, Clark" .
Female Hawk suggested it when I wrote it. She is a great BR without her suggestions, I wouldn't dare to post most of the fics I've written.
Big thanks to Female Hawk you are the best!
I hope everone enjoys reading.
Setting: Season 2, Somewhere between Lucky Leon and Individual Responsibility
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Please, don't let me leave, Lois
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Lois, I loved you since I first saw you.
You barely noticed me, but I loved you.
You did your best to keep me at arm’s length, to show me where you thought I should be. You insulted me, my hometown, my upbringing and my beliefs, everything you thought belonged to the hick from nowheresville. You stole my story and told me not to fall for you.
But it was too late: I loved you.
I still do.
I understood your motivation from the beginning. I knew that your behavior was the way you protected yourself. If you never let anyone near you, you couldn’t be hurt. I could also see that you were a very vulnerable and caring person - if someone managed to get through to you.
So I set myself to the task of peeling off all those layers of pretended coldness, sarcasm and seeming indifference because I know how lonely you are in your inner fortress of solitude.
I knew there was a sleeping beauty, and I hoped I could be the one to kiss her awake.
I can’t see you hurt, so I tried to convince myself after the Luthor fiasco that friendship is the best for both of us. All I wanted was to be your friend, and when we became best friends, I was over the moon.
But at the moment, everything is so frustrating!
Mayson died a few days ago … she died in my arms. I loved her - as a friend - and I feel as if I let her down. She loved me and trusted me, and I’ve betrayed her. I knew I’d repulse her if she knew who or rather ‘what’ I really am.
Then, while dying in my arms she discovered everything.
I’ll never forget the hurt and disappointed look in her eyes as she died.
That showed me even more that I need to be open with you. Regardless of the outcome for me … It isn’t fair if I keep hiding a big part of myself from you.
My biggest wish is to be with you. I want to share my life with you, without hiding or lying.
But is it what you need?
The problem is that every time I try to talk to you someone calls for help, and I see the hurt look in your eyes grow.
You think I stood you up again.
And now there is this DEA-Agent Daniel Scardino. It seems he is able to give you what I can’t. He’s there for you when I have to go on a rescue, he is human. He doesn’t have to lie to you constantly about where he goes.
At times like these, I wonder if it is even possible for me to keep living two lives…
I should probably leave Metropolis, leave you. If I stay, it will only hurt both of us … and I really can’t stand to see you hurt.
I’ve seen how he looks at you. I have no doubt what he has in his mind, and I’m afraid it could be what you want.
I have seen how you look at him; you like him, as a friend … perhaps as more … I don’t know. And I don’t know if I really want to know.
Do you want me? Should I keep trying to be a part of your life? Or do you want him, and it would be easier if I left for good so at least one of us could be happy?
This is tearing me apart.
My body might be invulnerable Lois, my heart isn’t …
