Summary - AU. Clark went to New Krypton with Zara and Ching to fight for peace but was captured by Nor. Now he is home again, but he bears scars in body and mind. Torture warning.
Disclaimer - I own nothing. I make nothing (aside from reviews). All characters, place names, and any recognizable plot points and/or dialogue belong to DC comics, December 3rd Productions, and anyone else with a stake in the Superman franchise.
The House of Zod and General Zod are borrowed from Superman II, although I have altered what the General looks like.
As always, please enjoy and leave a review! Muses have to eat you know!
~~~~~ Superman ~~~~~
Clark Kent trembled violently in his sleep. He screamed out, a primal, animal sound that was pure pain and fear. He jarred himself from his nightmare in the process. Beside him, Lois' eyes snapped open. Clark was a mass of sweat. He was breathing hard. He still shook with the tattered remnants of the memories turned nightmare. Lois sat up and switched on the lamp. She glanced at the digital clock across the room. It was well past midnight. Every night since Clark had come home a month earlier, the same scene had replayed itself night after night. Lois didn't know what Clark dreamed about; all he would say about his nightmares were that they were connected to the time he had spent on New Krypton. She reached over and rubbed his arm affectionately. He stared his hands atop the bed sheets, tears rolling fat and heavy down his cheeks as he struggled to quiet his ragged breathing.
"That same nightmare?" she asked.
Clark wouldn't meet her gaze. "Yeah. I thought for the last few nights that it was getting a little better, but this time it was as bad as I've ever had it."
Lois winced. "It's ok. I'm here," she said, patting his arm.
"Thank you," was all he could say.
He stood from the bed and stripped off his sweaty clothes until he was only in his boxers, tossing the dirty clothes in the hamper. He took a moment and rifled through his dresser, pulling out a new pair boxers, black basketball shorts, and socks. With a heavy sigh, he strode from the room and a few moments later, Lois heard the shower turn on. She rose from the bed and quickly changed the sheets, since Clark's side was sodden. It was odd, how this same series of events were now routine. She'd hoped that, by now, Clark would have started to get better. She couldn't fathom what had happened to him while he was on New Krypton. She'd respected that he didn't want to talk about it. It was too hard, he'd told her. Too hard to relive the memories. Too hard to force himself to face whatever had happened to him. But whatever it was, it was clear that whether or not Clark wanted to think about what had happened, his mind wouldn't let him hide from it.
Slipping Clark's pillow into a fresh case and smoothing down the wrinkles, she slid back into the bed, the light scent of laundry detergent drifting into her nostrils. She used to love that smell. But now that Clark was returned to her, she couldn't get enough of his musky scent. Some part of her feared that he would be taken from her again, so she savored everything, every moment, every trace of Clark.
She could still hear the shower splashing. Clark often took long, cold showers after particularly rough nightmares. She propped herself up on her pillow and thought about her husband-to-be. She thought about the events that had led him to the dark place he was in now.
A little more than three months prior, Zara and Ching had come to Clark with news that he wasn't the only survivor of Krypton's destruction. There were at least a thousand more. Those survivors had founded a new home on a new planet, which they had dubbed New Krypton. They had told Clark that he was of noble blood - of a Ruling House, to be exact. He was, in fact, King. And they had told him that Zara was his wife through ancient traditions that bound them since birth. Clark had also been told that civil war was imminent, and they begged him to return with them to prevent the bloodshed. He hadn't wanted to go but after a long, grueling self-debate, he had agreed to go, agreed do what he could to prevent war, and return. Lois gave him her blessing to go, hating that he was being so unfairly taken away from her - both physically and in matters of the heart. He couldn't marry her. He was already bound to another. Still, she had had no choice but to let him leave. He felt obligated to help his people, felt obligated towards a long-dead planet that had given him life, felt obligated to try and honor the sacrifice that his birth parents had made when they had sent him to Earth to save his life. And so, with breaking hearts, Lois and Clark had said goodbye. She'd given him her unworn wedding band to remember her by and he gave his assurances that he would return as quickly as he could manage and that he'd find away to unbind himself from Zara. He'd promised to come home to Lois and marry her.
They'd had to tell Jimmy and Perry about his alter-ego. They hadn't known how long Clark would be gone, or even if he'd be able to return. There would be no way to cover Clark's absence from the paper this time. And Clark had wanted to leave a support system behind for Lois to lean on. Both men took the news surprisingly well - at least the news that Clark was Superman. Jimmy had called it "the coolest thing ever." But the news of his leaving left both men pale and saddened. They both loved Clark. Jimmy and Clark were more brothers than friends and Perry had a nearly father-child relationship with the three of them.
Superman had called a press conference and told a tearful world that he needed to leave, needed to save the people that shared his blood. He told them that Earth was the only home he wanted to know, how he considered humans to be his true people, and promised to return as soon as possible. With that, he was gone. Lois had stayed behind in the newsroom, tears streaming, watching the window that he'd flown out of, as though if she looked hard enough, Clark would return. But the hours had passed and Clark didn't miraculously come back. Day turned into a sleepless, painful night. All Lois could do was to think of Clark. Was he already on New Krypton? Was he still flying through space with Zara and Ching? Did he miss her as much as she missed him? Would he be forced into preserving his marriage to Zara?
Days had passed. Clark did not return. She saw him often in her dreams though when utter emotional exhaustion forced her to rest. Her waking hours were filled with torturous pain and grief. She mourned his loss, mourned as though he'd died. She mourned for herself and the future that she'd lost with him. She couldn't function in the beginning, couldn't force herself out of her pajamas, couldn't force herself to go to work. Perry had been understanding. Jimmy often came by after work to bring her takeout and to keep her company. On the second week after Clark departed, she finally made herself reenter the newsroom. It had been a nearly shattering experience. Clark's desk stood empty. A new sense of loss had washed over her.
Another month had passed. Lois refused another partner, but sometimes took Jimmy along when she covered stories. She stayed away from most of the hard news stories, opting, for once, to take the fluff pieces that Perry gave her. She covered only enough hard news to keep her carefully cultivated reputation intact. She knew that the newsroom was abuzz with theories. Several times she heard rumors that Clark had dumped her or that Lois Lane was burning out from pushing herself so hard for so many years. She responded only to defend Clark, giving the same story that they'd concocted before he'd left. Clark's father was laid up with a bad back and the Kents were struggling on the farm. So he'd gone to help them, but there was no telling when he was returning to Metropolis. It pained her to know that she couldn't tell people how truly selfless Clark was being. Privately, she gave up her apartment, opting to live in Clark's. She needed to be surrounded by his things. She needed to feel his spirit around her. Her own apartment felt cold and alien to her now.
And then, one night, as she'd prepared for bed, Clark had come home. Lois had cried with joy as all of her pent up fears fell away. They'd hugged and cried together, clinging to each other as if to life rafts on a stormy sea. Clark wouldn't speak much about what had happened on New Krypton. He would say only that the threat of war was over and that the Kryptonian people would have to solve their own problems from there on out. He returned her wedding band to her and begged her to postpone their wedding. He said that he wanted to marry her but that his experience on New Krypton had shaken him and that he needed time to heal. He'd annulled his marriage to Zara, he told Lois, and had never consummated it. Lois gathered from his scattered ramblings that Ching was now Zara's husband. Clark said that he had freely abdicated his throne, wanting nothing more to do with New Krypton ever again.
Lois had seen right away that Clark was a changed man. Scars streaked his body, some livid red and others white and faded. Hurt was in his eyes. Dark circles ringed those soft brown eyes. His cheeks were sunken in. And he was thin - painfully thin. If Lois had been honest with herself, she would have called his overall body condition as nearly skeletal. His formally cheerful, optimistic self had been stripped away, leaving a solemn shell behind. He no longer laughed or smiled as he once had. The only thing that remained constant was his love for Lois.
In those first two weeks back, his powers had returned in fits and starts. Sometimes he could fly, sometimes he couldn't. Sometimes his super hearing came back so powerfully that it left him clutching his ears in pain. Sometimes, his strength failed and he truly couldn't do so much as open a jar of pickles. The only thing that had come back to him immediately was his invulnerability. For that, Lois had been glad. But those weeks had passed and Clark's powers had returned in full. He'd been able to control them again. But Superman had get to appear in public. In fact, Clark had not been out of the apartment since his return at all. Slowly, he'd been putting weight and muscle mass back onto his body. He was still thinner than when he'd left, but he finally looked healthy.
Lois remained by his side. He'd begged her to stay in his apartment with him. He feared to be alone. She had agreed, desperate to be there for him in his time of need. He'd offered more than once to sleep on the couch, but Lois wouldn't hear of it. They were both adults; they could share a bed and control themselves. Besides, she wanted to be within an arm's reach of him when his nightmares plagued him. He'd seemed almost relieved when she told him as much. She left him only to cover the stories that she was assigned. Her writing was done at Clark's dining room table on her laptop. She'd tried to get him involved in her writing, asking him to read her copy before she emailed it to Perry. He'd done so a few times, but Lois could see that his heart wasn't truly in it.
Lois was scared for Clark. He was almost a stranger to her now. He was no longer the man who laughed with her, teased her, kept her on her toes. He was quiet, withdrawn, and sulky. He was going through the motions of living, but his spirit was gone. She wanted to help, wanted to take away whatever pain he had. She just didn't know how. And that scared her too. She would have gladly paid any price to see the Clark she knew and loved shine through, if even only for a moment.
Lois heard the water in the shower shut off and a few minutes later, Clark came back into the room. He studied his reflection in the mirror for a moment, absently tracing some of the scars on his chest with his fingers. Even the worst of them were starting to fade. The one he'd born on his cheek had been the first to vanish. Clark had said that the yellow sun of Earth was responsible for the physical healing. Lois watched as Clark sighed heavily and began to open a drawer to get a fresh t-shirt.
"Clark, no," Lois said, stopping his motions. "It's ok. You don't have to."
He turned to look at her. "Lois, I look like a monster."
"No," she said, rising from the bed and going to his side. "You are beautiful." She wrapped her arms around his waist. Her head was pressed to his chest. She took a moment to inhale his scent deeply, took a moment to lavish in the feel of his cool skin on her own.
Clark's arms closed in around her and he kissed the top of her head. "I love you, Lois," he said soberly.
"I love you, too" she said, squeezing him tightly. "Forget the shirt. Come back to bed and talk to me."
Clark dropped the Midwestern State University shirt that he'd grabbed and allowed her to lead him back to the bed. A grateful look passed his face when he saw the fresh, dry sheets. "I don't deserve you." His voice was so soft that Lois almost missed it.
"What are you talking about?"
"You've been putting up with a lot from me, this past month or so," he said as he pulled the sheets up to his waist. He sat back in the bed, his head resting against the headboard. "I can't have been easy to deal with."
"Clark, I'm here for you, no matter what," Lois assured him. "I'll do whatever it takes to help you."
"I know. And I am beyond thankful for that. If I didn't have you..." his voice trailed off.
A silence settled over the room. After a few moments, Lois forced herself to broach the one subject with him that she'd avoided.
"Clark, I think we need to talk." Before he could utter a protest, she forged ahead. "I know I promised not to ask you what happened out there," she gestured to the windows. "And I won't make you tell me anything that you aren't comfortable sharing. But sometimes talking about the things that bother us can help us move past those hurts."
Clark ran a hand through his hair. "I've considered that."
"Then what's holding you back?"
"Fear," he admitted. "I'm afraid to tell you because I don't want to burden you with my problems. I thought I could just...force them to go away. On my own."
"Clark," Lois said carefully. "You'll never burden me by sharing things. I want to help you shoulder whatever burdens you are carrying. I love you. You are my best friend, Clark. You're the man I want to spend my life with. That means I share your pain, your sorrows, your joys, your triumphs."
"You...really still want to marry me?" His mouth quirked up into a near smile, the first Lois had seen since he'd come home.
"Of course I do! Clark, you are my heart, my rock, my life."
A ghost of a smile crossed Clark's lips. "You are incredible." He kissed her forehead. He ran his hand through his hair again, a nervous habit of his. "I think maybe, you're right. If you are willing to listen, I think I'm finally ready to share what happened on New Krypton."
"I'm ready," Lois vowed.
Clark gave her a grim look. "It's...not going to be easy to hear this. And it's not going to be easy for me to...talk about it. Will you bear with me?"
"I'll be here as long as it takes."
"Thank you," he said.
He grew quiet once more. Lois could almost see him trying to order his thoughts. She placed an arm around his body and drew him close to her. At length, Clark spoke again and began to tell his tale.
