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Joined: Jan 2011
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Features Writer
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OP
Features Writer
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 966 |
Sorry, everyone: taste is not something I pay a lot of attention to--hope it didn't hurt the story!
Please tell me what you think!
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Joined: Apr 2003
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 4,058 |
Interesting take on things. Nice.
Clark: “If we can be born in an instant, and die in an instant, why can’t we fall in love in an instant?”
Caroline's "Stardust"
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Top Banana
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Top Banana
Joined: Jun 2010
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I think you covered the sense of taste rather well! Although, I think in the first mention with the donut, you might want to make it clearer that it is in reflection... Cause it read to me like in the moment, or just after the fact--which would mean Lois wouldn't know CK=S...So this bit seemed a little odd: And yet there I was, sitting on his desk, [in the moment, present progressive] pretending to look for a feasible date when really I wasn't willing to give over my fear and *make* time for him. And I was eating his donut. Of course, there are always consequences for kindness. I think the official saying is "No good deed goes unpunished." If anyone knows the truth of that, it must surely be Clark, AKA Superman. [before the end of S2?  ] See what I mean? And I had a feeling you'd end on yummy kisses! :)Enjoyable vignette(s)! 
Reach for the moon, for even if you fail, you'll still land among the stars... and who knows? Maybe you'll meet Superman along the way.
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Joined: Apr 2011
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Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 9,509 |
Oooh. Taste is one of two parts!  Does that mean we also get it from Clark's POV, too?  I love that whole first scene about the donut. About how it wasn't the taste of the donut but the sharing of it and that cinnamon will always remind her of that moment. Sweet. You couldn't have Lois talk about tastes without Chocoalte, could you? This memory was this from their first date? Or when fed her part of his chocolate raspberry torte at Uncle Mike's cafe? I think it was the former, but it could have been the latter. Either way, I loved the emotions Lois felt when Clark fed her. Ah, the ice-cream. Yes, Lois loves her ice-cream so much she never takes the spoon out of the carton even when she puts it away. Ice-cream always seems to make her sad. That's true. You captured that well. Bitterness. Yes, that was an interesting 'taste'. Not of a food, but we all knew what you meant. Bitterness of regret. Beautifully done. And Clark. And every time he kisses me, he lets me know that I am his as well.
That taste...what can I say? It's almost as extraordinary as he is. Yes, Clark would be an unique taste, wouldn't he. Can't wait for the final part. Enjoying this series very much.
VirginiaR.
"On the long road, take small steps." -- Jor-el, "The Foundling"
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"clearly there is a lack of understanding between those two... he speaks Lunkheadanian and she Stubbornanian" -- chelo.
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Joined: May 2011
Posts: 6,142 Likes: 3
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 6,142 Likes: 3 |
Love this! So many awesome little descriptions that I can't quote them all. I think you did an excellent job in describing taste - and how very fitting that you added in chocolate and ice cream. Two of Lois' favorite things. I love how it's not about the food, but about the emotions and memories attached to the items. Clark sharing with her, being there for her, no matter what. He nourishes her heart and spirit the way food nourishes a body. Love that you threw in the taste of bitterness. And of course, it's so perfect to end on the taste of Clark himself.  Excellent and I look forward to Clark's POV on this. Also, I agree that you may want to make the donut memory clearer that it's a more distant memory. It's not clear that Lois is looking back from more than a couple of days. So it's a little shocking when she says "AKA Superman" - because obviously she doesn't know back then. But other than that, this is perfect!
Battle On,
Deadly Chakram
"Being with you is stronger than me alone." ~ Clark Kent
"One little spark of inspiration is at the heart of all creation." ~ Figment the Dragon
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Joined: Feb 2010
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 4,425 Likes: 1 |
A yummy fanfic. I second Virginia's hope that part 2 is from Clark's POV. Joy, Lynn
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Posts: 1,724 Likes: 1
Merriwether
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Merriwether
Joined: Nov 2010
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The five senses are an ambitious project but you have yet to disappoint us. I love how we see what Lois learns over time, even from the smallest of actions. But I don't have to appreciate donuts to appreciate the fact that Clark will always put me first. I agree with Deadly Chakram - what a great way to show powerful memories associated with taste. And you made such great choices: There was something about the fact that Clark had fed it to me, the feeling of his eyes locked on me, the echoes of his laughter, that made it a thousand times more powerful. I especially liked this line: No matter how many times I pushed him away, he'd always be there waiting for me to look over my shoulder and find him watching out for me. Wow - a part 2? I'd love to see if it's from Clark's POV. Great job - as always! Joan
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 2,823 |
I'm really impressed at these "sense" vignettes. Somehow you manage to make them poetic and entrancing. What great description you give!
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Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 966
Features Writer
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OP
Features Writer
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 966 |
Thanks, everyone, for the great feedback! I admit that I was a bit worried about this final one, so I’m glad to hear everyone liked it. Thanks for pointing out the tense problem, Mozartmaid; present tense sometimes confuses me a bit. I tried to fix it in mine, so hopefully the archive version won’t have that problem. VirginiaR, thanks for the feedback on each taste! They were all from ‘Lucky Leon;’ I thought it was interesting that there seemed to be a ‘food’ theme in that episode. (Did Lois let Clark feed her some of his chocolate raspberry torte dessert that early in season 2? I’ll have to go watch and see.) Thanks for pointing out the emotion theme, Deadly Chakram. I didn’t want to repeat the scent story, but as I said, I’m not big on taste, so if I had gone a different route, I would have been in big trouble. And perfect? I don’t know about that!  I love all your puns, Lynn S M. I should have e-mailed you about them earlier so you could have given them to me before I wrote the story! Thanks for the confidence in me, scifiJoan! I’ve always loved seeing Lois grow up and mature through the show, so I’m glad I was able to convey that. And, thanks, IolantheAlias, for the wonderful feedback! So glad it didn’t disappoint!
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Joined: Apr 2011
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Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 9,509 |
Originally posted by AntiKryptonite:
Did Lois let Clark feed her some of his chocolate raspberry torte dessert that early in season 2? I’ll have to go watch and see. In "Church of Metropolis" at Uncle Mike's cafe before Clark spills sauce on his tie and Baby Rage tries to blow the cafe up.
VirginiaR.
"On the long road, take small steps." -- Jor-el, "The Foundling"
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"clearly there is a lack of understanding between those two... he speaks Lunkheadanian and she Stubbornanian" -- chelo.
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Columnist
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Columnist
Joined: May 2009
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Beautifully done! I think it was perfect! I also loved the episode you chose for taste! /Off to read part 2/
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Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 966
Features Writer
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OP
Features Writer
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 966 |
VirginiaR, I didn't see Lois eat off Clark's plate because they each got their own slice. However, I want to thank you for getting me to watch that episode again--I always take any excuse I can get! DW, so glad you enjoyed it! 'Lucky Leon' is one of my favorite episodes (so many of them are ), so I enjoyed getting to spend a bit of time in it!
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