|
|
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 966
Features Writer
|
OP
Features Writer
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 966 |
I'd love to hear your thoughts on this story--it's the most daring one I've tried! Hope you all enjoy!
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 1,384
Top Banana
|
|
Top Banana
Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 1,384 |
Oooh, very nice start.  You did such a good job of letting us know what happened from Lois's POV. I loved being inside Lois's head. Lot's of lines I'd quote if I had time, but I've got to get ready for work in a few minutes. So, Lex is taunting Clark and exposing him to Kryptonite. Which means, either Lex knows that Clark is Superman OR... It's Clark's voice Lois recognizes, but it's Superman locked up in that dark room. I cannot wait to see what happens next.
"Hold on, my friends, to the Constitution and to the Republic for which it stands. Miracles do not cluster and what has happened once in 6,000 years, may not happen again. Hold on to the Constitution" - Daniel Webster
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 4,058
Pulitzer
|
|
Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 4,058 |
Yikes what a scenario! More soon. Laura
Clark: “If we can be born in an instant, and die in an instant, why can’t we fall in love in an instant?”
Caroline's "Stardust"
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 6,142 Likes: 3
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
|
|
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 6,142 Likes: 3 |
YAY! I've been waiting for this  Great start. The postcard stuff was heartbreaking. I love that you decided to do Lois' POV for this story. So, either Lex has figured out that CK=S or it is Superman that Lex captured. But in either case, get your act together and tell Lois the truth Clark!!!! Can't wait for more! I can't wait to see where this goes.
Battle On,
Deadly Chakram
"Being with you is stronger than me alone." ~ Clark Kent
"One little spark of inspiration is at the heart of all creation." ~ Figment the Dragon
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 3,060 Likes: 20
Pulitzer
|
|
Pulitzer
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 3,060 Likes: 20 |
Never was I so relieved to see that the number after the / was a 21, and not a 1 as I'd initially thought. This is brilliant! I can hardly wait for the rest. 
~•~
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 1,200
Top Banana
|
|
Top Banana
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 1,200 |
Ooh! Love it so far!! Glad you decided to be ambitious!  Can't wait for more!
Reach for the moon, for even if you fail, you'll still land among the stars... and who knows? Maybe you'll meet Superman along the way. 
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 4,425 Likes: 1
Pulitzer
|
|
Pulitzer
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 4,425 Likes: 1 |
A compelling beginning. I am looking forward to seeing how the story unfolds. Joy, Lynn
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 9,509
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
|
|
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 9,509 |
Great beginning. Poor Clark!  He's being held without sunlight. Bad, bad Lex. I didn't think that it could be Superman that Lex captured; I'll have to read it again and see if he gives away any 'Clark' clues in what he says. Ambitious project if you are planning on keeping them in the dark for 21 parts. Can't wait to see (or shall I say 'hear', 'feel', 'taste', since they cannot see in the dark) what happens next.
VirginiaR.
"On the long road, take small steps." -- Jor-el, "The Foundling"
---
"clearly there is a lack of understanding between those two... he speaks Lunkheadanian and she Stubbornanian" -- chelo.
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 6,142 Likes: 3
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
|
|
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 6,142 Likes: 3 |
Also, I'd like to make a bad pun here:
Please post soon! Don't keep us (puts on sunglasses) in the dark.
Battle On,
Deadly Chakram
"Being with you is stronger than me alone." ~ Clark Kent
"One little spark of inspiration is at the heart of all creation." ~ Figment the Dragon
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 2,020
Kerth
|
|
Kerth
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 2,020 |
Interesting start. Clearly Lois is in the dark so she can't see the Superman suit Clark is wearing.
Are you going to have 20 of 21 parts take place in a dark room?
Framework4
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 1,069
Top Banana
|
|
Top Banana
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 1,069 |
Wow! I love the premise that you've created here and can't wait to see where it goes. Favorite bits: I blinked. "Luthor what?"
The faint chuckle brought light to the cell. I know that sounds stupid and cliché and impossible, but it's true. His smile had always warmed my heart, and now it did the same for this black cell. I'm smiling over here. The answer is sooo S1 Lois and Clark's chuckle was the perfect response. BTW, love the light/dark theme. "I have eye-witnesses," he said quietly, and for the first time, I registered how weak his voice sounded. At first, I had been too overwhelmed at hearing it again to notice. Now, I could tell that though the voice was everything I had remembered it to be, it was also exhausted and...pained. Ack! NO! Clark is either there as Superman or Lex knows Clark's secret. You've obviously taken a turn from canon during the heat wave, but did Lex eventually get the globe and hear all 5 messages? What does that mean for Martha and Jonathan? The suspense is already killing me. "I...don't really know how to explain it. I feel...weak. And disoriented. And ordi--" He stopped and swallowed audibly. and How often do they feed you?"
"Uh...well, they d--uh, not very often." and Uh...they keep...dosing...me with...something. Something bad." Yep, definitely Kryptonite poisoning. And Lex isn't feeding him at all and is keeping him in the dark so that his powers don't return.  It'll be interesting to see how long it takes Clark to fess up or for Lois to figure it out. I loved how they both acknowledged how much they missed each other. It filled me with WaFFs. Lex just made his biggest mistake, though. He put Lois and Clark together in the cell. And as we all know, they're stronger together than they are apart. More soon, please. B
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 966
Features Writer
|
|
OP
Features Writer
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 966 |
Wow, thanks for all the great encouragement on this story! Vicki, I'm so glad that this look into Lois's head is working for you. Lois and I are nothing alike, so she's pretty challenging for me! My beta-readers are keeping me on the straight and narrow with her! Thanks for the feedback, Laurach! Starting after the kidnapping had already taken place was something of a challenge for myself, but it does kind of dive right in. Deadly Chakram--you want Clark to tell Lois the Secret already? Umm...hmm. :rolleyes: I loved your comment, Queen of the Capes! I was afraid people would think the story was too long--but I definitely couldn't do it in just one part! Mozartmaid, I hope you're still glad I'm being 'ambitious' when you get deeper into the story! Thanks, Lynn! Had to smile at your comment, VirginiaR. I guess I got carried away with the five senses thing. Another pun? Very cute, Deadly Chakram. Umm...how to answer your question, Framework4? I guess I just have to say 'no comment.' I love the detailed feedback, BJ! And I'm glad you like the light/dark theme--it's somewhat prevalent! As to the suspense, I promise that I answer your questions! Thanks, everyone, for being so kind with your comments! I love the motivation!
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 2,823
Pulitzer
|
|
Pulitzer
Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 2,823 |
I don't think that Clark dares tell Lois the big secret right now. I'm sure Lex is monitoring them.
And a great start. I also wonder - did Lex figure out that CK=S, or did he capture Superman? What does Lex know?
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 6,142 Likes: 3
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
|
|
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 6,142 Likes: 3 |
Another pun? Very cute, Deadly Chakram. My husband's "bad pun gene" seems to be rubbing off on me.
Battle On,
Deadly Chakram
"Being with you is stronger than me alone." ~ Clark Kent
"One little spark of inspiration is at the heart of all creation." ~ Figment the Dragon
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 9,066 Likes: 31
Boards Chief Administrator Nobel Peace Prize Winner
|
Boards Chief Administrator Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 9,066 Likes: 31 |
Very intriguing start  And there's more parts already! Michael
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 9,362
Boards Chief Administrator Emeritus Nobel Peace Prize Winner
|
|
Boards Chief Administrator Emeritus Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 9,362 |
Posted by Morgana: This story has so many incredible elements! I'm looking forward to future parts. I've deleted your feedback post from the bottom of the story part, Morgana. LabRat
Athos: If you'd told us what you were doing, we might have been able to plan this properly.
Aramis: Yes, sorry.
Athos: No, no, by all means, let's keep things suicidal.
The Musketeers
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 966
Features Writer
|
|
OP
Features Writer
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 966 |
Thanks for the feedback, Iolan! Telling Lois does prove to be somewhat problematic in this story (actually, in every L&C story! ). And, unfortunately, Luthor knows a lot. I'm sorry to have conveyed this misconception, Darth Michael. I didn't realize my A/N would be taken that way. Still, I'm glad you figured it out and enjoyed it despite that! And I had to laugh at your G.I. Jane comment! And now I seriously have to go look up kidnapping on Wikipedia! Thanks for the comments! And thanks, Morgana! I'm so glad you're enjoying the story! It's definitely one of the funnest I've ever written.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 9,066 Likes: 31
Boards Chief Administrator Nobel Peace Prize Winner
|
|
Boards Chief Administrator Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 9,066 Likes: 31 |
 You read what you expect and you expect what you read I went back and re-checked your A/N. I think it was the 'it' that lead me astray, taking 'it' to mean your story, instead of LnC's story in general Michael
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 966
Features Writer
|
|
OP
Features Writer
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 966 |
Those pesky A/N can be very ambiguous, it's true! I guess it comes from none of us wanting to give too much away. 
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 1,724 Likes: 1
Merriwether
|
|
Merriwether
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 1,724 Likes: 1 |
I've been looking forward to reading this one. You caught my attention with this: Because no one would be swooping in to rescue me.
Hastily, I shoved the thought--and its accompanying, brightly colored memories--away. There was no time for it now. I needed to focus. And this: I hated him for leaving me to work without a partner. What happened?? Ah - this makes sense: Sure, we shouldn't have tossed Superman out just because of a bit of unseasonable heat. Great start! Looking forward to reading the next chapters. Joan
|
|
|
|
