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Features Writer
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OP
Features Writer
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 966 |
Again, many thanks to my beta-readers--Anonpip, DW, and KathyB, as well as great encouragement by Morgana--for helping me with this story.
Hope you all enjoy!
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Joined: May 2011
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Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 6,142 Likes: 3 |
If I had always woken up like this, I might have decided it was a very pleasant habit to develop. LOL! Sorry, but I find that funny. That's so Lois.  Healed by Clark's concern, attention, and words, I realized. /me fills with the WAFFs I wanted to demand that he stop being so noble and self-sacrificing so that I didn't have to feel so guilty for leaving him in this cell for so long. I wanted to break down into tears and hug him and tell him that I would take care of him from now on. I just LOVE this. "You just wanted to make sure there were no adverse side effects to eating it. Kind of your own personal taste-tester."
I couldn't help but smile at that teasing note in his voice, the one I would swear I'd hate and yet loved. "That's right, Kent. And how are you feeling? Any stomach twinges? Choking? Signs of death?"
"No," he said thoughtfully. "I think you're safe to eat it." LOL! Great exchange. Very in-character for them both. "I'm fine," he said. "I don't need much water."
"What *are* they dosing you with?" I choked out through sudden dread, abruptly reminded of the awful agony he had clearly been in when I'd seen him in that surveillance video. And if it was stealing his appetite from him...terror suddenly ruled my tongue. "It can't be good for you! What if it's killing you?"
"It is," he told me, his voice perfectly even, betraying no horror at the implications of his own remark. "But Luthor will make certain he doesn't give me enough to permanently end it." Come on Lois! You're an investigative reporter! Investigate! MAKE Clark tell you!!!! Well, this time, I determined, *I* would be there for *him*.  I wanted to murmur soothing sentences, wanted to reveal dreams and stir hope within him as he had done for me, but words had abandoned me. I dealt in words every day, fashioning them into sentences that proclaimed the truth and ensured justice was served and saw that I received a regular paycheck, and yet now, when Clark most needed them, I couldn't think of anything to say. All I had was his name, and I couldn't seem to stop repeating it over and over again, as if it were a talisman that would see us both safely back where we belonged--together at the Planet. Wow. Just wow. Beautiful. "Yes, it is!" I insisted, tearing myself free of his weak hold-suffocating because of the undeserved forgiveness it offered me. "It's *my* fault Superman isn't here! *My* fault he left Metropolis! *My* fault he's *dead*!" Say what?!?!?! And suddenly the timeframe of his disappearance hit me like a load of bricks. Clark had been missing one month, his last call just shortly before the Nightfall asteroid had been discovered hurtling toward Earth in a shower of fire and doom. And Superman...well, we hadn't found his remains until almost five days after the asteroid had mysteriously changed course.  So Clark has amnesia? "He wanted me to know just what sort of life I have left." You've made me hate Luthor more than the show ever did. Great job! Wow, this was great. My heart is bleeding for poor Clark. I can't wait to see what else you have in store for Lois and Clark. I'm guessing that Clark doesn't have amnesia after all. He's probably just shocked that the world thinks Superman is dead. Everything seems to point to him knowing exactly who he is. Please post again soon! (Yeah, I know, you have a posting schedule, but patience is not something I have a lot of when it comes to cliff hanger endings) 
Battle On,
Deadly Chakram
"Being with you is stronger than me alone." ~ Clark Kent
"One little spark of inspiration is at the heart of all creation." ~ Figment the Dragon
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Top Banana
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Top Banana
Joined: Jun 2010
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This is fantastic!!  I love your poetical style and the suspense you're building... no clue how you will get them out of this! Hope to see another part posted sooner rather than later! 
Reach for the moon, for even if you fail, you'll still land among the stars... and who knows? Maybe you'll meet Superman along the way.
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Beat Reporter
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Beat Reporter
Joined: Feb 2007
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Wow! 
EvelynC
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 4,425 Likes: 1 |
I had always hated coming out of unconsciousness. I disliked feeling disoriented and confused and ignorant of the situation. But then, I had never come out of unconsciousness to the sound of a smoky voice whispering my name as if it were the rarest of treasures and the feel of strong hands cradling me to a broad chest. If I had always woken up like this, I might have decided it was a very pleasant habit to develop. I have to agree with her there. And nicely phrased, BTW. I especially like the smoky voice whispering her name as if it were the rarest of treasures. I couldn't allow myself to grow close to anyone, not when I had let Superman fly away thinking he was responsible for Lex's crime. Not when I had let Clark rot in this cell just because I couldn't be bothered to ask after him. What a change from the typical Lois reason of not letting people too close. This time, she's keeping her distance to protect others, not herself. Under the circumstances, it works. This time, it didn't take a mind-reader to realize why he sounded so wistful. Even my cooking and the most dangerous story we had ever chased had to be better than our current predicament.  "I wish Superman were here," I murmured, clenching my hands into fists beneath his soft touch. "He could get us out."
Clark withdrew his hands and slowly stood. When he spoke, I could tell that he had his back turned to me. "I wish he were here too, Lois. But he's not." Ouch. That is at least the second perfect opening Clark had had to tell Lois about himself. (The first being when Lois asked what they were poisoning him with.) Given that Lois is bound to find out -- even if she hasn't yet figured out what Lex was saying, it would undoubtedly be only a matter of time -- I'm surprised at and disappointed in Clark that he isn't telling her in a way (if not a time) of his own choosing. Perhaps the month in the cell and all the poisonings have affected his ability to think clearly more than I had thought. I was interrupted by the sound of the door opening and a wash of jagged light that split our cell into bleak shards and stabbed knives of agony into my deprived eyes. Nicely phrased. Clark's plea and the way he pulled me into a clumsy hug despite his own weakness and pain only made me weep harder. Lois Lane didn't fall apart, but I didn't think I was Lois Lane anymore. In fact, I was pretty sure Lois Lane had died two months ago and been buried three weeks ago, resting side by side with the remnants of a red cape adorned with a yellow S. Have I mentioned lately how impressed I am by your way with words? There's a lot more I could quote, but citing the entire story part would be a bit redundant. So I'll just say that you came up with another excellent part and you have me looking forward to part 4.
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Merriwether
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Merriwether
Joined: Dec 2004
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Oh my gosh, I love it. So beautiful and well written. Poor Clark in pain. Lois determined to stand by him this time. Her still not knowing he's Superman and thinking she's to blame for his death. Can't wait for more!
Superman: I hear you've been looking for me.
Lois: All my life.
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Feb 2008
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"Why don't we agree on something--I won't leave you if you won't leave me?" Because now, Lane and Kent are on the job, and Luthor will end up an unhappy man.
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Kerth
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Kerth
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 2,181 Likes: 29 |
Things just keep getting worse for Lois and Clark Corrina.
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Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 966
Features Writer
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OP
Features Writer
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 966 |
Deadly Chakram, thanks for the detailed feedback! I'm glad the back-and-forth exchanges worked--those can be somewhat tricky. And no, Clark doesn't have amnesia at this point. I'm having enough trouble fitting everything in the story at this point without adding that!  Thanks, Mozartmaid. I picked Lois's voice exactly because it allowed for so many questions and also posed a challenge for me--how to keep her 'in the dark' yet still provide suspense when we all know the Secret! It's been a lot of fun! Lynn, one of the challenges I set for myself in this story was to switch the places of Lois and Clark a bit in their relationship, so I'm glad you liked that she's determined to protect him even at her own expense--I hope it continues to work throughout the story! As to why he didn't tell her...well, I hope you read on to find out! Thanks, jackiek! I love it when people say they're going to keep reading! Loved your comment, IolantheAlias--thanks! You'd think the bad guys would learn to stay away from Lane and Kent, wouldn't you? So glad you're enjoying it, Female Hawk! I hope it lives up to expectations. And, yes, having the revelation too soon would have ruined the rest of my story! :p Besides, the 'dark' is metaphorical as well as literal. Everyone, thank you so much for the great feedback!
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Joined: Apr 2007
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Boards Chief Administrator Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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Boards Chief Administrator Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 9,066 Likes: 31 |
Remind me NEVER to get on your bad side! /makes best 'that's not my fault' face/ If I had always woken up like this, I might have decided it was a very pleasant habit to develop. Oh boy. That's not good. That theory lasted until a sharp pain sliced through my shoulder and sent lights flashing across my vision, though I was relatively certain I had my eyes closed. Ah...! "I'm sorry. There, it's done--I just had to reset your shoulder, that's all. I'm sorry, Lois." Couldn't he have done that before she'd woken up I drifted in and out. Every time I halfway woke up, I heard Clark talking to me, his words sometimes blurring together, other times clear and meaningful. Oh, she's still sort-of unconscious. Surprisingly, I realized that the pain I had been expecting wasn't enveloping me in its dizzying embrace. Some tiny bits of aura? Which reminds me: How does Clark regenerate without sunlight? Healed by Clark's concern, attention, and words, I realized. He had always been able to affect me in ways that I swore were impossible.
But then, Superman had, too--and I hadn't even bothered to fight those feelings. I wonder when she will realize the truth? Considering previous FDK-FDK, not that soon. "He wanted me to know just what sort of life I have left." The others already said it, but it can't hurt repeating: You've got a great first-person Lois going there  Michael
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Joined: Jan 2011
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Features Writer
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OP
Features Writer
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 966 |
Thanks, Darth Michael. First-person Lois is somewhat scary, but my beta-readers have definitely been helping me. As to your comments...I'll have to remember not to eat while reading them--for more than one reason. And I have no idea how Clark regenerates without sunlight; my only answer is--not well. And what does Luthor want? Well, even my beta-readers are still waiting to find that one out.  Sweet and sour? I like that--a very different way of saying light and dark! Thanks so much for reading and commenting! I always enjoy reading your feedback.
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Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 9,066 Likes: 31
Boards Chief Administrator Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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Boards Chief Administrator Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 9,066 Likes: 31 |
Originally posted by AntiKryptonite: As to your comments...I'll have to remember not to eat while reading them--for more than one reason. Umm... yeah. Drinking's also been frequently discouraged to prevent severe drenching of reading equipment. Should probably add a warning to the begin of FDKs. I always enjoy reading your feedback. Michael
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Merriwether
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Merriwether
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 1,724 Likes: 1 |
This is very touching: I wanted to ask him how, as malnourished as he obviously was, he had been able to leave sustenance lying around while he took care of me. I wanted to demand that he stop being so noble and self-sacrificing so that I didn't have to feel so guilty for leaving him in this cell for so long. I wanted to break down into tears and hug him and tell him that I would take care of him from now on. I like how you've explained why Lois thinks Superman is dead. I'm wondering what Lex is up to. Joan
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Features Writer
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OP
Features Writer
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 966 |
Thanks, scifiJoan! The explanation was difficult to do and I had to rewrite this chapter once, so I'm glad you enjoyed it! Thanks for commenting!
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