|
|
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 6,142 Likes: 3
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
|
OP
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 6,142 Likes: 3 |
I decided to post a day early. Thoughts are always appreciated.  Chapter 3 coming next week...
Battle On,
Deadly Chakram
"Being with you is stronger than me alone." ~ Clark Kent
"One little spark of inspiration is at the heart of all creation." ~ Figment the Dragon
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 3,800 Likes: 30
Pulitzer
|
|
Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 3,800 Likes: 30 |
Ouch! A week to wait! This story is moving along nicely. I especially enjoyed reading the description of Lara's section of the garden. Poor Kal! He is in such dread of this new aspect of his life.
Morgana
A writer's job is to think of new plots and create characters who stay with you long after the final page has been read. If that mission is accomplished than we have done what we set out to do, which is to entertain and hopefully educate.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 2,292
Kerth
|
|
Kerth
Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 2,292 |
Once again loved it. However, the Lyne family seems more and more mysterious by the minute.
The only known quantity that moves faster than
light is the office grapevine. (from Nan's fabulous Home series)
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 3,147 Likes: 3
Pulitzer
|
|
Pulitzer
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 3,147 Likes: 3 |
I hope we get to see s much of the Lynn family interaction as we have of the El family. I would imagine that the young lady in question would have some choice words for her father, especially if she learns about this contract from someone other than Daddy. I'm sure she'll be furious about being given to some proud, vain, over-bearing, self-important, knuckle-brained noble lacking the intelligence to converse with his housepets.
And I really want to see their first meeting, when Kal whips out that unique diamond and stuns her with his taste and discretion. Are you going to show us how unaccountably attracted they are to each other at first sight?
This is an unusual take on the love story. Is the romance plot going to be the main plot, or is there intrigue nestled in the vines of Lara's garden? If someone wanted to murder a prince, that would be a good place to do it, especially since he likes to go there alone (which probably drives his security detail nuts).
Looking forward to the next chapter. I don't suppose you could reduce the posting interval, could you?
Life isn't a support system for writing. It's the other way around.
- Stephen King, from On Writing
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 3,883
Pulitzer
|
|
Pulitzer
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 3,883 |
Vicki, Wonderful story!  I found myself wishing that Kal would 'bump into' Lois, while in town, not knowing just who she is and be attracted to her. 
Herb replied, “My boy, I never say … impossible.” "Lois and Clarks" My stories can be found herekj
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 6,142 Likes: 3
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
|
|
OP
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 6,142 Likes: 3 |
Originally posted by Morgana: Ouch! A week to wait!
This story is moving along nicely. I especially enjoyed reading the description of Lara's section of the garden. Poor Kal! He is in such dread of this new aspect of his life. Thank you, Morgana! I promise, as soon as I am done writing this story/getting beta'd (doing that as I go along), I'll up the posting schedule, probably to twice a week. Glad you liked the gardens. I enjoyed writing about them.
Battle On,
Deadly Chakram
"Being with you is stronger than me alone." ~ Clark Kent
"One little spark of inspiration is at the heart of all creation." ~ Figment the Dragon
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 6,142 Likes: 3
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
|
|
OP
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 6,142 Likes: 3 |
Originally posted by Lara Joelle Kent: Once again loved it. However, the Lyne family seems more and more mysterious by the minute. Thanks, Lara! You'll get some more info on Lois' family as we go along, promise!
Battle On,
Deadly Chakram
"Being with you is stronger than me alone." ~ Clark Kent
"One little spark of inspiration is at the heart of all creation." ~ Figment the Dragon
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 6,142 Likes: 3
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
|
|
OP
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 6,142 Likes: 3 |
Originally posted by Terry Leatherwood:
I hope we get to see s much of the Lynn family interaction as we have of the El family. I would imagine that the young lady in question would have some choice words for her father, especially if she learns about this contract from someone other than Daddy. I'm sure she'll be furious about being given to some proud, vain, over-bearing, self-important, knuckle-brained noble lacking the intelligence to converse with his housepets.
And I really want to see their first meeting, when Kal whips out that unique diamond and stuns her with his taste and discretion. Are you going to show us how unaccountably attracted they are to each other at first sight?
This is an unusual take on the love story. Is the romance plot going to be the main plot, or is there intrigue nestled in the vines of Lara's garden? If someone wanted to murder a prince, that would be a good place to do it, especially since he likes to go there alone (which probably drives his security detail nuts).
Looking forward to the next chapter. I don't suppose you could reduce the posting interval, could you? Hi Terry!  Lois is in a slightly different position. She's grown up knowing about the marriage. Which, to be fair, still doesn't go over well. Their first meeting is coming up in the next chapter. It will be...interesting, at the very least.  The love story is about half of the main plot. There are some other bumps in the road as we go along though. You'll be getting snapshots of their life together over the course of their first year of marriage, as well as a bit of an epilogue. I promise to reduce my posting schedule just as soon as the story is completely finished. 
Battle On,
Deadly Chakram
"Being with you is stronger than me alone." ~ Clark Kent
"One little spark of inspiration is at the heart of all creation." ~ Figment the Dragon
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 6,142 Likes: 3
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
|
|
OP
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 6,142 Likes: 3 |
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Originally posted by KenJ: <strong> Vicki, Wonderful story!
Battle On,
Deadly Chakram
"Being with you is stronger than me alone." ~ Clark Kent
"One little spark of inspiration is at the heart of all creation." ~ Figment the Dragon
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 635
Columnist
|
|
Columnist
Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 635 |
"You're a prince," Ching said, shrugging. "She'll probably feel privileged to have been chosen for you."
"I don't know about that..." Or kill you... slowly. - I love how modern & Earth-like this is. Great part!
.talk nerdy to me.
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 6,142 Likes: 3
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
|
|
OP
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 6,142 Likes: 3 |
Originally posted by MrsLuthor: "You're a prince," Ching said, shrugging. "She'll probably feel privileged to have been chosen for you."
"I don't know about that..."
- I love how modern & Earth-like this is. Great part! Thanks! Yeah, Lois isn't going to make this easy...
Battle On,
Deadly Chakram
"Being with you is stronger than me alone." ~ Clark Kent
"One little spark of inspiration is at the heart of all creation." ~ Figment the Dragon
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 2,367
Kerth
|
|
Kerth
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 2,367 |
Chapter 3 coming next week... NEXT WEEK?! 
Lois: You know, I have a funny feeling that you didn't tell me your biggest secret.
Clark: Well, just to put your little mind at ease, Lois, you're right.
Ides of Metropolis
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 6,142 Likes: 3
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
|
|
OP
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 6,142 Likes: 3 |
Originally posted by Sue S.: Chapter 3 coming next week... I confess...I tend to avoid ones with /? after it too. But I'm currently trying to nail down chapter 17. And I'm almost positive that this will run 20 chapters. Maybe a little over. All depends on my fevered little muse. I promise not to torture you too much with this one. And it will definitely be a finished work. I know exactly where it is going. Hope that comforts you! Will sparks fly? Maaaaybe. Will they be good sparks? Bad sparks? We'll see!  I'm probably going to hold off until Thursday. I'd hate to blitz through posting this and then have you guys waiting in agony for me to finish. So once a week gives me more than enough time to bang out the rest and get it beta'd. Just looking out for your best interest and all.
Battle On,
Deadly Chakram
"Being with you is stronger than me alone." ~ Clark Kent
"One little spark of inspiration is at the heart of all creation." ~ Figment the Dragon
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2003
Posts: 492
Beat Reporter
|
|
Beat Reporter
Joined: May 2003
Posts: 492 |
Enjoying the story. You might want to see if any Kryptonian foods are mentioned in canon or make names up. Coffee to me at least makes me thing Earth and lowers the immersion.
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 6,142 Likes: 3
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
|
|
OP
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 6,142 Likes: 3 |
Originally posted by dcarson:
Enjoying the story. You might want to see if any Kryptonian foods are mentioned in canon or make names up. Coffee to me at least makes me thing Earth and lowers the immersion. Interesting point. I toyed with that, but I wanted it to feel familiar to the reader. But I'll see what I can dig up.
Battle On,
Deadly Chakram
"Being with you is stronger than me alone." ~ Clark Kent
"One little spark of inspiration is at the heart of all creation." ~ Figment the Dragon
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 9,509
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
|
|
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 9,509 |
Poor Kal, wallowing in his self-pity. At least, he has some pretty terrific and loving brothers (unlike poor Clark). I'll admit that Kal's sounding nicer than in Part 1, but he has a way to go in my book. At least, he's getting over his depression and is thinking how Lois might be taking the upcoming marriage. That's more like the Kal we know and love. The storm had ripped some of the flowers to shreds, and their petals were plastered to the drying stone footpath. Kal's eyes were fixed on a section of scattered red petals that lay like a pool of blood not twenty feet from where he sat. This description is beautiful but ominous. I don't know whether to fear something is going to happen someday in that garden (along with the sparring scene from Part 1) or if that's just Kal's feelings towards his upcoming marriage. I agree with the other comments that Lois isn't going to be thrilled with the marriage to some good-looking, bored prince with nothing better to do than hang out with his brothers. Maybe she'll take him on as a work-in-progress. I can see her considering herself far "above" (not socially, but personality wise) Kal. I can also totally see her considering herself being "sold" to El family. They're rich. She's poor. No, I can't see her happy with this arrangement or there being love at first sight, (otherwise this might be a pretty short story.) I'm still hoping for a reverse Taming of the Shrew. (Taming of the Noble Prince?) Glad to hear that Ching and Zara's marriage is a happy one. I would have loved to have Zara join in on the pout-fest at the bar (but that's just me personally - wanting to meet her). She showed a lot of forethought and knowledge of these guys to decline the invitation. I like her already. (Aside: Don't kill her off! I know you know what I'm referring to. I still  ) for next week's wedding. Edit: Oooh, I forgot to mention: I love your inclusion of Jack... Jak! 
VirginiaR.
"On the long road, take small steps." -- Jor-el, "The Foundling"
---
"clearly there is a lack of understanding between those two... he speaks Lunkheadanian and she Stubbornanian" -- chelo.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 2,823
Pulitzer
|
|
Pulitzer
Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 2,823 |
Everybody else already said what I was going to say. So I'll be concise: Great story so far. Please post more soon!
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 6,142 Likes: 3
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
|
|
OP
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 6,142 Likes: 3 |
Poor Kal, wallowing in his self-pity. At least, he has some pretty terrific and loving brothers (unlike poor Clark). I'll admit that Kal's sounding nicer than in Part 1, but he has a way to go in my book. At least, he's getting over his depression and is thinking how Lois might be taking the upcoming marriage. That's more like the Kal we know and love. Whew! Well, that's a relief! He does get more and more Clark-like, I promise! Kal definitely needs his support system of his brothers. quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The storm had ripped some of the flowers to shreds, and their petals were plastered to the drying stone footpath. Kal's eyes were fixed on a section of scattered red petals that lay like a pool of blood not twenty feet from where he sat.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This description is beautiful but ominous. I don't know whether to fear something is going to happen someday in that garden (along with the sparring scene from Part 1) or if that's just Kal's feelings towards his upcoming marriage. More about how he feels about his upcoming marriage. And maybe a little foreshadowing of just how well that marriage will start off. But thanks! I agree with the other comments that Lois isn't going to be thrilled with the marriage to some good-looking, bored prince with nothing better to do than hang out with his brothers. Maybe she'll take him on as a work-in-progress. I can see her considering herself far "above" (not socially, but personality wise) Kal. I can also totally see her considering herself being "sold" to El family. They're rich. She's poor. No, I can't see her happy with this arrangement or there being love at first sight, (otherwise this might be a pretty short story.) I'm still hoping for a reverse Taming of the Shrew. (Taming of the Noble Prince?)
Battle On,
Deadly Chakram
"Being with you is stronger than me alone." ~ Clark Kent
"One little spark of inspiration is at the heart of all creation." ~ Figment the Dragon
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 6,142 Likes: 3
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
|
|
OP
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 6,142 Likes: 3 |
Originally posted by IolantheAlias:
Everybody else already said what I was going to say. So I'll be concise: Great story so far. Please post more soon! Thanks so much, Io!
Battle On,
Deadly Chakram
"Being with you is stronger than me alone." ~ Clark Kent
"One little spark of inspiration is at the heart of all creation." ~ Figment the Dragon
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 9,509
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
|
|
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 9,509 |
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">  (Okay, enough procrastining on my story or Mrs. L is going to  )
VirginiaR.
"On the long road, take small steps." -- Jor-el, "The Foundling"
---
"clearly there is a lack of understanding between those two... he speaks Lunkheadanian and she Stubbornanian" -- chelo.
|
|
|
|
