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Wow, we're getting ever closer to the end of this tale... I've updated the chapter for more Ching/Zara interaction and an explaination of why Jai is the one helping Zara out.
Battle On, Deadly Chakram
"Being with you is stronger than me alone." ~ Clark Kent
"One little spark of inspiration is at the heart of all creation." ~ Figment the Dragon
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I've had a chance to read this DC, but don't have time to comment right now, busy weekend. There were a lot of good things about this chapter, and I will get them later, when I come back, but for now I do have one question? Instead of Kal, can I now hit Ching with the 2x4? I thought he loved his wife? But he doesn't comfort her while she's going through this miscarriage; he's actually quite blasé about the death of his child (so is Zara, but I figure she's in shock). Jai is the one who helps her after leaving the cage, Ching doesn't even embrace her or say anything loving or anything. Ching doesn't even offer to be the one who helps her and Kal or Ruce (whom they never identify BTW despite his disguise) doesn't say, "No, we need your help taking up the rear guard of our group." So, can I hit him? Can I? Or better yet, can Zara slap him across the face? And tell him she wants to live in separate quarters from now on, and for Ching never to touch her again, and BTW, she's taking the cat. PLEASE!
VirginiaR. "On the long road, take small steps." -- Jor-el, "The Foundling" --- "clearly there is a lack of understanding between those two... he speaks Lunkheadanian and she Stubbornanian" -- chelo.
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Oh, wow. What a great, long, part. Here's hoping all will be alright. Right? Right? Artemis
History is easy once you've lived it. - Duncan MacLeod Writing history is easy once you've lived it. - Artemis
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Sydney
Non ! non, c’est bien plus beau lorsque c’est inutile ! (Edmond Rostand)
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Wonderful! Wonderful! Wonderful! More later.
Herb replied, “My boy, I never say … impossible.” "Lois and Clarks" My stories can be found herekj
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Saturday is the new Sunday! This is going to have to wait until tomorrow...or tonight.
Morgana
A writer's job is to think of new plots and create characters who stay with you long after the final page has been read. If that mission is accomplished than we have done what we set out to do, which is to entertain and hopefully educate.
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wow good job my heart was in my throat!
Clark: “If we can be born in an instant, and die in an instant, why can’t we fall in love in an instant?”
Caroline's "Stardust"
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I've had a chance to read this DC, but don't have time to comment right now, busy weekend. No worries! Was super busy all day myself. I thought he loved his wife? But he doesn't comfort her while she's going through this miscarriage; he's actually quite blasé about the death of his child (so is Zara, but I figure she's in shock). Both are meant to be in shock. Jai is the one who helps her after leaving the cage, Ching doesn't even embrace her or say anything loving or anything. Ching doesn't even offer to be the one who helps her Hmmm...I should probably rework some of this. I had Kal make Jai be the one to help her for two reasons. 1. Jai *needs* a task to focus on right now, because he's so freaked out. Focusing his attention on Zara takes away from his own thoughts about Lux wanting to kill him first. 2. Ching's a better fighter, so it would make sense that he be free to fight if it comes to it. Still, I'll look at this in a bit and see what I can do to change it. I'll post here if I change the chapter at all. Jai is the one who helps her after leaving the cage, Ching doesn't even embrace her or say anything loving or anything. Ching doesn't even offer to be the one who helps her But: "Sssh. Sssh. It's okay," he whispered against her lips as they both broke to take a breath. "I'm here now. I won't let anything else happen to you, I promise."
"Oh, by the way," Jai said from his cell, his voice edging towards panic, "the rest of us are just fine, thanks for asking."
"Ruce and I will get you out of here," Kal swore, reluctantly stepping away from Lois. So, he *is* IDed. So, can I hit him? Can I? <offers to take Ching's place> Lazy author will take the punishment, since she did not make all these things very clear. and BTW, she's taking the cat.
Battle On, Deadly Chakram
"Being with you is stronger than me alone." ~ Clark Kent
"One little spark of inspiration is at the heart of all creation." ~ Figment the Dragon
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Originally posted by Artemis: Oh, wow. What a great, long, part. Here's hoping all will be alright. Right? Right? Artemis Hi, Artemis. Things will...well...happen. You'll just have to wait and see. Thanks for the kind words about this chapter! It was the one that took me the longest to get through, to be honest.
Battle On, Deadly Chakram
"Being with you is stronger than me alone." ~ Clark Kent
"One little spark of inspiration is at the heart of all creation." ~ Figment the Dragon
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Is it Kal? Really? Handsome husband for Lois! Yup! What a catch! Is it Kal? Really? Handsome husband for Lois! Thanks so much! I thought it would be really fun to combine the looks. I agree with Virginia: why Jai? why not Ching? Again, I'll probably re-edit this to show, but Kal and Ching both know Jai needs a task to focus on, so he doesn't fixate on what's got him so freaked out. Bill is better than SuperKal and Bat-Ruce. He is THE Superhero. SuperBil!!! And now, when is the next part? Soon, please. Yes, soon. But I'm runing out of beta'd chapters, since AntiK has been uber busy on her end. So I can't post any faster at this time.
Battle On, Deadly Chakram
"Being with you is stronger than me alone." ~ Clark Kent
"One little spark of inspiration is at the heart of all creation." ~ Figment the Dragon
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Wow, what a reception! Thanks so much, Ken. So glad you enjoyed it. It was the hardest one to write, because I wanted to do so much within it. Glad you liked Lois getting to make the rescue. I thought it was about time she slugged someone.
Battle On, Deadly Chakram
"Being with you is stronger than me alone." ~ Clark Kent
"One little spark of inspiration is at the heart of all creation." ~ Figment the Dragon
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Originally posted by Morgana: Saturday is the new Sunday! This is going to have to wait until tomorrow...or tonight. Gonna *have* to stick to Wednesday. Unless I get more beta'd stuff in my inbox.
Battle On, Deadly Chakram
"Being with you is stronger than me alone." ~ Clark Kent
"One little spark of inspiration is at the heart of all creation." ~ Figment the Dragon
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Originally posted by Laurach: wow good job my heart was in my throat! Thanks so much. As difficult as this chapter was to nail down, it was rewarding for me to write.
Battle On, Deadly Chakram
"Being with you is stronger than me alone." ~ Clark Kent
"One little spark of inspiration is at the heart of all creation." ~ Figment the Dragon
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I just read the edited parts: great job. I love the scene between Ching and Zara: they are so in love, and so sad for their baby. DC, you are a WONDERFUL WRITER
Sydney
Non ! non, c’est bien plus beau lorsque c’est inutile ! (Edmond Rostand)
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Lois in *any* universe kicks butt!
You spent a great deal of time crafting the breakout from the very beginning when Kal drops down from the wall to meet Ruce. Slowly the tension builds until the final confrontation with Nor.
Jai helping Zara did seem odd at first...
Please ma'am... I want some more.
Morgana
A writer's job is to think of new plots and create characters who stay with you long after the final page has been read. If that mission is accomplished than we have done what we set out to do, which is to entertain and hopefully educate.
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Originally posted by Sydney: I just read the edited parts: great job. I love the scene between Ching and Zara: they are so in love, and so sad for their baby.
DC, you are a WONDERFUL WRITER Thanks so much, Sydney. I'm actually glad that a few people called me out on that. I do like the scene better now.
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Originally posted by Morgana: Lois in *any* universe kicks butt!
You spent a great deal of time crafting the breakout from the very beginning when Kal drops down from the wall to meet Ruce. Slowly the tension builds until the final confrontation with Nor.
Jai helping Zara did seem odd at first...
Please ma'am... I want some more. Thank you very much, Morgana. I *did* want to draw out the rescue from the get-go. I didn't want to rush things. Tenson in a chapter is something I actually kind of enjoy writing. More on soon.
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Okay, I'm back. Let's see if I have some time for FDK before my family realizes that I haven't made dinner (it's Mother's Day! Hello, people, I'm not cooking!) Hmmm...I should probably rework some of this. I had Kal make Jai be the one to help her for two reasons.
1. Jai *needs* a task to focus on right now, because he's so freaked out. Focusing his attention on Zara takes away from his own thoughts about Lux wanting to kill him first. Yep, I got that. Just thought it needed to be spelled out for the reader (which you did in the re-edit. Thank you. ) 2. Ching's a better fighter, so it would make sense that he be free to fight if it comes to it. Yep, I figured that's why but it felt a little sterile with all those assumptions going on. I like your 'knowing look between brothers' addition. "Sssh. Sssh. It's okay," he whispered against her lips as they both broke to take a breath. "I'm here now. I won't let anything else happen to you, I promise." ooooh. Totally missed that that was Ching and Zara. I thought that moment was between Kal & Lois. I've updated the chapter for more Ching/Zara interaction and an explanation of why Jai is the one helping Zara out. Much better. Thank you for not being offended by my initial critique. Can I know change my 2x4 to hit Nor? He knelt down, petted Fasa on the head, and enjoyed the sensation of the cat's deep, rhythmic purring for a moment.
"Be good," he whispered to the feline. "I'll be back as soon as I can." Mixed messages there, Kal? Fasa, tear up the curtains! Timing his movements so that he would not be caught, he dropped a length of rope down to the ground after securing the top to the railing. As he slowly and silently descended to the frozen ground below, May I take this time to request that Jor-El decide to increase security outside the palace upon learning of Kal's escape and eventual return? He IS returning, right? The Uthor's didn't recapture Lois and capture bloody, and knocked out Kal, did they? <<biting fingernails>> Okay, getting ahead of myself. Back to jumping out the window. Kal seems to have a little practice with this. Did he ever run away as a teenager? I could see Jai doing this to sneak out (or sneak girls in... What am I thinking? In-house girls. Doesn't need to sneak out.) Moving on... quickly headed off to the small, rarely used, and all but forgotten servant's path along the outermost rim of the gardens. The path was badly overgrown, and branches from various trees and hedges reached out towards him with groping fingers, begging him to stop and take note of them. He shouldered them aside, trying not to make any noise that would give himself away. Also, hope Kal remembers to mention this to B'lain at next palace security review. Then he finally saw it, headlights moving in the distance, coming ever closer. Kal held his breath, hoping the approaching vehicle was the one he sought. As the hovercraft neared the wall, it slowed to a crawl. Just a technical question. Is the hovercraft like a landspeeder, in that it can travel above the planet, but only at the height it would if it had tires? Because this doesn't sound like a regular flying car. He'd snuck out into the gardens at night as a teenager to visit with the stars when his father had thought him fast asleep in his bed. Stars? :rolleyes: Kal, really? Not one girl for some late night necking? Are you sure it isn't Lois' mannish qualities that attracted you? (Mannish as in not-stereotypical Kryptonian ladies' qualities.) He would spend the rest of his life apologizing for betraying his father's trust, for utterly defying his command, if only he could hold his wife in his arms again. Yep, and that sounds like a good trade-off to me. Of course, Jor-El may not agree. "Of course, you realize, I'm going with you," Ruce said after Kal lapsed into silence once more.
Kal shook his head. "No. I need to do this alone." I wish I could say I was surprised, but it looks like I'll be needing that 2x4 before we reach Uthor prision. Ruce shook his own head in return. "You don't get a choice in this."
"I'd say that I do. This is my family, Ruce. I won't ask you to put yourself in danger for them." Too late. Ruce already got attacked at the concert... and now you're not going to allow him some payback? Do you now humiliating it must have been to Ruce to be rejected like that? (by the Uthor family, that is.) "No, Kal," the young noble said, cutting the prince off before he could argue. "You do need me. One person alone isn't going to be enough. What if someone's hurt? You need a second set of hands in this." Thank you for being the voice of reason, Ruce. Kal, you're a lunkhead. Kal sighed and slumped in his seat. He hated to admit it, but his friend was right. He would be better off with someone else at his side. It would be for the best if he had someone to watch his back, to ensure that this desperate rescue attempt did not fail. Duh! "Okay," he finally said, nodding. "You win. You can come." Trust me, Kal, Ruce wasn't looking for permission. He was out of the palace. He was at A'ne Manor. He was approximately a third of the way through with his plan already. He even felt slightly ahead of the schedule he'd concocted in his mind. Short plan: Meet Ruce and go to his house. Storm Uthor house. Save family. Not die. Nah, why would he think he needed help with a master plan like that? :rolleyes: Was Zara okay? Was Lois okay? Was she scared? Had either of the women been hurt or...violated? No. Physically, fine. Mentally, fine. Emotional, pissed! Oh, look a reason to kill an Uthor. "We don't have any of the medals or anything that the Uthor family's guards wear," Ruce said unhappily. Ever the perfectionist. Kal shook his head. "It doesn't matter. The very newest of the Uthors' security guards don't have any. And I happen to know that Lux just added to his ranks about three weeks ago." Really? Take over the planet with new recruits? :rolleyes: No wonder the Uthors are going to fail. He gestured to the various make-ups and prosthetics that lay on the table. "You sure you know how to apply this stuff?"
Ruce made a face at Kal. "Of course I do. A'ne Endeavors created these. Now, be quite and sit still. I'll do you up first." Uh-huh. And you say Ruce isn't married? Imagine that. Shocker. A thin, pinkish scar ran down the center of his left eye, the surrounding flesh still puckered as it healed, old though the wound appeared. A similar wound sprouted from the corner of his mouth, twisting it down to a permanent half-scowl. Raised red acne had magically popped up all over his face. His nose was a different shape altogether, longer and more bulbous. Kal smiled to himself, and watched as the stranger in the mirror did the same. He slicked back his hair, hoping to further transform himself, then slipped on a false pair of glasses. Look, honey, I'm a hideous version of Clark Kent. The twenty-seven year old looked closer to fifty, with gray hair at his temples and old battle scars randomly appearing on his face and neck. He sported a thin line of a mustache above his upper lip and a neatly trimmed, graying goatee on his chin. Some extra padding to his suit made him appear heavier than he truly was. Is he supposed to resemble the police commish of Gotham? James Gordon A strong, slender pocket knife went into a different pocket. Ruce stuffed a small electronic device into his own pants pocket. He clipped a stun gun in a holster to his belt and handed another to Kal.
"Here," he said, as Kal took the weapon. "This dial here is the setting. A three will take down almost anyone without killing them." He gave the dial on his own gun a demonstrative twist. "A five is lethal." Is this the same type of weapon Uthor has? "Ruce," Kal said after a moment, as his friend expertly guided the vehicle through the black night. Like the Black Knight reference you snuck in there. "Yeah?" he replied, somewhat distractedly.
"Thank you for this. You have no idea how much I appreciate your help." The words almost stuck in his throat as emotion swept over him.
"You're welcome. You know I'd do anything to help." Ruce nodded curtly at him. "Now stop blubbering like a baby, Kal. It's ruining your image and I'll have to stop hanging out with you or it will ruin mine." Kal swallowed nervously. "Yeah. I'll work on that." "Do," Ruce said coldly. This was the most they had ever spoken. And, more importantly, it was not in the vicinity of where Bil planned to station his team. You mean, "Team Distraction"? He took a step towards the ruckus, then stopped as Ruce grabbed his arm.
"We can't," Ruce hissed under his breath.
"We can't just leave whoever that is."
"We have to," Ruce insisted. "This is our chance to get inside. It may be our only chance." "But... But... But... I've gotta help." "Chose a side, Kal. That stranger or your wife?" "Well, when you put it that way." He shouted to the guards involved in the fray, but Kal wasn't listening to what was being said. Ruce was right. This was their chance to get inside. Still, it was not without regret that Kal turned and swiftly made a beeline for the door. <<shakes head>> Once a superhero, always one. Jen Mai sighed in exasperation. "It's sorry, my lord," he reminded Kal, as though he'd done so a hundred times before. "I thought Lord Uthor ordered you new guards to safeguard the prisoners?" Jen Mai = weakest link. Lex Luthor wanted the untrained, newest recruits guarding the hostages? :rolleyes: Jen Mai arched a skeptical eyebrow and pointed. "That way," he said, shaking his head. He gestured to the opposite direction from which Kal and Ruce had been facing.
"Right. Sorry, my lord," Ruce said, coming to Kal's aid. "We got a little turned around."
"When will Lord Uthor hire people who know what they're doing?" the Elder complained under his breath. "Down the hall. Take your first two right turns. And try not to screw up anymore today." Kal, you better remember Jen Mai in your announcement speech when you return to the palace for all of his help breaking into the Uthor compound. Hee-hee.
VirginiaR. "On the long road, take small steps." -- Jor-el, "The Foundling" --- "clearly there is a lack of understanding between those two... he speaks Lunkheadanian and she Stubbornanian" -- chelo.
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FDK - Part 2.5 - Jen Mai was working with the Uthors, though Kal still couldn't be sure if Lux was directly involved. Though the Elder had mentioned "Lord Uthor," he could have easily been discussing Nor, Ran, or Drull. Jen Mai is so full of himself, I doubt he'd call any of Lux's sons "lord" anything. Lux and Nor Uthor were emerging from behind a hidden door. As the prince debated these things in his mind, the two men turned and saw Kal and Ruce. Lux fixed them with a cold stare. Kal felt as if his entire disguise was stripped away, leaving him naked and vulnerable before the powerful lord. Powerful and evil, Kal knew now. The simple fact that he'd seen Lux emerge from a hidden door with his son confirmed for Kal the unhappy knowledge that the man was also in on the kidnapping and extortion plot. So, let me see if I got this right, Ruce. Setting 5 is stun, but not kill? Right? Wink, wink, nod, nod. Kal didn't turn away from Lux's piercing gaze, even as he heard the pounding of feet coming from behind him. To turn was to admit fear. To turn was to admit wrongdoing. And he refused to blow his cover for any reason. Yeah! He's learning. Kal's heart nearly stopped. Had someone noticed them? Had the dots been connected? It was a fight to keep his features neutral, on the chance that the man was not actually speaking about Ruce and himself. "Two of Jor-El's security guards tried to sneak onto the estate. And there is a small contingent of their men snooping around to the south." Opps. Missing a paragraph break here. Oh, and B'lain! "Very well," Lux replied evenly. "Let's see just what they thought they were doing. Have them brought to my study." Well, goodbye B'lain best security officiers. Nor nodded. "You two!" he snapped, pointing at Ruce and Kal. "Don't just stand there staring!"
"Yes, my lord," Ruce said when Kal failed to speak. "What would you ask of us?"
"Guard this hall," the man all but spat at them. "No one comes down here, period. Kill anyone who does. I don't care if it is one of your own. Do you understand me?" :rolleyes: The Uthors are doomed to fail if they can't recognize their own guards. "Good. If you fail me, I will have your heads." Why do I have this strange feeling he'd have their heads anyway? Oh, and before Lux and Nor depart. How much time has passed since the end of Part (16, was it?) when Zara just started bleeding? Does their exit from the secret room follow their exit from the dungeon? If so, . If not, A chamber filled with cells. Four were occupied. One stood empty. If they had only four cells, who do you think they would have left behind? I'm guessing Jai, because the women could be pregnant with a new heir. He had to grip the bars of Lois' cell to steady himself after stumbling forward. Instantly, she was on her feet, her dark eyes flashing. She punched his fingers as hard as she could and Kal's mouth dropped open in surprise, as he momentarily forgot his disguise. Go, Lois! "Me," she sneered, obviously not impressed by his eloquence. "You all look the same to me. Just as mean and stupid as the men you work for." "Zara?" he asked, looking over to the next cell, where Ching's wife lay on the floor, looking up at him with wide eyes. He could not miss the dark stain of blood covering the front of her pants. "Oh no. Was it...?"
"Another miscarriage," Zara said, her eyes brimming with unshed tears as she looked away from him. I'm going to just assume here that that WASN'T going to be his first guess. "Sssh. Sssh. It's okay," he whispered against her lips as they both broke to take a breath. "I'm here now. I won't let anything else happen to you, I promise."
"Oh, by the way," Jai said from his cell, his voice edging towards panic, "the rest of us are just fine, thanks for asking." Kal should offer to kiss him too. Kal knew that something was wrong, something deeper than just their confinement, based on Jai's erratic movements and colorless face. He wanted to ask. He really did. But he had to keep Jai focused on their escape. Hmmmmm. I wondered about that. Thanks for clarifying why he didn't ask. Kal discreetly shot a look at Ching. An unspoken message passed between the two brothers in that glance. Ching nodded his head slightly. As I mentioned before. I like this. It shows that they are working together on this and for Jai. Okay, good new and bad news. Bad news = I've run out of smilies again. Good news = Page 3.5 coming up.
VirginiaR. "On the long road, take small steps." -- Jor-el, "The Foundling" --- "clearly there is a lack of understanding between those two... he speaks Lunkheadanian and she Stubbornanian" -- chelo.
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FDK - Page 3.5 - Ruce led the way back up the metal stairs, this time going slowly so as to minimize the noise they were making. Zara leaned heavily on Jai, in pain or from her grief, Kal couldn't tell. Lois followed the pair, then Ching, with Kal bringing up the rear. At the top of the stairs, Ruce cautiously opened the door a crack, just enough to be able to survey the hallway. Kal knew it to be utterly abandoned as the man pushed the door open further, then slipped out into the hall. Um... I'm guessing we're 2/3 of the way through Kal's master plan now. Last third was getting back to Ruce's car, right? So, home free? "Hurry," he whispered back, the sound bouncing off the stone walls. He waved them on with one hand for emphasis. "The coast is clear." That's odd. Where is everybody? Kal tried to listen to what the guards were saying, but he could not make it out as the voices echoed in the vast, open space, the sounds tumbling over one another until they knotted into an unintelligible mess. Another voice cut in, barking orders Kal couldn't quite catch. Damn, red sun! Kal also knew it was only a matter of time before someone noticed what was going on. Good thing the Uthor's didn't spend money on security cameras. "Take it. You need it more than I do. Get them out of here, Ching. Please, make sure Lois stays safe. And...tell Dad that I'm sorry." If he was going to die, better in battle with Nor than from the whipping his dad was going to give him for defying him. "You," Nor said, staggering to his feet and wheezing out the words furiously. "I don't know who you are, but I will kill you for this." Super Lois! She bent and retrieved Nor's gun from where it hung at his side. She trained the barrel on Nor's unconscious form, just in time. Lux Uthor came rushing down the stairs, mercifully unarmed, Lois could see. She placed her finger on the trigger, and swiveled her eyes back to Lux's son.
"Not another step," she threatened. "Or I'll blow his head off." Um... Where is Nor in relation to Kal? I thought he had fallen on top of him, so wouldn't shooting Nor hurt Kal too? Or did he fall to the side of Kal and there bodies aren't touching, so it would be safe (for Kal) if Lois shot Nor? "Kal?" she called to him. "Kal? Come on, answer me. Please, answer me." Um... DC, when you mentioned that someone else might die, you didn't mean Kal, did you? Go, Lois! Go, Lois! Go, Lois! Footsteps sounded behind her. Lois' heart seized up with dread. This was it. She was about to die, along with Kal. She hadn't even had the chance to tell him one last time that she loved him. She hadn't been allowed one final kiss, one she would have committed to memory in every single way. She hadn't been afforded a farewell. She hadn't gotten to make love to him one last time. She'd never had the chance to start a family with him. She would never know what it would be like to grow old with him. Awwwwwwwwwwwwww. If she was to die, she would do so looking at the man who held her heart; her husband and her best friend.
"I love you, Kal," she whispered. Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww. "Nobody move!"
Lois' knees nearly gave way beneath her as she recognized the voice. Bilan Hend'son. Yea! Bil to the rescue! Let's see, this is Sunday... so, Tues. right? 3 parts left? Oh, dear!
VirginiaR. "On the long road, take small steps." -- Jor-el, "The Foundling" --- "clearly there is a lack of understanding between those two... he speaks Lunkheadanian and she Stubbornanian" -- chelo.
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