And I\'ll love you \'til the end TOC Thanks for feedback. I think this part explains a lot of Lois’ odd behavior and why she acts so cool and rejecting to Clark’s return. Hopefully you enjoy reading.
From Part 2: In her dark brown eyes he could read determination. Determination to keep her heart locked and never let him in again. He had ruined everything the day he had left earth and her to help the people on New Krypton. The people who were supposed to be like him. The people who had treated him like an outsider while he had saved them and their stupid society. The people who had sent him away right after that civil war was won, because he didn’t fit in in the Kryptonian society and they couldn’t accept him as a permanent leader.
“Maybe you better leave,” Lois whispered after a while of absolute silence.
“Maybe you’re right,” Clark answered, gave her a last sad look and turned around and left.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Finally Part 3: Lois literally had heard his heart breaking. She leaned her forehead against the door after she closed it behind him. Tears were flowing down her cheeks accompanied by heavy sobs, which took over her body and forced her to sink to the floor. She pulled her knees up and rested her head against them while she hugged her legs. A picture of misery. How could she let him leave like that? Sure, she had asked him to go, but still, the more she thought about it she hadn’t expected him to actually leave. He had even left without any objections. Yes, it was good to make him leave. Otherwise there would have been some other issue that would take him away from her again. Life so far had proven that and she just wouldn’t be able to live through it again.
On the other hand there was Connor. She had promised him he could meet Clark in the morning. He had been asking for a father almost from the day on he could speak. Who was she that she could betray her son of his father? And who was she that she was in the position to betray Clark of his son? How could she be so selfish and send her son’s daddy away, without giving him a chance to at least meet his father and spend some time with him? She owed him that.
And she owed it to her heart, which had waited for Clark for so long, to give him a chance to make her happy and let her find her peace of mind again.
She got up from the floor, headed over to the window, which faced the street, opened it and climbed out on the fire escape. She saw him walking down the street. He didn’t look back. He appeared beaten and abandoned. It broke her heart. She had done that to him. He had come back in joyous expectation that she would be waiting for him, like she had promised five years ago. And she didn’t know any better than sending him away.
“Clark!” she called through the dark and freezing night.
No reaction.
“Clark!” she called again. “Don’t go!”
He stopped, slowly turned around and looked up to her.
“Clark, I don’t want you to leave. Never. Stay with me and never *ever* leave me again!” She burst into tears and reached out for him with her arms.
Within seconds Clark ran up the stairs and took her in his strong arms. Lois buried her face in his neck and finally was able to relax against his chest. She took in his familiar smell and the feel of his well-shaped body pressed against hers. For the first time tonight she relished being so close to him, felt comforted and began to reestablish her faith in a future with Clark.
“I never gave up on you. Deep in my heart I still believed you would return. It just got *so* hard to sustain and justify that confidence. Your ring is under my pillow, so you could be with me every night.”
Clark grinned, fumbled around his neck and pulled out the necklace with Lois’ wedding ring, she had given him the night before he left.
“I never took it off,” he confessed while he smiled at her and tightened the embrace.
They held each other close. Drawing strength from each other for the long and rocky way to rebuild their relationship, which lay ahead of them.
*****
“Mommy!” A sleepy little voice interrupted the intimate moment.
Lois and Clark turned around and saw Connor, who stood in the middle of her living room, clinging to his battered stuffed animal-rabbit in one hand and holding his pajama pants, which were to big for him and kept slipping off his hips, up with the other.
Lois freed herself of Clark’s tight embrace and knelt down next to Connor. “Sweetheart, go back to bed. It’s really late…” With a look on the clock on the wall she added, “…uh, way too early to get up.”
“I had a bad dream and can’t go back to sleep. Can I stay up with you for a while? Please.” He begged and looked at her with big puppy dog eyes.
“All right, you can sit with us for a while.” Lois told him and placed him between her and Clark on the couch. Connor stared at his father with wide eyes and Clark stared back at his son.
“So, you are my Daddy, right?” he asked innocently and got settled on the couch, leaning against Clark.
“Yes,” Clark nodded and smiled at his son. He was amazed how much trust that little boy already had in him, even though he barely knew him. “Do you want to tell me about your dream?”
But Connor was already half way back to sleep and didn’t answer. He lay curled up between his parents on the couch and his head had dropped into Clark’s lap. Clark stroked lightly over his dark hair and looked over his little face and was stunned about the similarity between himself and his son.
“He looks a little bit like me,” he stated quietly before he turned to Lois, who also stroked over Connors hair. Their hands met again, so did their gazes.
“Are you kidding me, Clark? Connor looks *exactly* like you! He is the spitting image of you at the same age. You couldn’t tell you two apart. It almost killed me to miss you so much while having a smaller edition of you, somebody who looked at me with your eyes, right in front of me all the time.”
The tension in the room grew. Clark again felt the pain Lois had suffered during his absence. But he also saw a new emotion in her eyes that hadn’t been there before. Relief, that he was finally back. And faith. Faith in a future *with* him.
“We probably better put him back in his bed. He looks so sweet and peaceful here, but that’s an illusion. He can be a real pain in the neck lying next to you. As soon as he starts dreaming he keeps rolling over and kicks very hard. I guess he is a very turbulent sleeper,” Lois declared while she looked lovingly at the little sleeping angel and bent down to pick him up.
“Let me,” Clark pleaded and scooped him up in his arms when Lois didn’t show any objections.
He carried the sleeping boy over to his room and put him down on his bed. Lois followed them and sat down on the other side of Connor’s bed, gave him another good night kiss and pulled the covers over him.
When Lois lifted her head she realized that Clark was watching her. She bent over to him and looked straight in his eyes. When their lips drew nearer Connor started to stir in his sleep and disrupted the kiss his parents were about to share.
“Yeah, he learned a lot from Jimmy, too!” Lois joked in allusion to Jimmy’s talent for interrupting them as soon as they started kissing. “Jimmy is his role model and one day Connor wants to be just like him. I guess he is on his best way.” With a big grin on her face she led Clark back to the living room and snuggled against him on the couch.
Neither of them had realized that it was already past 3 o’clock in the morning. That wasn’t important. What *was* important was that they were back together. The details were still open, but their hearts were reunited.
*****
“Tell me more about Connor.” Clark demanded. “How did you manage to have a baby and a job and that all by yourself?”
Meanwhile Lois had lit a candle on the coffee table and they had switched from drinking coffee to drinking red wine. She nestled into Clark’s strong arms that embraced her from behind and sighed happily. It felt so right. This was the place where she belonged and if it was up to her she wouldn’t leave it ever again.
“Oh, you seem to underestimate our friends and family. You can’t imagine how crazy they all were -well, still are- about him. Your parents spent a lot of time with him. Then there’s Perry, Jimmy, my sister Lucy, oh and –believe it or not- my parents and the most important person, Grace. I really had a lot of help and he was such a good baby. Well, at least until my temper came through when he turned two,” she added sarcastically and rolled her eyes.
“He gave you a hard time?” Clark chuckled.
“Oh yes!” she nodded. “Now I know the expression ‘terrible two’ definitely doesn’t come out of nowhere. Anyway, we get along most of the time and kids are supposed to argue with their parents, aren’t they.”
***************
four years ago,
Daily Planet, newsroom
Lois was already an hour and a half late when she entered the elevator to the newsroom of the Daily Planet. Connor had hardly slept through the night and she was really tired. Above all Grace had called in sick this morning and she couldn’t reach her mother to ask her to babysit. Since she had a really important interview with the new state Senator today, she couldn’t stay home either so she’d decided to bring him in to work. At least he would be tired and probably sleeping all day.
Connor was now six months old and their life had adopted normality. At least as far as normality was possible for a single mother of a six-month-old infant. Usually she went to work in the morning and left the baby with Grace, the nanny she had hired when she had returned to work after her maternity leave. Then she would come home in the late afternoon or early evening to spent some quality time with Connor. They were an almost happy little family of two.
Slowly that spark in her eyes had returned and she didn’t look as pale and weary as before. Her heart was healing. At least to a certain stage. Her beautiful little baby boy helped to overcome that feeling of death inside her. He had become her new heart and center of life and seemed to be the only one able to cheer her up when she once again fell into one of those deep emotional wholes of sadness that kept tracking her since Clark was gone.
The elevator doors opened and she gathered Connor in his car seat, the diaper bag, her briefcase and her purse and stumbled into the newsroom and bumped right into Perry.
“Lois! You’re late. And what the heck are you doing here with the baby? I thought you had a nanny,” he greeted her grumpily and picked up the pacifier Connor had dropped again.
“Yes, I know, but Grace called in sick this morning and I couldn’t get another babysitter on such short notice. I hope I’ll reach my mother later or I’m gonna be in trouble for the interview. I suppose the Senator wouldn’t appreciate it if I’d show up with a baby… Oh darn it, he already spit on my jacket. When did that happen?”
“All right, honey. You relax and get settled. We will find somebody to take care of him during your interview.”
“Thanks, Chief!”
“But make sure he doesn’t distract my whole newsroom and keeps us from work, you hear? This is still a workplace and we have to get a paper out tomorrow!”
“Perry, he is only six months old, he doesn’t even crawl, yet. So how is he supposed to…” she protested but was interrupted by Jimmy who strolled by her desk.
“Good morning, Lois! I finished that research you wanted but if you ask me, there is… Hey, you brought the little one, today!” He totally lost track of his thoughts and shifted his attention to Connor. “Hey CK junior, how are you today? Your Mommy looks pretty worn down. Did you keep her awake all night, again?”
Meanwhile Perry had joined Jimmy and also leaned over the car seat and baby talked to Connor. Lois just rolled her eyes as she watched the scene. Men! It just needed a baby around to make them make complete fools of themselves.
Clark would do the same. He would make a terrific dad. He would be totally crazy about his kids and would do everything for them. How much she missed him. It ripped her insides apart that he wasn’t there to share those precious moments of holding, feeding and watching their baby sleep with her. Again, those sad thoughts threatened to reoccur, but she shook her head pushing them away quickly. Fortunately the phone started ringing and ripped her out of her notions.
“Lois Lane?” she answered and almost burst out laughing when she watched Perry cutting faces for Connor, who was clearly unimpressed by all those efforts to make him smile.
“Oh, hi Mother, it’s you… You got my message? … Yes, Grace is sick… No, she’s gonna be all right, but she doesn’t want Connor to catch it. Speaking of whom, I need you to babysit him… Today, of course! … What do you mean you can’t!!???”
Enervated she slammed the receiver on the cradle. “Oh this is just great,” she muttered, slumped in her chair and agonized about who else she could ask to take care of Connor today.
“Lois!! You brought him in today? My gosh, he is gorgeous, isn’t he! How come we haven’t seen him yet?” annoying Britney and even more annoying Patty from research screamed when they walked by and joined Perry and Jimmy who still surrounded Connor, who had fallen asleep in the meantime. “Can I hold him?” Britney asked and started to unbuckle the baby without waiting for an answer.
Finally realizing what Britney was about to do, Lois dropped the file she was holding in her hand and, in an approach of maternal instinct, threw herself in front of Britney to protect her baby.
“Would you leave him alone! He is sleeping, for heaven’s sake!” She shot Britney and Patty an angry look and shoved them aside. There was nothing worse than practically strangers fingering on her baby. It surprised her again and again how overprotective she had become in the last six months since Connor was born. Obviously even she had some of those mothering genes.
After she had finally shooed away everybody she turned to her baby and stroked gently over his head. “Great, *now* you’re sleeping. I’m glad at least you can catch up with sleep to keep me awake tonight again,” she muttered but immediately smiled lovingly at him when she watched him yawning and stretching his little arms in his sleep. “Oh well, that gives me a chance to actually get some work done and make Perry happy.”
***************
present, 4:45 am
Lois’ Apartment
“Just another ordinary day in my live as a mother. Against all odds. Might be boring otherwise… Anyway, I ended up taking him to a press conference at city hall and to the interview with the Senator who was actually very excited and concentrated more on him than on my questions. The rest of the day I spent defending him against noisy coworkers who wanted to hold him or take him God-knows-where.”
“You can’t resist to make him a reporter, can you?” Clark laughed softly.
“Yeah, there’s nothing like early education,” Lois giggled and turned around in Clark’s embrace to face him. She was now lying half way on top of him and traced invisible patterns on his chest with her finger.
Suddenly they both stopped laughing. Their eyes met and locked. Before they knew what was happening they kissed. Sweet and innocent at first, the kiss quickly became more and more passionate and took both their breaths away. It was amazing how familiar this kiss felt, even after all those years.
The kiss ended and they both smiled sheepishly at each other, gasping for air, until Lois put her head down on his chest and closed her eyes. Clark stroked over her head and played with strands of her hair.
“Lois?”
“Mmh?” she answered sleepily and lifted her head up to look at him again.
“I was wondering… Um, did Connor develop any superpowers yet?”
“He is starting to develop some kinds of powers since a couple of months, I think... But he isn’t invulnerable or can fly or has vision gizmo, but he’s is… different, if you know what I mean.”
Clark raised an eyebrow and looked questioningly at her. “No, I actually have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“Well, for example he is stronger than other kids his age. If he gets hurt, his bumps and bruises heal faster than they usually would and he hardly ever gets sick.”
“How does he deal with it? I remember that I was really scared when my powers started to develop.”
“Well, his powers are developing very slowly, he hardly realizes it. And as I said, it’s just little things which aren’t too obvious. I probably only recognize them because I kind of know what to expect. Or at least I have a very good idea what he could be like when he gets older. So far he deals pretty good with his abilities and understands that he must be careful with them.”
“He is pretty special, though, isn’t he?”
“Oh, Clark, you have no idea, how extraordinary he really is. I don’t know where or in what condition I would be without him.”
***************
about one year ago
Lois’ Apartment
“Lois? We’re back!” Jimmy called when he entered Lois’ apartment. He had taken Connor to the park for the afternoon, to give Lois a chance to prepare Connor’s birthday party. He had turned three today and they would have friends and family over to celebrate.
When he didn’t hear her answer he started looking for her and finally found her in the bedroom. She stared out of the window pressing a picture on her chest. Stains of tears on her face proved that she had been crying. On her bed lay opened scrapbooks and a lot of pictures were spread out all over the carpet. Most of them were pictures of Connor which Lois had taken at every occasion to document her boy’s childhood for Clark in case he came back.
“Lois, are you ok?” Jimmy asked quietly after he knocked softly on the doorframe.
She didn’t answer but slightly turned around and met his look. Now Jimmy could see that she was holding a picture of her and Clark in her hands. The one he had had on his desk in the newsroom of the Daily Planet. The one which showed them so happy and deeply in love.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” Jimmy asked sympathetically.
“I don’t know. It’s just… I wanted to get a new roll of film for my camera and somehow… um… somehow I ended up going through all those pictures again and then I… I…” Lois choked out before her tears once again overwhelmed her.
She didn’t finish what she was about to say and, instead, bent down to pick up a pile of pictures from the floor only to throw them scattering against the wall, yelling through shed tears, “*Damn it*!!! I can’t do it anymore!!”
Jimmy still leaned in the doorframe and watched her outburst of fury. He had never seen her like this. He had become used to outbursts of sadness but he had never seen her this angry before. Not even as MadDog Lane when someone unlucky tried to intervene in one of her stories.
“Lois,” he tried to calm her and kneeled on the floor to gather the pictures.
“No! Just leave it!” she yelled. ”Why am I doing this, anyway? He is not coming back… Ever…”
“Lois,” Jimmy tried again, this time a bit louder, trying to get her attention.
As fast as her anger had appeared it was gone and left her behind all worn out. She finally was to able to calm down but her sobs had become heavier again.
“I hate my life... I need him. It hurts too much when I’m not with him. I give my best to cope with being a single mother and having a job and not breaking down because I’m not with him. I'm trying to be a good mother for my son but what’s that worth it if I can’t even give him what he wants and needs most. A father. What can I answer him when he asks for a dad again? God, I miss him so much.”
“Lois, you are doing fine. You *are* a good mother. You love your son and give him everything he needs and more. Being a single parent is tough but you are doing a really good job.” Jimmy tried to reassure her.
“I love my work and my son more than everything, but this is not enough to fill that gap in my soul. When I was with Clark I felt safe and complete, and without him I feel so lost and empty. Do you know what loneliness is? I do! I am lonely as hell and it kills me.”
Jimmy slowly walked towards her and took her hand before he looked her in the eyes and answered. “You are not lonely, Lois. You have us and we will always be there for you. We are like family.”
Lois shook her head and looked away but made up her mind. “You know what, you are right. I have a lot of good friends. I am not alone. I can’t change the fact that it apparently wasn’t meant to be. The only thing I can change is my attitude. I won’t keep standing here and wait for Clark’s return like some silly idiot. It has been almost five years for heaven’s sake and if I am honest with myself I’ve *got* to realize that it is highly unlikely that he will ever return. If he comes back I will be happy to have him back, but until then I better prepare myself for the possibility that I am going to raise my child without him and move on. This time I really mean it. And to prove that I will take my engagement ring off right here and now.”
Her body straightened and adopted an expression of determination, she took a deep breath and pulled the sparkling diamond ring, which meant so much to her, off her finger, kissed it and put it in the top drawer of her dresser. ‘Goodbye my love, I know you understand that I have to do this’ she sent up in a silent message to Clark and shut the drawer.
With the ring she locked her love for Clark away in a safe but very distant place deep in her heart and secured that place with double deadbolts and duct tape to protect herself from being surprisingly overwhelmed by those feelings ever again.
“Lois, I’m proud of you. Now, wipe those tears away and let’s have a party. Connor is dying to open his presents.” With a reassuring smile and a pat on her shoulder Jimmy turned around and left Lois’ bedroom.
“Mom?” a little face showed up in the door.
“Yes, honey?” she responded and quickly wiped the last tears off her face.
“Are you ok? You look sad,” he asked and climbed on Lois’ lap.
“I’m fine. Just missing your Dad.”
“Me too.” Connor gave her a big hug and a kiss. “But today we are happy because it’s my birthday, ok?”
His little arms around her neck made her feel so much better immediately, as always. Connor was her little anchor. He was the one who always cheered her up when her world once again came crushing down around her. She held him tight and whispered in his ear. “You are *so* right, honey!”
A moment later it knocked on the front door.
“I get it, I get it, I get it, I get it, I get it!!” Connor jumped up and ran through the apartment to open the door.
“Well, I guess that’s the party guests!” Lois exclaimed cheerfully and followed her son to welcome their guests.
***************
present, 5:48 am
Lois’ Apartment
“We had a great party that day. Everybody was there. Even your parents managed to come to Metropolis to be with us.”
Clark looked at her and smiled admiringly. He was relieved that Lois didn’t just have bad times during his absence but had also some very happy memories she shared with their son.
Smiling back she stated “Wow, look at that, it is already getting light. Uh, no wonder, it’s almost 6 am. Did we really talk all night and didn’t even realize what time it is?”
“I guess so. Come on, let’s go outside and watch the sunrise,” Clark suggested, took Lois’ hand and led her towards the window where he helped her to climb out on the fire escape.
Lois and Clark stood on the fire escape and watched the sun rise behind the skyline of Metropolis. The sky was blue, the air was still crisp and the dew was about to settle. It was going to be a beautiful early spring day. At the moment time stood still for the two of them.
Lois leaned back against Clark and rested her head against his chest. Clark enveloped her from behind and rested his hands on her stomach where she grabbed them and interlaced their fingers. Neither of them spoke a word. That morning was just about the two of them, their love and what was waiting for them in their future together.
“What’s with Superman? Is he back, too?” she finally asked.
“There are more important things than Superman right now. I don’t have any powers right now anyway. So I guess Superman will have to wait a while until he makes his reappearance.”
“Good,” she sighed contently and leaned deeper in his embrace.
“What is that supposed to mean?” he asked curiously.
“Well, that means I won’t have to share you with anybody for at least the next couple of days, which is good because I don’t intend to share you with anyone ever again.”
“Good.”
THE END
