Lois & Clark Forums Forums Fan Fiction Lois & Clark Fanfic FDK: Louis and Clara (1/4)

LINKS: Table of Contents

Thank you for taking the time to read my fic! I appreciate you taking the time to comment.

Constructive criticism welcome. If you are offering criticism, I would appreciate if you would also offer an example of how I can fix whatever it is you're criticizing. :3

Hi Pris! Haven't yet gotten to reading (really strapped for reading time at the moment ), but a request: please use shorter (20 characters tops or so) section breakers (the === in your fic), otherwise the browser adds horizontal scrollbars.

Michael

Thanks for letting me know, Michael! I've fixed it. :3

Ooooh, interesting premise. I'm almost disappointed that this is only going to be 4 parts long. So far, so good. I like that you've only changed Lois and Clark to Louis and Clara, but kept all the other characters the same. I agree that will make this a much easier story to write.

I love that Clara idolizes Cat and that Cat is so willing to take Clara under her wing.

I wonder how long Clara is going to be enamored of Louis because, frankly, he's being a big jerk (which is exactly what most of us would expect of a male Lois character) I love the altered backstory on the Mad Dog Lane breaking the guy's face who bothered his sister. It gives a hint that Louis is actually a big softy underneath it all. I can't wait for him to accidentally reveal this side of himself to Clara. I'm glad that Louis didn't follow in Sam Lane's footsteps as a womanizing man leaving drunken women in his wake. Why can I see Lucy and Clara becoming friends much to Louis's consternation?

Love it!

Someone is in for a surprise once she's wearing different clothes.

Whoa, what's that? Definitely something unexpected.

Guess what happened the moment she arrived in Metropolis?

Guess who's got another think or two coming?

Which will lead Clara straight to an invitation to the White Orchid Ball. I wonder who, exactly, is going to get the Luthor interview... Somehow, I can't see Luthor wine and dine Louis.

Ah, the usual.

Or not so usual. Wrong comic. (At least the two most prominent colors are the same, though.)

Thanks!

I think if people like this, I may actually make it into a series and do treatments of some of the other S1 episodes. Not all of them, but definitely Strange Visitor, Heat Wave, The Green Green Glow of Home, Nightfall, and the season finale.

So glad you like Cat! I've always felt like the show missed out on so much that could have been done with the character, but they kept her stuck in her stereotype so they could make jokes about her sleeping around - but at the same time they hinted at her complexity, by having her have all those books in her apartment, some of her exchanges with Lois, her reaction in Nightfall (up until the very end when she reverts to the stereotype). So I just wanted to explore that side of her a little more, and I figured with Louis Lane being a man, Cat would be one of the more prominent American women reporters, so Clara Kent would definitely know who she was and look up to her. :3

Glad you like the reason for the 'Mad Dog' nickname, and yeah, Lou is -such- a jerk XD He's going to get worse before he gets better, I'm afraid, but by Part 3 I think he should be decidedly less jerky. It's just in Part 2, things happen that make him cranky XD You're very right in that he isn't going to have an easy time getting an interview with Lex, because he's a man, and I've left Lex very much straight... But you'll see the plot twist there when it's posted!

Thanks so much! And thanks for such a thoughtful review! I sort of gasped in relief when I saw it, because it's always nerve wracking writing for a new fandom for the first time!

To Lara:

(Sorry if there is a way to make the comments divide into threads, I have not figured that out yet >_>)

Thanks so much for the thoughtful feedback! I'm so glad you enjoyed it. And yes, everyone is picking up on the fact that Lou is going to have a lot more trouble getting the Luthor interview in this version of events. XD

Ah yes! I know, that's a Spiderman thing, but I've always thought it really applied to Superman too, especially the L&C version of Superman. After all, the only reason he helps, when you get down to it, is that he's capable of helping, and it seems irresponsible -not- to, when he's so powerful.

Thanks again for great feedback!

I see we're reading the same kind of books.

Truth to be told, I think I've used that exact line for a Superman story, myself. Because it really does fit. Or did I slip it into a beta I did? Anyway, I definitely agree with you that this line fits Superman (or Superwoman, as the case may be) just as well.

Well, I'll let him skip the horse if he wants. . .

GREAT job!I love re-writes where so many things are different but our beloved characters are really still there.

Lol, Clara has excellent taste ^_~ And I see her as being a bit of a character, because well. Martha's daughter.

Thanks! I'm glad you're enjoying it!

And Pheromone, My Lovely? And Honeymoon in Metropolis?

I'm enjoying your story. I'm glad you're thinking of continuing it.

I'm going to have to agree with mrsMxyzptlk, although the episode I was curious about was "I've got a Crush on You". Would Louis become a lounge singer and Clara a female bartender?

Thank you!

Hmmm, wow yes, I'll have to do Pheromone, My Lovely, because just. YES OK. YES. /says no more so as not to ruin it before I even write it.


I don't know about Honeymoon in Metropolis though. I think in that circumstance their relationship would be very similar to canon, and the only really big difference would be that Lou was the one sleeping on the sofa. But I might do just a couple of scenes from it rather than the whole episode, and/or allude to it happening off screen in the other stories.

Ooooh, another one I haven't thought about. Really, that one could go one of two ways, and I'm not sure which one is better:

Either Lou is a lounge singer, and he sounds like Frank Sinatra and Clara wants to throw him some panties from her position at the bar

OR

Lou becomes a bartender, and THEN Clara auditions and becomes a back up dancer. But she can't sing, so when a new main act is needed, she uses her powers to make it seem like she's doing magic tricks - lifting impossible loads, disappearing from stage and reappearing at the back of the club, etc.

The Lou angle could be fun, because Frank Sinatra!Lou. But then with Clara as the performer, there's the opportunity for Lex Luthor to creep all over her, and that's it's own special gigglefest so...

/having way too much fun over here

This is a very good story so far.

I am hoping that Louis asks Clara to go with him to the ball, even if it seems unlikely. Hmm, I am also looking forward to some other interchanges.

I like how you fit the new characters into the same mold. I especially like how you kept so close to the original dialogue and situation but it stayed believable.

The outfits of Louis and Clara are perfect.

Even Jonathan's dialogue has a new meaning and feel without really changing.

Keep up the good work.

You just have to do Pheremone My Lovely if you are going to do most of season one. It would also be really fun to see Honeymoon in Metropolis, however that is less negotiable.

I really don't see Louis being a singer of any type. Although if Clara goes in first that would change everything. It would be fun. Hmm, although since Johnny is incharge it would make sense for Clara to go in first.

That leads to the issue of how Clara hids getting rid of the fire from Louis. Also, Louis probably could not get rid of Clara, and Clara would not need a bullet hole to look through to report on Toni taking over.

Okay, I admit it. The scene I am really waiting for is what happens when Louis shows up at Clara's run-dwon hotel apartment. Will she answer the door in only a towel? Hmm, also I am wondering what sort of food she has.