|
|
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 3,883
Pulitzer
|
OP
Pulitzer
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 3,883 |
Herb replied, “My boy, I never say … impossible.” "Lois and Clarks" My stories can be found herekj
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 3,883
Pulitzer
|
|
OP
Pulitzer
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 3,883 |
Anne,
To quote one of my favorite characters: "We come to serve"
Herb replied, “My boy, I never say … impossible.” "Lois and Clarks" My stories can be found herekj
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 1,011 Likes: 5
Top Banana
|
|
Top Banana
Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 1,011 Likes: 5 |
I like this idea - enjoyed The HG books, though the movie was meh. Liking your writing & the story so far. 
When Life Gives You Green Velvet Curtains, Make a Green Velvet Dress.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,131
Kerth
|
|
Kerth
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,131 |
Ooh. I'm really liking where this story is heading. Will Clark win? Will Lois be brought into the picture? Will his powers be revealed? Will they start some sort of revolution together? So much to read and find out, and I can't wait for any of it! 
Nothing spoils a good story like the arrival of an eye witness.
--Mark Twain
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 3,800 Likes: 30
Pulitzer
|
|
Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 3,800 Likes: 30 |
Your writing style is delicious and suspenseful! The Smallville we all know and love has vanished, replaced by a tragic community still reeling from the world's destruction.  For the first ten years of Clark’s life, he had seemed like any other kid—healthier than most, a little stronger than his age mates, perhaps a little smarter, too—but essentially like everyone else. A few people had remarked upon his lack of resemblance to his father, but the Kents were respected members of the community, so no one said it loudly—and no one said it for long. The midwife who cared for his mother during each of her three subsequent pregnancies—none of which yielded a living child—had been quick to defend the Kents and quash any rumors. With these sentence we see the midwife and the community of District 9 silently accept this 'child of the Kents' without hesitation. Bravo to the midwife by the way; it took a lot of guts to stand up to the Peacekeepers. Poor Martha, to endure six pregnancies and never to give birth to a living child. It must have been so very painful for them. The description of the years passing while Clark discovers and learns to harness his abilities is well done. Despite the fact that many things are different, the Kent family happily remains comfortably familiar. And that meant keeping his extraordinary abilities a secret. Ya think?! With a government run by madmen and Trask somewhere in the shadows? When they reached the eighteen-year-old section, they separated, Rachel and Lana going to stand with the girls and Clark and Pete going to stand with the boys. Before the group split up, Lana gave Pete a quick kiss, then looked at the others. “Last time,” she reminded them. “And may the odds be in all of our favors.” Wait a second! Pete is interested in Lana - even plans on asking her to marry him. So why is Lana kissing Clark good-bye? Poor Becky! What is a tesserae? I have not read The Hunger Games so there are some terms I am not familiar with. Slowly, head held high, Clark detached himself from the rest of the eighteen-year-olds and headed for the stage. He stood beside Becky and looked out at the people of District 9. Oh no!  This is a fascinating world you have created. Possibly even a series of stories. I eagerly look forward to the next installment.
Morgana
A writer's job is to think of new plots and create characters who stay with you long after the final page has been read. If that mission is accomplished than we have done what we set out to do, which is to entertain and hopefully educate.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 1,114
Top Banana
|
|
Top Banana
Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 1,114 |
Originally posted by Morgana:
Wait a second! Pete is interested in Lana - even plans on asking her to marry him. So why is Lana kissing Clark good-bye? No, it's Pete she kissed. What is a tesserae? I have not read The Hunger Games so there are some terms I am not familiar with. A tesserae is a meager ration of grain and oil taken out by kids of Reaping age for their families in exchange for more entries in the Reaping bowl.
"Oh, you can’t help that," said the Cat: "we’re all mad here. I’m mad. You’re mad."
"How do you know I’m mad?" said Alice.
"You must be," said the Cat, "or you wouldn’t have come here.”
- Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 3,800 Likes: 30
Pulitzer
|
|
Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 3,800 Likes: 30 |
Oops!  I stand corrected. Serves me right for not looking back and reading the line again! Oh wow! Poor Becky! Her family must have put a lot of slips into the bowl. How will her story play in this fic?
Morgana
A writer's job is to think of new plots and create characters who stay with you long after the final page has been read. If that mission is accomplished than we have done what we set out to do, which is to entertain and hopefully educate.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2013
Posts: 624
Columnist
|
|
Columnist
Joined: Mar 2013
Posts: 624 |
I haven't read The Hunger Games, but I saw the movie. I was underwhelmed by the movie, given all the hype about it. It was ok, and it was entertaining, but it just didn't even remotely live up to the story's reputation. That said, you've set up an engaging scenario here. I like the way you've put the Smallville we're familiar with into this different setting. I also like the way you gave Clark a plausible reason not to volunteer. He can be reasonably sure that he would survive, but he has a solid motive to stay quiet because in saving one boy, he would risk his whole district. I'm eager to see how the story plays out. Will Clark be able to fake it and keep his secret? Will he actually kill anyone, or will he try to stay hidden and wait it out? What hazards might give him away as different? Would they notice any thing unusual about him before the actual games start? Given that he is actually an alien and not a Capitol experiment, would there be any retaliation towards his parents or his district if he is outed? And will Lois be another contestant? I'm thinking he'll meet her and fall for her, and he'll try to protect her during the game, but she won't want him around. I guess I'll just have to wait and see! As a side note, it's easier to read and less confusing when you explain jargon from the story and not assume that your readers are familiar with The Hunger Games. Most of it you did a good job with explaining, but I was confused about the extra food rations for the teenagers. I was able to figure out what you probably meant, but it took a bit to puzzle it out.
"It is a remarkable dichotomy. In many ways, Clark is the most human of us all. Then...he shoots fire from the skies, and it is difficult not to think of him as a god. And how fortunate we all are that it does not occur to him." -Batman (in Superman/Batman #3 by Jeph Loeb)
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 2,823
Pulitzer
|
|
Pulitzer
Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 2,823 |
Excellent start! Good setup, we know that Clark has the traditional powers and that he's going to find it hard to conceal his abilities in the arena. I enjoyed The HG books, though the movie was meh. I think it would be very hard to adapt the book to the screen, because so much of the book is first-person inner dialogue and how Katniss feels. I thought Jennifer Lawrence did a good job of conveying a lot of that, but of course she couldn't get across all the subtleties and depth of the book. One thing which I thought the movie did very well was using costuming and makeup to show the decadence of the Capitol - I liked how the Capitolites had weird hair colors, tattoos, jewelry, etc. Juxtapose that against the worn denim of the hard-working inhabitants of Katniss's district - it's a huge contrast.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 3,800 Likes: 30
Pulitzer
|
|
Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 3,800 Likes: 30 |
Hey!
Today marks one year that this fantastic story has been posting! I am lovin' it! Keep writing AnnieB!
Morgana
A writer's job is to think of new plots and create characters who stay with you long after the final page has been read. If that mission is accomplished than we have done what we set out to do, which is to entertain and hopefully educate.
|
|
|
|
