Are we rolling?
We are? Oh! Ahem.
Good evening, this is Lance Sharper, coming to you live from the home of Metropolis’ own Clark Kent, AKA Superman.
I don’t need to remind you how much more exciting life has become since Mr. Kent came to Metropolis--- First, he shocks us by revealing himself as a super-powered being from another planet; then, he shocks us by his sudden marriage to a woman who was believed to be dead; and then, he and his wife shock us by having twins not too long after their marriage!
Right now, though, the excitement is of a slightly more domestic nature as the Kents celebrate their daughters’ 16th birthday.
This giant cake to my left---erm, I mean this giant cake to my right… Sorry. We can edit that out, can’t we?
We’re LIVE?
Oh! Um---anyway, this giant cake next to me is composed of two flavors: Chocolate is on the left, under the blue icing, and vanilla is on the right, under the red icing. As you can see, it is quite large, which is a good thing due to this large turnout.
Looking around, I can see former mayor Perry White, wealthy entrepreneur James Olsen and his latest wife, and…
Excuse me, Miss, what is your name?
“Paris.”
Paris?
“Yes.”
Well, that’s an---interesting name. Do you mind taking off that veil so we can get a better shot of you?
“Sorry, I’m not allowed to.”
Oh. I see. So tell me, Paris, how do you know the girls?
“My dad has been in the day-care business for years. Sometimes he’d let his kids mingle with the clients’ kids, so that’s how I met Martha and Lara. I’ve known them since they were like, five. We’re good friends.”
I see. Well, you have fun. You, Sir---can I get your name?
“Dr. Robert Carter.”
Ooh, a doctor!
“Yes; I’m a surgeon.”
It must be a lot of hard work.
“It is, but it’s very rewarding.”
I’ll bet; especially once the patient gets the bill! Are you here with anyone?
“Yes; my wife, Lucy.”
And what does she do?
“She’s a pediatrician, as a matter of fact.”
Wow! TWO healers in the family! So, you two like to get together and ‘play doctor?’ Heh, heh.
“I beg your---?”
---Oh, and who is this young man? Your name, sir?
“David Kent.”
How old are you, David?
“Eight.”
My, you’re a big boy, aren’t you? How do you know the twins?
“I’m their brother, Stupid!”
Heh. Charming boy, really.
Ooh, look! Mrs. Kent is lighting the candles now. Everyone’s gathering around; I think it’s time to sing. All you folks at home, feel free to sing along!
“Happy birthday to you,
Happy birthday to you!
Happy birthday, Lara and Martha,
Happy birthday to you!”
“Blow the candles out!”
“Um, Mister Sharper? You might want to get out of the-----
----Way.”
“Are you okay, Mister?”
I’m fine! Just give me a minute to wipe some of this icing off my glasses.
“Here’s a napkin.”
Thanks.
Well, folks, if you ever doubted the paternity of these two girls, doubt no more! Do they take the cake or what?
While the cake is being served, let’s go over here and look at the presents. Wow! These two certainly made out like bandits this year; just look at all the prettily wrapped packages! Let’s see who they’re from…
Okay, this large one is from Ex-mayor White, and the one next to it is from Congresswoman Brittany Spears. Here’s one from Senator Timberlake, one from the girls’ Aunt Lucy and Uncle Robert…. Hmm, here’s an odd-shaped one; the card says ‘Happy Birthday from the FoLCs’. Who the heck are the FoLCs?
Well, it looks like we’ll soon find out just what’s in these packages; the girls have finished their cake and are headed right this way. But hold on! What’s going on here? Mr. Kent is coming out of the house with two more boxes!
Well, girls? Don’t keep us in suspense; what’s in them?
Why, I don’t believe it! It’s costumes: one red and one blue!
Well, Ladies and gentlemen, it looks like there are going to be two more superheroes cruising the skies of Metropolis from now on! And remember: you saw it here first!
This is Lance Sharper, reporting for------
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WE INTURUPT THIS PROGRAM TO BRING YOU THE FOLLOWING ANNOUNCEMENT:
The story you have just read was a birthday-fic written by Mary Potts, AKA Queen of the Capes, in honor of her sixteenth birthday on January 16th, 2004. She has given the following statement:
“I hope you enjoyed this little story. Just so we’re clear, this is NOT a Mary-Sue. I am not a twin; I do not have a younger brother, and I am certainly not Kryptonian!
Believe it or not, I had a Mary-Sue fic in the works for this occasion. However, I came across a post in the FDK thread for Tank’s B-fic, stating that if every author posted a B-fic, the MBs would be flooded with Mary-Sues. So, I decided to write a NON-Mary-Sue B-fic, perhaps just as a way of saying ‘So there!’
One may wonder why I’m posting this so early. Unofficially, it’s because I’m impatient. Officially, however, it’s because today, January 5th, is my father’s birthday. So Dad, if you’re reading this, Happy Birthday!”
WE NOW RETURN YOU TO YOUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED MESSAGE BOARD.
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