Annie, I had thought the fight worked very well in the previous version, since Clark was already sensitive about Lois loving his superhero side and ignoring the "real" him. But now that you've reworked this, for her to appear to still be obsessing about Superman
after their steamy dancing and kisses on the dance floor the previous night, the reason for Clark to be upset is even stronger.
She hadn’t even thought how this would appear to him. Even if he wasn’t in love with her or anything like that, it had to be a blow to his ego to witness her obsessing over one of his best friends while never so much as acknowledging what had happened between them the night before.
I like that Lois is acknowledging this to herself (
poor Clark), and I really liked this next part too...
She hadn’t been ready to deal with it, and she was afraid that Clark would want to talk about it. If she launched a preemptive strike and dominated the conversation, she wouldn’t have to face that conversation.
Very typical Lois.
Teeny nitpick...
Superman was there for the life and death stuff, but he wasn’t there for the times when she was really hurting – like last night.
Since you moved up the incident with Paul and the waitress to earlier in the story, I think that by this point it is two nights ago.
The added introspection on both their parts was excellent. And I felt so sorry for Clark when I read this...
Would she ever be able to see past the cardboard cut out to the real man who wanted nothing more than to love her?
Considering I've already read this story, I shouldn't be so caught up in a reposting, right? But I am. Just shows how good it is...
Kathy
