Lois Lane drove her jeep past The Daily Planet building, directly into Suicide Slum. There was Bobby Bigmouth, eating a burrito with slaw and a pizza on the other hand.
"No extra capsicums!!! Lois, you really should have that THING checked out. You never know how much you need capsicums," Bobby said, as he watched her staring at her watch, wondering how long it would be until Clark came to bring more food for Bobby.
At that moment, far above the city, there was a "whoosh!" and a sonic boom. A few seconds later, Clark showed up holding a bag of Swiss chocolates, causing Lois to grab the bag and reach inside. She then found what appeared to be ten pounds of swiss cheese. She tossed the bag to Bobby, who eagarly ate more cheese along with the swiss chocolate.
"Now tell me, Bobby, what did you want to see us about?" Lois asked curiously.
"Well, it's kinda complicated, but I heard Intergang want your goldfish dead before tomorrow or they will kill the ficus."
"Nuts," said Clark. "Whatta ficus!"
"No! Not my goldfish!" Lois gasped.
"Your choice," said Bobby, munching cheese, hungrily eyeing the goldfish.
"They wouldn't really kill the ficus, would they? I mean..."
"Lois, You kill the ficus every time you don't water it.”
Seeing Lois’ look, Clark turned back to Bobby. “Why would they want my fish?”
“Must be a delicacy in South Africa or something. But maybe they were hungry for goldfish stew,” Bobby muttered, mouth watering.
Clark decided to change the subject. “Bobby if you keep eating all that food, you’re going to get sick.”
“Nah I’m not,” Bobby replied.
“Speak for yourself, Bobby,” Lois grumbled as she gave him a photo of a thug. “Do you know this man?”
“Yeah, he’s the illegitimate son of Lex Luthor. But what would Max Deter want with a goldfish and a dead ficus? Be realistic! What he wants is to kill you both!”
“Lois, I don’t like the way this conversation is headed,” Clark said. “Maybe we should go back to the Planet and water your plant.” Lois giggled, and said she thought that he was right.
“How about your place instead?”
Clark was pleasantly surprised. “But I thought you were planning on getting a haircut.”
“Are you nuts? No way. You know what I go and do every Tuesday at the crack of dawn? Well, I need to do it. You’re right, Clark, let’s go!”
“Oh no!” cried Clark. “Not until we have an answer as to why Max Deter ran over that elephant with your jeep, Lois. He is absolutely the most abhorrent man I know, and that’s not a joke. He’s really extremely like Dan Scardino who couldn't get himself a date, until he met the love of Jimmy's life."
Now he was desperately searching for that Rimbaldi painting, but hadn't had the guts or nerve to chop it up, so he kind of loosed it and it teetered a bit before, amazingly enough, steadying on its wooden frame, before it fell off the window, hitting a passing mild-mannered telegraph operator, who was immediately knocked into the middle of next week, and got amnesia for three minutes.
"I don't understand why everybody looks at me like a retarded duck, when I have no idea what's going on or who I am. These things just keep happening, and it makes me mad," Clark cried, wringing his hands.
Covering his hands with hers, Lois kissed Clark, and then began cutting her hair off. Quite satisfied with the result, Lois ran her hands through Clark's cape, which he had also shortened, mimicking her hairstyle.
"Get a room, you two!" cried the telegraph operator who, giving them a look of disgust, asked Bobby for backup.
Bobby just stared at them, then asked "Why did you kill the ficus? Are you members of the Anti-Ficus Club?"
"No we're members of the Consortium for Prevention of Cruelty To Ficuses. You have violated Code 1001 which states that 'Ficuses are Endangered, Protected species', so you are under arrest,your lawyer is Antoinette Baines."
"Oh, no! You gotta be kidding!" Bobby screamed." She's a 'plant-diet enforcement law' defender!! I can't have anyone like that defending hungry old me, I'd surely starve! Save me!"
"Here, catch!" Lois said, throwing a big plastic bag at the kitchen sink. "Oops, where did he go," she asked. "Here today, gone tomorrow," she exclaimed, eating a DFC Bar.
"Mmm... Clarkie would you like "a bite before Bobby tries to eat it," Lois said, holding it away from Bobbie.
"No thanks, I prefer doughnuts without holes if you don't mind, but cinnamon-flavoured," Clark said giving Lois a smile.
He reached over to wipe residual sugar flakes from a DFC bar off of Lois's cheek with his tongue "Mmm...I'll take chocolate like this any day, he said.
"Me too," she replied, before pulling his face toward her large collection of Kerth awards before kissing him senseless. "There, that's much better. Now we must take a look at the half-dead ficus on Perry's desk. What do you think Ms Baines?" For she had joined the mob and was waving a gun in both of their faces.
Clark quickly blew out a 1000000 candles with his Superbreath in his mind. An idea presented itself to him, and caused him to begin to hula dance around Lois who just stared at him, amazed.
Suddenly Baines fainted. Clark stopped dancing and blew freezing breath to make sure she wouldn't try to dance with him. Lois rolled her eyes at Clark.
Baines went to jail.
